Welcome to the infertility waiting room. My husband and I know every inch of this room; in fact, we spent nine years searching every corner for a way out.
If you find yourself in the waiting room suffering from a waiting womb, here are a few key clues to help navigate your stay:
Paperwork: As with any waiting room, you must fill out your infertility paperwork, but remember that your identity is Catholic. As an infertility coach I have observed that many couples simply do not know moral medical and surgical-treatment options. Following God’s plan out of love for him is the most excellent way to prepare your hearts to be a future mother and father.
Reading Material: Read Catholic material on marriage and family. The Church defends marriage as a sacred relationship and children as its fruit. God’s plan for marriage and family insists that marital love have two distinctive functions: union and procreation.
A general rule of thumb for infertility-treatment decision-making is:
No procedure or technology for infertility can add to the marital union, such as egg or sperm donation.
No procedure can disrupt marital union, such as artificial insemination or in vitro fertilization (IVF).
The Church teaches couples with infertility that “union” is never compromised for procreation. In other words, the end does not justify the means. Techniques which assist procreation, as beautifully stated in the instruction Donum Vitae, “are not to be rejected on the grounds that they are artificial. … But they must be given a moral evaluation in reference to the dignity of the human person, who is called to realize his vocation from God to the gift of love and the gift of life.”
Ticking Clock: As you watch the seconds tick by, you may be reminded of your biological clock; however, all things are in God’s perfect timing. One of the hardest virtues to practice is patience. We live in a maximum-speed-and-ultra-effective world. When my son was 9 years old, he made a profound statement, “Mom, have you ever noticed that God speaks very slowly? It’s like he has a long sentence for you, but he only tells you one word at a time.” Amazing way to look at God’s timing. God tells us in Ecclesiastes 3:11 that he makes everything beautiful in his time.
The Wait Is Over: We distinctly remember, during our eighth year of infertility, when a fertility doctor proclaimed, “I am God. Of course I can get you pregnant.” After such an offense, it took a full year for a friend to convince us to call Dr. Thomas Hilgers, director of the Pope Paul VI Institute for the Study of Human Reproduction in Omaha, Neb. We agreed to talk with Hilgers, who developed NaPro Technology (Natural Procreative Technology), which is a culmination of 30 years of research and is Church-approved.
I will never forget our first conversation with Hilgers. He entered the room like a knight in a shining white lab coat, and simply asked, “How can we help?”
“We would like to have a baby,” we told him.
To our shock and utter disbelief, he said, “Well, what if we find what’s wrong with you and correct it? Then you may be able to have a baby. How does that sound?”
“Uh … Did you say you want to heal me?”
In the mainstream infertility world, couples are taught to bypass their reproductive systems to achieve pregnancy — not fix it! People are consistently told that IVF is the only way to have a baby. Many lose focus on the truth. In a recent interview with the only doctor who helped us achieve pregnancy in nine years, Hilgers said, “I don’t know how many times I’ve had couples tell me that they have been told by their doctor that they could not get pregnant except by IVF; that there is no other alternative. It is not true. NaPro Technology is the IVF alternative.”
NaPro Technology is a medical and surgical breakthrough that cooperates with the reproductive cycle to identify the fertility problem and correct it. Hilgers developed the system as a direct response to Pope Paul VI’s encouragement of medical and research professionals to put their talents to work in discovering moral fertility-based solutions for married couples. When you yield to God’s design and purpose for sexuality, he blesses it. In fact, NaPro is two to three times more effective than artificial reproductive technologies.
Despite clear Church guidelines, an unfortunate number of Catholic couples choose immoral means of achieving pregnancy. The most widely used procedure is IVF. Father Tadeusz Pacholczyk, Ph.D., director of education at the National Catholic Bioethics Center in Philadelphia, commented, “When asked why IVF might be immoral, people will usually mention the extra embryos that are frozen or discarded. Even if IVF were done without making any extra embryos at all, this way of making babies would still be morally objectionable because the procedure strikes at the very core and meaning of marital sexuality. It substitutes an act of laboratory manipulation for an act of bodily union between spouses. It turns procreation into production.”
As a couple, we can honestly say that following Church teaching through the use of NaPro was the best decision we ever made for our relationship with God, our relationship with each other and now our relationship with our beautiful children. Thanks to the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and Dr. Hilgers’ faithful response, we now have a family.
Melissa L. Foley is a Christian infertility coach, fertility-care practitioner intern
and motivational speaker with a passion to serve couples on their infertility journey.
