Love it!  This is exactly the way I feel about funding my son’s college education.  If I had the money I would gladly do it, but it is way too far out of my reach.  At this point I think it’s more important for me to be home with him as much as possible and for my husband and me to fund our retirement plan.  College will fall into place if we think outside the box.

This is our philosophy as well. My husband teaches high school Family and Consumer Sciences, specifically food and culinary arts. We were both told to go to college, take out all the loans, it’s the American thing to do! We both got degrees initially that were not at all marketable (me in Creative Writing, him in Political Science) because we were told by our parents, friends, extended family, professors and career counselors that just having a college degree would impress employers regardless of what it was in and we’d be able to get jobs…not so much in our cases. Graduating during the early part of a minor down turn in the economy (the late ‘90s and early ‘00s) that wasn’t the case. We either didn’t have enough experience even for entry level positions or were over qualified. As a result. I don’t save a dime for my kids’ college. I want them to work hard and reach their highest potential, but it might not be college and if it is, I want them to have the adult experience of knowing there are more than one way to go about doing it.

My dad started saving for my college education while I was preschool.  (What 529 plan?) By the time I finishd college, there was still money left over!

Could not have said it any better!!! Completely agree!! :)

I work in higher education, for a big state university. This means two things.

1) I am immune to the uncritical reverence people have for Going To College, and am mystified by their willingness to make huge sacrifices to this god.

2) I expect the higher-ed bubble to burst any year now.

My own children will get the following advice: go free (if there’s anyplace at all you can attend without paying tuition, and you voluntarily choose to go elsewhere, you’re insane), go big (with proper preparation and advice, you can survive State U and even learn a thing or two…while, if you’re a scholar, saving your money and effort for getting into the best graduate school possible), or go later (older students have a more difficult road in many respects, but still tend to do better and get more out of their time in college).

I’m with you! My parents didn’t give me money for college, and I worked my tail off for the education that I got. I didn’t end up finishing my BA - when faced with the choice of taking out loans, knowing that my vocation was marriage and I wanted to stay home with my children, I declined to continue - but I’ve never had a problem getting or keeping a good job because I’m teachable and have a really strong work ethic. While a college education is desirable, having a bachelor’s degree by the time you’re 22 isn’t the be-all, end-all, IMHO.

My father was unemployed when I started college so my parents could not help with funding. Due to my grades, I received an almost full scholarship to one of the top three business colleges in the country. Being a young, naive teenager, I dropped out after 3 years, got married and had my children - three years of free education gone.Don’t get me wrong, having my family will always be my greatest accomplishment but I needed to show my children anyone could finish what they started so I went back to school (online) while working as the secretary/DRE at my Parish and raising my family. I also paid for it myself. Boy, I appreciated it so much more! My children are now 15 and 16 and I know God will provide even if it is through loans. I can always help them to pay the loans in the long run (don’t tell them though) but there is no way I can pay $30k out of pocket every year! Plus, they will understand the true value of their education.

I’m going to school for free, fully supported by scholarships. I absolutely agree that the pressure of no money for school can be a good motivator for your kids to stay focused in school. From personal experience, this is the best way to make a cheap or free education possible - help them do their best to study hard, do well on standardized tests, and become a competitive applicant for colleges. If your kids can take AP courses or do college courses that will count both for high school and college credit, they’ll have a major advantage. Also, doing well on the PSAT is super helpful - you can get corporate scholarships or National Merit scholarships, and a lot of schools will give you a hefty scholarship and possibly even a full ride just for being a National Merit Scholar.
 
I think another important thing to consider is where your kids attend college. Don’t always assume that close to home is cheapest (though the ability to live at home while in college is something important to consider), because sometimes, even though it makes no sense, it’s way cheaper to pay full out-of-state tuition and room and board than to stay in state. Also, and this was one that was very tough for me, don’t let your kids get into the mentality that prestigious school = good, state school = bad, private = good, public = bad. Your kids don’t need to go to the most prestigious school they’re accepted to, especially not for undergrad. I’m at a big public school, out of state, and it was my last choice of the places I applied to. It’s been the best experience of my life and I cannot imagine having made any other decision.
 
Couple other things to consider: while it might be nice to get some credits out of the way through community college, your kid might lose the opportunity to get scholarships by applying to a 4-year institution straight out of high school, ultimately making the whole thing more expensive. It’s also helpful if your kid knows what they want to study (or they at least have a general idea) before they enter college, so they don’t waste a year or two taking courses that won’t apply to their major. If they’re strategic about their course selections and their school is cooperative, they can potentially graduate in three years (this is very doable if they’re doing liberal arts, though it can definitely be done with a science degree too).
 
Sorry for such a long post, but I think this is such an important thing to think about, and hopefully I’ve given you some things to mull over. I realize your kids are pretty young, so college is far off in the future, but lots of this takes time, especially the work ethic part. I know that had I not done well in elementary school, it would have had repercussions for the rest of my academic career, so that’s something to keep in mind - it’s never too early to make sure your kids are taking their education seriously! I know my college education has been far more strenuous than that of my parents, so I can only imagine how much more difficult it’ll be in a decade or so. Best of luck!

