In a wasteland
Where Smurfy-smog hangs in the air,
And rodents bust rhymes to a hip-hop beat blare,
And poop jokes are common and smart stories rare …
Is the Dead-End Family Film Street.
Broken family debris litters the grasses
And the smell of innuendo is thick as molasses.
Even Christmas and Easter are stained and debased
Yet parents and kids still throng to this waste.
It isn’t all Grickle-grass and Kitty Galore.
A few bright spots crop up for those who want more.
There are Pixar-y patches
And Muppet-y snatches …
Even Horton the elephant managed to score.
But … The Lorax? From Despicable Me’s fledgling crew?
There are so many ways they could land in the stew.
It’s a classic, but preachy, provocative stuff.
One misstep could knock this film flat on its duff.
Well … its heart’s in the right place. Give the filmmakers that.
This isn’t The Grinch or The Cat in the Hat.
It’s not outright ugly, though it slips off the rails.
It wants to be decent. It tries. But it fails.
They biggered the story … not always lamely.
An opening number kicks things off gamely.
“At the far end of town,” the land’s blighted and bleak,
But in the center of Thneed-Ville, it’s shiny and chic!
In Thneed-Ville, everything’s plastic and new,
And nobody thinks about gloppity goo
Or smogulous smoke, and where it all goes.
What’s outside the city walls nobody knows …
…‘til a young lad named Ted goes in search of a tree
Inspired by a dream girl whose name is Audrey.
(The same names as Dr. Geisel and the missus …
Do the characters grow up to be the Seusseses?)
Ted lives with his mother and grandmother too.
(And where is his dad? I haven’t a clue.)
So far, it’s not half bad … but right when the plot
Catches up to the book, it goes south on the spot.
The strange, spooky mood of the fable is tossed.
The Once-ler’s aura of mystery is lost.
His Whisper-ma-Phone serves no purpose at all
Since he talks loud and clear, with no gurgling drawl.
And they’ve whitewashed his back story! The old Once-ler’s shame
Is expunged as we learn he was never to blame
For the sad state of things. He chopped down just one tree!
The real villains, it seems, are … his bad family.
Young “Oncey”’s a hipster now, soulful and slammin’,
Trusty ax at his side — the stringed kind, for jammin’.
Cruelly mocked by his folks as he flies from the nest …
I’m not making this up, I swear. Why would I jest?
And the Lorax? He’s silly and sometimes perturbing.
His actions at times are somewhat disturbing.
Casting Oncey, asleep, down the river one night —
Though he means him no harm, it’s still not all right.
There’s no sense of pacing or of rising action.
The book’s key events suffer major contraction:
In one brief montage, the trees are all down,
The skies choked with smog, the waters deep brown.
There’s no time for the Lorax to protest the effects
Of the felling of trees and the things that come next …
No time for departures of Truffula-fauna —
Swomee-Swans, Bar-ba-loots and Humming-Iguana —
Till it’s over and done. It takes that little time.
(Yes, they’re fish, not iguanas … I needed the rhyme.)
The rest of the tale is formula pap:
Evil company led by villainous chap …
A tired chase scene to close out the show …
And a final song wrapping it up with a bow.
The consumerist satire and all is just fine,
But adding religion just might cross the line.
There’s a brief, shallow prayer in the opening song,
And a singing nun joins the Thneed-groupie throng.
The slur may be slight, but it doesn’t belong.
It could have been worse. How much worse it could be!
But is that enough? Not for my kids and me.
It’s no Despicable Me, sad to say.
Perhaps someone should lift this Lorax away.
Since 2000, Steven D. Greydanus has reviewed
every Dr. Seuss movie in rhyming verse.
Read them all at DecentFilms.com.
Dan Burke: The Truth About Movies and Les Miserables
SDG: In 60 Seconds: Les Misérables! The Impossible! More!
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That was awesome Steve.
Hollywood Preachy pap is also my pet peeve…
Ill pass on the lorax too…my kids want to see it of course, but I will passively aggressively forget its out there till its on netflix…without any remorse. As for rhyming in Suessian timing,
you the master…the only thing that would beat this review is if you did it on video in 30 seconds or faster.
:p
Mary: Actually, a sixty-second version of this review is coming soon, though it’s only about a quarter of the material above. (No more thirty-second reviews! Double the fun from now on!)
