Alright, I’m dying to know, why almost anything by Tomie dePaola and not anything?

My husband loves to create his own versions of classic stories.  Luckily my son is too young to know the difference but I look forward to the day when he can really mess with his head.  :)

Glad to know I am not the only one who does this!  I recently had to edit one book the kids brought home from the library. It was a story about how the moon and the stars created us…yipes! And I find I can skip at least one paragraph per page of “The Cat in the Hat” and no one notices.

I heart Mike Mulligan forever and ever.  Mostly because we actually don’t own that one and can only have it in our house for three weeks at a time. (Thank you library.)

RE: Bible stories, that we me last night.  I was like “no books, it’s 9:00” then my sweet child grabbed the kiddie Bible and I was like “then Elijah challenged the prophets of Baal to a contest”

My favorite part of reading to my kids is making up voices for the characters.  Keeping the different voices straight so I don’t, e.g.,  accidentally have the Yeoman of the Bowmen using King Derwin’s imperious gruffness helps keep me engaged.  I think my kids like it, too, but frankly I don’t care.

I succumbed to my children’s requests for Berenstain bears books. To this day the phrase “down a sunny dirt road, deep in bear country” drains the life out of me.

I miss reading with my kids!!  I think once we finished the Trilogy of the Rings they cut me off from story time, but I know they will read the Flying Dragon Room and Strega Nona and so many others to their own children someday with a wistful smile!!

I can’t even rule out accents for Bible stories. During our family’s evening scripture reading, my father was known for innovations like reading Goliath’s comments in the accent of Fezzik the Giant from The Princess Bride. To this day, I cannot read “am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?” without turning into a giggling heap on the couch.

If the children’s book is really awful/annoying, why read it to them in the first place? Just say “No.” And then substitute something you actually enjoy reading.If you dislike the book, it’s going to come across to the child when you read it aloud anyway.Just my thought.

Call me a bad mom, but when I just can’t read Sleeping Beauty for the millionth time there is “The Story Home” website, where a nice man with a nice voice reads nice stories for free. All the classic fairy tales are there, and the kids drift off to sleep from the sounds of the laptop while I check my email (I told you I’m a bad mom!).

What’s wrong with Berenstain Bears?  My dad always read those to me when I was little… maybe this explains some psychological problems.

Oh Kathleen.  The thing about raising kids is that so many many many of the things that gladden their hearts threaten to turn our brains to mush—but permitting them their pleasures (without making them feel feeble-minded for enjoying them) is part of sacrificial parenting.  Do I find Candy Land stimulating? No.  Do I enjoy reading the insanely repetitive fairy books my daughter can’t get enough of?  No.  Do I want to see that trick where you balance on foot on the radiator and the other on the basket of blocks and lean aaallll the way over, just one more time?  No.  But every child deserves parents who, at least some of the time, set aside their own preferences and delight in what delights their kids.

Which isn’t to say that I don’t work as hard as I can to supply my kids with books and games that will be fun for all of us—I do, and I am capable of saying no to things I find actually objectionable.  But reading a child a book you yourself find mind-numbingly dull is a basic currency of loving parenting.

Oh, also, in case you can’t tell, one of my survival strategies—along with doing funny accents, reading with only 3% of my brain, and imagining alternate scenarios where the characters exhibit bracingly sudden departure behaviors—is maintaining a smug aura of sanctimony, meditating on my own sacrificial loving-kindness.  Try it; it’s fun!

Dear Catherine,
Every parent has their own set of limits & just in becoming parents we set aside many selfish preferences.
My point was just that if it’s worth complaining about in an article, perhaps it’s worth doing something about.If not,then continue forward.
But overall, I think kids will pick up that you really don’t enjoy the experience.They’re pretty intuitive.