As someone who is studying for her second graduate degree and still has five more years for a doctorate to go, I can’t say I agree wholeheartedly.  If any of your children want to be academics, they can’t rely on whatever is cheapest because, no matter what anyone may tell you, it does matter what school you went to when you’re up for a professorship.  It also depends on what they want to study.  For me, I had to move north and go to a private school to study Catholic theology because there are no decent Catholic universities in the South.  So, rather than worrying about how I’m supposed to get through 300 pages of Balthasar in two weeks, I am consumed by anxiety over how I am ever going to pay my loans back. 

Anyway, just my two cents.

I agree, Jennifer. While my parents paid for my entire undergrad education, they also felt that gave them carte blanche to decide what school I was going to attend, and to hold it over my head for years afterward. My brother actually started, after he was out of law school (NOT funded by our parents) to give them checks to ‘pay them back.’  He was tired of the guilt.  My husband knew when he was 12 that there wasn’t any money for his college education—he was the sixth of seven.  He also knew the Air Force would pay for his education if he joined ROTC.  So he started running to train and get in shape for the ROTC requirements—again, he was TWELVE.  He developed great discipline and a wonderful work ethic. Me? Not so much.  While i did pay for my own graduate degree through assistantships and part time jobs, and I am very proud of that fact, i would have liked to do that for my undergrad as well.

I would challenge everyone who is reading this to NOT take out ANY loans to pay for college.  It can be done!  Community college, summer school, working, grants, scholarships, payment plans… if you just have a plan and are creative, your kids do not have to be saddled with debt payments out of college, when their incomes are low and they might want to think about marriage.  Debt is no way to begin adult life.  I, too, have 5 kids (with one on the way) and I don’t worry about college either.  I know that struggling to make those payments every semester will instill work ethic and appreciation for their college educations and maybe even their parents :^)
Read Debt Free U by Zac Bissonnette- it will inspire you!

I would challenge everyone who is reading this to NOT take out ANY loans to pay for college.  It can be done!  Community college, summer school, working, grants, scholarships, payment plans… if you just have a plan and are creative, your kids do not have to be saddled with debt payments out of college, when their incomes are low and they might want to think about marriage.  Debt is no way to begin adult life.  I, too, have 5 kids (with one on the way) and I don’t worry about college either.  I know that struggling to make those payments every semester will instill work ethic and appreciation for their college educations and maybe even their parents!

One other thing: graduate school isn’t the be-all and end-all either. Especially since the retiring professoriate is so busy exploiting contract faculty and pulling up the ladder after themselves. Do it for the love of it, do it as cheaply as possible, and be fully prepared for the possibility that you’ll be taking that Ph.D. and competing for non-academic jobs with people who may not have even finished undergrad.

All of the above goes quintuple if you’re considering law school. Do not, under any circumstances, borrow more than $50,000 to go to any law school. Not even Harvard or Yale…not in the current environment. Do not borrow more than $10,000 to go to any law school outside the top 14 in the US News rankings. And, once again, prepare yourself for the day when you find yourself applying for the best available job and you’re brainstorming creative ways to *hide* the fact that you earned a law degree.

For a hi-tech education, I always recommend getting industry certifications in place of a general or formal education. Industry certs (from Sun, Microsoft, Cisco, etc) really say something about your preparedness, as opposed to a Liberal Arts degree. If you are applying for a job with Microsoft, they are inclined to look with favor upon you if you have loads of Microsoft Certifications listed on your resume. Also, auto mechanics and plumbers make good money, and an expensive Liberal Arts degree won’t help much there. The trades have their own training programs, and they are less expensive and more targeted.

SO GLAD to see this after seeing so many comment lately from people claiming abortion should be an option for people who can’t afford their children’s college education.  Really now!!  My parents didn’t give me a dime and it never for one second made me wish I was dead! I still went to college and completed a 2 year degree, and I am working on my bachelor’s online.  If we don’t give into these greedy money-grubbing institutions and their high prices, they will be FORCED to lower them.  Don’t forget there are also ways to test out of many classes through CLEP programs and DSSTs.  That’s what I’m doing too. The military is another way to go too if you want to be in healthcare or many other peaceful jobs (I don’t support fighting).  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with majoring in your MRS and being a stay at home mom for the bulk of your adult years!  You don’t need a college degree to be happy, informed, or smart, or even successful in business.  There are many wealthy people who never finished a college degree.  It shouldn’t be the idol that it is becoming!!

Apprenticeships - can’t say it enough!!  I appreciate the comment about serving the ‘god of higher education’.  My son is working as an electrician’s apprentice and his boss is always out there looking for other hard-working, moral young men (and WOMEN) who will show, speak clearly (English as a second language is fine as long as you are legal) and do the job.

Too many of our children are pushed into college when they have no desire or ability.  We have to stop dismissing what many still call ‘the blue collar’ jobs as there will always be a need for plumbers, electricians and others.

