Inspiring! God bless you

I face the same situation and glad that I’m not alone :) Well said about seeking Holiness prior to your spouse, that surely will help you find your correct spouse instead of blindly falling in love over worldly attractions. If God is given the first place, I think anyone can bear up heart breaks instead of mourning the loss of their earthly love and appreciate the fact that there is one God who constantly loves you no matter what.

God Bless You!

“I really enjoy being single — until someone tells me they want me to date their kin in order for me to bring them back to the Church.” If you want to be married in the future, please reconsider your negative views and be open to it. You’ll be single forever if you wait for Mr. Perfect to show up. This happened to me when I met my husband of 28 years! He had quit the Protestant church and was searching for God. I lead him straight to the Catholic church, and he converted. Perhaps there is a man whose Catholic family has been praying for him to meet someone who will help the Prodigal Son return. All you have to do is set an example. If he follows, great! If he lets you go, he’ll probably never marry…or if he does, he’ll divorce. Either way, you will have cooperated with the Holy Spirit to help a soul. Every time you try to lead a soul back to Christ (even if unsuccessful) you are forgiven a multitude of sins. Isn’t this what Catholics are called to do?

Good for you Babe!

I am a single man in my 40’s; when friends ask me about my sex life and I tell them I strive to be chaste, they look at me like I have just told them I am planning a trip to the sun.

Cosmic truth: You don’t marry someone to change them.

Jackie—-Your spiritual strength is obviously a wonderful gift; yet, your appreciation of it is to be admired.  Someone so young and so grounded is exceptional!

You have such a great concept that should be emulated by all single women.  May the hearts of Jesus and Mary always be your guide.

I am an almost 23 year-old girl and have been discerning my vocation for over a year now. So much of what you have written rings true for me.

I had a crush on a guy in 4th college, but after going on a Valentines date with him, I realized that I was more excited over the idea of a relationship than the guy himself. I was heartbroken…but like you I learned that “God alone satisfies the yearnings of my heart to love and be loved. God alone is the one for whom my heart longs.” That’s the wonderful about my heartbreak, it was shortly before I went on a senior’s 8-day Ignatian retreat! It opened me up to the love God wanted to give me.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about lay consecrated life or even religious life. Despite the desire for children… Yes, pursue holiness! Because that is the goal of every vocation and every moment in our lives. :)

The Book of Genesis reveals that with Adam & Eve God made male and female to be together. The New Testament says “it is better to marry than burn”. Saint Paul says that in the last days dangerous times will come and, consequently, it is better to not marry.(presumably because of the possibility of sin within the Sacrament of marriage—arguments, etc.—and temptation to commit sin extramaritally and, subsequently, the eventual possibility of eternal damnation). JESUS said that for those who can (have the fortitude. Sublimation is probably the appropriate description and is exhibited by canonized saints as well as the majority of clergy and religious and some laity) they should remain virgins. Virginity is not emphasized frequently enough by the Church or Christianity in general. The crown of virginity is a reward in Heaven exclusive only for virgins and is a greater reward than those who have not retained their virginity while on earth. It sort of an exclusive group in Heaven similar to the idea of a private/exclusive club on earth and to which only members can enjoy the club’s benefits.The Church also is currently in need of priests and religious and one of the requirements is celibacy.

LoOOOOve it!!!! Now I can get through today happily with our Lord! :)

Good for you, Jackie! God will certainly honor your love for Him and the priority in your life that you have placed him - something everyone should do. When you get those feelings about possible marriage, ask our loving Lord to put His choice of the man in your life, and one that has the same love for God. When He does that, and according to His will if it is His will, start as friends, always speaking ‘truth in love’ and let the Spirit take the lead. Your current status is a powerful witness when you tell people your reasons. You will make an impact with them and will plant a seed. After that, it is up to the Holy Spirit to take over. May God continue to hold you close to Him and speak clearly to you as you live your faith boldly.
Your brother in Christ,
Jim Conrad

This article made me cringe. Payer is not a panacea to the pain of loneliness in the hearts of those who long for companionship. Nor is the search for God mutually exclusive with the search for a partner.

The author indicates that her experience is that those who are having trouble courting instead turn their thoughts to God. While in some cases this may be good advice, in general it is terrible.

