Q My husband never sings at Mass. Come to think of it, my dad never used to sing in church. Do you sing in church? Tell my husband how!
A I'lll tell your husband that I sympathize! To sing at Mass can be frustrating for a man. It makes you feel like a lone voice in a sea of silent men.
But as the father of two young, impressionable boys (ages 3 and 5), I want nothing more for them than to experience the reality of the Lord in their lives. In Familiaris Consortio, Pope John Paul II says parents are, “through the witness of their lives, the first heralds of the Gospel for their children.”
That's a tall order, and there are countless ways parents have of instructing their children in the faith by the witness of their lives. Mass, though, is where it all begins. Just physically going each week doesn't cut it. Sure, we're there, fulfilling the obligation, but what good does it do our kids if our body language is one of utter disinterest?
Our kids need to know that the Mass is the central event of our lives — an event that's a joyous celebration, not simply a mundane weekly obligation. I was obligated to get weekly allergy shots throughout childhood and, let me assure you, that was no “joyous celebration” just because we did it every week.
Dads, we must take the lead in fully participating in the celebration of the Mass. Most of us are adequate at muttering prayers and responses, but for some reason we get frogs in our throats when it comes to singing. Don't try to use the excuse that you can't sing or that singing makes you self-conscious. Most men of my generation have no trouble belting out the theme to “Gilligan's Island,” or even yelling and doing obnoxious victory dances when our favorite team wins in the final seconds.
Allow me a little armchair psychoanalysis: I think most of us carry a phobia we've had since junior high. Somewhere around adolescence, the fun we had singing disappeared. It suddenly became “uncool” to sing in church. I really believe that many men are still hanging on to this childish reason for not singing as adults. Newsflash: We're not in seventh grade anymore. Let's grow up and start singing.
Very simply, here's why singing at Mass is so important for dads of young children. Young boys are at an age where three things are converging. First, they think the stuff that Dad does is neat, and they want to be like him.
Second, most other models of faith they have are women: school teachers, Mom, CCD teachers, etc. This is fine, but if they are to be men of faith, they need to see that role modeled.
Third, kids naturally love to sing. If we don't join them, we send the message to our boys that Mass is something to be endured, not a celebration of faith to be cherished. Hymn time at church is a tremendous opportunity to be “the first heralds of the Gospel for (our) children.”
Tom and Caroline McDonald are
family-life directors for the
Archdiocese of Mobile, Alabama.
Reach Family Matters at
familymatters@ncregister.com