THE TEMPERAMENT GOD GAVE YOU

by Art and Laraine Bennett

Sophia Institute, 2005

288 pages, $16.95

To order: (800) 888-9344 or sophiainstitute.com

With The Temperament God Gave You: The Classic Key to Knowing Yourself, Getting Along With Others, and Growing Closer to the Lord, Register Family Matters columnist Art Bennett collaborates with his wife Laraine to answer a real need for many Catholics.

Describing in detail the four classic temperaments first described by the Greek physician Hippocrates — the choleric, sanguine, melancholic and phlegmatic types — they guide readers to understand others’ behavioral tendencies and relational patterns.

This is key information for those who would set out to evangelize and catechize the world.

The book begins with a basic discussion of what temperament is, as opposed to personality, and then synopsizes each of the four temperaments. The Bennetts offer a quick temperament test at the beginning of Chapter 2, but I recommend taking the longer “Temperament Indicator Self-Test” at the end of the book before even beginning the chapters. The information will resonate more deeply if you receive it through the prism of your own self-understanding. And don't be surprised if you don't fit neatly into any one type: It is rare for anyone to do so; most of us have a dominant temperament with some traits of a secondary one.

Once you have your temperament(s) figured out, Art and Laraine help you understand your spouse's temperament and suggest helpful and concrete ways to understand and support him or her, keeping his or her temperament in mind.

This chapter really opened my eyes to the very real ways that temperaments affect the ways in which we respond. For example, cholerics (my husband) tend to be self-confident and self-reliant. They take charge and are goal-orientated. What I didn't realize was that they also need words of affirmation and need to be told that they are appreciated. I didn't know I had to tell my husband he was appreciated; I just thought he knew. By the same token, I made sure to highlight the section that lists tips on meeting your sanguine spouse's needs (that's me) — just in case he happens to pick up the book.

The Bennetts then go on to explain the dynamics of children's temperaments. From challenging the choleric to encouraging the phlegmatic child to take on leadership roles, the authors give those of us raising children practical tools we can apply in day-to-day life.

“One of the best tools (for parenting) is to understand the temperaments of our children,” they write. “This is the key to understanding their personality, and it gives us a handle on how to motivate them, how to express our appreciation, how not to let our buttons get pushed — in short, how to show our love for them in a way that encourages and motivates them, and helps them grow closer to God.”

In one of my favorite sections, the Bennetts show how a person's particular temperament affects his or her spiritual life. They point out the spiritual gifts and weaknesses of each temperament, and point to saints as role models for living with the particular temperaments.

And they encourage us not to just accept our imperfections, but rather to turn them into opportunities to grow in virtue. They explain that, when we “begin to see ourselves as we truly are, we can begin to make conscious changes for the better. All Christians — whatever their vocation, their state in life or their temperament — are called to holiness.”

Veronica M. Wendt writes from Steubenville, Ohio.