Kathleen, I need to borrow you come bedtime tonight then!  My two year old LOVES reading this Curious George treasury filled with eight stories not by the original author.  It’s pretty terrible and after about one half of a story I lose interest. But heaven forbid we skip reading the whole thing twice, our son puts on an enormous fit and cries. I figure I’ll pick my battles and save my energy for more important ones. Like potty training. ;)

I’m completely with you on anything by the wonderful Arnold Lobel, may he rest in peace. I didn’t think it was possible to love anything more than the Frog and Toad books until we discovered “Small Pig”, which is one of the most delightful children’s books ever written.  My “will not read under any circumstances” books included everything and anything by Richard Scarry.

Dear NB,
I actually liked “Curious George,” so maybe you should borrow me for storytime….
:)
Again, just having kids involves putting aside self centeredness, but I think you still have to be true to yourself.
(I kept a jar of Skittles or M&M’s in the bathroom for potty training.)

I *always* skipped pages in that desired bedtime book—on reading one thousand, etc.,—when the kids were young enough.  (You’ll know the gig is up when they tell you, “you missed a part!”)

Also, and I am sure I have recommended them here before, in my house we have about 20 of Jim Weiss’ cd’s.  He is a talented storyteller with many different levels of stories—and they are GOOD ones, classic ones, from Uncle Wiggly to Greek myths to Henty—these are the perfect rescue for the “I am just DONE” times you don’t feel you can do it right now.  He even has a bedtime cd with soothing scenarios for the kids to imagine.
(I first heard about him from a table run by his wife at a Catholic homeschool conference, btw!)

http://www.greathall.com/storytelling.html

After having only boys, along came my first daughter . . . and I have to say that there seem to be many, many more nauseating books aimed at little girls.  I do an “exchange” program with her:  she gets to choose a book, then I get to choose the next one!

ha ha!  I’ve done all of these things!  Don’t forget, books on tape/CD are a blessed relief sometimes.  I even end up hiding books I can’t stand to read one more time…and I try to stock up on the good stuff!  NB (the person up there, not nota bene), I ended up with the same Curious George series, only there’s like fifteen of them.  Do you have all the original ones?  If you don’t, you could get them and distract from the fake ones.  This age also really likes Babar so make sure you have all the Babars.  Even the ones done by his son are pretty good. 

Kathleen I have a spouse who refuses to read anything to our children except the Bible and things written by saints.  They don’t ask him to read to them anymore.  It made me realize that it is so important to sometimes stretch ourselves and do things because our kids enjoy them, not necessarily because we enjoy them.  I do read the Bible and saints to my kids too and they enjoy it, but it’s in the context of also reading tons of stuff that isn’t necessarily my favorite or of the highest quality.  We can do things to make a greater proportion of crossover between our tastes and theirs (like buy lots of good books) but I think it’s a good life-lesson, as others have stated, to be willing to sacrifice our own tastes for the sake of another.  I would like to be able to ask my six-year-old to read a book to her three-year-old sister even if it’s not necessarily her favorite book, and I don’t think I could do that if I weren’t willing to do the same.

I loved the Berenstain bears, but they make my mother stabby.  My sister and I (both in our 30s, no kids) remember them fondly, but my mother shudders at them.  She is clearly not alone.  What is it about these books that makes mother’s feel stabby?

My son (17 mo) skips pages for me—he insists on turning the pages at his own rate, and so our stories usually end up abbreviated, and not even by me :)

I will, however, confess that I occasionally hide his favorite books from him.  I do love “Going on a Bear Hunt,” but I can only read it so many dozens of times in one day…

we have one Berenstain…it is one of the ones I hide…it makes me feel stabby because it is trying to teach a life lesson in a cute and funny way, but it is not cute or funny.

Rebecca,
We’re all different, but I think we can be true to ourselves & still be good parents & enjoy being with our children.That will mean finding different balances for each family.

Berenstain bears stories are also LONG. Words and words per page… Like, too long to read in one sitting without nodding off because they are not that interesting either.

