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Bishops and Ugly Babies

Thursday, June 24, 2010 3:28 PM Comments (15)

Never call a man’s baby ugly. This is among the best advice I’ve ever received.

It was a few years ago. I was working as an electrical engineer at a large company and was on the usual project - underfunded, undermanned and behind schedule.  And it was especially bad for my task in particular. Long story short, I needed a whole lot more money to do what was required and necessary for the project.

They just didn’t get it - management, that is. Or at least I thought so. And since I’m not shy, I let them know it every chance I got!  In my gut I knew the best way to get them to “wake up” was to call attention, in front of everyone, to what a horrible job program management was doing. I was very good at even doing so in (what I thought was) a “respectful” manner.

Finally, the program manager himself called me in for a meeting to discuss my task. That’s when he gave me this friendly advice:  “Never call a man’s baby ugly.”

Huh?  It took me a moment. But then I realized what he meant.

See, I needed some help from him on a part of a project that he spent 80 hours a week away from his family trying to accomplish.  It was his baby.  And for some reason I thought the best way to get him to help me was to start out by insulting the job he’s doing.

“Hey man, your baby is UGLY!  Can I have 5 dollars…please?  What?!  WHY?! I said please?”

Oh, and it turns out he totally understood and was aware that my task needed attention. In fact, he’d already been working to improve it.  He also already knew about the list of ten other things I “needed” to inform him of and how terrible they were going.

He already knew which balls had been dropped. And I came to find out that there were good reasons they were still on the floor as the solution was being worked out.  I just didn’t have all the information.  He didn’t need somebody to keep yelling at him about the dropped balls. He needed people to help pick them up.

I had seen myself as the bearer of truth (bad news) on that project - I knew everything that was wrong with it. It turns out, for all my good intentions, I was also really annoying and making a situation I didn’t know everything about much more difficult.

Last week I wrote a post about how some of the bishops have said they are “troubled” by some of the hurtful language and uncharitable attacks found on Catholic blogs.

Many people were critical of the remarks and thought it was just one more way the bishops are trying to quell the voices of Catholics who disagree with them. They were suspicious that the bishop was talking to them, instead of to those angry Catholics who react by calling people’s babies ugly and then justifying it in the name of St Michael’s sword or Jesus’ throwing out of the moneychangers or “always speaking the truth.”  But the goal is not just to “speak the truth” at all costs. The goal is for people to hear the truth and be converted.

I’m not saying there’s not a time for righteous anger and outright war. They are often blunt, but effective, tools. Calling people’s babies ugly is not effective.

From what I gather, we have a whole lot of amazing bishops in our Church. We have an awesome Pope. These leaders are doing a lot to fix many of the problems you may be passionate about.

Sure, you can sit back and tell everyone else what is wrong with the world (or the Church). Anyone can do that. But you’re not doing as many favors as you think you are.

Instead - whether it’s at work, at home or in our Church - be a part of the solution. Go out and support the bishops who are doing the right things. Support our pope. Instead of showcasing our ugly, sinfulness, let’s share the beauty, goodness and truth of our Faith. And never call a man’s baby ugly (even if it is).

 

 

Filed under bishops, charity, evangelization

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Good post Matt. I agree.

Amen—great post, Matthew.

Good post Matthew.  Often our exposure to the Bishops is limited, so we often judge based on limited information.  The few Bishops I’ve gotten to know personally are very compassionate, compassionate and humble.  May the Lord bless them in their leadership and the Holy Spirit guide the Church to be a light to the world.

It depends on why the baby is ugly.  Has the baby been neglected and underfed while daddy was meeting with the rich and famous?  Has the baby in fact been kicked around?

Most of our bishops are decent fathers, and quite a few are excellent fathers.  But not all.

Matt, we were doing that but then, unbeknownst to us in the pews, Cardinal Bernardin, for political reasons, came along with another agenda and got the bishops to go along with it some 25 years ago.  Ever since then, it became an us against them environment. 

When the long time pastor of a nearby Catholic Church tells me he can’t vote for a prolife candidate that is Republican because he’s a Democrat, and when asked, “What about abortion,” says, “I’m not worried about the babies, their in heaven,” there is something seriously wrong in the Church.  And what it is, is most Catholics think of themselves as Democrats, first, and Catholics second. 

The bishops allude to that in their statements by holding up the “social justice” issues to abortion, and say they, the bishops, are neither right nor left, Democrat or Republican.  All the so-called “social justice” issues combined do not come near to equating the evil of one abortion.  The bishops imply by their statement that some positions taken by pro-abortion party ARE prolife, and some positions taken by the prolife party are NOT prolife.  But they never define what is, or is not, prolife about those issues.  They set up a straw man to provide cover for their own self identity remaining Democrats, and that of tens of millions of laity, rather then facing the truth about what they believe.  The results are Catholics on the “front line” who fight to keep abortion-on-demand remaining the law-of-the-land going up the isle to receive Holy Communion, or getting a Catholic funeral Mass with the blessings of the Catholic Church, or a majority of Catholic voters electing a man who is on record of supporting infanticide, let alone abortion.

A house divided can not stand - no matter how nice they talk to each other.

stillbelieve: It’s obvious that you do - still believe that you know it all and have all the info on all the bishops, priests, etc. Just like you, that have a right to belong to whatever political party they chose. During many years past, way past,  Catholics did not “chose” to judge their bishops, priests, etc. w/o proof. You sound like a frustrated person who choses not to deal w/the reality of God given free will; something people grounded in their Catholic faith recognize. This includes all the people which the bishops, priests, must deal w/on a daily minute by minute basis - unlike yourself. God given free will is a great grace, whereby God Himself takes a chance on all His children that they will chose according to His will. If God has such graciousness why don’t we?