Parents: You do have an alternative this weekend! The Secret World of Arrietty is still in theaters! This is what I was talking about when I wrote “Your kids can do better at the movies!“
60 seconds works. :)
Is it possible to do a film now days that isn’t full of innuendo. I’m tired of films that are made to appeal to kids “and adults too”. How about just a good film that kids will enjoy. You will probably find that adults end up enjoying it too.
bt: Have I mentioned a little movie called The Secret World of Arrietty? :-)
Actually, there’s no real innuendo in The Lorax. No poop jokes either. To that extent it’s better than a lot of family films out there, including The Grinch and The Cat in the Hat.
I read your review of The Lorax on the Interweb after watching a trailer for the movie with my son. I was appalled that you rated it as highly as you did. From the moment I started watching the film, I felt it went against Catholic values and teachings. Since when is it okay for someone to take violent actions in the face of industrial progress and it not be called ECO-TERRORISM? When I was growing up that would have been called breaking the commandment “Thou shall not stand in the way of Capitalism.” I’ve known many children whose attitude is “Less Pollution is the Best Solution.” They see nothing wrong with eco-terrorism because they’ve had no moral instruction. Please consider reviewing this movie again. I would like a reply as I plan to contact the Interweb station on this matter.
Heh. For those not in on Victor’s joke, see “Are the Borrowers thieves?!” (How many times can I plug Arrietty in this combox?)
Actually, “eco-terrorism” isn’t an inaccurate term for the Lorax’s actions, which is what I was getting at in the lines about “His actions at times are somewhat disturbing,” etc. Granted, the film is at pains to establish that the Lorax didn’t intend any harm to come to the Once-ler, and even (spoiler warning) winds up saving his life. Even so, not cool.
It’s good to know they didn’t go full eco-terrorist, then, and that they kept it (relatively) light. I’m all for comic mischief. It will be fun, too, when the DVD comes out to do a YouTube mash-up of Lorax animation with some of Danny DeVito’s dialog from Mamet’s “Heist”.
A kids film that “adults” will like too? One JUST for the kids and a beer comes with every child ticket.
Chardin: Heh. Well, I’m an adult, not an “adult,” so that arrangement wouldn’t satisfy me. In my view, a movie that’s not worth my time isn’t worth my kids’ time either.
Pffft ... that don’t impress me. Here is my all-haiku review of ARRIETTY:
Ghibli’s new project
Adapting ‘The Borrowers’
Transposed to Japan
A healthy family
Carol Burnett voice-acting
Nostalgic catnip
Daughter as hero
Quest for outside world a threat
BRAVE what? MULAN who?
Magical creatures
Especially ugly ones
Spill onto the frame
A flea in the lap
A crow who thinks he sees lunch
The world newly strange
Hand animation
Backgrounds burst with weird excess
Too bad for the score
If you wanna a playoff, Greydanus ... we can throw down over iambic-pentameter reviews of CORIOLANUS…
Victor Morton:
Very nice. Bonus points for yet another Arriety plug.
However, if you really want to write reviews in haiku, grasshopper, you must discipline yourself to write the whole review in three lines: one poem.
Not hating on your creativity, SDG, but I have to say this is your least successful rhyming review to date. It’s too glib and bouncy and captures none of the unique atmosphere or emotion of Dr. Seuss’s verse in the book. I really appreciate your effort in writing rhyming reviews, but I don’t want to see you do it as a matter of form when you don’t have anything to say that can only be said that way. I think this might be a better review if it was in prose.
Here’s one of my review kaiku. It’s a bit dated, but see if you can guess the film!
Will Ferrell’s worst film
Nicole Kidman’s career low
Tinkle, Tinkle, Tink!
And just so this doesn’t get flagged as spam: ARRIETTY (though I really hope the BluRay comes with the original Japanese language track, if not the British dub. Those Waverly Place voice actors sounded like they were stoned.
Pachyderminator: You may be right. I’m pretty proud of this one, but I’ll say only one thing in its defense: This is a middling movie, a “C” review. Reviews that are scathing (The Grinch, The Cat in the Hat) or laudatory (Horton) are always livelier than ones that are tepid. There’s nothing harder to write than a “C” review.
I was prepared to write a scathing review ending with some variation on “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,” but the opportunity didn’t present itself. Still, I’m happy with how this one came out.
victor: Nope, I wouldn’t know without cheating. But then I always think the worst Will Ferrell movie is whichever one I’m watching at the moment. (Except Elf.) Offhand, I don’t know what he made with Kidman, though.
