It hurts to imagine that children are being taught to look at my son and I and see him as a product of the ‘fruits of sin.’ Never mind that he was conceived during marriage, a Catholic NFP using marriage. I am now a single mother, because his father, struggling with mental issues that made him distrust and abuse me and other women, chose to leave our marriage. A middle schooler certainly lacks the discretion and maturity to understand the nuances of that situation! Yes, perhaps these situations arise from sin, but the one who is sinned against ( the woman who has been abused and abandoned) should not have to bear the burden of being seen as the perpetrator of the sin!

Well said, Simcha. I was a public middle school teacher for 7 years. I routinely noticed that the kids who did best in school, made the best friend choices, we’re the most responsible, etc. we’re the kids whose parents who were involved in their lives in a meaningful and positive way. You didn’t use the phrase “attachment” per se, but having a strong attachment to your kids (the chats, etc) is also crucial.  Kids will have a much harder time respecting authority if they do not feel the attachment aspect of the relationship.

My vice principal at the time told me that his wife opted to work while her kids were younger so they could afford for her to stay at home while the kids were middle/early high school. I thought that was very interesting.

I really like Hold On toYour Kids by Gordon Neufeld, which covers the attachment/respect relationship, and why we shouldn’t let our kids morals be decided by their peers.

“People who consider sex to be a gift and a blessing do not use words like ‘safety’ and ‘protection!’”

That is awesome. Also, an argument against all types of behaviors.

@Rh - I beg your pardon, I didn’t mean to phrase that in a way that was hurtful.  I certainly don’t teach my kids to look down on single mothers or children of single parents! I agree with you that kids that age might not realize the complexity of a situation, and it’s probably not his business anyway.  I meant that we should teach kids that single motherhood is not a normal state, not just another lifestyle choice.  In general, it’s good to try to counteract the cultural shift away from the married two-parent family—but it’s also extremely important to teach kids that you never know what goes on in people’s lives, and to treat people with kindness and respect.

Words mean things!

Even though I am teaching obstetrics to adult nursing students, I always use the terms “husband” and “wife” when talking about normal sex and reproduction in my classroom.

I left the maternity ward two decades ago, when we were informed that we could no longer use the “judgmental” term “HUSBAND”, and instead had to refer to the “Father of the Baby”.

*Any* woman having to raise children alone is a side-effect of sin; it doesn’t matter whose.  Women should not ever be left to raise children alone.

I am trying to teach my children that the world is inextricably affected by sin. Sometimes the sin of one person affects another person disproportionately. It is not “fair”, but it is the reality. 

Rh,I was a single mother, through my own fault as well as the father’s.  When my youngest sister asked, “How can I look at you as a role model anymore?”  I told her, “See my example.  I didn’t mean to harm anyone but I was selfish and impulsive.  And now, even my sacramental married life is forever altered by the actions I took before I knew my husband. The whole thing about sex and marriage is true in large part because of the hardship out-of-wedlock sexual activity causes.”

After 24 years of teaching high school, I am now a substitute teacher who works in both the middle and high school. 

I will say that the most difficult jobs I have taken are in the middle school.  This is a difficult age, and my hats go off to all teachers who continue to teach middle school. 

Middle school students just are not mature enough to truly understand the most vital thing of all:  what is important and what is not important.

I taught both high school and middle school.  Patricia you are so right!  Middle school is the hardest age to teach…hands down!!! 

Simcha!  This is an important post.  In today’s world of ubiquitous media, parents need to be ever-vigilant through middle school and into high school.  I am flabbergasted at the total idiocy of people who give their middle schoolers way too much freedom.  These kids are hard-boiled in a toxic soup of modern media culture.

The hardest thing about raising good kids is other people’s kids. You definitely want to keep a rein on who your kids hang out with. I teach middle school and have had in my classes both the kid whose parents let her watch everything and who not only knows too much but is on a mission to share it with her peers, and the kid who comes from a family that has both morals and control. If you let your kid hang out with the first one, you might as well just send your kid over to be raised by her parents.

My mom thought I was old enough for her to go back to work when I hit Jr High age.  WRONG.  No super awful consequences, but we are not close because she wasn’t there during a formative period.  As a result, I’ll do whatever it takes to stay home with my children.

And I do wish English had two different words for single mothers, because I’m another one who was abandoned by a husband.

Thank you Simcha.  I would add that true friends are someone you can disagree and argue with and still be friends.  The kind of fidelity that this will create in the friendship is necessary for marriage.  My parents did, on more than one occasion, tell me to break-up with a boyfriend, or drop a friendship.  This was only after several discussions of behavior that caused them concern.  I think every parent has to keep that as a possibility.