Rather than the ‘think about something else’ approach, how about focussing on communication skills, respect, confidence, repoire, how to break up with unsuitable individuals, and how to discern whether to propose.

To “The Cringer”

Your comments about prayer, about turning to God as ‘terrible’, about discerning, which is a gift of the Holy Spirit, clearly demonstrate that you really don’t have a relationship with our God of the Universe and especially with Jesus Christ, through Him is the only access to the Father. And by the way, the Greek root word of the word ‘judge’ in the Gospels, is krino, which means to condemn. Rest assured that is for God alone, so please don’t start with the ‘judging’ accusation. The internal pain that you discuss is the void in all of us that are loved into existence by God using a man and a woman. The only thing that fills that void is a love relationship with God Almighty, with Jesus. Anything and everything else does not fit that void and will NEVER bring the inner peace that is brought by a love relationship with Jesus. You can’t know Jesus if you don’t love Him; and you can’t love Him if you don’t know Him. And, that only happens when you spend a lot of time with Him every day. Jackie doesn’t make courting her life’s priority; rather, she makes the 1st Commandment and the Gospels her priority and that is a journey within God’s will for all of us. So, again, I praise God for Jackie’s journey to holiness and for her courage and boldness to express her faith and trust in the Lord.

So desperately wish I had the peace you do. I am 30, single, and a virgin. However, I do not have the luxury of being beautiful, thin, a musician, or in perfect health. YOU can witness with the beautiful boldness you have. People who are too sick, too fat, too smart, too depressed, too disorganized, too shy, and /or any number of other “irregularities” don’t get to be labeld as merely eccentric as yourself. We get dismissed and ignored as damaged goods. Not even a convent will take a single girl with an autoimmune disease or clinical depression, etc. Society usually accuses us of being gay, lazy, or cold. Any gifts we have we begin to see as useless because we are so lonely and left out and marginalized that it doesn’t matter if we can paint like Rembrandt, write like Shakespeare, or easily carry on a deep discussion of the politics of Chesterton and Belloc. Why write something, why paint something, when no one cares enough to read it or see it or engage in conversation? We are single, broken and ugly. People don’t even ask why WE are single. Even if at one point we were happy being single, the loneliness gets so bad that we inevitably begin to doubt whether Jesus loves us personally because His Body here on Earth treats us like we don’t matter. Worse, often we are treated as if we don’t exist.

Practical and excellent

Ana,
The peace doesn’t come easy because in order to experience it we have to learn to completely surrender to the Holy Spirit. I am a 68 year young man that my friends say I look about 54. I only say that to tell you I don’t have the mindset of a senior citizen. I empathize totally with your descriptive statements, including clinical depression, because I have walked through many many dungeons in life, making it through only due to the grace of God. Were it not for Him, I would be either in jail or hell. I grew up and lived with all forms of rejection - mental, emotional, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse and it opened the door for demonic entry into my life - the second level which is obsession. That’s one step above possession where he has all of you. With obsession, he only has a piece of you - with me, it was anger/rage and lust. But because of becoming a member of a Catholic Covenant Healing Community, I was able to go through Inner Healing and Deliverance, and then followed that up with 8 years of counseling with a Catholic psychologist that probed and roto-rooted out the past as the love of Jesus Christ healed me by taking me to the embrace of the Father. As a brother in Christ, I would recommend the Sacrament of Reconciliation and let go of your anger and resentment from the past while in confession, and ask the Lord to take away your self-hatred and past memories of abuse that have haunted you. You are special in the eyes of God and what matters more than that? There are many books out there also that may help you - one that I have and is very good is: “Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse” by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD with Ann McMurray. I bought this and others while trying to help a young woman I drive school bus with that has been abused her entire life and not surprising, married an abusive man. So, whoever you are, start by asking the Holy Spirit for the grace to confess and rid yourself of the anger and resentment within you and see if there isn’t some Christian group you can spend time with to gain support and to maybe minister to you including praying with you and laying hands on you as they pray. God bless you!

Jackie, you are right in choseing holiness first. I prayed for five years that God bring a women into my life,and He knew what kind of a lady who will be best for me. Yes, my prayers were answered and were blessed with four children. After twenty three years of marriage, God took her Home for her Eturnal Reward. Carol was a Saint to me, best friend soul mate and a beautiful mother to our children that God Bless us and teach them that God come first in life.Our marriage was made in Heaven. God Bless you Jackie and do not give up.

