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I Want Bill Donohue's Job

BY Pat Archbold

| Posted 5/17/10 at 10:58 AM

 

There is quite the tiff going on between William Donohue of the Catholic League and the denizens of dissent at the National Catholic Reporter.

It seems that other NCR does not like Bill very much.  The published a piece by Joe Feuerherd entitled “Billy the bully is bad for the church.”  If you think that title seems harsh, you should read Donohue’s response.

I am not here to wade into the he said/she said of this particular debate.  Rather, I merely want to note a few facts and then make a humble suggestion.

First, whether you love or loathe Bill Donohue, you have to admit that this guy has fun doing his job.  For a guy that does outrage for a living, he is having a blast.  He is out there throwing punches and occasionally taking them too, but he always seems to be happy about it.  Wouldn’t you want a job that made you smile like that.

In addition, whether you agree with him all the time, one must admit that Donohue, through his omnipresent outrage, has managed to do some good work along the way.  He has highlighted cases of anti-Catholic bigotry that would otherwise been ignored and scored some high profile victories along the way.  This is a job that needs to be done and Bill Donohue has been doing it.

His toolbox—filled with bombast, hyperbole, scalpel, sledge hammer, a wink, and a smile—may not be everyone’s cup of tea.  But there is no arguing that he gets the job done.  In fact, a case may be made that he invented the job.

So this brings me to my last, but perhaps most important point and I address it directly to Mr. Donohue if perchance he stumbles across this post.

Mr. Donohue,
I can’t help but notice from your wikipedia entry that you are coming up on your sixty third birthday.  While you fight daily with all the vim and vigor of a man half your age, the day may be coming when you wish to rest from your heroic labors.

May I humbly submit my name in your eventual consideration of a successor.  I have worked for years on my other website to semantically pummel those who vindictively attack the Church.  At first glance, my writing and approach may seem to be slightly more subdued than yours, but I assure you that this is only because my brother Matthew won’t let me write half the things I want to.  To his credit, he does this solely to shorten my time in purgatory.  I attest that, were you to bring me on as heir apparent, I would immediately shun my brother’s benign influence.  May I also ad that I am a New York resident so no relocation would be necessary.

I am up to the job sir.  Please consider this my formal application to the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights as the unworthy successor to yourself.

References available upon request.