Evelyn, that’s a good point. I know a widowed mother of two who often talks about getting looked down on by Catholics as a “single mother.”  And Pattie, RN, as much as it makes me be uncomfortable to hear my husband referred to as “baby’s dad,” I can understand why they do it and I think it’s probably a good thing.  If you were single and having a baby, and the father wasn’t involved, it would hurt so much to have someone ask “so where’s your husband?”  Evelyn and Rh, you’re in my prayers today.

Ladies, I’m glad to hear you say this about the term “single mother”.  That it suggests choosing to do motherhood alone, when you didn’t get a choice in the matter at all.
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As a single woman… I tend to get a bit irked when divorced people refer to themselves as single…. you’re not single - you’re divorced!  Same with divorced parents who call themselves single parents… nuh uh…  you’ve got two homes and two incomes… you’re not single parents, you’re divorced parents… if the other parent hasn’t abandoned the kids, there’s still two parents.
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If I have to be single… the word is going to mean something dang it!

Loved this article!  Even though my kids are past middle school already, I still “meddle” in their lives on a regular basis.  I also facilitate our diocesan EIM (safe environment) program, so I’ve always tried to foster open communication.  The more WE teach our kids, the better equipped they are to deal with just about any situation.  I will say though that teaching kids about their bodies needs to start way BEFORE they reach middle school, and then following up and expanding on those lessons evolving into lessons about sex as they get older.

Wonderful and insightful article, mother of nine. I wish I had had this when I was rearing my 3 children. I am forwarding it to my daughter and husband—parents of 5 daughters. I totally sympathize with those that are single moms—it can be very tough (my youngest son was 15 when his father died). May God give you all the grace, blessings and strength for the challenges you tackle daily.

I have always liked the terms Dr. Laura used for mothers who were unmarried; they were either:
1. single mothers (i.e. had never married)
2. divorced mothers
3. widowed mothers

Yes, there is a difference. Widows had zero choice in their situation (except those who murdered their husbands). Divorcees may or may not have had any choice in theirs and single moms had a choice. All of us have sinned (with two notable exceptions), so I try to balance condemning the act without condemning the person but it can be difficult when dealing with a single mom who has multiple children with multiple fathers.

I know most of you think mothers should stay home if possible, but I’m single and I work so mostly I know women who work.  One of them made the observation that it’s much easier to find someone to snuggle your baby and play pattycake with your toddler and be good at it, than it is to find someone to watch your middle school kids every move, make sure they are really meeting the friend they said they and that kind of thing. I think that’s very true.

I know more couples where one parent gets the kids off to school and the other ones goes into work really earlier (6:00 am start) to be around for after school that have middle school ages kids than couples with small kids.  They all say it was easier when the kids were really little and in the day care downstairs.  They trusted the staff and they could stop in an visit if they had free moment or lunch with their kids.  Older kids required a patchwork of arrangments.

“it’s also extremely important to teach kids that you never know what goes on in people’s lives, and to treat people with kindness and respect.”

Yes.  This.  In my experience, even very young children can learn to appreciate complex situations and the struggles we all face in our lives. 

Cathy, makes a really good point.  These discussions need to start way before middle school.  This doesn’t mean the “modern philosophy” of teaching 1st graders about the sex act itself, but not going to the other extreme of never talking about it until they hit puberty (or just letting the school take care of everything).  And if a history of trust and honesty hasn’t been established before then, it really won’t matter what the parents say during middle school.  (And by trust…I mean parents following-through on their promises, not this crazy idea that trust between parents and children means giving kids unlimited privacy.)

When my girls (9, 6, 4, 21 months) ask me about anything, I try to give them the most honest answer that I can for their level of understanding and what I think is in their best interest to know.  And if I think they’re not ready to learn something yet, I just tell them that…“I don’t think that I can explain this in a way you would understand or be ready for, but I will when you get older.”  One of my proudest moments was when I gave my oldest girl “The Care and Keeping of You” as a resource about the physical changes to come, and she said, “But you’ll still be my best resource, right?”

And, I know my neighbors probably think I am a “helicopter” parent because I am always outside supervising my kids (partly because I have some very little ones, and partly because my kids have to play in a public drive-way), but I was the one who made them aware that a 10-year-old female cousin was talking about pulling up celebrity sex tapes to her 8 and 6-year-old cousins as well as my own kids.  That led to my neighbor and her sister having a much-needed talk with the the older girls about how much they had already learned about sex from the kids at school/media and who to come to when they had questions, as well as setting an example for younger kids.