Ha, love the suggestions, especially the German accent!  You should do a post on worst children’s books ever.  Like “Johnny Lion’s Bad Day” (you’d think a book illustrated by Clement Hurd would be safe, but no).  It’s all about cold-medicine-induced nightmares.  Plus it hates pronouns, so it repeats “Johnny Lion, Mother Lion, Father Lion” ad nauseam. 
And the Freudian illustrations in “‘Fire, Fire!’ said Mrs. Maguire”  Oh My.

Re:Berenstain bears-I haven’t seen one of these books in a while but I seem to remember that the father bear was portrayed as feebleminded/poor decision maker which isn’t a great message for kids. It was kind of a “father- doesn’t- know- best” character.

Oh I so resonate with this!  I also have a kind of zen-like state where I can read the words on the page without actually registering the content.  The Bernstein Bears fall into this category.  I loved them as a kid, but it’s no wonder Brother and Sister are always in trouble since Papa can only bumble around making mistakes, always set right through Mama’s preachy platitudes.

And yes to Arnold Loebel!  I would maybe even just read them on my own - ha!  And I just might enjoy The Jesus Storybook Bible more than my kids.  So good.  Every time.

@Claire, the original Richard Scarry books are pretty good.  But they’ve continued it with books based on a Busytown TV show, plus stories that are labeled as being by Richard Scarry, but are actually written by his son or someone using the original author’s name and those are all rotten.

With Curious George, I pretend I am reading it for the very first time. Oh, look! The Man in the Yellow Hat leaves and Curious George gets in trouble! I’m surprised! This is very challenging and sometimes results in the child looking at me funny.  But it keeps me awake.

And go ahead, try to avoid the Berenstain Bears books; it doesn’t matter.  They will stalk you anyway.

Sorry, but this is going to be boasty. The sublime, motherly, “I’m a wonderful mother who reads to her children” endorphins went away about a decade and a half ago. I’ve read and read and read until the cows came home.  I’ve brokered book battles, I’ve done kitchens to convince lazy fifth graders to read to younger siblings.  ....So, my greatest bedtime triumph “evah”?? (Heh) feeling enough angst and borderline outrage so I could muster up GUILTING my husband into doing it.  Lo and behold, he started to *like* it, then LOVE it. Who would have thought??( Let me know if I need to confess this boastiness) Just thinking about it makes me want to do a little dance.  Every night he can be found with two riveted little boys on either side of him, reading with expression, while trying to see the pages as our little girl uses his face and body as a jungle gym.  It has the same effect on me as when he is in the kitchen indulging his passion for cooking.  In the moment, I have to restrain myself from worshiping him…It DID take him a couple of decades to get to this point. So Rome was not built in a day.

anna lisa ,
I hear you.
Sometimes comments seem to gang up on moms who don’t follow the crowd.We’re all different individuals & can be a mother to our children in differing ways.It’s not a contest.

@Kathleen:  “It’s not a contest.”  True dat! I’ll tell you what is a contest, though:  coming up with 800 words on a Monday night.  I won!

@Simcha, That’s why I sometimes have to restrain myself from worshiping you too. Plus, if one is going to look at this from the purgatorial angle, then I’ll stop doing my little jig.

Dear Simcha,
I’ve thought about you trying to do this column with 9 kids.
God bless you!

Agree on Berenstain Bears.  My two-year-old has recently become obsessed with these books.  We probably have about a dozen or so of them, which we’d gotten from thrift stores and hand-me-downs.  I liked them as a kid, and up until I had to start reading them again I had fond memories of them.  Boy do I hate them now.  I’m glad that others share my opinion. 

Papa Bear makes Homer Simpson look like a model parent and a paragon of moderation.  It sure is a good thing he has Mama Bear, who is the sole voice of reason in the family.  I often wonder what Stan and Jan Berenstain’s home life was like.

I also particularly enjoyed the one where the Bear kids discovered the true meaning of Easter.  It wasn’t dying eggs or candy.  No:  it was chicks hatching out of eggs and flowers growing.  (When I read this one to the kids—for the first and last time—it ended with an epilogue about how everyone in Bear Country was stupid because they thought the true meaning of Easter was eggs hatching.)

