Dear Jim Gaffigan,
I am writing this heartfelt post to convince you, Jim Gaffigan, to continue with your show, The Jim Gaffigan Show, on TV Land. Recently, you announced that there won't be a Season 3 to your wonderful show because you want to focus on raising your five children. (Helicopter parent much?! Sheesh.) This plea of mine might seem ironic to some in that I was a journalist who left his job at a newspaper to raise his five children but I'm a complex man. OK, not that complex. But I watch a lot of television and your show is one of my favorites. So that should be enough right there. But apparently it's not.
So here's eight good quality reasons that you, Jim Gaffigan, should continue your show.
8) Jim, you have a show named after yourself. That's rarified air like Seinfeld, Ray Romano, or Ellen. Now you won't be able to use that name again because...lawyers. So now all the rest of your shows will have to have stupid names like "Dad's at the Buffet Again" or "Too Many Kids!" or "Honey, Where's My Birth Control?"
7) What will Macaulay Culkin do now? He's great on your show. I want him to succeed. Don't you care about the career of former child stars.
6) Think of MY children. Yeah, remember them? The Jim Gaffigan show was practically the only show I could watch with my teenager where we both laughed at the same time at the same jokes. The only other show we laugh at the same time is Hannah Montana but that's because of all the ironic foreshadowing of Miley Cyrus saying things like "It takes a long time to get to the top, but a short time to get to the bottom." Heh.
5) Your show is the only show where a priest is not used as a punchline. Well, your show has a lot of punchlines. But in a good way.
4) The Jim Gaffigan show is the only non-reality show I can remember where a man and a woman are married and have more than three children since Eight is Enough. But seriously, when I walk around with my five kids, people say things to me like "What are you trying to be like the Duggars?" And given recent news events that's not an affiliation I'm awesome with. But your rising celebrity status gave a new hip (ish?) reference to mock me for having many children so I thought I might someday hear "What are you trying to be like Jim Gaffigan?" (Now, that never actually happened but I feel like Season 3 would've really cemented your standing on the popular radar.) So now I'll probably be back to older references. Thanks Jim. Thanks a lot.
3) Jim, your show almost made it cool to be fat. Almost. Well, that's what me and my friends say when we meet...at Wendy's.
2) I fear that you might soon be looking for work and might take my job here at The National Catholic Register as the resident fat father of five.
1) If you leave the show, TV Land might just continue it with someone else playing you. Someone like George Wendt might play Jim. But instead of eating all the time he goes to a bar and drinks. And there would be an assortment of characters there like the playboy bartender/owner and the know-it-all mailman. Hey, that might just have some legs.
Mainly, I guess, yours is the only television show that reflects any level of reality to my life. Sad to say. But true. I appreciated your show. And anybody who takes their Christian faith seriously or is open to life or just enjoys some good ol' fashioned fat jokes will miss it. So thank you for the two seasons you gave us.
Now I guess I'll have to pay like a gazillion dollars to see you in concert. Or just wait until some dude takes out his phone and records your act and puts it on YouTube. Yeah, I guess I'll just do that. I can't wait to tell the guys at Wendy's.