@Kate - I’m a stay at home mom and I agree with you.    When they’re little, they primarily need someone who is loving who can keep them safe.  But in middle school when they are no longer so loveable, it gets really hard.  Quite frankly, there’s a period of about 2 or 3 years where kids turn into a real pain in the tuchus.  But that’s when we parents really need to keep our eyes on them.  I once again find my now 15 y.o. daughter to be quite pleasant and enjoyable to be around.  But those 12 and 13 year old hormones?  Oy vey!
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Middle school is when I see one or the other parent take a step back from the career if for no reason other than to drive their kids around to practice and the orthodontist.  But it’s also the time kids stop sharing their days with their parents as they try to develop identities separate from them.  It’s good to know their friends’ families.    Fifth grade was the time when my daughter began having difficulty at school - her two best friends literally turned their backs on her.  Middle school can be very tough socially for kids.

I would’ve loved having had this article when my only child (boy) was in middle school so many yrs ago… He’s now 32, has pretty much left his Catholic faith, and is living w/ his fiancee’.

This post really hit home. We just recently pulled our middle schooler out of our parish school and placed him in the local junior high. We didn’t want to leave, but academically the school wasn’t meeting his needs and his education was just not something we were willing to sacrifice in the name of our faith. He loves it here and he thriving, but I worry every single day about what he’s being exposed to, who’s he’s befriending, what’s influencing him, etc.

An now, just as I want to know more, as a tween, he wants me to know less. I pray every day that I’m up to the challenge!

I cringe when I get that permission slip for sex ed.  I guess it is still fresh in my mind how planned parenthood managed to get into both the Catholic and public high schools I went to.
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So as I was discussing whether or not to have our fifth-born go to the library during the classes, (he is a seventh grader in public middle school, and clearly wins the prize as my “free spirit”) I got collectively jumped on by his three older brothers and his sister.  “Of COURSE you’re not going to make him the freak, and make him go to the library!”—is how they lectured me. Know-it-alls!
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It’s true, I did that with the first two, and they’re still mad.  My daughter was mortified by this in the fifth grade, but prevailed upon me in the seventh.  By then I had changed my approach, realizing that I had to be realistic (and remembering the things we whispered about in seventh grade). She didn’t have a single Christian friend, at the time but was mature and had a very good head on her shoulders. (The Catholic kids from catechism were the *worst* kids for drinking, creeping and smoking)so she and I entered into a pact.  When the planned parenthood “volunteer” came to her middle school classroom, she was *ready*.  We had talked and talked and talked some more.  She and I would crack up after school over the “subversive” hand- raising she tortured that perky volunteer with.
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So this year, I *signed the permission slip* for my 7th grader who is friends with everybody and their brother in that big, “multicultural” school, and has been facebook “official” for two agonizing weeks with two different girls. I have to hand it to him, he’s proud of his Catholic faith, talks proudly about it, and is a member of “Life Site news” on his Facebook. With so many older brothers and their friends, he’s not exactly naive, but is surprisingly innocent.
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I called the school,picked up the curriculum,read it,and then asked him how it went every day that week.  His proudest moment came when he was asked to place the word “scrotum” on a chart in front of the class.  He placed it at the top, raised his hands in victory and won the admiring cheers of all his male peers. (Clearly not mature like his older sister.)
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The last day, he was obviously troubled.  I tried to be casual, probing to get it out of him. “Ohhhh it was soooo gross Mom.”  He was hiding his face, grimacing. I finally made him tell me, as the “warning bells” were starting to sound in my head. It took a few minutes but I finally got it out of him “Mucous…” he said groaning, “girls have mucous THERE!”  We both laughed, and I gave him a scientific explanation. I was glad I didn’t have to be a seventh grade girl sitting next to him when he found out.
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Now I need to deal with *ninth* grade sex ed, ugh.  I’m going to make his Dad do it.

The discussion about signing the permission slip for sex education classes interests me….
As a child, I went to Catholic School… and our “sex ed” class was a reel to reel movie about menstruation.  (who knows what the boys got?)  and I remember there being some moms there to watch with us.  This was probably 5th grade…  young enough not to be embarrassed by parental presence but old enough not to need it.
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My mom wasn’t there… but I was the youngest so you know how that goes.
And for me, the film was confusing and I didn’t ‘get’ it until years later.  (in that it was discussing menstruation which I didn’t even KNOW about… and the menstrual cycle, with references to possibility of pregnancy… and all I understood was that women get their period, sometimes they get pregnant… and I had NO IDEA what the veritable was!!! But I grew up in a more innocent time, when my brother and I would cover our eyes when we saw people kissing on TV or women in bikini’s on ChIP’s!!) 
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all that to say… maybe the schools would be better off if they invited parents to observe the sex ed lesson.  That way parents really know what’s going on in that classroom - and they can have intelligent discussions with their kids to address what might have been left out… or that the kids didn’t ‘get’

excuse me…. what the VARIABLE was!!

