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You Might Be In a Liberal Parish If…

BY Matthew Archbold

| Posted 7/17/13 at 10:35 PM

 

You might be in a liberal parish if...

...your family has to split up to find the tabernacle.

...the pastor wears an Izod shirt and introduces himself as "Steve."

...there's maraca's in the band.

...your pastor's last name starts with "Pf".

...there's a bin in the narthex with old copies of Commonweal.

...there's more than three rainbow decals in the parking lot which actually match the pastor's vestments.

...the intentions are about "treating our natural resources with respect" and no mention of the sacredness of life.

...they removed the candles for ozone reasons.

...there's a statue of Fr. Richard McBrien.

..."Steve" quotes Hans Kung in his sermon.

...There's more Eucharistic ministers than parishioners receiving Communion.

...The sign of peace last twenty minutes and includes bear hugs.

...The scariest four letter words to your parish council aren't H.E.L.L but EWTN.

...the DRE is a female Episcopalian priest.

...the website mentions "inclusivity" and "nonjudgemental" seven times while failing to mention Jesus Christ once.