I was recently asked to read (again) Berenstain Bears and Too Much TV.  I didn’t read the words but made up a story to go along with the pictures.  Mama Bear was angry that everyone was watching TV, so she demanded that everyone watch her instead.  It was a big hit with the kids.

I think we agree, Kathleen.  Everyone is different and that’s good…I only meant to say that I think it is possible to be true to yourself and also have a lot of use for the tricks Simcha has expounded upon so eloquently. :)

See, not only do I get paid for my work, I get praised when I complain about doing my work!  This is the sweetest gig ever.

Okay, I get the award for the meanest mom on the planet.  I not only refuse to read annoying children’s books, they disappear from our home while the children are sleeping…...

There are oh so, so, so many good books to read to our kids, I refuse to waste my time and theirs on drivel such as Fancy Nancy and the like.  I’m a super snob about what gets a place in our home library.  Many of your must haves, Simcha, mirror mine. 

Time is the greatest commodity we actually have—wasting it on poor reads is one of my pet peeves.  I’m not in the ‘at least they are reading’ club.  And I have found that when the kids receive a book as a gift that is shallow in content as well as poor illustrations, they listen once and rarely ask for it again….and don’t even notice it’s gone.

When do I get my medal?

I don’t mind reading any Curious George books (newer or original versions) because they are the kind of book that this mommy can actually read (or maybe recite is a better verb) the words while simultaneously, say, compose a mental shopping list, or a to-do list or menu-plan.

DH on the other hand, chooses to editorialize:  “This is George.  He is not a monkey - because monkeys have tails - he is an ape.  He is very curious - actually, disobedient - but has a knack for deliberately disobeying the man with the yellow hat *just* when things coincidentally resolve in his favor.” The kids never question their Dad’s commentary, either!

Berenstain Bears have never crossed our threshold.

I am a purist and can’t bear to read any book, no matter how crappy, in anything other than the way it was written.  My husband on the other hand loves to revise things.  Now, all of my children are convinced that Toto from the Wizard of Oz is a vicious attack dog.  He also took a lovely little book that makes me cry and turned it into a story about a baby who starts plotting, in utero, ways to escape her horrible parents, Joe and Barbara.  Naturally, they now beg my husband to read them these stories and demur politely if I offer to read them instead.

There’s a Tomie De Paola story called The Bubble Factory which is not terrific, and makes me want to throw it across the room. I love lots of his stuff, but not that.

I try to quietly make the worse books disappear, but it has to be when the kids are asleep, or I get wails of frustration and sadness- “Whyyyyy are you throwing out the boook version of Finding Nemon, Mommmmmyyyy? I looovvvve it!”

Of course I respond, “Shut up! I’m reading the Happy Prince and The Little Red Shoes to you again , so you’ll all have nice psychological issues when you grow up!”

I’m the bad mom who gives obnoxious books to Goodwill. Dr. Seuss did not age well with me, for example—when the kid coming to me with That Certain Book makes me want to hurl myself out the window (and hopefully land in a cozy bar with a shot of whiskey), the book goes. And I don’t feel guilty; I file this under “Practical Sanity Maintenance” along with wearing pants & not paying someone to poison my dandelions.

Your German accent idea reminded me of the main character in “Despicable Me.”  I love the bed time story scenes in that movie. 

You got me on #4! Chocolate snorted up nose, check.  (Hey, it’s after lunch.  Don’t judge!)  I am eagerly awaiting the day when I have children just to use that one.

BTW, I can’t stand stand the Barely-Stained Bears either.

@Kathleen, I’m sure this applies to me, and not necessarily to you, but I propose a support group for mothers who don’t read to their kids,every night because it might drive them criminally insane.

