In my diocese, Catholic schools are for wealthy Protestants and Catholics who practice birth control. Most people would have trouble paying the tuition for one child and two would be a real stretch. As a result, the best Catholic schools here are majority Protestant (I sometimes joke that the sisters have a ministry to wealthy non-Catholics—which may be necessary, but is hardly heroic).

Even the parish schools, which aren’t any better academically than good public schools, stick you for so many “donations” that you might as well have sent the kids to the top-tier order schools to begin with.

After the second child, we decided the best move was to buy a house in a good public school district rather than have a school tuition payment that rivaled or surpassed what we were paying for our mortgage each month.

The Catholic part of the education that we would have been paying a premium for, we are quite capable of accomplishing ourselves.

For all that, I still think Catholic schools are important, especially the few that try to serve children in low-income neighborhoods where the public schools are awful. But, for the rest of us, they are far from indispensable.

And, I would like to add: Get involved at your public school. Request the good teachers. I have been on the high school sex ed committee for 17 years (since my oldest of 7 started high school). Only Catholic and Protestant parents are on the committee. We, very long ago took the school from using Planned Parenthood material to stressing abstinence and vetoing any material that said, “Abstinence is the best but if you are going to have sex let us instruct you….”

Now, as my youngest is about to graduate, I was thinking of retiring from this committee but last year we had to fight a Kaiser Permanente drama that had a lot of good info but had dancing penises with condom hats. We almost lost but the committee prayed and fasted and the play was canceled by the superintendent. I think this war may be escalating. So I can’t retire yet.

I love your humor, wisdom, and grace, Simcha, and I just know my daughters and I would get along famously with your nose-picking kids.

“but last year we had to fight a Kaiser Permanente drama that had a lot of good info but had dancing penises with condom hats.”
Holy crap.
I went to public school (except for a few short stints of homeschool, at my request) and my mother was constantly “fighting the system” on stuff like that.  I’m guessing it’s better that I wasn’t exposed to some of the programs, but I was constantly embarrassed and even ridiculed by the other students for being opted out of certain classes and programs.
I don’t want my kids fed a bunch of garbage, either, but I don’t think I have it in me to fight the system for the next 20 years.  My gut reaction would be to yank them out of the school completely rather than be the self-appointed moral authority.  And who knows… that would probably scar my children more than exposing them to horrible programs.  Ugh.
Man, this parenting stuff IS hard!

I love this post!  Your children are the light of world and should not be confined to home. You have raised them well.  They were ready.  You still will be homeschooling them, but on Catholicism.

I love that this has happened for your kids.  We have 6 children and have done a little of everything as far as school goes.  I know that terrible knot in your stomach when you send your kids off to the big bad public school.  It’s not so bad after all.  My children have had more opportunities for growth and kindness than at any other time, I think.  We and our children are supposed to be salt, light, yeast….  Not to be put under a basket and hidden.  We are supposed to be in the world and not of the world.  I’m not saying to throw the kids to the wolves.  Careful consideration is always necessary in deciding about education.  I just think we can’t be afraid of everything.  God always gives you what you need, and he does so with your children, too.

As usual, Simcha, you present what should be a “duh” concept (each child and family is different!  Educational choices are not a one-size-fits-all concept!  God can and does bring forth good from bad!) with charity, humor, and intelligence.  Even though I am not an advocate for conventional schooling, it’s just as ridiculous to pretend that all conventional schools are blood-frenzied orgies as it is to pretend that all homeschoolers are unsocialized closet children.

Nice article, and so true.

A sideline to your thoughts in the article: I was deeply irked recently when a commenter on a “mom blog” accused homeschoolers of sheltering their kids in a bubble and not letting them experience the “real world”. But when I read of your experience it seems to validate my personal thoughts on it, as has the experience of close friends of ours who are transistioning from homeschooling to part-time public middle and high school: By “sheltering” your children in the early grades, you had the chance to enduringly teach your Catholic values without intense secular competition. Now that your kids are in a more secular environment those foundational values can come forth to lead others without being irreparably tarnished.

