It’s Not Really About Marriage

Posted by Tom McFeely

Friday, March 06, 2009 4:11 PM

The picture that accompanied today’s Daily Blog post about Proposition 8 featured a pro-marriage advocate carrying a sign.

It displayed this pithy message: “A Moral Wrong Cannot Be a Civil Right.”

That’s very true. But supporters of so-called “homosexual marriage” have managed to convince many people otherwise, arguing that what’s really immoral is discriminating unjustly against homosexuals by denying them the opportunity to marry.

What’s wrong with this argument? First of all, discrimination isn’t the issue. Marriage by its nature can involve only a man and a woman, but every man and woman possesses an equal right to marry a person of the opposite sex.

Here’s another flaw in the “discrimination” argument: Empirical evidence from north of the border indicates most homosexuals don’t want to marry even when it’s legally possible.

Although homosexual “marriage” was legalized in Canada in 2005, census data for the following year found only 17% of homosexual couples were seeking to get married compared to 80% of heterosexual couples.

And those figures don’t come from a pro-family source; they were featured in an article published in September 2008 by the Canadian homosexual magazine XTRA!West.

Why aren’t Canadian homosexuals rushing to the altar? Here are some of the reasons cited in lesbian writer Jillian Deri’s XTRA!West article:

“I do not think that the church or the state should have any part in validating my relationships,” says Erica Hirshberger, a local queer woman. “It will be valid without their consent.”

“Personally, until I need some of the rights entitled only to married people I prefer to stay in an unmarried state of commitment with my current partner,” says Caro Moffatt, “because I find it very romantic to wake up every morning and choose to be together instead of staying together because of legal bonds.”

“I think owning property or having a pet is more of a commitment than a marriage,” adds Gloria Edith Hole.

The obligations of marriage are another sticking point for many homosexuals.

“Gay lawyer Ken Smith points to another disincentive to legalize vows,” Deri writes. “With marriage rights come obligations; you can’t opt in or out at will. For example, if you are common-law or married, you are expected to support your spouse and this changes access to welfare and social support, such as disability benefits. Income tax is also calculated differently for couples.”

Overall, Deri’s XTRA!West article suggests many homosexuals support marriage rights purely as a political statement, not as a result of a yearning to enter into marriages themselves. She writes that “same-sex marriage represents a reform movement that seeks to prove that queers are ‘just like everyone else.’ But many of us are not like everyone else — and unapologetically so.

“As Randy Morris, a Vancouver gay man, says, ‘I believe that many of us still believe that just by being gay, we have accepted unconventional perspectives on relationships. I actually have reveled in the idea of my relationship being unconventional. Marriage, to me, seems to signify an effort at conformity.’”

And here’s how Deri envisions the future of homosexual relationships: “I’d like to see more information, resources and support for all forms of relationships: single, polyamorous, coupled, friendship, chosen family or whatever our queer hearts can dream up.”

Filed under homosexuality, marriage