Homosexual “marriage” is a key difference between the two presidential candidates. And it's a hard issue for many Americans.

First, the difference: President Bush has encouraged a movement to amend the federal Constitution to put the ages-old definition of marriage into law.

In 1996, John Kerry voted against the federal Defense of Marriage Act in the Senate. In 2002, he vigorously opposed a Massachusetts constitutional amendment that would have protected traditional marriage. And just this summer, he wouldn't even vote to allow the federal marriage amendment to be debated in the U.S. Senate.

While the difference is clear, many Americans feel uncomfortable about the homosexual “marriage” issue. They have been told the issue is all about homosexuals who are struggling with discrimination and simply want to be treated fairly.

Many Americans know homosexuals, or have relatives who are homosexuals. Others are influenced by the stories they've heard of homosexuals suffering from discrimination. But when considering homosexual “marriage,” we can't afford to forget the most typical stories about homosexuals. Stories like Peggy's.

You read about Peggy on page one of the Register last month. She was molested as a child by an adult male and grew up alienated from men, believing them interested only in sexual exploitation. She turned instead to sexual companionship from those of her own gender. Statistics show homosexuality often starts with childhood abuse.

Peggy spent 12 years in a committed relationship with another woman. “We really kept up with the Joneses,” she said. “We had a great joint income. Both of us were in the professional world. We had beautiful cars and traveled. We built a new house. I had everything I thought I wanted. Then one day I was sitting in the family room of the new house, and everything came crashing down. I thought, ‘I am spiritually and emotionally dead inside.’”

She discovered another truth about homosexuals that isn't often mentioned: They suffer disproportionately from depression and suicide — even in countries where homosexuality is perfectly acceptable and homosexual “marriage” has been legal for years. It seems that the homosexual disorder most often is born from pain and ends in pain.

Peggy abandoned the homosexual lifestyle four years ago and was reconciled to the Church. “I might still struggle with loneliness, but even if I never marry,” she said, “I know a peace and a freedom I never knew before.”

She was lucky. The cycle of homosexual despair doesn't always have a happy ending. Often it becomes a path of excess and obsession.

The sexual excess of the homosexual lifestyle is no secret. In one article, Toronto homosexual John McKellar was asked if homosexuality, wasn't, at some level, fundamentally about love. “Our lifestyle is very much about party, pageant, parade and promiscuity,” he answered. “We want to have our cake and eat it, too. There was an article in the gay press last year titled, ‘How to Stay Married and Still Be a Slut.’”

The first homosexual cable channel in Canada was dying from low ratings — until it became a homosexual pornography channel and did very well.

As the Catholic Church found out in its recent study of sex abuse by clergy, the homosexual culture's sexual appetite can go quickly from unhealthy to criminal. Eight out of 10 cases of abuse were homosexual.

From the Village People song “YMCA” to the Showtime television show “Queer as Folk,” homosexual culture has long celebrated sex with underage teens. In “The Gay Report,” by homosexual researchers Karla Jay and Allen Young, the authors report data showing 73% of homosexuals surveyed had at some time had sex with boys 16 to 19 years of age or younger.

Does this mean all homosexuals are predators? Not at all.

Catholic teaching gives us the best way to respond to homosexuality. “This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial,” says the Catechism (No. 2358). “They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity.” And to respect them, we have to help them bear their disorder — not exacerbate it.

On Nov. 2 don't be afraid that you have to choose between tolerance and bigotry on the marriage issue. True charity means wanting what's best for the other — and giving approbation to a dangerous lifestyle choice isn't what's best for homosexuals or for our society.