AND - don’t forget the possibility of a vocation!  Those also come with some costs but it is not the same…..

To be honest, I worry more about paying for braces!!  My husband teaches at a top notch community college, so if one of our kids can’t get a full scholarship to a 4-year school then they can start at his CC (with an employee discount).  We actually expect they’ll take a few classes there when in high school (since we home school).

Of course, the other thing we hear a lot since we have four daughters is…“what about paying for all those weddings?”  Well, sorry, my daughters better not expect a wedding that costs more than their grandparents’ first house.  We’ll do what we can, but if they want a big fancy affair they better start saving now.

This article is a breath of fresh air for at least one couple wondering how to afford college for all our kids.

I’m with Barbara C. Braces and stitches (I have a dare devil among the flock) cause me more wakeful nights than college does! If a person is called to a vocation, God will help us discern how to do that.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. I don’t lay awake wither worrying about how to fund college for our children. But I absolutely want what is best for them, and I believe that a college education is imperative. 

In the years before I worked for a state school, I agreed—my plan was for our kids to get good grades, get school paid for (or as much of it as possible), try to navigate your way through a secular environment as unscathed as possible, and get the degree, without going into debt. Now, having been in the state school environment I work in, I understand why my parents had a say in where I received my education (Franciscan Univ). They were fortunate in being able to pay for my degree. A good college can make all the difference. It did for me. I shudder to think what my life would have been had I done the community college, then state school route. For me, it would not have been the best choice. 

We do save for our children to go to college. Even if they should choose religious life, I still believe that a college education is important. And what is best for one of my kids may not be what’s best for another. I see it as a case by case situation. Personally, I think going away to college is a good experience for young adults. It allows them to grow up in an adult world, but without having to fully do it on their own yet. College was a fabulous 4 years of my life, for which I’m eternally grateful! I want that for our children, b/c it’s what I’ve experienced. And don’t we all want and strive for what’s best for them?

I don’t see someone’s comment about saving for education because you have children as a negative comment, I guess. I see it that the individual believes in education, which is good thing, in my mind. College isn’t for everyone. I agree.

For us, personally, having seen both sides of the equation, we have discovered that where our children attend college is more important that just finding the cheapest, easiest way.

Barbara C. Thank you for bringing up weddings- I wonder if Jennifer gets comments about that since I think she has 4 daughters.  I start talking to my girls when they are very young about the wedding vs. the marriage, about modesty, humility, and moderation in all things, and how no one is “entitled” to anything just because everyone else is doing it.  I also tell my boys that if they find their serious girlfriend talking about “her day” or what she “deserves” that is a major red flag!  No one should go into debt for a wedding, either! Marriage is a sacrament and certainly should be celebrated, but not so much that it sends parents into the poor house.  How is that showing appreciation for your parents?

@Barbara C.:  “Of course, the other thing we hear a lot since we have four daughters is…“what about paying for all those weddings?”  Well, sorry, my daughters better not expect a wedding that costs more than their grandparents’ first house.”

Oh, boy.  Don’t get me started on this.  If it’s one of the other gods in the Pantheon of the American Dream that we tend to worship other than the god of higher education, it’s the god of the big, fairytale wedding, where stylishness and elegance supposedly means paying an arm and a leg for everything (given all of the DIY that’s become fashionable and all of the re-purposing and vintage chic we see get fetishized on so many blogs, what boggles my mind is how quite a few people somehow have a cognitive disconnnect when it comes to larger families doing exactly those things:  in other words, they can’t and don’t trust larger families to “be creative,” seeing as how larger families only “use up resources”).

For 16 years we raised our growing family, always trusting that by being open to life that God would provide for their college education when the time came. We were lucky if we had a cushion of $500 in savings in our account all though that time. Just as the oldest of the 7 reached college age, my husband was offered a wonderful new job where we could actually afford to pay college tuition for the first two (who were in college at the same time; blessedly,the third received a scholarship for full tuition). I still am driving an old car that is falling apart, but I am so grateful to God that he took care and still is taking care of us. Never discount that by TRUSTING IN HIM (Jesus, I trust in you)he will take care of all your needs.

Well, should I send this article to my freshman son at Texas A&M? It feels too late already. But I just love your reasoning and good sense.

We have struggled to fund high school and college tuition for our son. We had done the same for his older siblings. But we are older, my husband is partially disabled, and our income dropped severely a number of years ago. It is a miracle indeed that we have been able to do what we have for our son. He knows this is hard for us. I think he works very hard to succeed at school so that he can earn a degree and possibly help his dear old folks at some point.

I like the idea of our kids staying at home longer and attending the local community schools. But my son really wanted to go away, although it isn’t that far away. We had done so much for him, that I think he needed to experience life without us, doing for himself.

Trust in God is just essential. Without the Lord, nothing is possible. He guides our every step. If the financial bottom falls out, we will look to Him for guidance and inspiration and grace of course. But it has been a labor of love to finance a good education for our son. Thanks be to God that we have been able to do it so far.

Keep up the great work. I sure do enjoy your writing.