Middle school is dreadful. I have a really great daughter, but she gravitates towards weaker children who she always wants to defend from mean kids. It’s noble in one sense, but what these kids lack in confidence, they make up for in passive aggressive manipulation. They play on her emotions for attention and drag her into a lot of unnecessary drama. It bothers me because she spent all weekend worrying about a friend who had talked of committing suicide and then shows up at school on Monday, happy as a clam. Not that we would have wanted anything different, but whatever was bothering her friend ended up bothering her much more.  I’m not sure what exactly to do about it. She’s taken to wearing her rosary to school so she can pray for her friends.

Let’s face it.  Many adults can be conveniently naive about personal responsibility as well.

Oh, and the 7th grader whom I referred to above?  He asked my husband and I if we would pray the rosary with him a couple of nights ago.  Even though it sometimes feels like we live in a “darned if you do, darned if you don’t” life, there is grace and there is hope.  He’s a great kid.  He has also defended his faith fearlessly in social studies when his teacher goes on a tirade against Catholicism.

Ah…single motherhood as a result of sin?  Not always so.  Two of my dearest, dearest friends are single mothers, and not by choice.  One lost her husband to brain cancer when their daughter was five years old, the other lost hers to a horrible bicycle accident when her children were 3 and 4. These women are incredibly brave, remarkably strong, and - I must admit - totally exhausted being single mothers. They don’t need a sin label smacked on their foreheads for what could be ascribed by some as the Severe Mercy of God.

My baby girl is only 9 months but I already cringe at the idea of her hitting middle school and being faced with this issue at such a young age. I so agree that having a close relationship with your children where open communication is fostered will enable the occurrence of these important discussions.  I don’t remember my parents educating me at all about this issue and feel it definitely harmed me at certain points in my life.  I don’t want to make the same mistake with my children.  Thank you for this great post!

For all those concerned about the single motherhood issue…I thought it was pretty clear in the article that Simcha was referring to the growing number of children conceived out of wedlock as a result of “sexual liberation” or what have you. Which is why it was mentioned in the same breath as STDs. It shouldn’t be considered normal for a woman to become a mother while unmarried, and our children need to hear that from us since society would like to teach them otherwise. We can (and should) also teach them to react with compassion at the same time. And while it’s certainly true that a mother might find herself raising her kids alone for other reasons, I don’t think Simcha had those situations in mind when she wrote that.

I attended Catholic high school in the eighties and the sex education was pretty values neutral, with a heavy emphasis on artificial birth control.  If my parents had been aware they almost certainly objected.    My kids go to Catholic private and parochial schools in the Philadelphia archdiocese and the sex education is one area I don’t have to worry about.    Parents are very aware today what is being taught and the schools monitor it carefully.
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HOWEVER, there is plenty of room for indoctrination.  In the private Catholic school in particular, there are many attempts by the History and English departments to undermine parental authority all under the guise of nurturing open minds in the kids.  From the perspective of my husband and me, they’re trying to get the kids to drink the liberal kool-aid so they can walk in lockstep with the liberal elite. 
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Fortunately, the teachers with a very liberal bias have so far tended to be on the less intelligent side and that fact hasn’t escaped my bright daughter’s notice.    She’s also realized that if she wants an easy “A” from these teachers all she needs to do is include some positive reference to women’s rights or Obama’s vision for the country.    She literally just took an essay test on the Ottoman empire and was unsure which countries were in the Ottoman empire, but knowing full well the garbage the teacher wants to hear, she got a perfect score on the test, including the extra credit.

Middle school is tough, but so is pretty much all aspects of public life, once you leave the home, except of course if you have a rotten home and need to get out of it.  I’m tired of the lamentation that middle school is the inner most circle of hell and that “all those other kids” are so sinful, except of course, for my own.
Here’s what I think - my kids aren’t perfect, their peers aren’t and their teachers aren’t.  We live in a fallen world.  They will survive and so will their peers and teachers, with or without me complaining about it. Pray for your children and be there for them.

I’ve taught both middle school and high school and I would much rather teach middle school.

It’s a good thing I had sex ed in school because my parents never told me where babies come from!

Most likely Simcha meant to use the term “unwed motherhood” for the term “single mother.” “Single mother” is commonly used in our culture for an unwed mother.  I don’t think a mother who was widowed or left by her husband would in all honestly think of her situation as being due to deliberate personal sin unless she was not psychologically stable. 

