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When The New York Times marked the Aug. 13 passing of Helen Gurley Brown, it observed drily, “She was 90, though parts of her were considerably younger.”
The reporter’s reference to the longtime Cosmopolitan editor’s artificial enhancements would have been catty, were it not that Brown herself broadcast the sacrifices she made to remain “a sexual creature” (to borrow a phrase from her 1962 bestseller Sex and the Single Girl).
In books such as Having It All, she insisted that it was her ability to transform herself from a “mouseburger” (plain Jane) into a sex object that enabled her to live her dreams.
“Inner beauty” was not in Brown’s vocabulary. “The fact is,” she told The Washington Post in 1996, “if you’re not a sex object, that’s when you have to worry. To be desired sexually, in my opinion, is about the best thing there is.”
What happens, practically speaking, when you make being a sex object your highest aspiration in life? When you idolize being an idol?
On a societal level, the fallout from the Cosmo philosophy helped turn modern Western society into what John Paul II described in his “Letter to Families” as a “culture of use,” where “woman [becomes] an object for man, children a hindrance to parents, the family an institution obstructing the freedom of its members.” While Helen Gurley Brown insisted that sex for the single girl equaled “love” and “romance,” John Paul said that separating sex from the context of spousal self-gift reduces it to “a man’s and a woman’s mutual ‘use’ of each other.”
Far from being romantic, such use is, as John Paul writes, “the opposite of love.” It fosters an “egocentric and selfish” brand of individualism that seeks to destroy anything that gets in its way — even human life:
"Precisely in this situation we encounter everything which is diametrically opposed to 'fairest love' (Sirach 24:24). If an individual is exclusively concerned with 'use,' he can reach the point of killing love by killing the fruit of love.
“For the culture of use,” John Paul adds, “the ‘blessed fruit of your womb’ (Luke 1:42) becomes in a certain sense an ‘accursed fruit.’”
Is it any wonder that Brown, who was childless by choice, boasted that she directed the bulk of her philanthropy toward the National Abortion Rights Action League?
On a personal level, Brown’s obsession with objectification lends itself to a kind of spiritual schizophrenia, for one cannot be an object and a human being at the same time. Film director Mike Nichols expressed this truth in The Graduate by having Benjamin Braddock defend his affair with Mrs. Robinson with the argument that it meant nothing more to him than “shaking hands.” It was a laugh line because it was so patently ridiculous to claim that sexual intimacy could be so completely divorced from personal intimacy.
By contrast, Brown’s vision of sexual “freedom” requires of its adherents the superhuman (or, rather, subhuman) ability to separate their psyche from their physical exertions — the better to judge dispassionately whether Mr. Maybe is in fact Mr. Right. Time was when women were warned they might have to kiss a lot of frogs to find their handsome prince. The Cosmo girl has to shake a lot of hands.
From this spiritual disconnect emerges a psychological disconnect. Living the Cosmo philosophy for any length of time requires what Mary Eberstadt in Adam and Eve After the Pill calls a “will to disbelieve in some of the consequences of the sexual revolution.”
This “will to disbelieve” results in pathos, Eberstadt writes, as consumers of Cosmo and its ilk fail to see the irony in the media’s “wildly contradictory mix of chatter about how wonderful it is that women are now all liberated for sexual fun — and how mysteriously impossible it has become to find a good, steady, committed boyfriend at the same time.” As Dorothy Day once observed, “The disassociation of the flesh from the spirit is evil and a bitter fruit in the mouth.”
Psalm 115 warns that those who trust in idols become like them — without sight, without hearing, without feeling. So too, those who, like Brown, place their hopes at the foot of the altar of surgically enhanced “beauty” grow old as silicone does — becoming hard and brittle.
Pope Benedict XVI writes in Spe Salvi (Saved in Hope), “[Anyone] who does not know God, even though he may entertain all kinds of hopes, is ultimately without hope, without the great hope that sustains the whole of life (Ephesians 2:12).”
Although she attended Protestant church services during her youth, Helen Gurley Brown as an adult dismissed religious faith. She was fond of saying that “good girls go to heaven; bad girls go everywhere.” All the more surprising, then, that two years before the end of her life, she was moved to donate $1 million of her bad-girl fortune to a heavenly cause. Instead of writing yet another check to NARAL, she opted to give the seven-figure sum to Cardinal Hayes High School, a Catholic school for boys in the Bronx.