I work at a private Catholic college, which afforded my children free tuition. My husband and I paid for their room and board. Neither of them realized what a wonderful benefit this was until they were graduating from undergrad with less than $10K in loans (they took out money to fund study abroad options, etc). My son just finished grad school and is a school counselor, he used loans to fund grad school. His wife is just finishing grad school for teaching. She started grad school with $50K in student loans from undergrad.

My husband was in the military while my kids were growing up—we had no money for college funds. I chose to work at a college to provide that option for my children. I had one child in college for two years, a two year overlap where they were both in, and then another two years with one still in college. That entire time I was taking classes toward my BA. I made more in tuition remission by at least double for a good 6 years! The person who makes $9/hr in the cafeteria has the same benefit that I do. Huge, huge benefit, one I highly recommend.

I agree with every word!

I have just one more thing to add: be honest and clear with your kids about college money when they are young- maybe 8th grade. You need to tell them- please save half of all that babysitting money for your future and help them set up a bank account. Be involved in getting them interesting ways to make their college app and/or resume interesting. Help them with a bank account and credit card- no money secrets!

I graduated from high school with $100 in the bank and I paid for college alone- it was very tough, but if my parents had been clear about the money situation, I wouldn’t have bought so many full price sweaters during high school.

I would also recommend talking openly about a vocation to religious life or the priesthood with your children. Most religious communities or dioceses will pay for a higher education. If that is not the case, the people of God usually pick up the tab because they believe in the Church.

so true. My mom was also a single mom of 2 and she helped us a little with spending money, gas money, paid our insurance while we were in college we had to get financial aid, scholarships, and student loans to fund the rest. Yes I still have a ton of student loans that are all deferred as I still haven’t found a job. But no one can take my degree away from me!

And the flip side of Paul’s comment about pursuing higher education in the context of religious life is that often religious orders will not accept a potential candidate if they are coming with unpaid student loans. There’s now at least one non-profit dedicated to helping pay the loans of those pursuing a religious vocation, but far better to have the conversations about vocation and education before those loans are taken out!

Lots of good comments here.
Another point:
There is no law that says you must graduate from college in exactly 4 years.  Work part time during school even if you have to take fewer hours, work summers, take a semester off to work full time as needed.  This is how I did it, no student loans at all. 
As an employer, I do not care if it took you 5 or 6 years to get your degree.  To see a young job applicant with a huge student loan burden, frankly, makes me question the maturity and judgement of that applicant.  And yes, I can ask “how did you pay for college”.
Our father died while I was in high school.  Two of my brothers chose to enter the military to pay for college, and both liked it so much that they both stayed and eventually retired from the military.
No credit cards for college students to buy pizza and beer. Pay as you go.

Jen, thank you for this.  And thanks also to all the wise commenters! It echoes what I’ve been telling stressed parents of teens for years. Higher education is great, but not for everyone, and the “Four Year Ticket to a Better Life” is an idea that is past its best-by date.

Creativity, innovation, and motivation will be the watch words for our children’s future.

A lively faith and a caring home are the best tools we can offer for our children.  One parent was telling me his plans for his kids to get into a “good” school (and $20,000 per year in loans plus scholarships and financial aid)  and he asked about our plans. 
I told him, “We pray.  God plans.  All I want for my kids is heaven.”

I just read an article recently that showed many private colleges are actually less expensive than their public counterparts after financial assistance is factored in.  I attended a Catholic university for 4 years.  I was one of 7 children, and my parents could hardly provide any financial help.  Through a combination of grants, scholarships, and work, I graduated with no loans.  I then took out loans for graduate school, which was a significant boost for my career, and paid those off in about 2 years.  Don’t accept that your kids have to take out huge loans to get a great private school education.

I am living your worst nightmare. Raised my kids well and in the faith…they were altar servers and honor students. Son #1 went off to Steubenville full of faith and capability…in Jr year hit DEEP depression but the leadership there seems to think that faith insulates them from mental illness, so they didnt see it right under thier nose…son near suicide by the time he got home…debilitated x 2 years. His younger brother went to state school and did great…til Jr year when he went into deep depression…were lucky to find him alive to bring him home. His former gf just called, he is still suicidal. Were $100,000 into tuition and have 2 unemployed emotionally disabled adult sons at home. I get relief from their stress when I go to work to care for the dying…you would think Im really sad, but Im not, by nature Im a pretty happy gal and God is with me.

For the adventurous, there is school abroad.  Graduate tuition at say, the Angelicum in Rome, a few years ago was about $3000 a year compared to doctoral tuition (only) at CUA at $40,000 a year.  University studies in Europe are generally just much cheaper, although American degrees tend to be more highly valued because they are supposed to be more rigorous (but I haven’t been all that impressed by the typical degree holder).

We kind of do a little of both… We have started (meagerly) saving for college expenses for our children (aged 6/2.5/newborn), but don’t expect that we’ll be giving them a full ride—not enough $$ for that.  We decided it was more important to start saving for retirement first—as someone wise once said, you can take out loans to fund college - you can’t take out loans to fund retirement.  (A good point, I thought.)  Besides, I agree that if children have to work at least a little bit for that education, they take it more seriously.  It makes a huge difference to be able to graduate and find gainful employment without the weight of huge student loans hanging ove you—regardless of if it’s undergrad or graduate school.

