REAL LIFE, REAL LOVE

7 Paths to a Strong & Lasting Relationship

by Father Albert Cutié

Penguin Group, 2006

270 pages, $23.95

Available in bookstores

There aren’t too many books by priests whose dust jackets carry plugs from mainstream celebrities. Nor are there too many priests who have been favorably compared to Oprah Winfrey, with their own newspaper column, radio and television shows, and website (the bilingual fralbert.com). But there’s only one Father Albert Cutié, a priest of the Miami Archdiocese and author of this book on relationships, particularly marriage.

The locus of Father Cutié’s broad appeal isn’t hard to fathom. His writing style, like his speaking voice, is breezy, contemporary, warm and highly practical. He really does sound like a modern self-help guru.

“Most of the people I counsel don’t come to me with great theological questions about the nature of God, humanity, or the universe,” he writes. “Instead, what troubles them most are dilemmas of the heart: How can they find real love? Why are good intentions sometimes unable to keep a relationship alive? What can I do to build a strong, long-lasting marriage? What can spouses do to get along better — to support each other and help each other? … These are the sorts of questions that weigh on the men and women who come to me for advice.”

Along the way to answering those kinds of questions, Father Cutié offers common-sense insights into the problems that often vex relationships of love and marriage.

Illustrating his message with jokes, stories, anecdotes and reflections, the priest counsels — well, counseling. He repeatedly encourages his readers to avail themselves of wise and competent advice to enhance their relationships.

In an updated version of the Socratic method of teaching, Father Cutié poses open-ended questions and leaves them hanging. Based on what he has said leading up to that point, the right answer should often be pretty obvious.

And there’s something to be said for that approach in today’s cultural climate, where there’s often knee-jerk resistance to anyone claiming authority on any given subject.

The book concludes with a useful resource guide listing organizations and websites that cover the gamut of relationship issues from marriage preparation and parenthood to addiction and bereavement.

Is the book authentically Catholic? Yes, but be advised that it is so only in the broadest sense. It is not a work of apologetics, much less of catechesis or evangelization. For example, a Catholic fiancée wanting to learn why, from a doctrinal perspective, she should not cohabit prior to marriage won’t find her question answered in these pages. The wedding gift-giver hoping to show a young marrying couple why, precisely, artificial contraception is incompatible with “real life and real love” will be frustrated as well.

And yet give the book its due, for it can speak volumes between the lines to those who will accept relationship advice but would never think to seek it from a Catholic priest, especially one with a series on EWTN (“In the Heart of the Church”).

Besides, if we believe that Catholic teaching about relationships and marriage is largely based on natural law, we recognize the value in putting that vision before the wider society. And in doing so with language that, however subtly, points to the divine source of all bliss, temporal and eternal alike.

John M. Grondelski writes from

Washington, D.C.