I was working in the kitchen a few days ago when I heard a ruckus coming from the family room. I peered around the corner to see my 2-year-old daughter bopping the little neighbor boy on the head. It seemed he was in possession of a toy she wanted under her control. (She thinks every toy in the house is hers).

I came to Luke's rescue, removed him from the line of fire and offered him comfort. I then looked to my child and said, “You may not hit Luke. He can play with this toy. Please tell him you're sorry.” She glared at him and snapped, “sorry” — but her admission of guilt did not appear at all sincere.

Each time I demand an apology from one of my children, I realize their response is most likely not coming from their heart. My hope is that practice and example will one day lead them to practice true sincerity.

The virtue of sincerity is hard won if it's won at all. Why? Because it can be very difficult to admit how you truly feel about something, even to yourself.

I know a woman who became pregnant with her seventh child late in life. It had been six years since the birth of her last child, even though she and her husband had always been open to life in their marriage. The woman had, by this point, resigned herself to the probability that she was not likely to have anymore children and had become content with her life as it was. She was very active in her church, her children's schools and their many activities. She was working a part-time job. Life was full.

When she found out she was pregnant, her expression of joy was not sincere. She spoke and acted as though she felt happy even though, in truth, her anxiety was suffocating her excitement. Her reticence made no sense to her. She began to worry that her lack of inner integrity would show. She confided her feelings to her priest, explaining that she did not understand how she could not feel joy if she was accepting God's will in her life by being open to the gift of life in her marriage. “If you do not feel joy,” the priest told her, “you are not truly accepting the will of God.”

This unexpected counsel threw her for a loop. She asked herself: “Am I really open to God's will?” With prayer she realized that, although she had been living her faith in practice, her heart was in a different place. She had not really been honest with herself in accepting God's will for her life. But, by the grace of God and the admission of her insincerity, she was able to embrace God's gift to her and accept it with joy.

‘Am I really open to God's will?’

It is often very difficult to look at our fallen human nature working in our own hearts and minds. It is so contrary to the ways of God. Yet look we must, for learning to be sincere with God and ourselves is the first step toward true holiness — which is the only thing that can give us the deep peace and joy that the world can neither give us nor take away from us.

If we are to grow spiritually, it is imperative that we examine how sincere we are with ourselves, others and God. Like a child defending a toy, we might have to say “sorry” before we truly feel that way deep down inside. The important thing is that we willingly give up the “toy” that is causing us to stumble.

It might take some time to embrace the truth. But with daily practice and a desire to have God help us see into our own heart, fostering a sincere heart will do nothing less than set us on a path to growing up in Christ.

Jackie Oberhausen writes from Fort Wayne, Indiana.