You would think the threat of taxes would discourage people from immigrating to the . Apparently not.
People are trying to get into the from all over the world. Some get here legally, some illegally. And we’re in the midst of what is likely to be an increasingly bitter national debate about what to do about the situation.
Proposals range from building a wall on the border to giving everyone who wanders in the country a check for $10,000.
But has pioneered a plan that might edge out both of those.
The Dutch have become the first nation to require an immigration entrance exam.
That’s right; to get into (at least if you are planning to stay) you now must take a test to make sure you will accept the cultural norms of the sophisticated Dutch society.
I confess that I have never had the tiniest urge to move to . And the new test pretty much ensures I’ll never have that urge.
You see, the test isn’t about anything that I would have thought was an essential part of Dutch culture. As part of the test, they show you a movie that shows images of, among other things, men kissing and a clothing-optional beach.
Some media accounts suggest that the Dutch are doing this in hope of discouraging Muslim immigration. While the Dutch may be busy kissing and romping naked on the beach, they have paused long enough to view the news reports of riots in other places — in particular. So — they want to get a handle on this situation before things get violent.
There is at least one serious flaw in the plan, of course; you can’t show a movie with this sort of content in a Muslim country — it would be against the law. But I’m sure that great legal minds are working on that problem.
If, as some media reports suggest, the goal of the Dutch program really is to keep certain “undesirable” people out of their country, I’m not sure the “culture shock” approach is the way to discourage immigrants. Seems to me an explanation of the Dutch tax code would be much more discouraging.
At any rate, you see their point. They’re saying that people who move to should want to be like Dutch people. I’m thinking that there is no reason the rest of the world should let the Dutch take the lead in this new form of testing.
But , being a diverse nation, would have to have different entrance exams for different parts of the country. Maybe each state could have its own version.
For : Explain what to do in the event of a tornado, promise to have a big family and list the appropriate dishes for a church pot-luck supper.
For Indiana: Watch the movie Hoosiers and weep when the little guys win the championship, explain why the Indianapolis Speedway is call “The Brickyard” and give a five-minute talk on Larry Bird’s basketball accomplishments.
For Mississippi: Explain the proper way to prepare catfish and hushpuppies, promise to be a NASCAR fan and sing a rousing version of “Old Man River.”
For California: Well … I suppose they might use the Dutch exam, but I would hope the folks on our Left Coast would be more creative and throw in some images of surfing, golf courses and Disneyland.
Being from , I’m recommending to the local politicians (of which we have some real gems) that we create our own test. I would include the following elements:
— Potential immigrant must sing all verses, in good voice, of “Bear Down, Chicago Bears.”
— Applicant must participate in a deep-dish-pizza-eating contest.
— Anyone wanting to live here must watch a highlight film of either the Cubs or White Sox (Sox film would be much longer, of course).
— And, of course, yous gotta explain da origin of da term .
The examination will have nothing about kissing, clothes or lack thereof. I’m not naive enough to think those things don’t exist here, but I don’t think we’re ready to claim them as cultural benefits.
Of course all of this raises the question: What are our priorities and how can we best handle immigration in light of them? Which returns us right back to that bitter debate.
Jim Fair writes from
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