NEW YORK — Much media attention has recently been focused on off-field violence — some proven, some alleged — involving NFL players.

San Francisco 49ers defensive end Ray McDonald was arrested Aug. 31 on suspicion of domestic violence. A video showing former Baltimore Ravens’ running back Ray Rice punching and knocking out his wife, then his fiancée, was released to the public, and Minnesota Vikings’ running back Adrian Peterson was charged with child abuse.

With these stories simultaneously in the public eye, the conclusion is sometimes drawn that being a professional football player makes one more likely to be involved in off-the-field violence, especially of the domestic sort. However, statistics paint a different picture. The overall arrest rate for NFL players is only 13% of the national average for men ages 25 to 29, and the NFL’s domestic violence arrest rate is 55.4% of the corresponding national average.

These numbers don’t surprise former Cleveland Browns’ linebacker Eric Mahl, whose college and professional football experiences included regular classes on how to conduct oneself off the field. 

“At Kent State University and then in my time with the Browns in 2005, we had classes on what to do in a lot of situations — everything from financial transactions to player-fan interaction,” he said. “They wanted players to be good examples for others, so we got help in college and the pros to do that.”

Some of the help included sessions on anger management, a topic Mahl had trouble with in high school: “I used to get angry at people and yell at them, but the closer I got to Jesus Christ, who said, ‘Learn from me, because I am meek and humble of heart,’ anger became less and less of a problem. By the time of the anger-management sessions in college, there was little need left for them in my case, but the school was doing what it could to help us be good examples.”

Mahl, who is currently an assistant formator for the Marian Missionaries of Divine Mercy, believes the public should be able to expect not only high-level football, but good role models, from collegiate and NFL players. He even says players have a duty to exercise virtuous lives so that the public, especially the youth, will have good examples.

“People are looking for leaders,” he said, “so professional athletes have an excellent opportunity to demonstrate how to be virtuous men. Some athletes take advantage of that opportunity, and some don’t.”

For the latter type of athlete, Mahl offers an explanation: “There are many false conceptions today of what it means to be a man, and they seem to stem from pride. If I’m the measure of all things, then whenever someone contradicts my supremacy, I’m going to retaliate to redeem myself: I’ve had my ego bruised, so I’m going to fight back. This might seem powerful on a superficial level, but it’s actually a great weakness.”

Transforming weakness into strength is done via the road of humility, Mahl said, because strong men are those who have recognized their weaknesses, asked for God’s forgiveness, and then made him the center of their being. They know that God is the source of any of their talents, and it is only in communion with him that anyone finds his purpose in life.

Mahl sees the paradox in giving up control to God: “When we make ourselves the top priority, we lose self-control; but when we give up control to the Lord, we end up having self-control given to us, which we can use in difficult situations. This is the beauty of grace: We can only be restored by entering into communion with Christ. This is why deep prayer is so necessary for anyone who wants to overcome his own sinful tendencies — because prayer is a communication with the Divine Mercy, which is the entryway to everlasting life.”

 

Saintly Advice

Former New Orleans Saint and 49ers’ wide receiver Danny Abramowicz remembers some off-the-field violence during his eight-year career (1967-1974), but nothing as extreme as a player punching a girlfriend in the face.

“I recall some bar fights, but nothing like what we’re seeing today,” the former All-Pro said. “Maybe things like that did happen, but they weren’t reported, because we didn’t have media outlets that were so far-reaching. I don’t remember seeing or hearing of any incidents that bad, though.”

Abramowicz readily acknowledges that football is a violent sport, and he urges players to keep the aggression on the field.

“If you want to show me how tough you are, you’re not going to do it by punching your girlfriend,” he said. “Show me by intercepting the ball, catching a touchdown pass or making a good block. Keep the aggression on the field, where it belongs.”

This happens, Abramowicz believes, when players take their responsibilities seriously, but not themselves: “Like it or not, if you’re a professional athlete, you are a role model, so you need to get your ego in check and think in terms of how you can be a good example to the people who look up to you. You should think in terms of giving rather than taking, and you’re [then] able to see the humor in a difficult situation rather than taking offense.”

