The New Guidelines for American Christians. 21st Century Edition

Being a Christian in American is not as easy as it used to be. And it's becoming increasingly clear that "Christian" aren't understanding this entirely so here's a new set of guidelines to help clarify any problems you might encounter.

One must only look at the recent cases such as the fire chief Kelvin Cochran who was fired for promulgating his belief in traditional marriage, or the bakers who refused to bake a cake for a same-sex marriage, or simply the numerous institutions battling the HHS Mandate in courts across the country to see that Christians are still resisting.

The new (and IMPROVED!!!) guidelines are as follows:

The first amendment which states in part, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof" will heretofore be paraphrased as the "freedom to worship" which effectively means "You can believe what you want for one hour every Sunday but don't bring your crazy out in the real world where it can get all over everyone else."

You Can Believe in Christ But You Better Not Act Like Him.

You can believe that marriage is the sacramental union between a man and a woman but you better not say that to anyone or you'll lose your job or possibly your business. You might even have to bake a cake for a ceremony.

You can believe that abortion is wrong but you're darn sure going to pay for them.

You can want to help child refugees coming to this country but you're darn sure going to provide abortions if they're pregnant.

You can provide care for orphans but you're also going to arrange adoptions for same-sex couples. Or else.

You can fill your kids with your oogedy-boogedy religious talk about waiting until marriage before having sex but if your kids are in public school they're going to hear about it quite a bit and they're probably heading home with a backpack full of condoms given to them at the Planned Parenthood assembly. So good luck with that.

God is never to be mentioned in a public school...except if you're mocking Him. You are still allowed to say "God bless you" if someone sneezes but only if you don't really mean it.

Academic freedom is sacrosanct...unless you're a Christian. Even at a Catholic college. (See: Marquette)

In former times, it was believed the Constitution was written to limit the powers of government but the modern lens interprets it as limiting the power of the people.

When thousands of Christians are being killed all over the planet, you get to hear the President of the United States lecture you about your high horse and reminding you of the Crusades (which apparently he doesn't understand.)

I hope this helps and will clear up any future unpleasantness.