Many of my students are unwed mothers and it is so sad watching them struggle just to achieve a “C.” By comparison, the work submitted by students in a stable situation is like day vs. night.  I had a unwed mother who was a student of mine tell me that she and her baby caught the flu at the same time and it was “like hell.”  “Like hell” unfortunately describes the situation aptly.

My kids will not be getting sex ed in school because I don’t think schools can handle it as well as we can. Our kids will get the Theology of the Body, Sex is not good, not great, it’s sacred, etc. stuff from us. I don’t really think they need to know all the details of every STD out there, or how to contracept. Very little of these classes actually focuses on how reproduction actually works. Most focuses on how to avoid letting it work! Also, love the line: People who consider sex to be a gift and a blessing do not use words like “safety” and “protection!” www.lettersto.us

Well, if you want to get theological, death is a result of sin too (and does not play fair).

Dear Rh,
Simcha did not say that a child of a single mother is the fruit of sin. She said the state of single motherhood itself is the fruit of sin. Of course this is not true in all cases, for example when an otherwise loving, committed spouse dies.

Your situation of being a single mother, having tried to live a Catholic marriage with an abusive husband who left you and your son, sounds like the fruit of sin. But it was not your sin, or your son’s. It was your husband’s sin.

At a NACHE Conference many years ago, a very wise Priest said, “Our culture has it backwards.  When a baby is born and through their educational years, they ask, ‘What will you be when you grow up?’—occupation; When a young adult in their 20s, people ask, ‘Are you planning to get married?’—vocation; And finally, sometime after 50 years old, people ask themselves, ‘Where am I headed after this life?’—destination.

When we are blessed with children, we parents need to focus on their destination.  The most important gift we give is our Catholic faith.  It is so much more than their education.  It is their formation that is far more important.  Our responsibility is clear.

When they come of age to discern God’s will and plan for their life, we assist and pray for their vocation (religious life, married life, single life for the Lord) to be made clear to them and support them in their decision-making.

Finally, once they are well-formed and are discerning or have discerned their vocation, we need to assist them on how to decide on an occupation.

When we began to homeschool, it was because of strong Catholic families we knew that were excellent role models.  I had it in mind for K-3rd grade.  Once we began, we prayed annually to do God’s will for each child.  uh-oh, interrupted will send more later

Missy:
It sounds like the Pharisees who got on the Lord’s case when He healed the blind man. The Pharisees asked Jesus, “Was this his sin or the sin of his parents that caused his blindness?” Jesus said, “It was neither his sin nor of his parents that caused his blindness.”
Your last sentences were correct; however, the husband’s actions were sinful (although not a grave sin because of his mental illness). It was wrong of the husband to abuse his wife and to leave his wife and their son. Neither the son nor the wife did anything to sin. The wife was trying, from what I read, to live a good Christian life and to be a good Catholic wife.

Back in the single mother vein, I’m going to suggest that anybody who is trying to “condemn the act” without condemning the person remember that a)you can’t always tell which of us got pregnant when married and which didn’t, nor do you know if that sex act was consensual and b)an unwed mom made the choice to actually have her baby and not abort it, which is swimming upstream in a big way these days.  Of course kids need to be taught right and wrong, but please be careful that the condemnation does not bleed over to the single/unwed mom.

I am a textbook case of totally being the good girl as a divorced mom, and still have been the target of much scorn from people who simply don’t know me.

It is hard to raise kids especially by your self but it is extremely possible. My one Grandmother was left a widow with 4 kids under the age of 16 to raise in a time when there wasn’t day care or programs to help in any way. She did an awesome job. She was extremely strict but she had to be and it payed off. They became a doctor, a mortician, a top secretary at Alcoa, and an excellent nurse. Times may change but being a parent has always had challenges.

Hi, everyone - I’m sorry my phrasing has caused such confusion.  I thought it was very obvious from the context that I meant that children and women and society in general suffer when women have no husbands and children have no fathers.  Obviously, innocent people often suffer from this lamentable situation.  Obviously, it’s entirely un-christian for people to go around assuming that strangers are sinful.  I can see how careless words might offend people who have been accused unjustly, but there is such a thing as considering the context.  It’s very common today for men and women to fornicate and have children out of wedlock, and this is by far the most common cause of single motherhood.  That is the sin I was referring to, and I brought it up because I think it’s a good idea to tell adolescents that they should not commit the sin of fornication, because it leads to suffering. Hope this clears up any lingering confusion.

Glad to see this article.  I have one going into middle school and I am feeling the change.  We tried the private school/home school thing too and it didn’t work out so now I have my kids in public school.  My son is going to watch the “Development Films” put out by Marsh Media in a couple weeks.  A single mom, I missed the parent preview darn it!  My stomach is a little uneasy about it.  I want someone else to teach my son clean aspects of reproduction but don’t want them to show him too much.  I was thinking of keeping him from this film if I can’t assure myself what is on it.  If anyone can fill me in, I would appreciate your thoughts.