Jakie do not give up your prayer life.I’ll tell you my little story which happen back in 1959, I prayed to God that if He wanted me to get married that He find me one. For five ears I prayed for this. God knew what was best for me I had many dates some one time only, but when I was introduce for the third time to a blind date I said no at first and latter on said yes. On our second date I had ask her hand in marriage. I was never so happy being with this lady. We were married and blessed with four children.Many time were would say to each other that our marriage was made in Heaven. After twenty-three years of being the best of good friends and ture soul mates and a beautiful mother to our children God came and to her Home for her Reward,That was twenty-six years ago.            Caroline gave me a life to live and I am eternal greatful to God for this beautiful gift of Caroline. God Bless you Jackie.I was almost thirty before I was married and it is never to late

19 year old virgin in a happy relationship - still on a journey of finding my way back to God which predates the relationship - but talking about faith with my boyfriend is not only interesting but comforting and kind of fun! He understands my boundaries and my decision to stay abstinent until marriage, and that has been a strong foundation for everything in our relationship: trust, honesty, and respect!

I have a single 41 year old friend that seems to have the same group of people that react in the same way when they find out that she is single.  I have always felt that if Gods plan for her is to be married then it will happen in Gods time.  She would love to be married and have a family but so far that has not yet been the case.  My prayer for her is for her to be happy in her own skin and to know that God loves her.  Thank you for such a touching article.  Ok it was touching to me, and I can understand your journey through my very dear freinds journey.

That was beautiful testimony. Thank you so much for sharing with us.

you should read a book called, finding your vocation. I have the same idea, marriage would be nice but how to be more chaste and happy. i enjoyed your article. saw you on ewtn, saw you on facebook. keep up the good work, ever need any art or design let me know, chris

In our world of fast paced, get married, have kids, get a job, get on with your life… it’s refreshing to see someone who has the courage to stand up for what truly matters. I pray that my daughters will have the same conviction, peace, and joy that you have and that they will see you as a shining example of how a woman should live her life.

Seek holiness before seeking a spouse… Amen!

Hi, Such a great article.. :-D as a single catholic too, and currently still seeking the meaning of “Love your God”.  Your article greatly encourage and moved me to keep continue in my seeking of Loving Jesus..

Well written! As a male, it’s always refreshing to see women also striving for a life of chastity..
I’m sure God will lead you to the vocation for you..

Dear friend am happy for you that you are are happy with you vocation. I am once a religious but after some years I was asked to leave tdue to health problem. Now I’ve got my 1st degree and about to go in for my second degree. While in the capuchin I promised God my life and sexuallity for the rest of my life and now am no there. After many years of loosing my love (capuchin) I find it difficult to keep a relationship. Am sure I can’t cope with the celibate life any more. please pray for me dear.

I don’t scoff at virtues like purity, chastity, modesty and self-control either.  I think they should be exalted and taught to all.

Thank you so much for this!  As a 31 year old divorcee with a Decree of Nullity, it’s hard sometimes to be single and not really looking (due to other circumstances) when it seems everyone around you is either in a committed relationship or married.  Thanks for the boost!

