When Boyz II Men is the Answer to Your Problem, You've Got a Bigger Problem
BY Matthew Archbold
| Posted 2/3/13 at 11:32 PM
Displaying individual stupidity is what "America's Funniest Home Videos" does but so much more hilarious and quite frankly scarier than inadvertent crotch kicks from three year olds is the macro scale of government stupidity.
Here's the background: The birth dearth in Russia has achieved such calamitous proportions that Russian Emperor-for-eternity Vladmir Putin is responding with what can only be termed something so mind bogglingly crazy that the entire continent might have to be fitted with a strait jacket. This is the kind of stupidity that would embolden alien attacks if there were actually aliens.
Low birthrates have put the future of the entire country in doubt. So, given the knowledge that the entire country doesn't have enough babies to support older unemployed Russians, Putin is recruiting older and unemployed former boy band members to solve that. Yup. He’s calling on Boyz II Men to woo Russian women into the bedroom and eventually into the maternity ward. Yes. Read that again and somehow accept the devastating truth that a nuclear power is calling on a former boy band group to save the day. This doesn't just defy logic it genetically modifies logic to grow arms so Putin can twist them behind its back and make it cry.
With Russia's population having suffered a devastating decline in recent years, president Vladimir Putin is looking for new ways to promote his fertility campaign, to get Russian couples to have more sex and more kids. Putin's latest attempt to inspire men and women comes just before Valentine's day, as the Western R&B trio Boyz II Men will perform a selection of their classic and new romantic ballads in a concert in Moscow on February 6. Rumors are that they may write a new song about Moscow.
This is like calling 911 and getting Miley Cyrus.
You know, not for nothing, but maybe this is a lesson in why governments shouldn't kill 20 million of their own people? And now you've got to admire that same government now taking it upon itself to replace their missing numbers. It's like OJ looking for the real killer?
The Russian government has long promoted the contraception culture and has been surprised that increases in contraception have led to a country where the average woman has reportedly had seven abortions. Hey, take a note, when you tell men and women they can have consequence-less sexual relations they don't expect consequences. And they'll do some pretty terrible things to avoid those consequences especially when those consequences cry a lot, wear diapers, and require constant attention and love.
In recent years, Putin has tried paying women to have babies, he banned U.S. adoptions, and even gave medals to women for giving birth. But it hasn't worked. Only one thing can save Russia now. It's Christianity. I know. I know. Christianity is just about the one thing that's less popular than Boyz II Men right now but life-affirming Christianity, on the other hand, will actually work. Until Russians see babies as a gift from God and not a product of the sultry R &B sounds of Boyz II Men, this birth dearth will continue. Until they see life as good and not just a good because it enables governments to continue but as a good in and of itself, they invite continued calamity and ultimate destruction.
But something tells me that a return to Christianity will be resisted. Hey, they can always try New Kids on the Block.
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