Simcha, I applaud your continued attempts to clarify, but you unfortunately tapped a vein of the professionally offended.  Those of us without an ax to grind knew exactly what you meant.  Those of you divorced or widowed, stop accepting the premise of the anti-family social engineers by using their terminology for yourselves.  They lump you all together as “single mothers” for this very reason:  to inoculate the ones who sinfully and selfishly choose to have babies with no fathers by pointing to you.  They are using you to help continue the destruction of the family!  Stop letting them!  Call yourselves what you are, as in, divorced or widowed.  Problem solved.

I recently had a frank discussion with my super awesome 7th grade class about the difference between tattling and informing. Yes it was something of a seminar. I recommend this method when dealing with teens. They need to feel heard, and with a little guidance they can often arrive at the right answer without even knowing it wasn’t originally their idea! Here is what “we” came up with. Tattling is when you want someone to get in trouble, and you are doing it so that you look good to the authority figure. What they are doing is not dangerous or harmful you just want to see them get in trouble. “E.g. Mrs.So and SO, Billy is chewing gum again.” We all agreed this stinks! Second scenario, you know your friend is doing something dangerous, first you go tell him to stop, and then if he doesn’t you go tell the authority. Why? Because you care about your friend and his safety. You are trying to look good, and your friend will probably be mad at you, but his well-being matters more to you than that. And that is not tattling that is informing.

Sorry, I try to say it in 5,000 words or less…what happened for our children is what I would love for all children…The Lyceum School.  It is a Catholic college preparatory school for grades 7-12 (my children began in their 10th grade year).  When many families are struggling with a communication gap, ours was abundantly blessed with discussions of Theology, Philosophy, Euclid, Literature, Greek, Latin, etc., every evening around our dinner table.  This school was a continuation of their formation.  You may want to check out their website and then look into the possibility of a school such as this near you…I believe there is one in Massachusettes.

Public School is public school…government run.  Your article through and through reminds me why public school was never an option.  It was quite a sacrifice to take our children daily from one county through rush hour traffic to the opposite end of another county, but the sacrifice was well worth it when our children express their gratitude for their unique (to our times) education of the good, the true and the beautiful. 

These graduates head toward colleges such as, The College of St. Mary Magdalen, Thomas Aquinas College, Christendom College, Franciscan University, Wyoming Catholic College…they cannot get enough of what they received at The Lyceum…they seek Truth and desire to share Truth, because unlike sharing a fine wine, you continue to hold onto Truth and someone else may now as well…a poor job at quoting the founder on my part.

So, if you are blessed to be anywhere near a school such as www.thelyceum.org then I would seriously consider sending your children where they discuss Plato, Aristotle, Shakespeare daily and are not stuck in the muck of our culture that consumes our tax dollars and wearies loving parents by curriculum, sex ed, and friendships with troubled tweens and teens that seem to drag others down. God bless you all!

Many of us, as Catholics or not, have a relationship with Jesus, his death was a product of sin, and legality, and faith.

@Merno, *call* the teacher and *ask*.  Once I was able to review a “health” film, and it was truly just that.  There was no social engineering involved.  Our seventh grade curriculum was modified for the better, though I still wish they would separate the boys from the girls. Getting that “permission slip” often forces us to to address in a more in-depth fashion what really needed to be addressed yesterday anyhow. Your child will also understand that it’s not just you that feels the need to embarrass them. :)  In a perfect world, we’d have perfect schools that honor God and celebrate perfect Truth. (sigh)....Our children are entering into a very fractured, wounded world.  The more we take these tender moments to open the lines of communication with our children, the better off our relationships with them will be.  The *sooner* we do it (with age appropriateness,)the more natural it will feel.  As Simcha pointed out—homeschooled or not, Youtube is probably already “teaching” your child.  I would rather help interpret the world my kids are maturing into, than try to keep them unnaturally sequestered from it, or to foster a climate that breeds shame.  And yes, I’ve seen homeschooled kids rebel and lose their faith as well… What works with some personalities doesn’t work with others, but how can *early* communication skills ever be bad?  The older they get without addressing real culture, (or lack thereof) *with you* in these sensitive areas, the less likely it will be that they will come to you for your opinion, and perhaps the “forbidden” which was left largely unspoken about—might take on an even more “glamorous” allure. Sometimes I think it wasn’t an APPLE, that Adam and Eve screwed up with!! I wish we as parents didn’t have to worry so much.  I think about these things every day, and use prayer to help mitigate it!