Jackie is an amazing young Catholic woman.  She strives for the prize of eternal life, while living an energetic and fulfilling one using the talents God has given her.    After 35 years of youth ministry, most recently at Holy Family Cathedral, I believe a date is something found on a palm tree you can eat; guys, if you want one, climb!  Testing the fruit is outmoded and inappropriate for many reasons. Better is Courtship, the process of seeking that someone to complete the BFSheen “Three to get married” equation.  It should be a calm, joyful experience with significant prayer and patience…after the man shows his manhood, following an appropriate time of group involvement, by asking permission from those who brought her here: her parents.  Jackie is a testament to a healthy understanding of this; she’s not hanging around her cell phone, waiting for Mr. Right’s call.  She is living life, having just released her second CD, Divine Comedy and speaking/playing music all over the world.  The proof is that three of the men this amazingly talented and beautiful, inside and out, woman “dated” are now prepping in the seminary.
My take is simple: Jackie was a very important part of their initial discernment, because if they can “court” a Catholic woman as beautiful and talented as she, and move on to a different and much-needed calling to the priesthood, then great! The conundrum is two fold: Jackie wouldn’t spend romantic time with someone who isn’t a Godly committed Catholic man of faith, and men like this generally respect the most complex creation in the Universe, woman and protect their chastity and their hearts. Courtship needs to be this…really getting to know the other person, in a culture enamored with so much superficiality and frankly what passes for sex.  Our young don’t need to test the plumbing to make sure it is compatible; the Designer knows what He is doing. But, this neo-Dark Age of Deceit will lead to a new Renaissance of Truth through involved, formed Catholics like Jackie Francois who are the epitome of “choice”; choosing a chaste life of faith over the wasteland of despair evidenced by the hook-ups, flirts and marriage of the weekend culture.  The rest of the conundrum: men like this seek God’s plan for their lives before finding the woman of their dreams.  Sometimes the “woman” is Mother Church, the Bride of Christ.  Len

Great article Jackie!  I’m 27 and both understand and agree with your points.  It can be a hard lesson to learn, but God’s timing and plan for us right now is what we have to focus on and trust Him.  God bless

Having read this article a number of times now, I am convinced the title was not written by the author. This is indicated by the structure of the article and a number of key phrases. The article starts with a number of common anecdotal experiences. The author then indicates she does not know her own vocation. Then she writes (and this is key), “My hope for single people who are discerning is that they seek holiness before seeking a spouse.” This is good advice - for a person who hasn’t discerned their vocation to either start looking for a spouse or start walking the road (sorry for the phrasal verb) to the religious celibate life would be premature, or more concerning, even harmful. However, for the undiscerned, a celibate life makes sense and IS orthodox. The devil is in the detail.

You go girl! I am a 36 year old single committed to my chastity. I get the same speech from the modern world but in a much different way. I was not always pure and when people hear my story, they have no problems bringing up my past mistakes. But I have been abstinent for 5 1/2 years now and I am never looking back. I do know, unfortunately, what happens to the human soul and body when one doesn’t listen to God. and take my advice Jackie, sex is not worth it. You are heaven sent honey. Thank you for your beautiful testimony and may God bless you with the perfect man in his timing if it is His will. Colleen Posey

Terence - the following is a copy of my response to your post on Sunday - ya know - how you “cringe”.

Your comments about prayer, about turning to God as ‘terrible’, about discerning, which is a gift of the Holy Spirit, clearly demonstrate that you really don’t have a relationship with our God of the Universe and especially with Jesus Christ, through Him is the only access to the Father. And by the way, the Greek root word of the word ‘judge’ in the Gospels, is krino, which means to condemn. Rest assured that is for God alone, so please don’t start with the ‘judging’ accusation. The internal pain that you discuss is the void in all of us that are loved into existence by God using a man and a woman. The only thing that fills that void is a love relationship with God Almighty, with Jesus. Anything and everything else does not fit that void and will NEVER bring the inner peace that is brought by a love relationship with Jesus. You can’t know Jesus if you don’t love Him; and you can’t love Him if you don’t know Him. And, that only happens when you spend a lot of time with Him every day. Jackie doesn’t make courting her life’s priority; rather, she makes the 1st Commandment and the Gospels her priority and that is a journey within God’s will for all of us. So, again, I praise God for Jackie’s journey to holiness and for her courage and boldness to express her faith and trust in the Lord.

NOW YOU WRITE IN A VERY POMPOUS AND SELF-RIGHTEOUS MANNER, CHALLENGING THE AUTHENTICITY OF JACKIE’S ARTICLE WHICH, EXCEPT FOR YOU, HAS RECEIVED MUCH PRAISE AND HAS BEEN PRINTED IN THE REGISTER. YOU SEEM TO HAVE A ‘CRITICAL SPIRIT’ WITHIN YOU AND A CONDEMNING ATTITUDE OF WHAT I PERCEIVE AS TRUTH. IF satan IS INVOLVED IN THIS IN ANY WAY, IT IS IN BOTH OR YOUR RESPONSES, ESPECIALLY DENYING THAT PRAYER ISN’T THE ANSWER TO LONELINESS. PRAYER, SIR, SHOULD BE AT THE CENTER OF EVERYTHING IN LIFE. WHY DON’T YOU TRY IT??
Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/site/article/seek-holiness-before-seeking-a-spouse#ixzz227ZuYqoJ

I agree with Miss Jackie, I am also very much virgin and single in a world that tells you that you are weird and different for your stand on love and virginity, but I believe with the faith I have with God and the teaching of my Catholic community CFC-Singles for Christ that the world needs men and women who stand against the lure of the world and will live as witnesses to what really love is…being pure, honest, genuine. Keep the faith!

