Family Matters

My job is so demanding that I often have little time or energy to spend with my family. And the commute to and from is no picnic, either. When I finally get home, I just want to relax. I don't want to have to be “on” at home. Is that so bad?

We often imagine that, if certain aspects of family life — prayer, respect, generosity, self-sacrifice — were more present in the workplace, then work would be a better place.

But what about the reverse? Wouldn't our home lives be better if we imported some of our more successful work characteristics into our home? For example:

Commitment to effective communication. Though we all occasionally say things we regret to our boss, co-workers or best customers, our success depends on saying the right thing with the effort that persuasive communication requires. When we have something important to say to important people, we modify our approach to increase the likelihood of the other person listening and acting. Don't our family members deserve the same consideration and commitment?

Follow-through. Success at work requires meeting customer demands and milestones. We often make big sacrifices for this to happen. Do we treat domestic commitments with the same respect, perseverance and self-sacrifice?

Setting and measuring goals and priorities. Every successful business establishes goals and priorities, and they check into them frequently to measure their performance. If they didn't, the business would be a disaster. Wouldn't the same be true of our family?

Training. If we don't re-engineer our knowledge of our profession every few years with continuing education, we can anticipate losing touch or providing less value. If that's true of business, it could be more true with our families — where our kids and often our spouse are constantly changing in significant ways. We should commit to forming ourselves. Do we attend retreats, read, listen to tapes or take classes on communication, child development, motivation, discipline or marriage enhancement, learning ways to integrate and better lead our family?

Doing our duty instead of what we feel like doing. Sometimes we see our home as a respite, an oasis, where we can recover from our difficult jobs. While the home should be a place of regeneration, it is not just a lounge. It's where our most important work is done. If someone only did what he or she felt like doing at work, would his or her job not soon be in jeopardy?

Treating important family events as you treat important meetings at work. If it's important at work, you will be there. Why should it be any different at home?

Let's not give the best of ourselves at work while leaving the leftovers for our families. Living our commitments at home is no easier than living them at work. But living our commitments at home with the same fervor and integrity we bring to our professional lives can ensure that our families at home are also getting our best.

Does your family deserve anything less?

Art Bennett is director of Alpha Omega Clinic and Consultation Services in Vienna, Virginia, and Bethesda, Maryland.