Simcha, I can agree with you, to a point, that it is good to counter the apparent cultural shift against two-parent families.  Nonetheless, it is good to counter the wrongness of statements, that blanket over painful truths, and realities, such as sexually transmitted diseases, and single motherhood being the fruits of sin.  Do we as Catholics encourage sin through our Pro-Life positions, if we even are Pro-Life Catholics, by encouraging the births of children, to single mothers?  Putting the question aside:  it may have been a saint, whom said in so many words, that we have untouchables, because we neither care to know them, nor to touch them.  Sexually transmitted diseases, and single motherhood, may or may not be the fruits of sin, but so to may or may not marriages be fruits of sin.  One thing is certain:  Holy Matrimony is a sacrament, a means of grace, because our bloodied, mocked God knows we’re pretty much lost without him.

Normal people, and normal societies, do not encourage marriages between healthy people, and mentally ill people, but are mental illnesses a sin?  Whether or not we were educated privately, or publicly, or some combination of the two, our sense of logic, that all is sin, and only sin can allow for such things, can be fallacious:  as a logical sequence can follow from sin. 

Sexually transmitted diseases are always communicable through sin?  How is it possible so many innocents are claimed through diseases, sexually transmitted, or passed from birds to people?  Can we find faults:  yes.  When there are none, then how is our judgement passed to measure, that surely this is a fruit of sin?

Sin damages others.  Justice does as well.  So, too, does the weather.

I don’t mean to confound simple matters of morality, and immorality, but the statement looks like a blanket:  sexually transmitted diseases, and single motherhood are fruits of sin.  We throw the baby out with the bathwater, because the baby is the most inferior in the family.  What sin is there in this, that the man gets the clean water, because he’s in the tub first, then the woman follows, then the water is too dirty for the infant to be seen, and there goes the baby!  There goes the church’s teaching on the value of humanity, however small and unidentifiable.

I’m not sure how better it could have been explained, but given another matter, that there is so much negativity in the world, and sin is certainly part of this negativity, and relationships being so important—particularly moral ones and immoral ones—what is said, we have so many relationships throughout our lives, and in our own, piddly sins, and rather egregious ones, are part of our own, to ourselves.  For God’s sake, don’t go out and hug some rapist, because you want to alleviate the ills of society, and thank you for being kind-hearted enough—on and on I go—to say, you meant nothing hurtful.  I don’t really care much for the semantics argued by other commentators, but I like to control the definition.  Fruits of sin?  Not a normal state?  Says whom?  There’s nothing normal about a number of marriages these days, and certainly nothing normal about aborting a child to avoid either divorce, or the sin of being a single mother.

@ big brood mama
I believe that because our children are entering into a very fractured, wounded world, we need to be their role models, their teachers, and although they are in the world make certain as much as possible that they are not drawn to being of the world.  My children and many others that I know of did not grow up with television, nor gaming, nor radio and I don’t consider this to be keeping them unnaturally sequestered…everyone from the beginning of time up to the 20th century didn’t use tv, radio, youtube.  Your comment about perfect world and perfect schools that honor God and celebrate Truth perhaps displays your lack of knowledge regarding the classical understanding of the liberal arts—check out that website I mentioned www.thelyceum.org.  You also made another odd statement about fostering a climate that breeds shame—yet, I’ve never felt the need to embarrass them :)

As for EVEN homeschooled children rebeling and losing their faith, of course they do since they have bellybuttons, too. I’m lost on your statement about how can *early* communication skills ever be bad.  I would say that we, at least, communicated more than most because we homeschooled and then, as I shared, were blessed with nightly discussions regarding their day.  The *sensitive areas* were addessed, slowly, age appropriately with the dignity they deserve (the way a Father and Son or Mother and Daughter take special time, over the years to educate).  We are their parents, it is our responsibility, our duty.  Certainly not the duty of some school in a class of students…quite sterile and unnatural—think about it.

Catholic Church - the leader of the sexual revolution!
  In my favorite coffee shop in Rijeka, Croatia, where I like to drink macchiato and cigarette smoke that, yesterday I spoke with the waitress Rebecca. She told me that her next door and which is now 17 years has already fifth boy, 23 years old, and first sexual experience came - with 13 years of age. And emotionally, mentally and socially immature girls are now, apparently, very lucky in that regard. Led me to the following reasoning and, perhaps, provocative thesis: whether just the Catholic church should be - the leader of the sexual revolution? Of course, not the way we suggest to various pornography, and Hollywood makes movies, contemporary subversive music, Internet and other forms of influence on children, who are almost “replace” parental upbringing. I think that would be just in his parish, along with, and why not this: educating parents, the youngest should first find out “information” about their sexuality. Not just the harmful effects of various sexually transmitted diseases, but also about teen pregnancies, contraception,, but also on the table of fertile and infertile days, the love that sex can only enreach, not replace, etc. You may be doing this kind of my thinking strange, but I think that is correlated with the times in which we live and the education needs of youth in the spirit of traditional Christian values that can be a universal way for the salvation of man and child - man! Croatian writer Giancarlo Kravar

