The Scriptures are filled with calls to forgiveness. In fact, forgiveness comes a close second to generosity as being one of the chief characteristics of a follower of the Lord.

In the light of the scandal of priests abusing adolescent boys and bishops covering up, time and again we hear that we should be forgiving. Those who advocate for zero tolerance are said to be “lacking in forgiveness.” Assigning rehabilitated priests who abused adolescent males to ministry to the aged and other offices away from children is said to be an act of forgiveness.

While getting tough on crime has been very popular with conservative politicians, the battle cry of liberal politicians has been to focus rather on “the root causes” than on the malefactors. Since we are all political animals, those positions influence each and every one of us. And that's why it's important to ask us just what forgiveness entails.

But restitution is an essential ingredient of genuine forgiveness. And its presence or absence gives us help in deciding whether forgiveness is warranted or not. Let's look at several examples to see how this works.

12-Year-Old Victim

Recently the nightly news featured a tragic story of a young 12-year-old girl who was brutally raped. A microphone was insensitively stuck in the face of the little girl's father. With tears in his eyes, he said: “Jesus says we should forgive and therefore I forgive the man.”

Feelings of compassion welled up for the man, yet there was great sadness in my heart that someone had so misinformed him about the nature of Gospel forgiveness. He was feeling guilty that he was angry. “Jesus doesn't want you to be angry”? It was as if he never heard the words: “Whoever causes one of these little oneáto go astray, it were better for him to have a great millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea” (Matthew 18: 4; Mark 9: 41; Luke 17: 1).

What the man should have said was: “I am so angry right now that if I could get my hands on that fellow I would strangle him.” There is a place for anger and there is a process for working through it.

The second example is this: If one of my boys steals $50 from me and then comes and says: “Father Peter, I am very sorry for what I did. Will you please forgive me?” Don't be surprised if my response is: “Where is my $50?”

We do adolescents a great disservice if we teach them they can steal with impunity. Forgiveness requires restitution. You must pay back. If he says: “No, I just want to say I'm sorry. Let's forget the $50,” then he has misunderstood what forgiveness entails.

Let's take one more story: There is a 13-year-old girl here with us at Girls and Boys Town. She was very badly sexually abused by her father. As a result she became involved in drugs and sex and alcohol and has tried to hurt herself. Now she in on the road to recovery. She has a healing relationship with her mother and has not seen her father, who is divorced, for several years.

Recently he called to stay he is in therapy and is ready to apologize to his daughter and seek her forgiveness. I asked him what the apology entailed. He replied: “I'll tell her I am sorry. Really very, very sorry. And I've gotten help and am getting better and would she please forgive me.”

His therapist told him it is the time to do this. I asked if he was ready to make up to his daughter for what he did. He said that there was nothing that he could do to make up for it.

Beware of any response that involves a lawyer: ‘My lawyer said I can't do that.’ Such a response precluded the possibility of forgiveness.

I said: “Yes there is. You took her childhood. You took her innocence. You took her happiness. You made her believe it was her fault. And you can take much of that away by showing her that it was not her fault, that you groomed her for months on end, and that you convinced her that she liked it. You need to tell her it was not her fault in any manner, shape or form.” He needs to realize all these years of her holding herself guilty were additionally his burden, not hers.

He acted surprised. “My therapist told me nothing of this,” he said. “I only want to get on with my therapy by asking her to forgive me so I can feel better.”

I told him: “Absolutely not. First you abuse your child. Your hurt her in the most horrible way possible and you impose upon her years of guilt and pain and therapy. And you did it for your own pleasure and selfishness. And now you come and try to impose upon her a second burden, namely, her need to forgiveáfor your own self-centered purposes. And you won't lift a finger to lighten her burden.”

I told him: “No deal. This little girl deserves better than that.”

What does forgiveness entail? It entails saying, “What can I do to make it up to you?” Without that, forgiveness is a sham.

Forgiving Father

Let's apply this straightforwardly to the situation of priests abusing adolescent males.

Let's say that the priest is truly repentant and has gone through therapy similar to the therapy this fellow has gone through. In all fairness, we have to ask the priest what he has done to make it up to the victim. Even through it may have taken place 10 or 15 or 20 years ago.

Beware of any response that involves a lawyer: “My lawyer said I can't do that.” Such a response precluded the possibility of forgiveness. It's hiding behind the lawyers. Our bishops have been doing that way too much and should be ashamed of themselves for doing so.

In summary, forgiveness needs to touch the heart of the victim if at all possible. Otherwise we will simply have a materialistic world in which all of our obligations are satisfied by monetary exchanges involving lawyers and all of our feelings are assuaged by clever therapies.

There is much more to forgiveness than these few little ideas shared above.

For example, a person can be so ashamed by the unspeakable harm he has caused young boys that he does not believe he is worthy of God's forgiveness. He would be very happy to see reparation if only he could bring himself to accept God's forgiveness in his life.

A very different example would be the powerless Jewish victims of the Nazi concentration camps where forgiveness of the capos and lesser guards brought peace to some in the midst of unthinkable horrors. Then there are the kidnapped hostages in the Middle East who, when liberated, talk about the feeling of freedom that came to them from praying for their persecutors.

On the other hand, it's pretty hard to pray for a devil like Hitler of Stalin or Pol Pot.

Just remember. None of this further example takes away for one moment the need for restitution if forgiveness is to take root in our lives.

Father Val J. Peter

is executive director

of Girls and Boys Town

in Omaha, Nebraska