I have weird kids who usually prefer non-fiction to fiction, especially after they turn five.  And they prefer photographs to illustrations.  And I usually can’t actually get them to pick out books at the library because they’d rather play in the play area or pester me to get a treat from the cafe.  And the only thing they dislike more than reading/being read to is having to go to sleep.

Anymore I just grab a stack of books about animals from the non-fiction Easy Reader section and a mix of other things and bring it home without asking.  If they read it, they read it.  If they don’t, they don’t.

My husband reads the bedtime stories here, and has for the last eleven years. The littles he reads to now request “funny things” in the books, frequently potty-based, so the other day he read (I giggle to think of it) “The Berenstain Bears and the Poopy Old Pee.” Yes, he dares! He also Lets the Pigeon Drive The Bus, (Sure, go ahead!) and reads “If You Give an X a Y” as R. Lee Ermey.

and in addition to the dads-are-stupid gig, the berenstain bears books are super-preachy.  i knew that even as a child.

My dad was the reader when I was growing up.  In fact, I don’t think I can recall a single instance where my mother read to me.  However, it could be because my father LOVED it was and really good at it!  He’s a natural story teller and would change his voice to accommodate different characters speaking and to differentiate the narration from dialogue.  It was marvelous!  A couple years back, I was home for Christmas and we were all sitting in the living room listening to my dad read a novel.  The youngest person in the room was 19 and we are all avid readers, but it was still an enjoyable experience to share the book together!

This is a “shout out” to the Dads and hopefully a gift to at least *one* sister(though I doubt many males will be driving by a blog post called “A Story Time Survival Guide) : Besides all of the fun, great, advice for using fake German accents, or making Dorothy a maniacal ax murderer, I would like to *highlight* my earlier point to all the husbands who might happen upon this: Your ripped six pack, or a sensual back rub, aren’t HALF as sexy as *you* reading to your kids at night!  Consider the timing. Uh huh.  Not kidding.  You might find yourself looking forward to reading to the little stinkers like never before.

Thank you Simcha for making me laugh so heartily!  I had to read number 4 a few times - hilarious! Roald Dahl’s children’s stories are excellent ‘read out loud’ material.  Rhyme Stew, The BFG, Revolting Rhymes ...great fun!

That should read Pepin, not Pepein…

Hmm, agree with most of this, but I did like the Berenstein Bears. I guess it never dawned on me how badly the dad was portrayed. Now that my eyes have been opened I will dutifully avoind them with the grandkids.

I have been doing number 4 for years. I thought it was just what father’s do when the books get too saccharine.

Veeeell…. since I naturally have a German accent, this particular strategy is not going to work for me. But ha! Wouldn’t you know it, I’ve been reading the character of Sylvester McMonkey McBean with a bad Southern accent. At least I claim it’s a Southern accent. I’m sure my Alabama friends will disagree.
Another way to make the Dr. Seuss books more interesting is to read them after drinking a couple of glasses of wine. Wayyy more of a challenge to the tongue. Or maybe gin in your case?
But my favorite bed time strategy is still to subtly eliminate as many lines as possible without being caught. Fortunately my three kids are still too young to read along. I may have to try strategy #3 when the oldest starts reading.

Simca,
Loved your description of funny accents.
I may be one of the rare dads who did enjoy reading to the kids; but I preferred to read poems from an illustrated collection by Lewis Carroll - Alice in Wonderland, Alice through the Looking Glass, etc.
“You are old, Father William ...” which ends (eight four-line stanzas later) with “Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?  Be off, or I’ll kick you down stairs!” 
My kids all loved to chime in on that last line.  They also added sound effects at a couple of different points in “Jabberwocky”.  The shorter Lewis Carroll poems can be memorized after a few times through; and my kids at the time of our Fiftieth anniversary (all adults by then, obviously) still had complete recall of a couple of the Carroll poems.
We did do “The Little Engine that Could” a few times, and several Sandra Boynton books with pictures and very large words that the kids could read aloud as we went.  One can only read “Moo, Baa, La La La” so often before mental mush does become a threat.
Thanks for your humor.
TeaPot562