I’m really grateful that my parents planned and paid the lion’s share of my expenses for University. I have a handicap which only became known at the age of 15. Had then not had the foresight to help, I would not have been able to pay the whole freight on my own. I worked summers and, in my Senior Year, I worked during the school year, too. I think that to say, “My kids will do fine” assumes a lot. For one thing, as in my case, no one knew that I could do well, but only with financial help could I even keep up and graduate from College. Please do not assume your child will have the health, and all needed personal strengths that would allow them to do what they truly CAN do, but with “a little help from (their) friends (parents)”.

Jennifer, I agree wholeheartedly with all of your article - except the one small part about student loans.  Student loans are a racket and a trap.  You and your husband are extraordinary people, and I’ll bet your kids are too, but even so, a mortgage with no house is a problem they really don’t need.  There truly IS no need.  Just pretend loans don’t exist, and then return to the rest of your article.  They can transfer to the 4-yr university in your own town, they can work while they attend college, they can earn scholarships, they can take advantage of federal programs ... there’s a lot people can do that they don’t even look at, because loans are available and considered okay.  Really they are a heavily promoted but avoidable trap.

Student loans have are also in a massive bubble, similar to the mortgage bubble.  They have sent college tuition into an artificially inflated bubble, just as mortgage policy sent housing prices into the stratosphere.  Hopefully this bubble’s burst won’t crash the worldwide economy like the mortgage bubble did - but it’s bursting as we speak.  The government takeover of student loans has only postponed it a bit, if even that.

All the other points in your article are prescient, insightful, astoundingly accessible as always, and just spot on.

As for student loans ... just say no.

Anon, thanks for your excellent “long” comment.  Your ref to CC reminded me of another great option that a majority of students in the U.S. have, but most don’t take advantage of.  Many don’t even know it’s a possibility.  Dual-credit community college courses while in high school ... a no-brainer! :-)  We live within 25 miles of a city in TX.  Many of the homeschoolers here take community college classes for some of their high school credits.  The courses are free (because the kids are in high school).  If you live outside of the taxing district, it’s $40 per course if you’re in high school (as opposed to several hundred dollars per course if you’ve already graduated high school).  Hello, why not?

Jennifer, I agree wholeheartedly with all of your article - except the one item about student loans.  Student loans are a racket and a trap.  You and your husband are extraordinary people, and I’ll bet your kids are too, but even so, a mortgage with no house is a problem they really don’t need.  There truly IS no need.  Just pretend loans don’t exist, and then return to the rest of your article.  They can transfer to the 4-yr university in your own town, they can work while they attend college, they can earn scholarships, they can take advantage of federal programs, they can earn nearly half their degree for free while in high school through dual-credit ... there’s a lot people can do that they don’t even look at, because loans are available and considered okay.  Really, they’re a heavily promoted but avoidable trap.

Student loans have are also in a massive bubble, similar to the mortgage bubble.  They have sent college tuition into an artificially inflated bubble, just as mortgage policy sent housing prices into the stratosphere.  Hopefully this bubble’s burst won’t crash the worldwide economy like the mortgage bubble did - but it’s bursting as we speak.  The government takeover of student loans has only postponed it a bit, if even that. 

All the other points in your article are prescient, insightful, astoundingly accessible as always, and just spot on. 

As for student loans ... just say no.

Unlike Katie, I do support combat arms. The U.S. military has given over one billion foreigners their freedom in just the last century. They have saved countless lives, and there is great honor in standing courageously against evil when others are unwilling or unable to do so. The relatively few instances of U.S. military personnel acting against the Geneva Convention do not negate the selfless acts of a far greater number of individuals who have helped strangers of all races and religions at great personal risk. AND…..the U.S. military will pay for all but a pittance of your college education whether you graduate first and then join, or join and then attend. The smart thing to do is to find out which degrees are in particular demand (usually engineering, math, science, medical fields, law, chaplains, etc.) and receive a bonus for first earning that degree. Borrow the money and then show up at the recruiter with the bill—guaranteed warm reception. Otherwise, enlist and attend in your spare time. It worked for me, and I have the lifelong satisfaction of having served with heroes. Semper Fi to my brother Marines and those good souls from our sister services. God bless them all.

Jennifer, spot on! I do get a chuckle from some of these comments from young adults who said that their parents paid their way and don’t think that should be a problem. Certainly there is a difference if you have one child or six and if your children chose an expensive school vs. a state school. We have five children and had we only had one or two, I suppose we could have offered to pay for everything but the reality is with children scattered over 16 years, I won’t leave my children in daycare so I can work to pay our oldest son’s Catholic college tuition. Even with his scholarship, his 529s, and loans, he has had to work since he entered college a year and a half ago. Next year, he will probably transfer to a state school which offers his changed major and his tuition, room and board will be less than just his non scholarship portion of tuition.