For Brown, the gift led to an invitation that must have been unusual even for a celebrity used to high-ticket events: an opportunity to attend a special Mass and ceremony at Cardinal Hayes in honor of another donor, Regis Philbin. And so it was that on an autumn morning in 2010, the 88-year-old widow, who by then required the support of a cane, was drawn into a most unexpected waltz.
The New York Times’ Vivian Yee reported that when Brown, waiting on the school steps, saw New York City Archbishop (not yet Cardinal) Timothy Dolan arrive, she tried to walk forward to greet him, but she started tottering. Archbishop Dolan spotted her and jogged up the steps to help. Meanwhile, the school’s marching band burst into the Cardinal Hayes marching song, inspiring the archbishop to take Brown in his arms and twirl her around.
Along with The Times’ story, which appeared after Brown’s death, there is a photograph of the cardinal and the Cosmo girl, at the moment Cardinal Dolan saved her from toppling. Seeing him holding her secure, I could not help but think of Bernini’s Colonnade at St. Peter’s Square, which the artist intended to represent the arms of the Church reaching out to embrace all who approach.
Cardinal Dolan is gazing directly at Brown’s face. She is not an “it” to him. She is a creation of God.
Brown is looking away — but with a peaceful smile.
The quaint King James translation of Psalm 49 asks, “Wherefore should I fear in the days of evil, when the iniquity of my heels shall compass me about?” Not even the iniquity of Helen Gurley Brown’s stiletto heels could keep her from making a step, however stumbling, towards a representative of Christ.
Let us pray that before her death she discovered, like St. Augustine, he who is the true Beauty — “ever ancient, ever new.”
Dawn Eden is the author of My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds With the Help of the Saints.
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Thank you for this article & the story about her donation to the school.I’m glad to hear of it.
Noone knows what’s in another’s heart at the hour of death but God.
Bravo. A masterful article, Dawn.
Good piece. As a male I’m surprised at how often I’m shocked at the Cosmo articles listed on the cover at the grocery store checkout line.
If she did repent before she dies, I hope she spends along time in purgatory for the lives she ruined, and for leading others into hell(thanks to her advices on committing adultery, fornicating, etc.). Perhaps she thinks she could buy heaven with her money. If she truly repented, she would have denounced Cosmopolitan magazine before she died.
I will pray for her wicked soul.
Why do catholic sites continue to idolize people who lived their lives in a way so opposed to any morals? This is why so many catholics are confused and think its ok to be pro-abortion and pro same sex marriage. Just because she gave a one time donation to a catholic school does not excuse her past immorality nor the fact that because of her magazine generations of women think their entire worth is tied to their promiscuity.
Marty,
Who’s idolizing? Did you and I read the same article??
@ marty: If you have been paying any attention, the articles on National Catholic Register have hardly ‘idolize(d)’ HGB and her ilk. Goodness. Look up Jennifer Fulwiler’s recent post on her on the occasion of her passing, for one. On what basis do you accuse Catholic sites of looking to the likes of HGB as an example of admirable behaviour, pray tell?
Oh, and I forgot to say kudos to Dawn Eden for a wonderful opinion piece. Thank you for this, Ms. Eden.
Wow, Marty, your idolatry detector must be a lot more sensitive than mine. Closest thing I could detect in the article to idolizing HGB is a faint wistful whiff of laborers hired at the last hour.
Repent and Believe, for your sake, and for everyone’s sake, I hope you’re wrong. I hope and pray and believe that God’s mercy is unfathomable. We cannot measure it in our human terms, using our human measurements. Why does she have to denounce the magazine, in order to be saved? You don’t know what’s in her heart, and you don’t know how she felt, spoke, acted, or prayed in her final days, hours, minutes, seconds . . .
Only God does.
Marty- It isn’t idolizing, unless you think that by having an article with her name in it qualifies. It’s really more about the contrast between her entire life and that one moment. I am pretty sure everyone has at least one moment like that where the only response is “huh…that was….hmmm” somewhere on their earthly pilgrimage. Hers just may have come really really late. We call it hope, and that moment may have been the door opening for it.
I have read books on hell and purgatory throughout the years, regardless if these books are true or false, I remember that someone in purgatory said that she was being punished for some sinful pictures that were taken and seen throughout the world….she was to be in purgatory till the last person who would commit sin with her pictures would exist…...this story isn’t about gurley brown, but about someone who was posing nude for pictures and what she said about being punished in purgatory…true or false our society has lost its sense of sin..especially sins of impurity..the filth of impurity has pervaded society completely and no one is immune to it..Our Lady Of Fatima said a young friend of the 3 children would be in purgatory till the end of the world…in my opinion our world is worse than sodom and gomorrah and since God sent His Justice down on it, one shudders to think what is coming soon to our world from Gods Justice
I don’t think this article idolizes Mrs. Brown at all. It certainly points out her contributions to our toxic culture, but holds out the hope that maybe - just maybe she was touched by Grace at the end.