I tend to hide books I hate until the kids forget about them. Then, I get rid of them. The weird thing is that people always seem to buy “Go Dog, Go” or “Are You My Mother” as gifts for my kids as soon as I chuck them. It’s almost creepy how often those two wretched books show up in my life! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I tend to hide books I hate until the kids forget about them. Then, I get rid of them. The weird thing is that people always seem to buy “Go Dog, Go” or “Are You My Mother?” as gifts for my kids as soon as I chuck them. It’s almost creepy how often those two wretched books show up in my life! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

My favorite survival technique is training the kids young (well under 2 years old) that I will read pretty much any book they want, as long as it isn’t TOO long, but I will only read it one time in any given day.  The “I read that one to you earlier, I’ll read a different one” and a large selection keeps me from pulling my hair out.  I started this as a babysitter and nanny and it still works, amazingly!

My mom read me Shakespeare, Conan Doyle, and Dorthy Sayers.  My dad read me the (old school, therefore awesome) Richard Scarry and yes, Dr Seuss, and Roald Dahl. He gave everyone accents and ad libbed frequently. Mom explained the ins and outs of early modern English and the political implications of the various stories.  I actually liked both styles for different reasons.  Granted, I was strange, even by kid standards.

Would it shock anyone that I collect (decent) children’s books now?  I’m frankly surprised that more parents don’t read Chesterton.. to their children.

So, Simcha, what is your answer to how to survive the book that makes you fall asleep while reading it? (nothing gets my kids laughing more than watching / listening to me sleep-read)  I’m thinking here about The Magic School Bus or anything labeled “book in a bag” that my first grader is assigned to read.

@ V. I loved Roald Dahl as a kid. And I still do. Such happy memories reading The BFG and The Twits. Yes he always made the child more intelligent than the adult, but who didn’t love that as a child?

@ Simcha, My 4year old daughter loves The Gruffalo or anything by that author, Eric Carle, anything by Pamela Allen, Allison Lester, Jackie French, Mem Fox (The Green Sheep is an all time favourite). Being from Australia I think Australian authors are world class and so full of imagination. Simcha you really should go in search of these (if you haven’t already),  you won’t be disappointed.

I feel children’s book should open up another world. Yes, having a good moral to the story is good, but expanding the imagination is oh so wonderful- for child and parent!

It makes me cringe every time somebody says “at least they’re reading!” in response to the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series!

Also, I totally read Mother Goose with the fake German accent…. ^_^

I think the only book I refused to read to the kiddos was The Wind in the Willows. I couldn’t stand the writing style.  My husband didn’t mind it, and I got a break for a few nights, until we started on a new bedtime book.

My mom was watching the boys (4 and 2) the other day and she picked up a few books from the library, including an old Babar “classic” that she hadn’t read before.  Well, Babar and Celeste went on a hot air balloon ride, got lost, and found themselves on a Pacific island with a scary tribe of cannibals who wanted to eat them.  My mom ad libbed nicely: “Oh, they’re having a party for them!  Lots of dancing, yay!  The end, next book.”  She was horrified.

I love that Babar story.

Okay, gonna have to go to confession after boasting here: My husband and I took turns reading to our children every other night for years - until about 4th or 5th grade for our son, the younger child.  They both love to read now AND our son got a perfect score on the language/vocabulary section of his SAT and won a citywide “Vocabulary Bee”.  We (and they) found it very nurturing and a wonderful way to spend close time with our children.

If there had been a behavior problem during the day, one of the possible punishment consequences was only ONE story, or - horrors, if they’d been really naughty - NO stories!  They hated that!

Children should be read to every day!  (stepping off soapbox and starting self-examination for Confession)

I always hid books I didn’t want to read to my girls.  They didn’t care for Babar or Curious George, which was fine because I didn’t either!  My oldest had all her favorite books memorized, so if we tried to edit or abridge, or even if we stopped to talk about a picture on the page, she’d tell us in her matter of fact 3 year old voice to “say the words” - busted!