Certainly you prepare for children to attend college by saving money if you are able, but children also need to realize that when they enter college they will be legal adults and shouldn’t expect mom and dad to foot their bill.

Love this and agree 100%!  We have always said our kids (though we only have one right now) will pay for their own college.  I did that, through a combo of work, scholarships, and loans- and my husband did with the military and work.  We are saving our “college money” to pay for private K-12 school.  And as far as graduate school…it’s a different animal.  In science, for example, you rarely have loans- when I was a PhD student I was basically being paid to go to school.  When I got my Master’s in Education, however, I had to take out loans to live off of when I was student teaching and not able to work more than 30 hours a week. And yes, the schools you go to matter for graduate ed, but many people only need or want a undergraduate education, if that.

EXACTLY!!

It is well worth the sacrifice to give your children the best education possible.  It is a gift they will have for the rest of their lives.  The cost of higher education and the student loan debt it produces is unconscionable. Not every child is an “Einstein” who will get a full boat because of their academic achievements, and sometimes there is no other option schools give you, even when you’ve exhausted all financial aid, but to take out private student loans.  This is getting increasingly hard to do because the kids all need a co-signer now, and that can be a nearly impossible task.  Nonetheless, when you trust God, you learn that He is trustworthy.  He always provides and makes a way when we do our best to cooperate with His plan.  I agree with Jennifer:  Don’t worry!  Your heavenly Father knows what you need!

My first was born in 1986. In those days, people had two kids because of college costs. I could not believe our friends’ ‘logic’. I now have 4 kids, the eldest graduates from BU this year-financial aid, loans. The second: community college. The next two are up and coming. People thought we were NUTS not to have college funds and plans. What we did have was peace of mind, harmony, and responsible kids making responsible choices. Love your article!

I’m surprised you want to send your kids to college—they might become Atheists!

Wow, you hit every aspect of this bang on. My husband and I married and he went back to graduate school for seven long years. And although we didn’t accumulate debt from that, we had to live very close to the edge. As a consequence, we couldn’t help any of our three daughters with college educations but all three got scholarships and worked hard. One got a PhD in math, another got a degree in history and another in education and the third was studying violin at university when she knew she had to become a nun. Money should be the least of our worries, if we are doing other things right.

Bang on, Jennifer. My parents didn’t put a dime toward my education, and I was still able to do post-secondary education out of the country for a number of years on scholarship and don’t have a penny of debt today.

And now that I have a child with another one on the way, I am not socking away for their education, as with prayer and hard work everything will work out, and there are alternative options availabe, as you point out. As we will be homeschooling for a number of years, they will be used to independent or alternate learning methods, just as I was when growing up.

One more sneaky, anti-life argument bites the dust!

Good article, Jennifer.  Kerri, I agree with your comment.  My children are grown and have careers.  They both paid for their college, one needed a grant and my husband and I helped as much as we could.  They both had no student loans, which I’m glad.  It amazes me how much in debt people will get with student loans.  Unless, you’re going to be a MD, I don’t get it.

This gives me a newer perspective on having money for education available for my child (maybe children).  I still plan on saving, but I hope that they choose a field that provides a decent income be it with or without a college degree.

This is a marvelous post and I loved the many great responses. I am so very grateful to my parents for my education. My husband worked as a journeyman millwright and worked though school all the way to a PdD but finished up with a heavy student loan balance.  He would walk miles to avoid paying for gas, insurance and a license for his car he was so frugal going through school. I expect our children to work hard at their studies and to learn many skills from their Dad. That way they will have skills to get jobs to work through college. I want them to have the work ethic to get themselves through school, preferably with a degree in something seriously difficult, like physics—like their Dad did.

Someone mentioned being transparent with your kids about this and talking with them about college, vocations, etc.  First of all I never say “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  I say “What do you think that God is calling you to do, especially when you grow up?”

As a homeschooling parent, I am already planning for monthly meetings with my kids once they hit 8th grade to start thinking in terms of future plans…discerning what career path God might be calling them to (including vocations), what kind of preparation might be needed (high school courses, internships), and the college admissions process (which really starts as early as Sophomore year).

Our six children all knew they were expected to go to college - and they would have to foot the bill.  The youngest is a college sophomore, the others all have their degrees, including two lawyers and one Pharm.D.  They are all employed.  Those that have children got married first.
The results are amazing when survival and growth are the parenting focus as opposed to self-esteem and warm fuzzies.

Michael Dell, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg are all college drop-outs. :)

In the Catholic world of large families often there is a belief about money that simply is not true.  “kids don’t cost that much to raise”.  The reality is raising kids costs money even when you live frugally.  Providing a home, food, health insurance and clothing can be very expensive. Add to that braces if your kids happen to inherit the bad teeth genes.  (braces run $5000 per kids) I know this article is about college tuition but the topic of money is very important.

I am weary of hearing large families complain about how they don’t have money for health insurance or Catholic school tuition or this or that.  So everyone else pays and they get a break.  Then they either get gov’t funded health care or go uninsured and we all pay when they get sick. 