Ms. Dawn does good work drawing out the logic of a life lived like Mrs. Brown’s, but as is common in our culture, the necessary consequences are left unspoken: that these lives do not drag themselves down only, but millions of others attracted by their glamour and fame. And yet for those other millions of women who internalize and repeat the little maxims of “Cosmo,” sin will be sordid rather than glamorous; instead of a succession of rich husbands, it will be a bad boy boyfriends, an unsatisfying husband, and loneliness in old age.
It is a bit of a stretch, although extremely popular these days, to also read an epic conversion of heart into the most unlikely shreds of evidence. In the vast majority of the country the man in the street sees that Catholic schools are not really Christian in primary purpose but generic multicultural humanitarian.
I think most readers understand what I am saying, but for those who don’t: My point is not that Brown did “repent and believe”—I don’t know what was in her mind and heart as she died—but rather that God’s mercy is always available for those who do. That should give hope to those labors hired at the last hour (thanks, Richard A), and should make those who received the faith earlier pray harder for the living and the dead.
Unnatural sexual practices may be more “pleasing” when others are urged to participate and then respond by revealing their personal experiences to strangers. For some reason, people have a penchant for getting into other people’s business through hearing sordid, sexually exciting stories.
Many magazine readers are learning - too late - that some publications merely train them to be sexually promiscuous. Promoting out-of-wedlock sex, abortion as a “cure” for the illness of pregnancy, and glorifying materialism always yield results that are unfulfilling and, to varying extents, dangerous. When our soul is compromised, sometimes the only answer to our delusion is another person’s willingness to be truly kind.
Thank God for Catholics who see the seed of “personhood” in everyone, just like Christ does. Thank you, Dawn Eden, for this much-needed article.
Thank you for the excellent article. So much of it, especially the ending, read like poetry!
I still have vivid memories of the appearance of Florence Henderson and Helen Gurley Brown on the Mike Douglas Show in August 1972(five months before Roe v Wade) in which Florence Henderson totally upstaged Helen Gurley Brown with a beautiful description about the beauty of childbirth
This article hits the bullseye probably without even knowing it. This woman, of very questionable repute, is talked into giving $1 million to Cardinal Hayes H.S. Why would the school accept it? Why was Abp. Dolan there, to accept a gift of the wages of sin? It is really all of a piece isn’t it? And now this same man, as a CARDINAL, has invited the most evil president this Country has ever had, to the Al Smith Dinner.
Yes, I agree only God knows what was in her heart when she died. He also knows how many abortions resulted from the promiscuity promoted in her magazine.
Manfred—you are correct, its all about the money. That one million dollars is most certainly blood money.
Dawn, this is absolutely BRILLIANT. Thank you. For the first time in her life HGB fell into the arms of a man who wanted nothing but her salvation. Luke 15:7 says, “... there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” Thank you for Cardinal Dolan for truly being the arms of Christ.
Ms. Brown (or is it “Gurley Brown?”) has passed on from this life into the Hands of God. She has no further need for, or ability to benefit from, our reproaches. Nor can WE merit by heaping them up against her. For her our only duty is to hope that she did in fact avoid hell, and then to pray for mitigation of—both in intensity and duration—any time she may spend in purgatory. Admonitions to avoid or repent of her lifestyle are for the living, not the dead.
Marty and Manfred, every single donation to the church is made by a sinner.
It seems that Helen Gurley Brown’s defiled soul was receiving intimations of immortality in that she would make such a donation. It is a pity that instead of treating her with the dignity due from a man of the cloth, Cardinal Dolan twirled her back into her girlie image. God’s mercy on both of them and us.
If Ms. Brown was “receiving intimations of immortality” which motivated her donation, then that is a very hopeful sign. It may well have led to a deathbed—or even a pre-deathbed conversion—and there is more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over 99 who have no need of it (or perhaps who THINK they have no need of it.) If that be the case, A henneberry, let’s not rain on that parade and sound like Pharisees snickering at the fact that Jesus ate with sinners. As for Ms. Brown’s “defiled soul,” let’s leave her judgment to God and make sure our own souls are not “defiled” in the sight of God.
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