The issue of abortion comes up at the most unexpected occasions. It comes up in conversation and we are caught off guard, especially when our values regarding life are challenged.

What do we say when someone asserts that abortion should be allowed in cases of rape or incest, or in the event of fetal abnormalities? How do we answer common arguments that abortion proponents (or “pro-choicers”) raise?

Just as important: How do we equip our children and teenagers to defend the belief that life is sacred and precious?

These questions are all worth considering as the 35th sad anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court’s decision that legalized abortion, rolls around on Jan. 22 — and, with it, the annual March for Life. (There may be protesters, and some may be willing to listen.)

What follows are some common objections raised against pro-life positions, along with some suggested responses Catholics might offer.

Of course, if you do find yourself in the middle of a challenging discussion along these lines, remember to present the facts with kindness and compassion. The object is not to win an argument or score a point. It’s to persuade a mind and win a heart.

Challenge: “This matter involves my body; therefore, abortion is no one else’s business but mine.”

Fact: Abortion targets the baby’s body, not the mother’s; therefore, abortion affects the baby far more than it does the mother.

“Abortion is one of the most compelling cases where my individual ‘right’ to make choices about my body disappears because of the harm my choice will do to another human being — in this case, death,” points out Margaret Blume, a sophomore and secretary of Choose Life at Yale. “It is true that the fulfillment of the duty of a mother to her child is unique and in many cases involves a great sacrifice. But the sacrifice required of the mother is less burdensome than the harm that would be done to the child by aborting it.”

Challenge: “Being pro-choice means giving a woman the choice to decide. It does not mean being pro-abortion. I am pro-choice.”

Fact: Choice is not problematic if it involves good or neutral options.

Choosing between cold cereal and hot oatmeal for breakfast would be acceptable. But imagine if someone said he is in favor of legalizing rape because he thinks it should be a choice. Rape victimizes women so it should never be a choice.

The “Let the mother and her doctor decide” approach “denies the victim,” explains Father Frank Pavone, national director of Priests for Life and founder of the Missionaries of the Gospel of Life. “It’s like saying, ‘I would never abuse my child, but if others want to commit child abuse, let them have their choice.’ Some choices have victims; they are not choices that should be allowed to anybody.”

Challenge: “Abortion should be allowed for cases involving incest or rape or when the life of the mother is at stake.”

Fact: Abortion does not have the power to make things better. It worsens the situation in cases of rape or incest.

Chris Bell, executive director of Good Counsel Homes, makes a convincing rebuttal to this challenge. “If you say there should be an exception to allow for abortion after incest,” he says, “you will certainly allow that incest to continue. You’ll only cover up the crime.”

As for the rape exception: “Did you ever see a child who was conceived in a rape or incest? I have,” says Bell. “You can’t tell that child apart from any baby you’ve ever seen in your life.” He also explains that his sister-in-law, who was raped, was “so depressed after the rape, she walked in a cemetery and thought a lot about death. But when she found out she was pregnant, she was elated, because something good and beautiful came out of this horrible attack.”

“Now if you decide that there should be exceptions to allow a child to be killed because it was conceived during a rape,” adds Bell, “you’ll only allow a second and worse crime to be committed against the mother and child.”

What about cases when the mother’s life is in danger? Father Pavone says, “Experts in maternal-fetal medicine (like Dr. Byron Calhoun) clearly assert that there is never a medical reason to kill the child in order to resolve a threat to the mother’s life.”

Challenge: “Abortion should be allowed if the unborn child has a deformity or abnormality. It’s right to save a child from a miserable life.”

Fact: Many citizens with handicaps live normal, productive and fulfilling lives.

Are we justified to say that the disabled should have been aborted, or that their mothers had the right to abort them?

The “better off dead” argument “simply advances another form of discrimination, prejudice and marginalization against those with abnormalities,” says Father Pavone. “Moreover, if those with abnormalities can be killed in the womb, are we to say they cannot be killed after they are born? What if the abnormality is not discovered until after the baby is born? Once you have broken the principle that innocent children cannot be killed, you lose any rationale for limiting the killing.”

Challenge: “The pre-term baby is only a potential life, so abortion is acceptable.”

Fact: A 10-minute sonogram will show a heartbeat as early as three weeks.

(Potential life does not contain a heartbeat. The baby is already alive, in the earliest stages of his or her development.)

A baby’s growth should not be seen as an assembly of parts, but as a development of life. Think of photography, as Richard Stith does in his article “Why Pro-life Arguments Sound Absurd,” published in the Human Life Review.

“Suppose we’re back in the pre-digital days and you’ve just taken a fabulous photo, one you know you will prize, with your Polaroid camera,” he writes. “You are just starting to let the photo hang out to develop when I grab it and rip its cover off, thus destroying it. What would you think if I responded to your dismay with the assertion ‘Hey, man, it was still in the brown-smudge stage. Why should you care about brown smudges?’ I submit you would find my defense utterly absurd.”

Adds Father Pavone: “To deny that the child in the womb is a child is like saying the earth is flat. In an age of fetal surgery and 4-D ultrasound, it’s simply an outdated assertion.”

Challenge: “I can’t afford this baby; I could not give the child a good life.”

Fact: There are options that don’t involve killing, and all kinds of help is available.

Among the many resources out there for women in unwanted-pregnancy situations are wonderful organizations such as Heartbeat International (heartbeatinternational.org), Good Counsel Homes (goodcounselhomes.org), Sisters of Life (sistersoflife.org) and Priests for Life (priestsforlife.org).

And, of course, no conversation or confrontation with an abortion advocate or client should end without the Catholic promising his or her prayers on the other’s behalf.

Maria Caulfield writes from

Wallingford, Connecticut.