Some people think that kids who make any noise at Mass need to be in a soundproof room (i.e. a “cry room”) so they don’t bother anybody.
Here’s the deal: The average “cry room” holds about five families. Multiply that times about three Masses and that means the average parish is set up to accommodate 15 young families for Sunday Mass each week.
The average parish has about 1,200 families. About half of those (approximately 600) have kids under the age of 18. Of those, there are probably (I’m guessing now) 200 or so with kids under the age of 3. Pretty much every kid under 3 years old I know is loud and rowdy and has trouble understanding how to be reverent at Mass.
So the average parish needs to accommodate 200 families with at least one kid who is rowdy and loud. And it has space for 15 in the cry room (and we wonder why we only have 15 show up to Mass).
It just doesn’t add up. So, please, don’t expect that every family with young kids should be in the “cry room.” It’s impossible.
The “cry room” is not there for rowdy kids who can’t pay attention. It’s there for when the rowdy kids who can’t pay attention are having an especially difficult day.
The place for the rowdy kids who can’t pay attention is in the pew next to you. So you can hear their car noises and blibber blabber and have your hair pulled by them during the homily.
So we can watch them eat Cheerios, drop crumbs on the floor and then get all steamed up about how terribly misbehaved kids are these days and how negligent these half-wit parents are who are raising them. All while we should instead be thinking about what we’ve done, what we’ve failed to do, and the many things we are far guiltier of than this 2-year-old child — a child with an innocence and faith in life that we will never again grasp. Whose presence is less worthy at Mass?
Sure, lots of parents need to learn how to discipline their kids better and teach them how to sit still and keep quiet when they’re supposed to. But those families aren’t learning how to do that. Why? Because they are at home by themselves on Sunday morning, making excuses for not going to Mass and not watching how other families do it successfully. Because the few times they mustered the courage to try it, they got snide remarks from the priest or annoyed looks from parishioners. Because they ended up in a crowded cry room like second-class participants. Because they didn’t feel welcome. And they didn’t feel equipped. Because they are still learning how to raise kids. And because they haven’t yet learned how truly important Mass is for their growing family.
We need to teach them. We need to help them. We need to smile at them. We need to encourage them. We need to invite them. We need to celebrate the noise of children.
What a beautiful noise to hear at Mass. It’s the sound of a living, breathing, growing Church.
Matthew Warner blogs at NCRegister.com.
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Thank you. As a father of 7, our kids grew up at Mass. We got looks from some but, more often, we got compliments. I never considered others objections to our presence at Mass when the response was negative though. I knew my kids needed this. Thank you for giving courage to other growing families to do the same.
Brilliant. This should be posted in every bulletin this weekend and repeated 4 or 5 times a year! Cry rooms are idiotic. How do you expect kids to learn how to behave if they are not actually in the pews?
We have 5 children and we never went to the cry room. Our youngest are twins and we’ll always remember one Sunday after they had an unusually hard time at Mass. There was an 80+ year old woman sitting in front of us and I know we were a distraction.
At the conclusion of Mass, she turned to my wife and complimented her on our children. My wife was greatly apologizing to her for the noise they made, but the woman touched her arm and very sweetly yet firmly said, “dear, that’s what children are supposed to do.”
I once was always annoyed at crying and noisy children in church. No more. They are our future. They need to be in the church with everyone else. That is how they will learn. That is how we will learn.
I appreciate your article. I don’t have any children but I do have to say I think there is a balance to be found with this issue. I don’t have an issue with normally noisy and squirmy children because that is a fact of life, kids will be kids. However, there are people who don’t seem to know when it might be time to take a particularly noisy or unhappy child outside or to the cry room to quiet down if the noise is truly becoming a distraction to others at Mass. My parish church, for instance, is a beautiful old Gothic structure with lousy acoustics and marble floors. The problem I encounter is not with parents whose kids are doing the standard kid things, but the following: folks who let children run wild up and down the aisles during Mass wearing shoes that echo madly in the sanctuary (in our church every sound is amplified). We have people whose kids will have an all out screaming tantrum and just sit there and let her/him scream. In our church, if that happens, I guarantee nobody can hear the homily or what is being said on the altar. I’ve been at Mass when two siblings in the pew in front of me got into an all out fight, hitting and punching and screaming, and the parents didn’t even make a move to stop them. During one Mass, the boy in front of me ran a car that made electric noises up and down the pew all through Mass and we got treated to the toy’s noise instead of a time for prayer and worship. I just think there needs to be a balance…all of need to be supportive of parents who bring their kids to Mass. However, parents need to at least try to be respectful of others around them when and if their kids get too disruptive or loud to maybe keep others from having a prayerful experience. It’s all a matter of mutual respect and care for our fellow Catholics, and there can be a balance. standard kid noise is one thing, a full out screaming kicking tantrum is another.
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