And yes, the Disney Blu-ray/DVDs for Ghibli films always include the Japanese track, bless them! So you’ll be able to watch Arrietty in the original.
Arrietty, Arrietty, Arrietty! I can just keep saying and saying and saying it!
Steven, on behalf of our entire mutual generation, I am extremely ashamed that “tinkle, tinkle, tink” didn’t immediately hit a bell of recognition for such a seminal shared experience, even if Ferrell and Kidman’s derivation didn’t. Hopefully, this haiku will make it easier:
Endora casts spell
Samantha must save the day
But for which Darren?
Victor Morton: Oh, wow, okay. Nope, even now that you say it, and even though I watched that show quite a bit growing up, “tinkle, tinkle, tink” still doesn’t click.
OK ... here is the credit sequence—http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihuQFnuxhkY
oyvey oyvey oyvey ... verily I say unto thee ...Samantha’s nose was like Betty Grable’s legs or Marilyn Monroe’s figure for young boys born in the 60s ... OR SO I THOUGHT (vjm rends garments and goes off to lament with Other Victor)
Please. Of course Samantha’s nose and the actual sound effect is part of my childhood memory DNA. It just never occurred to me to onomatopoeify it as “tinkle tinkle tink.”
P.S. Oh, and Victor M, I am only just barely a child of the 60s and wasn’t yet four years old when “Bewitched” was canceled in 1972. #WhatDoYouMeanOURGenerationOldMan?
More like “deedle-deedle-dink.” Or…not? Onomatopoeia is hard. Come to think of it, you might have gotten away with “Twinkle.” (At any rate, my nostalgia isn’t for back when TV was good but for when Nick@Nite was good. George Lopez and Everybody Hates Chris? Ugh.)
I’m glad Lorax rated a C, though. It’s good enough that I’ll probably be able to enjoy it at least on the first viewing, but bad enough that I’ll probably be able to talk my family into seeing Arietty instead.
And since I can’t resist getting in on the haiku fun:
What is this drivel?
Worse than other Avatar.
Give me the cartoon.
A Catholic named Mark
Is causing a spark,
Critiquing your rhymes
In very poor time.
He uses iguanas
To rhyme with Greydanus
And calls the film a “show.”
Just thought you should know.
Saw the movie Saturday—Yes a pretty poor shadow of the spirit of Seuss…
It was good for some laughs, but Steven is absolutely right—WAAYYY too contracted on some of the most important parts, and his other critiques are correct as well.
I’m eagerly anticipating the line of sustainably produced, domestically manufactured plush toys that are sure to accompany each and every Happy Meal, because after all, the central message of the movie couldn’t have been lost on those who actually produced and marketed it and branded it, right? Or… maybe not.
@Linebyline oh come on now, that one’s too easy. (Sadly ‘Will you go penguin sledding with me?!) is too many syllables or I would write my own…)
Actually though I’ve always thought it’d be really interesting to read Mr. Greydanus’ take on the series.
I have seen several frames from this film, and all I can hear is the voice of nurse Christine Chapel from the original “Star Trek” television series:
“Warning. Third-rate early twenty-first century computer animation.”
Well, I wasn’t really trying for a stumper. It was just the first one that came to mind.
Try chopping off “Will you” and making it an imperative.
I too would love to hear Steven’s thoughts on the series.
I was wondering, with all this talk on Arriety, I notice you haven’t given a review of any of the other borrowers movies (1973, 1993 or 1997 versions). I remember with some fondness (albeit some crude humor) the one with John Goodman. I would really like to hear your thoughts on those movies if you’ve seen them.
Ugh, I’m soo tired of preachy environmentalism-infused kid’s movies. Happy Feet had those same kind of moments. YAWN!! I’m all for environmental protection but there is such a thing as taking it too far and it is NOT supposed to become a religion. All they have to do is blame “overpopulation” for it and all the kids are so brainwashed to see anything that MIGHT hurt the environment as the worst kind of evil they will even turn thier backs on thier faith and support forced sterilization and abortion if someone tells them it will help save a polar bear. Sickening.
Behold! Sixy-second reviews of The Lorax, John Carter, Good Deeds and The Secret World of Arrietty!
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