K.I.S.S. Discipline Hello

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BY Dr. Ray Guarendi Q. You often suggest using the corner as discipline for pre-schoolers and writing an essay for older children. What are your reasons? A. Simple — they're simple. Complex discipline approaches or fancy psychological tacks run headlong into an inescapable reality: human nature. There is a longstanding law of discipline. I made it up once while writing my column. It goes like this. The simpler the discipline, the more likely we are to do it. The more likely we are to do it, the better it works. The better it works, the less we have to do it. Today's overpsychologized parenting landscape is buried in the idea that elaborate is better. “Get a 4-foot by 8-foot sheet of butcher paper. Divide it into 1,044 squares. Each square represents 15 seconds. If the child behaves well for 15 seconds, put a checkmark in the square. When he behaves well for 10 squares in a row, reward him with a banana sticker. “Now, the trick to making this system really work …” You get the idea: Who sticks with anything like this for any length of time? The only people with this kind of energy and stamina have no children. This is why refrigerators are monuments to dead sticker systems. How many parents have begun some daily sticker-reward system designed to, say, get Hazel to do her chores — only to have it work miraculously the first nine days and then fade into discipline oblivion? Likewise, as children get older, the more complex our discipline, the more likely we are to exhaust, forget, relent or get confused. Now, I'm not saying that fancy can't work, or that lots of different consequences necessarily breed inconsistency. But, overall, the dictum K.I.S.S. — Keep It Short and Simple — is wise advice for disciplining kids. It's easier on our heads (more certainty), our hearts (less guilt), our wills (greater perseverance) and our homes (blessed peace). For instance, consider the basic corner. Corners are ubiquitous. They're everywhere. The average room has four of them. And, for those of us with large families, if we fill up one room, we've got others. Which is a chronic problem in our home, as corners can get backlogged. So I've taken a page from the justice system's manual. I hand the kids a sheet of paper that says, “Report next Wednesday at 2 a.m. You have corner time.” Also, to alleviate corner overcrowding, we've been forced to develop a halfway-couch program. Essays, too, possess corner-like benefits. They can be assigned any time, anywhere, any length. You can choose the topic — talk about consequences fitting the crime. Essays are also a natural timeout. When you're thinking and writing, you can't be doing anything else. Certainly you don't use the same discipline consequence for every offense. But having an everyday response for everyday misbehavior is smart discipline. Because another age-old law of discipline I made up in my old age is: A simple approach used well is far better than the most brilliant one used poorly and short. Dr. Ray Guarendi is the father of 10, a psychologist and an author. He can be reached at www.kidbrat.com. http://www.ncregister.com/info/email-a-friend/kiss-more-tweet-less