Matthew Warner: Pro-Life is Easy, Pro-Marriage is Hard
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I was in Washington for the March for Life and there were questions about why Pelosi, Biden and other Catholic politicians who aggressively advocate for abortion are still considered Catholics in good standing and permitted to receive the Eucharist. Joe Biden is belongs to the Knights of Columbus…this issue will not go away.
AMEN! So many stories of Dr. Hilgers helping to navigate the waters on fertility. He helped me too.
Yes! We have 6 Napro babies and a healthy marriage to boot. Many thanks to the doctors who put their careers on the line to provide care within the guidelines of our loving and wise Mother Church.
Thank you so much for writing this. I am currently treating with Dr. Hilgers, and am feeling discouraged. I feel like your article is a small sign for me that we should be patient and stick with it.
A friend of mine who so much wanted to be a mom but could not conceive, was helped by NaPro also, correcting what was amiss with her body, and she gave birth to her first son last fall! Clearly it works. And without doing anything immoral. My friend is a nurse and had been a Natural Family Planning instructor for some while, IVF was completely out of the question and morally abhorrent to her.
Thank you for expressing how there are natural ways to optimize fertility, but you may not need to go to Nebraska to find the most appropriate way to do so. There are many nutritional deficiencies and hormonal imbalances that can cause reduced fertility along with physical blockages of the fallopian tubes or inflammatory conditions that reduce the likelihood of pregnancy. You can improve fertility through the use of good dietary measures, adequate sleep, stress reduction, weight loss, reduction of inflammation, improved vitamin and mineral status, and hormonal balancing. As a doctor of natural medicine (ND) and acupuncturist, I have seen people who thought they were incapable of fertility quite surprised to become pregnant after optimizing their health status and reorganizing some of their priorities in life. Did you know that stress increases not only your fight and flight response but can also shift your hormonal balance and reduce fertility till the stress has been appropriately reduced? Stress may not affect everyone this way, but those whose hormonal levels are low or already imbalanced are more susceptible to it. It’s the appropriate balance between estrogen and progesterone that regulates the female cycle and many women have become increasingly stressed working long hours without adequate nutrition. Additionally simple minerals like zinc are essential for proper sperm production and function, yet many people are deficient in this mineral. There are some simple lab tests that can assess zinc levels, hormonal balance, and many other nutrients that are needed for proper fertility. For those who are interested in learning about natural solutions to infertility, please look for a naturopathic physician near you by going to www.naturopathic.org. Wishing you all the best in health and happiness!
I was touched by this article which made me even more determined to continue my work as a FertilityCare Practitioner, a title which was given to me by the Pope Paul VI Institute and Dr. Thomas Hilgers after more than a year of study and internship. I love my work and am filled with joy and thankfulness to God whenever one of my clients utilizes NaProTechnology and becomes pregnant. Some of them have been through IVF numerous times and spent thousands of dollars only to be told, “You have a hostile environment and cannot have children.” We sit together at the pregnancy evaluation and we share laughter and tears over this amazing event. I have watched this process bring couples closer together and closer to God. What a great job I have! Thank you, Dr. Hilgers, for your determination and continued research. God bless.
Awesome news, thanks for sharing and for your joyful explanation of Church teaching in this subject.
I am amazed that NaPro Technology has been around for so long and that few Catholic women are familiar with it. I went through 4 losses before finding the NaPro path. On the flip side of this, I am now under care at 28 weeks and am 43 years old. I cannot tell you what a joy it is to attend OB appointments with doctors who congratulate me and visit with me about God’s plan for life and marriage instead of telling me that I am too old to keep trying to have babies.
Thank you all for your wonderful comments!
I am particularly touched by you feeling discouraged, Jennifer. When working with Dr. Hilgers there were times we felt discouraged as well. Many friends and even family members would encourage us to “just stop trying to fix it and get IVF” because we could be pregnant in a month, they’d say. It took us one year from start to pregancy with Pope Paul VI. I’m not sure how long you have been working with them, but please perservere!
I’m glad you saw the article as a potential sign from God. He is trying to communicate to us all the time and I’m glad you heard His whisper.
Count on my prayers for you! All will be well.
Thankfully, there is a small but growing number of doctors who are getting training in NaPro Technology. Hopefully there will be at least one in every state soon. I am thankful to be under the treatment of one of two NaPro doctors in New Jersey!
Dr Hilger’s work to create Creighton Model and NaPro is a blessing from God!
Not everyone needs to go to Omaha because more doctors are trained in NaProTechnology now. The Omaha office can help direct you but sometimes the best is to go to Omaha because not all doctors are equally skilled. I think NaProTechnology should be part of the mandatory training of future Ob/GYN doctors.
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