Also, Mama Berenstain bear never gets changed out of that blue nightgown and shower cap.
And the ‘author’ couldn’t even come up with names for Brother and Sister Bears.

I’ve enjoyed reading the comments here.
I sympathize with the mom who falls asleep reading bedtime stories.I’ve been there & done that,too.
Thinking back to my childhood, my parents didn’t read us stories, they told us stories about their childhood.Or in addition, in my daddy’s case, PG rated tales of shipwrecks & World War II.
We had storytelling before the written word & before most of the population was literate.It’s a good tradition to keep alive I think.And an alternative to reading mediocre children’s books.

My husband likes to read rhyming stories but use a synonym in place of the second half of the rhyme.  It makes the kids laugh and keeps Daddy sane.  Thus, Hairy MacLarry from Donaldson’s Dairy become Hair MacLarry from Donaldson’s Purveyors of Lactose Products.

:-) Ah, what great memories have been provoked here tonight.  I just wanted to say that when our last two girls were small, husband and I would read to them each night.  He’d read to one while I was reading to the other, and then we’d switch kids and books. This went on for years, and all 4 of us liked it.  When push came to shove financially, though, and so as not to ever stick them with a sitter, I took night work so they could be put to bed by Dad.  That left the girls only one reader (and one parent)... until I read a number of books onto audiotapes, complete with the usual voices (i.e., Grover from Sesame St.  “And I’m cute, too!”)  It worked out great—they still got to pick out the stories and hear Mom read them—and it made 3/4 of us feel like I was more there than not.  One of our musing favorites, however, and still to this day with the grandchildren, is Barbara Berger’s “Grandfather Twilight.”  I don’t know just why we’re so captivated, but the night would finish off with that one. There’s a reading of it on YouTube—gonna go check that out for my techie grandson (7).

God bless you all.  Parenting is the hardest work of saints-to-be.

I’ve been lurking here for a while, but have to comment!  Nobody has mentioned my favourite boredom buster when I had to read Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for the 50th time that day to my little brothers - sing the words!
I never used any tune in particular, just made it up as I went along, but the boys thought it was hilarious, and it made the time pass quicker :) I remember them being particularly fond of my operatic version…

My husband, when my toddler was a little too young to tell, would change the words to make me laugh.  For instance, “The Man With the Yellow Hat Takes His Pet Monkey to Wildly Inappropriate Venues,” aka Curious George.  “Curious George was a terrible monkey and always very curious.  ‘I’m going to leave you unattended for no good reason,’ said the man with the yellow hat. “‘Behave while I’m gone and don’t destroy the library, which you’re definitely going to do no matter what I say!’”
.
Or he’d read books as various different characters.  Like “I Am a Bunny, by George W. Bush.”  My fellow Americans, I ... am a bunny.  I watch the birds in the sky with hidden cameras.  I blow the dandelion seeds into smithereens with drone missiles.  Etc.  He got a real kick out of it, but when the kid started to get older, he insisted on the “real” words.

Ha on the German accent!  My husband likes to read to the kids in funny voices.  As a gift to our youngest last Christmas, my husband, our two oldest, and I recorded one of those Hallmark “Charlie Brown Christmas” books- and my husband (as narrator) did it in his Sean Connery voice.  It was nearly impossible for us to complete because we were laughing so hard!  Our daughter loves it.  Hopefully we can keep it together long enough to do the “Night Before Christmas” one in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice and ad-libbing for 2nd-to-last child.  I have my doubts though… “Get to ZE CHOPPAH!!!”

You might like the picture book, Once Upon A Time, The End”.

Why on earth is nobody mentioning Beatrix Potter?
she is a genius, a poetess, a child-whisperer! The subtle humor for parents only, the delightful pictures, the sensible stiff upper lip treatment of the truly horrifying… what’s not to love?