My point is:  It costs money to raise kids and at some point you do need to plan for retirement.  Maybe you don’t need to pay for your kid’s education but it does make a difference if you can help them.  There is no comparison to college today versus what it was 20 years ago. The cost has risen astronomically. I paid for 90% of my education but I know that unless my kids take on big debt there is no way they can do it.  Ok maybe the community college plan may be an option….

re: kids “taking on big debt”
I really don’t see a problem with that - and neither do my kids.  It teaches them a lot more responsibility than is noticeable in their peers.  Everyone of my kids are paying monthly on student loans. SO WHAT?! It’s a great reality check that, ultimately, their life is their responsibility, not mom or dad’s.  Stop spoiling your kids.  The world will thank you for it - and so will they.

My husband and I have also not worried about college. When we were first engaged and visiting a financial planner, he was shocked that we wanted 9 or so kids *and* we didn’t plan to pay for college for any of them. We figured that we’d figure it out and I believe it’s given us the freedom to embrace the idea that college isn’t for everyone and it needn’t break the bank.

I have seen some large families come of age.  Meaning of age for college.  It is a bit of a reality check and shock when you realize your kids wants to do something and they have the talent for it but you can not support them in anyway financially.  Some have invested hundreds of thousands of dollars to send their 6, 7 or 8 or more kids to Catholic school K thru 12 and then there is nothing left to help them with college.  God does not suddenly provide the money when your oldest turns 18. Yes I do believe kids need to take responsibility but I have also seen the burden of college loans crush a young family.  And I have seen the lack of planning and prudence in teh financial area place very heavy burdens on a young couple unprepared for what it takes to raise a family.

I absolutely agree with you - 100 percent…maybe even 110 percent!

I put myself through school, all of my siblings did also.  And to be quite honest, it was one of the most empowering things I’ve done.

I’ve no doubt that things would have been easier for me, had my parents paid my bills, but then again - I do doubt that I would have developed a self-sufficient attitude (not to mention an understanding of budgeting and personal finance!) had they done so.

Great article - much appreciated!

I agree 100% with the author’s points about college.  We have a similar family in size and age (5 kids 8 and under).  However, the biggest reason (by far) I don’t worry about it is that I simply am unlikely to have any spare $ to contribute.  I might as well worry whether I can buy them each a private jet.  I echo the other brief mentions above of braces and such and would love to see a Catholic philosophical look at how we are to approach choices about paying for these types of things.  Braces are really a perfect example because they are seen by most people (at least in US) as a ‘necessity’.  But are they really?  What should my wife and I be willing to give up for kids with straight teeth? We are looking at something north of 30k over a decade for all our kids to have braces as it is virtually certain that all will ‘need’ treatment.

“It teaches them not to worry about their own kids’ educations.”

Isn’t this kind of fallacious? You’re saying that part of the reason you aren’t worrying about your kids’ education is because it will teach them to not worry about their own childrens’ educations. Passing something off to the next generation doesn’t address the thing in question. In your elaboration you flesh it out and I think I see what you mean, but the way you say it seems fallacious to me. 

Also, having taken both community college classes and private liberal arts college classes, I can say that the education in community colleges is subpar. Sure, you can send your kids to CC to take classes with high school dropouts who play Magic and Dungeons and Dragons in the cafeteria between each class. However, this isn’t the same as sending them to a four year residential college where they can actually make friends and (hopefully) thrive in an academic and social environment.

I love it:  I posted a comment the day this article came out, and subscribed to follow-up comments.  No comments came into my email inbox till yesterday!  Anyway, the anti-big family comments are really disturbing.  It’s one thing to encourage responsible parenthood, it’s another to complain that large families are draining our society and that all they do is complain about things they can’t afford.  I have never seen any statistics that point toward large Catholic families as being a significant drain on the welfare system.  There are plenty of small families who can’t afford to fund their child’s college education either.  My family being one of them.  Maybe next we should beat up on women like me who only work part-time, saying that they should put their kids in daycare and work fulltime so they can pay for college outright.  Ridiculous.  Every family has to discern what is best for their own family.  If one family feels that God is calling them to give their children lots of siblings rather than fully funding college for each child, then who are we to judge?  Their are advantages and disadvantages in all scenarios, and each family has their own reasons, and no one can know 100% what those reasons are.

There’s a Community College in my area that has excellent elective courses, trade courses and Associates degree courses.  It has a great matriculation rate for transfer to our local state university, which is also a very good one.  Sure, there might be some D&D students there, but there are also lots of adult students, and other students from a variety of backgrounds.  Residential college isn’t necessarily a recipe for thriving.  In fact, in some cases it has the opposite effect.  As always, there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

Perhaps if my children were ten years younger I’d agree with you Jennifer, but when you are staring at college tuition in less than two years, you have 4 younger children to get through college and you live in one of the most expensive regions of the country where Obama’s definition of a millionaire (250K) puts you solidly in the middle class, you will lay awake at night and freak out.
I want my children to have a decent future. I want them to be around children who’s parents value education and hard work. That puts them in a university, a good one.  Not a community college.  Sorry folks.  I live in the metro NYC area and you need to graduate from a name school.  The schools that were once populated by sons and daughters of recent immigrants - Iona, Fordham, Manhattan College, Seton Hall are now approaching tuition in the 50K range per year.  I think I have good reason to freak out.

