I am in middle management and I have aspirations to advance. Recently my boss told me I would become a better leader if I were to use influence as my primary tool for getting results instead of relying on control. Explain?

Your superior has provided you with a great insight. Many a mid-level manager fails to advance because he or she tries to over-control his or her department. The problem is simple to diagnose: The more you control your team members, the less you lead them. This topic is similar to a column I wrote last year highlighting the difference between managing and leading. I explained how influence is the key tool for leaders, whereas managers often rely on control.

When you try to control your team and their circumstances, you send a message that you don’t trust them. As a result, you weaken them by taking away their incentive to problem-solve. This creates or exacerbates personal insecurities.

Ironically, most controlling managers despise it when their superiors step in and control their situation. Keeping the Golden Rule in mind is helpful for a controlling manager. Treat your team as you would like to be treated. Let your people make mistakes and, when they do, be sure to ask them to solve the problem for themselves.

The combination of allowing your employees to make mistakes and requiring them to fix the unwanted results is an example of what it means to use influence. Influential supervisors refrain from pulling rank in order to compel others to do things; instead, they get people to want to do things. In the process, they cross over from managing to leading. Meanwhile, people who are encouraged to take ownership of their results are inspired to correct their mistakes and enjoy their victories.

Conversely, when you control your team, you rob yourself of opportunities to shower praise on team members for a job well done. The more you control, the more you need to take credit for results.

When you recognize someone’s accomplishment, it comes off as empty or patronizing. Why? Because, thanks to your controlling ways, your staffer knows that you did the lion’s share of the decision-making — and possibly the work itself. In essence, your compliment is directed beyond the worker and onto you.

The insightful people on your team will recognize the game.

In order to move from control to influence, there are a few things you must do. First, determine whether or not the people you lead are competent. If they aren’t, then you will inevitably slide back into control mode. If you find the right people for the right jobs, influence becomes second nature.

Second, you must determine whether or not pride plays a role in your tendency to take control. Controlling managers can usually keep their jobs long-term because they have productive departments. But they almost never advance because they fail to develop talent. Controlling managers are always the star players. They hog the ball and take all the shots while the rest of the team makes the assists or just watches, half-involved.

Influential leaders are more like coaches. They help craft the plan but they let everyone else do the shooting. I’m not suggesting that pride is at the root of your tendency to control, but we all have that potential.

Stay close to the sacraments and ask the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom. If you live in a state of grace, you should quite naturally control only what needs to be controlled — and influence all the rest.

In 2007, Leadership Excellence magazine named Dave Durand one of the‘Top 100 Minds on Personal Development.’ He’s online at DaveDurand.com.