Abramowicz took his football fame and concern for others and created Crossing the Goal, a multifaceted Catholic outreach to men. The purpose of Crossing the Goal is to encourage men to be the husbands, fathers, brothers and sons God meant them to be, a need Abramowicz sees often.

“Just this spring,” the Steubenville, Ohio, native noted, “I had to break up what was becoming a physical fight between two dads: at a tee-ball game, of all places. I told these guys they were making fools of themselves. If you give your kids that kind of example, what do you expect them to act like? I think we [as a society] feed our kids with the wrong ideas about what success is, and we let them get away with things as long as they’re performing on the field.”

Abramowicz thinks better parenting is necessary and that it should have God as its foundation: “The biggest thing to reduce anger and increase good behavior is to make the Lord No. 1. Invite the Lord into your life, and be a godly man.

“A godly man is patient, honorable and righteous. This doesn’t mean he’ll get everything right all the time, but he will recognize his abilities as blessings and then use them to help other people: A man who puts his trust in the Lord can encourage his sons to do the same, and they can, in turn, influence others for the better.”

 

Thinking Things Out

Sport psychologist Jack Curtis has endeavored to influence others for the better in his career. He has more than 30 years of experience assisting professional and Olympic athletes, and he has worked for the Philadelphia Phillies since 2010. Most of his time has been spent helping athletes achieve peak performances, but he has also worked with individuals who have had anger-related problems.

Curtis has found the vast majority of professional athletes he works with to be respectful people who exercise self-control on and off the field. However, he believes football players tend to have more aggressive personalities than baseball players, and they also have less tolerance for failure, because of the nature of their game.

“In order to make the NFL, you have to be aggressive, and because you have fewer opportunities to perform, compared to Major League Baseball players, each play in each game can be taken extremely seriously,” explained Curtis.  He went on: “In baseball, if you fail seven times out of 10 at the plate, you’ll make the Hall of Fame. In football, if you fail to complete seven out of 10 passes, you won’t make it through the rest of the season.”

The common psychological makeup of football players, when combined with the heightened importance of each play, can lead to stress off the field, but Curtis does not believe it’s an excuse for violence. Instead, he thinks a player with an anger problem should take the steps necessary to overcome it.

He says that one of the most important tasks for someone with anger-related issues is to identify the places and/or people that have led to outbursts in the past. Some places to avoid include bars and casinos, especially at night and when alcohol or drugs are involved.

“A lot of stories involving athlete violence occur late at night in places of entertainment,” Curtis said. “This isn’t surprising, because lack of sleep, substance abuse and the frenetic pace of modern entertainment all combine to agitate [people] and make violence more likely.”

When the trigger for outbursts is a person, Curtis advises two main avenues: avoidance or preparation.

“If you know that a certain person can be irritating to you, then you can plan to avoid his company as much as possible,” he said. “However, if you must be near that person (who might be a co-worker, for instance) you can rehearse the situation mentally, which helps you come up with constructive ways of dealing with it.”

Curtis has helped athletes prepare to overcome their anger by role-playing. He plays the part of the irritating person, while the athlete says or does things that reduce the chances of the situation escalating into yelling or violence. By the time the athlete encounters the real-life situation, he is prepared with a thought-out response, rather than an emotional reaction.

 

Reliance on Prayer

A great means for avoiding anger — or any other disordered passion — that Curtis strongly recommends is prayer: “The act of praying is itself humble, because you’re acknowledging your need for help. Someone who prays knows he can’t go it alone, so he asks God for wisdom and strength. He opens himself up to grace by communicating with God.”

Curtis concluded, “The general cry for help can also lead to meditation on the passion of Jesus, which is an immense source of taming angry impulses and growing in humility.

“Thinking about how the Son of God willingly chose to be humbled in a most extraordinary way helps us to accept or even embrace the negatives in our lives. When we remember what Jesus went though, suddenly, our crosses become so much smaller and easier to bear.”

Register correspondent Trent Beattie writes from Seattle.