It’s also worth mentioning that your children may qualify for financial aid. When I worked at a financial aid office a couple of years ago, one of the things that they took into consideration is the size of the family, including how many are or will be attending college.

NYC is a whole different ballgame.  My brother and sil live there, and I can’t even believe the hoops they have to go through just to get their kids into a decent preschool.  And they have to go to a good preschool to get into a good elementary school to get into a good highschool, etc.  It’s the same way in LA and other metro areas.  But, as a parent who does value education and hard work, and anticipates that my son will probably go to a community college for two years before transferring, I can’t agree that a university is the only way to be around other kids with the same values.  I acknowledge that some community colleges are better than others, and that some regions might not have good ones.  But there are plenty of well-paying professions that don’t require a big-name university.  My brother is the perfect example of this.  He currently works at a huge lawfirm in NYC and makes at least $400,000/year.  He did not go to a big name law school.  Yes, he had to work at a couple of small NYC firms when he first graduated.  But once he proved himself, his career took off.  I am another example.  I did unfortunately go to an expensive private college.  I did nothing with that degree, and with my associate’s degree in nursing, if I worked fulltime for my current company, I would be doing very, very well financially.

The same Christian politicians you vote for want to defund colleges and even high schools and elementary schools. Also, most college get a shock if they want to be biological scientists and haven’t been introducted to the Theory of Evolution by Natural Selection. Your kids may not even qualify to attend colleges of any real value, let alone pay for it.

Christians in politics are killing our education.

Re: weddings.  There is nothing wrong with chipping in for your own, tradition disregarded. My parents insisted on footing the entire bill… but then THEY expected to decide where the reception would be, music, drinks served, etc.  Sure, those are not really “important”.  BUT, I do kinda wish I’d had more “say” in the whole thing.  When objecting to my father’s choice of reception location (modern venue) in favor of a more country-style venue my now-husband and I liked better, he finally said, “I’m paying for this event, so we’re doing what I want.”  Brother.  I know most cases may not be that extreme, but if the thought of paying for a daughter’s wedding bothers ANYONE, but be aware that she may actually ENJOY chipping in so you and she both feel entitled to SHARE the decisions!

Someone is going to be left carrying the burden of a grossly over inflated cost of a college education.  Much like the housing balloon that burst so will the College Tuition balloon.

My dad used to say that you can get a good education anywhere as long as you have access to a good library (and work hard, of course).  He was right.

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I am a grown-up daughter from a large family (I have 4 brothers and sisters, all fairly close in age).  My parents were lucky to have children who all had natural drive and ability in academics.  Two of us were high school valedictorians; all of us graduated in the top 5% of our class.  My siblings and I were able to get scholarships, but none of us was able to receive full funding to our top choice university.  My parents had one rule for me when I was deciding upon which college to attend: I could take on no debt.  So it was up to me to come up with scholarship funds for tuition, as well as money for books and room and board.  A pretty tall order for an 18 year old. They did send me a little pocket money every month so that I could buy necessities, and that was helpful.

After obtaining my Bachelors degree, I married and decided to become a stay-at-home mom. It turned out that my parents’ no-debt rule helped me to easily be able to do this, so I think that their tip was a good one (for this life choice).  However,I must say that it was hurtful during my freshman year to see high school friends who had not worked as hard and had achieved less in their classwork (and on their standardized tests) receive so much more help from their families to attend institutions to which I had been admitted but could not come up with money to cover the costs. My husband’s family also paid for their children to attend college—they did not rely solely on their children’s talent to determine their future. Comparing my own feelings with those of my friends and husband, I can say that there is a great sense of security that comes from knowing that your family is willing to prepare and sacrifice so that you can achieve your highest potential. 

I have two children and there is no question in our minds.  We are socking away money every month.  We are helping to foot the bill for college, especially when expenses are going to be so much more than what they were for my generation.

Nope - expenses are *not* going to be so very much more for your kids’ college than they were for your generation.  The bubble has burst.  The entire higher education paradigm is being transformed right now.  It’s amazing to watch.  You are very smart to be saving money for your kids’ education and future, but I predict you will end up using that money very differently than you would have a generation ago.

Most, if not all, state schools give HUGE tuition discounts to people who work for the school.  A kid can get a job as a janitor with a state school and get almost free tuition.  If you’re going to have work through college, why not work for the college and knock down that tuition bill.

That’s a really good idea, Phyllis.

This page has been bookmarked. There is so much great info and so many good experiences/opinions that I am just gonna save it all and use it as a tool for discussion with my kids for later. I am gonna save what I can but the financial aid programs and Community college options are so tremendous that I feel like I have so much to look forward to for my kids.