Or maybe I’m just looking too hard for validation of my ideas. What do you think? Were your early years of homeschooling essential to what you are seeing in your kids now? Or could you have fought the good fight while they were in public school from Day 1?

Regardless, I agree that homeschooling, private school, public school, etc. - none of them are one-size-fits-all, but have different benefits and different challenges for each family. What a blessing that we have choices!

This was exactly my experience!  I was homeschooled until 8th grade, soaking in a love of the faith and a lot of apologetics.  When I attended a very secular public high school that Catholic love and knowledge was perfectly sufficient to keep me grounded and confident in who I was.  I loved every bit of high school and knew how to respond when teachers pushed atheistic agendas.

For all the people scared of what is being taught in school about sex education, you just need to get to them first and explain to them your values.  Just as Simcha points out they know the difference between right and wrong, but only if you take the time to teach them.

@Denise: You asked , “What do you think? Were your early years of homeschooling essential to what you are seeing in your kids now? Or could you have fought the good fight while they were in public school from Day 1?”
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I really don’t know.  We homeschooled for different reasons at different times, and I think some of my kids would have done better if they had been in a classroom from the beginning; whereas some of them might be doing better if they were homeschooled now.  I don’t think there is any formula that produces ideal, well-rounded children, because there are so many variables in personality from child to child, and so many of your circumstances can change as a family.  My point wasn’t really that I had stumbled into the ideal plan, but that there is almost always something good and unexpected to be found, even when your original plans don’t work out!
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@capitalcee:  I mostly agree with you, but it is a fact that some of what passes for “sex education” is something that no child (or adult!) should be exposed to, no matter how well-grounded they are.  Some kids are more vulnerable than others, and things they hear when they are young can plague them forever, no matter what good things they hear at home.  So this, especially, is a matter where parents need to be especially vigilant when sending their kids to school.

Loved this article!  I don’t have kids yet, but this gives me something to think about when I do have them. :)

Also, Simcha, can I say I love your hair in that picture without sounding like a creepy stalker? Because I do.

My three older siblings were in public school for most of their education.  I was in Catholic school from fourth grade on.  It’s also safe to say that I was always the “rebel”, and managed to spend those years far less faithful than my siblings.  Which I think goes to show that my parents gave us all a good grounding, and knew not to worry about the ones they didn’t need to worry about.
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However.  I don’t think a Catholic college can be overestimated.  It was the one rule my parents had when we searched for higher education.  Not attending a Catholic college never really entered my mind.  And many, many of these schools provide excellent financial aid that kids just don’t even know about, and assume private college = too expensive.

This is exactly the place we are this month regarding decisions for next school year.  And this is exactly the emotional place I am regarding said decisions for next school year.  After 6 years of private Catholic schooling, it looks as though we may have to go the public school route for our 3 girls, and I go back and forth between panic and faith that we are making the right choice for our family.  Your words helped ground me today and I am grateful.

My kids are at a public charter school as well, and we’ve had a similar experience—our kids stand up for themselves and others because they get a solid grounding at home and in our parish.  At least they learn how to defend the faith, be proud of their difference, and be a kind Christian in a mixed-culture world.    I’m pretty sure my in-laws don’t get it, though: it’s homeschooling or “the right” Catholic school (not that there is anything wrong with those options—they just weren’t the best for us).

Ms. Fisher, thank you for writing what you’ve written.  I needed to read something like this.

I totally disagree.  It is not necessarily the students that you have to worry about but the teachers and the curriculum.  Both usually approach education from a radical point of view.  When I attended public school I saw things that I never should have seen and experienced things that I never should have experienced.  The agenda at charter schools also tends to be very in line with “the left”.  I would be very careful because years of subtle indoctrination can cause your children to lose their faith.  It’s that old frog in the boiling pot metaphor.

