When our Christmas tree is up and I'm baking cookies and Christmas music is playing, the kids know something special is happening and I have a harder time when discipline is needed. What should I do?

Christmas doesn't change anything about the need for discipline, and may even make discipline more effective — if your child is more motivated to get back to all the excitement going on at home.

By “time out,” I assume you mean placing your preschooler in a chair, a corner, her room, or some other semi-isolated place as a way of dealing with misbehavior. Whatever means is used, it essentially means removing Harmony from one scene — where the action, fun or trouble is — and placing her in another — where it's quiet, boring and trouble-free.

Parents often wrestle with how long time outs should last. The rule of one minute for each year of age is based on the developmental notion that the younger she is, the less likely it is that Patience can stay put.

Here are some ideas that should make time outs work:

E One quiet minute per year of age. Time doesn't begin until Al is calm, and time starts over if he starts over.

Will this stress him beyond his developmental limits? No. There's nothing unhealthy about stretching his limits. He is learning to sit a little longer than he'd prefer to. That's what discipline by boredom is all about

E Link the amount of time out to the seriousness of the infraction. It only makes sense to link longer stays with whatever's at the top of your hierarchy of problem behavior — whether it's temper tantrums or tormenting siblings or disrespect.

E Make time out boring. The more dull the location, the less time needed for Grace to simmer down.

A caution: Every parent has to balance the need for supervision with the need for freedom. Sometimes it may be better to keep Sigmund close by to avoid the trouble he could create behind your back.

Dr. Ray Guarendi is a clinical psychologist and author.Reach Family Matters at [email protected]