@homeschoolmom, What I wrote was not a critique on homeschooling.  I’ve known many homeschooling families.  Some did it admirably, some didn’t. Some kids embraced the ideal of the parents, and a few walked away, shaking the dust from their sandals.
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Some of the parents sent conflicting messages. Kids always read body language first.
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Some kids need to wrestle with God in their own way.
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I support your ideals.  I am using the methodology that I must.  Maybe this will change!
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Even God didn’t produce creatures that conformed picture perfectly.
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We both desire and pray for kids to be mentally and spiritually healthy, both parents fully on board, ready for the world, raising young adults to be savvy.
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Kids can be formed to be apostles in different ways.
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Really, we are on the same team, aren’t we?  Peace to you and yours.

I feel giving our children too much information is giving them all kinds of ideas they don’t need to know about at their age.  Like giving them a bomb, telling them what it does, and walking away.  Or, giving them a BB gun, saying “be safe” and walking away.  There is a reason Wal-Mart won’t hand a BB gun to a child under 18 years old.  It’s called pain.  It’s called lawyers.  The same should go with sex ed.  It shouldn’t be taught until the kid is old enough OLD ENOUGH.  Children don’t need to learn about semen and mucuous in 6th 7th grade.  Irrelevant.  And those that want to mess around, let them do just that and get pregnant and suffer the consequences.  Poisoning the whole class and saying “be safe” is illogical to me unless I am missing something.  If we had more lawyers out there suing people for screwing people’s lives up over sex ed like they are doing with BB guns, it wouldn’t be taught to underage children.  And I know this will never happen.  So, dream on me.

@Merno.  Yes, age appropriateness is key.  If I had my way, only strict biology would be taught in high school to my children, because all the rest would be taught at home.  I’m afraid that a fair amount of parents would let their kids be “educated” by their peers though, and never say much at all. THAT is the tragedy. I once demanded to see the “health” film that I was being asked to sign off on.  It really was only about taking a shower every day, not the evil I was suspecting.  I’m glad I checked though.

Our family has to be sensitive to the “single mother” issue because my sister adopted two children who were the product of sin. We also have a few friends with adopted children from unwed mothers. How do you explain the situation to your own children in the right light without attaching stigma to their cousins’ birth? For us, it is a joy and a blessing that these adopted children exist and are part of our family. My kids don’t see the negative consequences for the birth mother and I don’t want to go into it with them. It’s very tricky.

Simcha,
For what its worth, parents also need to talk to other parents more.  Even if they don’t like each other.  Even the other parents are really stupid and not raising their kids well.
How different would life be if my kids knew that, if you saw them smoking, you’d be on the phone to me immediately, even if we barely knew each other?  Of you thought I might not care if they were smoking?  Maybe they’d think twice.
My son is a very godly Christian young man NOW, but there was a situation some months ago when he was caught in a girl’ house.  At night.  Without permission.  But we were never told.
Later, when the girl got pregnant, we were never told.
When his life was falling apart, we didn’t know why.  Because he was still just a kid himself and the grown ups around him DIDN’T TELL.
Then she lost the baby and the adults in who new said, “Well, as long as the baby’s gone, there’s know reason to tell your parents about it.”
So he grieved alone.  And turned to drugs and alcohol and left home because he couldn’t live a normal life with all the other stuff that was going on.
Praise God that he is now on the other side of this terrible time.  But everything would have been so different if just one adult had picked up a phone.

Corita, you stated “*Any* woman having to raise children alone is a side-effect of sin.”

Are you insane?

I was raised by my mother, alone. My father died when I was 2 years old (he fell asleep at the wheel coming back from a long work trip). By all accounts, he was a kind and decent man. My mother struggled to raise me while working 2 jobs; an act of love on her part.

Where is the sin?

You need to *stop* with the generalizations.

Pro-life or “condemning” single mothers. Pick one. You cannot have both.

I am so disgusted. This kind of thing is a scandal that drives people from the church.

RH:  I would suggest that your situation is still a fruit of sin.  Your husband’s.  That doesn’t make you sinful because of it, or your children sinful because of it, but you wouldn’t be in the situation you are in if it weren’t for your husband’s sin.