Rock on, Jackie!!! Thanks for singing at the youth conference in San Diego! Your voice is beautiful, and you are so funny!

A thank-you to Jackie for sharing her thoughts and where’s she’s at. I’m a 40-yr-old never-married single who’s never been in bed with anybody, who cares about the Catholic faith (all of this by God’s grace and mercy!), and so I can relate to everything Jackie wrote and also her perspective on things. I remember watching her when she was a guest on Life On The Rock. Although these things can come across as platitudes, it really is true that if we feel called to one day be married, then to have a joy-filled and holy marriage, we ourselves right now as singles will need to be people who daily seek holiness and a fresh-infilling of God’s joy. Thanks to National Catholic Register for starting up a singles blog! I’m enjoying all the articles and weblinks!

Jackie,

    Thanks for sharing your witness.  God bless!!!

              Jeananne

This is profound, profound, profound.  Typically what I personally stand for. At the end of the day: ” All I want is to know Jesus Christ, and the power of His rising…”
Thank you for sharing Jackie.

Right on, Jackie!  What a great message that our culture desperately needs to hear!

Yeah, I’m 32 and a virgin too. For some odd reason, however, the players love hangin out with me and I find it so ironic given the contrast of lifestyles. They all think I’ve done it at least a hundred times because I love having fun on the dance floor and picking up a phone number. I don’t talk about my ethics but several of my friends have given up sex, masturbation, and other addictions in an effort to live the benefits I have. It’s like everyone wants to be somewhat chaste deep inside. The plus side of being single is also that when a pretty girl at the club asks you if you’re dating anyone you’re able to say, “No, I’m single.”

This is a fantastic article, but its title does not do it justice.

I love this column it got into me in tears. Is really nice knowing that I’m not the only one that feels like this, just Seek holiness before seeking a spouse. 
God bless this is awesome single Catholics side.

NM

Thank you dear sister in Christ for sharing your beautiful truth. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life and you are bearing His Holy Spirit’s fruits! Ditto to your whole sharing and amen, to proclaiming God’s greatness! Just as our Blessed Mother Mary’s magnificat: Behold, my soul magnifies the Lord, I pray for us young women after God’s heart that, we too, continue to grow as His daughters and disciples with obedience, humility, trust, patience, faith, hope, and love. Amen!

I am blessed to just know about jackie n her story

Excellent column, Miss Francois! And God Bless You for your decision to live a pure life, putting God first.

Thank you so much for this article. I WAS a very happily married Catholic housewife.  I wasn’t blessed with the ability to have a large family and it did set me apart in my community, but I did have two beautiful miracles.  Last March my amazing husband had a massive stroke, and I cannot beging to explain how my life has changed.  What I have lost, my children.  I’ve done my best and struggled to try to figure out how to find a new path in life, relying on the guidance of God.  As I consider venturing back into a world of dating or men (unexpected and unplanned but it did happen when I wasn’t looking), I need to be reminded from time to time, how to be a good, fulfilled woman, not compromising, true to self model for my children, for myself even.  Your insight only gives me strength, so thank you.

Hawaii is thankful for the opportunity to have hosted Jackie on Oahu.  Her testimony and teaching have inspired many young adults to be examples of ‘seekers of holiness’.  I myself took a lot out of her presentation (The Ache of Singlehood & Dating) and have begun also to not only preach the truth about seeking holiness before a spouse but practice it myself.  Thank you Jackie for sharing your love and joy with all of us in the Aloha State, mahalo!

thanks my god for the life of jackie ,she is one example of life for the world HENRY

thanks my god for the life of jackie,she is the best example of life for the world   HENRY