Husbands Who Hunger for Their Wives

This Lent, some 3,000 men from around the world are fasting for a very specific intention — the spiritual health and welfare of their wives.

The Carpentersville, Ill.-based apostolate E5 Men consists of married, single and celibate men who are attempting to live up to the words of St. Paul from Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” The men register online (www.e5men.org), pledging to fast on the first Wednesday of each month for their bride, whether she is one's spouse, fiancé, future wife or the Church herself. In addition, the men offer their fasting not only for their own spouse, but also for the spouses of all the other E5 Men's brides, for women who have registered as an E5 Woman on the organization's Web site, and other women who have been sinned against by men.

“The E5 Men are sacrificing for the spiritual beautification of their wives and all women,” explained the apostolate's founder, Steve Habisohn, president of the Gift Foundation. Habisohn delivers a simple email message to the men each month to remind them of their obligation.

Catholic novelist Bud Macfarlane Jr. admits that, prior to E5 Men, he wasn't big on fasting. “I usually fasted only during Lent,” says Macfarlane. That was before Habisohn introduced him to the concept of fasting for one's spouse.

“Before E5 Men, I usually thought of fasting as something I would do for my own spiritual benefit,” says Macfarlane, “not as something I would do for another person or for a woman.”

Love without Limits

While the fasting concept is a simple one, it took a number of puzzle pieces to fall into place before it took hold. The idea for the apostolate first came to Habisohn nearly six years ago.

“When I was still friends with my future wife she mentioned a serious internal issue that she had been dealing with for years,” explains Habisohn. “Without telling her, I fasted for her. A week later she asked me if I had prayed for her. Apparently this long-term issue had been completely resolved and I was the only one she had told about it.” In October, Habisohn sent out an e-mail to about 2,500 people. That e-mail, along with word-of-mouth promotion from supporters such as Bud Macfarlane and Vitae founder Steve Thomas, has resulted in more than 3,300 men from 35 countries joining the effort in just four months.

“I was honestly surprised by the enthusiastic response by so many men, even men one might not say are fervent in their faith,” says Habisohn. The effort has also received a positive response from non-Catholic Christian denominations. “All educated Christians realize that fasting is part of the Old and New Testament. Therefore they have no real difficulty with the basic premise. It cuts across those lines so easily.”

Jeff Smith isn't married yet, but that has not stopped him from joining the effort. “This gives me a chance now to both participate in and prepare for my future vocation, married or priesthood,” says Smith, president of Smith & Associates, a software consulting firm in Hoffman Estates, Ill. “I can serve my bride now, even though I don't know who she is. Who knows what she is dealing with or the hurts she has gone through? When I realized that I could do something to help and protect her now, I didn't want to sit around waiting.”

Any woman of any faith can register to be an E5 woman. The role of a registered woman is simply to accept the gift of spiritual healing that is merited for her through the fasts of the E5 Men. E5 Women are encouraged to go to Mass the first Wednesday of each month to receive Jesus in the Eucharist as well as the grace that they need in their lives. To date, approximately 1,050 women have registered as recipients of the intentions of the E5 Men.

“Many of the women are in difficult marriages or not married at all,” says Habisohn. “Their humble reception, through a prayer of reception or by going to Mass, is their ‘Yes' to the gift they are being given.”

In just four months' time, the apostolate has already witnessed some wonderful success stories.

“We had an email from one woman who described herself as a “teeth-gritting feminist,” recalls Habisohn. “She was a former Catholic and she said that she could find no evidence that there were Christian men in the world. E5 Men, however, piqued her curiosity. She still has a ways to go, but she says she is on a circuitous route back to the Church.”

Although the Web site doesn't mention it, some of the women have been inspired to fast for their husbands, as well. Such is the case with 54-year-old Ellen Egan from Bowman, Ga. Divorced nearly five years ago, Egan walked out on her husband of 20 years. She admitted that during her life she's been in and out of the abuse of alcohol and drugs, and has committed nearly every sexual sin in the book.

Eight months ago, her estranged husband e-mailed her. As it turned out, during their separation he has lived chastely, lighting a candle for her after every Mass. Ellen said that she has come to understand that in the eyes of God she is still married.

“We both need healing that can only come through prayer and fasting,” says Egan. She learned of E5 Men through CatholiCity.com. At the end of January, both she and her husband began fasting for one another.

She said she's been overwhelmed by the sacrificial love displayed through the efforts of men she will never know. “It is so noble and Christ-like that there are Christian men out there who are praying and fasting for me and for all women hurt or abused or sinned against by men,” says Egan. “Through the gift that is being given to me by these men, I realize that Jesus is leading us all along the path of healing and that we truly are one body in Christ.”

Many of the men involved have gone from fasting once a month to fasting each week. Macfarlane began fasting for his wife during a difficult period in his marriage last August. By November, he was fasting every Wednesday. He says he has noticed changes in both his life and marriage that are very encouraging. “I am gaining more self-mastery in other areas of my life,” he says, “and it helps me to be a better husband, which, of course, helps my wife.”

“I think that a man is attracted to the idea of doing something spiritually powerful and chivalrous for a woman he loves, particularly his wife,” adds Macfarlane. “It's a gift to the woman. It's putting our body on the cross with Christ, and putting a wall of your flesh and his around the woman you love that evil can't penetrate.”

Tim Drake writes from St. Cloud, Minnesota.

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