Carole, then you believe that God creates life so that it can be aborted?  You see nothing wrong with priest and laity belonging to the KKK?

Thanks for the thought-provoking post, Matt. 

I take your message to mean that we should have faith in our bishops (and our program managers!) - that we should believe in what we do not see or have proof of.

We must have faith in God and his grace.  We should have faith in His bishops, despite the occasional reasons for doubt.  This is hard for many.  Realizing this, our bishops can help their flock grow in trust by improving their communication and engagement.

stillbelieve: Once again you are demonstrating an option for labeling; something I wouldn’t even classify as true thoughtfulness. I said nothing of the kind. But here’s a Quote from Scripture: “Quit judging by appearances, and make an honest judgment.” No one except God, can judge another’s intentions. So quit putting words from your head into my mouth. Your opinion is not the criterion for all others. You have absolutely no right to judge anyone - look to yourself first. None are w/o fault. And here’s another from Scripture: “Who are you to judge your neighbor?”

Carole, those were question marks at the end of my two sentences to you, not periods or exclamations marks.  So what “labeling” do you read into them that you accuse me of? 

I was seeking clarity on what you considered God’s “gift of free will” to us is in light of what I said about our professing belief in the “Holy Spirit as the giver of life,” and our praying for God’s “will to be done on earth” and to “deliver us from evil.”  It seems a reasonable question to ask of Catholics considering the past twenty-six years.  It’s a slight variation on what St. Augustine said to catholics about their profession of faith; telling them to hold it up like a mirror and look at themselves in it to see if they really believe what they profess to believe.

As for “judging” is concerned, you seem to be more “judgmental” about me and my motives than I am about the bishops, clergy and the laity.  What I said concerning them as a body was factual.  If you want to read about somebody who was judgmental, read “Cardinal Bernardin,” a favorable biography by his long time friend Eugene Kennedy. 

I look for to understanding your position better.

... that is “forward” to understanding your position better.

There are certain key words which reveal a position on a given subject. One of these is “hurtful”. If you don’t agree with me, you are being “hurtful”. I believe I am going to sit down and cry.

Likewise such meaningless terms as “social justice”. Is it not one of these undefined and undefinable phrases cooked up to muddy thought?

In the discussion between Carole and Stillbelieve, it seems to me that Carole writes about personal feelings [“you sound like this, you sound like that”] rather than facts. I confess to ignorance about the Scriptures she quotes. Somewhere along the line the words have gotten modified.

stillbelieve nails it on the head. Yes, we should not be bashing each other or otherwise assuming to know what is in an individual’s heart or intent. But Jesus also said, “By their fruits you will know them,” a Scripture reference that you can actually FIND—as opposed to those other ones cited (which, I confess, don’t sound like any Catholic translation with which I’m familiar). Under the terms of that Scripture, looking at the fruits of the USCCB, as an organization and a body, we cannot help but wring our hands. This does not mean every single bishop should be told his “baby” is ugly…but as a group? Yes, indeed, they should. Because as a body, what they’ve brought to birth in the Catholic Church in America IS, more often than not, ugly and distorted political activism—for the wrong causes—masquerading as “social justice” or “religious dialogue.”

Individual bishops being “compassionate and humble” is fine…to a point. But “compassionate” in today’s society all too often means accepting everything without “judging” and refusing to exercise prudence and correction when required…and, boy, does THAT describe more than a few bishops! So with all due respect—I’ll take a HOLY bishop over one who’s merely “compassionate and humble.” I’m looking for a shepherd, not just a fellow sheep with a collar and a miter.

Some of these guys are in effect bought and paid for, and have been for some time, with blood money. Some of them have wanted to put forth an agenda in conflict with the teaching authority of the Church from the get-go. Some of them start out earnest and on the right path, and then cave under pressure from peers (which, when you think about it, is horrifying in itself). All of them, as a group, have let us down as teachers and shepherds. All of them, to some degree, have to own up to responsibility and accountability for that. Holding their “feet to the fire” when they won’t uphold Catholic doctrine on something as cut and dried as whether supporting the legal murder of unborn babies should entitle one to Communinon (!) is not being “hateful,” “hurtful,” or even being “part of the problem.” It’s not calling anybody’s baby ugly…it’s calling sin by its proper name and demanding that it be confessed and expunged from business-as-usual practice in Church administration.

So the question stands: if you’re not advocating or allowing open disobedience to the Church, what do you as a bishop have to fear from even the most strident Catholic bloggers? Answer: nothing. Charity is not charity that cooperates with, or attempts to “dialogue” with, or attempts to reconcile and compromise with, evil. “Charity” is not served by being “polite” about open defiance to and/or misrepresentation of Church teaching. “Charity” is not served by being “easy” on or “tolerant” of the smoke of Satan in our midst. It’s time our shepherds called sin what it truly is and called us all to repentance…standing at the head of the confessional lines themselves.

If saying so is “part of the problem,” then I would humbly suggest we need to recheck our labeling system!

JB

Amen, Amen, Amen, well said.

The Second Beast
REVELATION 13:11-18
The New American Bible

Bigotry:401
United States Catholic Catechism for Adults

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About Matthew Warner

Matthew Warner
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Matthew Warner is a lover of God, his wife, his kids, his life, cookies, hot-buttered bread, snoozin' & awkward (as well as not awkward) silence. He is the founder and CEO of Flocknote, the creator of Tweet Catholic, a contributing author to The Church and New Media book, and writer/founder at The Radical Life. Matt has a B.S. in Electrical Engineering from Texas A&M and an M.B.A. in Entrepreneurship. He and his family hang their hats in Texas.