Let's March for Life Naked!!!
BY Matthew Archbold
| Posted 1/13/13 at 11:19 PM
If you've been reading the news recently you probably saw that four women protested the Pope in St. Peter's Square. USA Today, Reuters, and The Washington Post were just some of the hundreds of media outlets that ran stories on these four women who protested the Church's positions on gay marriage. That's right, four women received round the world coverage. Why? They took off their tops and got world wide coverage for their non-coverage.
Rumor has it that the Kardashians fired their p.r. department last night because they hadn't thought of that first.
This kind of stunt protest is sad but somehow effective kinda' like Gary Coleman saying "Whatchoo talkin' bout Willis" for five bucks a pop at conventions when he was thirty. No matter how sad it was, people just had to see it. (What? Too soon?)
But let's face it, liberals have unlocked the key to great media coverage. Nudity. In December, seven nude protesters stormed House Speaker John Boehner's office protesting cuts that actually hadn't been cut. This past weekend, ten San Franciscans held a "No Pants Subway Ride Day" to protest laws against nudity. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), announced plans to launch a pornography website with a mix of pornography and graphic footage of animal killing. (What is it with liberals' intermingling of sex and death? I think maybe that as soon as sex stopped being about life, it necessarily became about death.)
But anyway, it's becoming apparent that the to-do list for liberal protesters starts with 1) Get naked! 2)???
The thing is, we live in an age of the red light protest. A protest is just a few people standing around until the media arrives and the little red light on the camera goes on. Then you've got yourself a protest for the exact amount of time that the cameras are on. As soon as the media leaves, the protesters leave (and put their clothes back on.) It's not a protest. It's a commercial. And nothing gets more exposure than exposure.
In contrast, hundreds of thousands of bundled up pro-lifers march every year in defense of life through the heart of the capitol and we don't get a bit of media coverage. I've often thought that if an invading army ever wanted to discreetly invade the capitol they should just hold up pro-life signs and they'd be absolutely ignored.
So I offer an immodest proposal to pro-lifers. Perhaps all of us should march naked. Look, if four women can get topless and get all that media coverage a few hundred thousand protesters marching through DC should get those cameras going.
Of course, this could have some ramification such as possibly reducing the number of guys willing to march because let's face it, January can get kinda' cold.
And just maybe it's not such a good idea to get so many people who take the admonition to be fruitful and multiply so seriously together while naked. Could be some problems. Let's face it, our protestors are much better looking than pro-abortion protestors who hit their prime around Woodstock. They'd be tripping over their own parts.
The good news is that if we did it, liberals would be forced to declare that getting naked at protests just became uncool and at least they wouldn't do it anymore.
I'm giving you a few weeks time to get yourself into some semblance of shape, get calf implants, or maybe just a quick spray tan. I'm doing it folks. I'm not even packing a bag. Don't let me be the only one. I'll see you there. I'll be the tan guy with the awesome calves with all the news cameras around me.
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