@R:  I have never heard that charter school tend to go “left!”  I’m sure that must vary from region to region.  In some parts of the country, just the opposite is true.  And, of course, your child is just as likely these days to be indoctrinated with false ideas by teachers in a Catholic school—so I suppose I agree with you that it’s always good to be wary.  It’s just silly to assume that a particular type of school always = a particular ideology.

“It deprives the world of your wonderful children.”

Sigh - that does sound so noble. But, let us think here: Who are we to offer up our fragile seedlings into the mouth of the lion?  Of course, many parents simply cannot homeschool, so they pray their children through those tempestuous years of public education - and a loving God is most generous. But, when we can homeschool, why should we Catholics moms and dads who, by and large, select our own environments and surround ourselves with comforts of Catholic friends that share our faith feel free to launch our children willy nilly into a potentially immoral irreligious school world: “Dear child, stay holy, be good, be a light to your friends, don’t get sucked into the vortex of lies and promises.” For crying out loud, they’re kids in formation, and it is our duty to form them adn protect them. They are seedlings, and seedlings are not deeply rooted. Caution must be observed.

Is it possible that in offering this apologetic, the author is giving a sense of permission to other parents who read her column: It’s not too bad – your kids will be shining lights to their peers?  One would hope so – but one can never be sure.  As parents, we don’t get a second chance.

Simcha, thank you for this awesome column!

I had always hoped to homeschool our kids, but it’s becoming clear that my oldest (now 4), who has some special needs, is benefitting hugely from interacting with other kids at his preschool. My husband was never really on board with the idea of homeschooling, and now seeing the results that we are with his preschool, I also have to admit that school environment does seem to be doing him a world of good. Thank you for reminding me that it doesn’t mean that I’m tossing him to the wolves ;)

Very well done article, thank you. We’re a military family living in Germany, so we know many homeschoolers and families that have no other choice than the on-base public school. The “Catholic” part of growing up falls on the family and the parish. I’ve always thought that good Catholic primary education was worth the effort for the value of - values.

One thing from the article that struck me is: “I’d love for my kids to be able to pray before meals without feeling weird, to talk about their many siblings without being the oddball—to be in a place where being Catholic is normal and accepted, just part of everyday life.” The value of Catholic schooling is that it may be the only place outside of the home and parish that exposes children to a shared community identity.

Like I said, we live in Germany - in Bavaria where being Catholic is part of everyday life. Church feasts and holy days are public holidays. We send our children to the local school, not on base, where every classroom has a Crucifix and religion class is Catholic religious education. The protestant kids in the school get a separate teacher for their religion lessons.

To live in community of Christian, and above that, Catholic culture is a blessing. I pray that it’s possible for all Catholic children to have a sense community that goes beyond the privacy of the home and the obvious institution of the parish church building.

Some readers seem to be missing Simcha’s point - that public school need not be “the mouth of the lion” (as Donna assumes) or a “boiling pot” as R. assumes.  My nieces and nephews have attended various small public schools, parochial schools, and private Catholic schools, and they’ve had by far the best experiences with the public schools in the mix - better math & reading teaching, a better atmosphere, nicer teachers and kids.  Contrary to popular opinion in some circles, most public school teachers are NOT itching to teach your kids to use condoms or worship devils in third grade.  If anything, they tend to be more responsive to parental concerns - e.g., no public school teacher wants to pick fights with parents who don’t want their kids in sex-ed, whereas Catholic schools often insist it’s mandatory.  Having gone through public school myself, I’m always startled by the things friends from the homeschool community assume must have happened at my schools.  Also, their assumption that school must have been my primary formative influence.

Yes, thank you, ARM.  Not only are public schools often quite good, but Catholic schools are often quite bad, sadly.  Not only are the academics the same or worse than public schools, but private and diocesan schools are often starved for funding, and will put up with despicable behavior from the children of major donors, because they need to stay afloat.  Not only that, but your child may very well be surrounded with children who are rebelling against Catholicism, or children who have been brought up to roll their eyes at the actual teachings of the faith.  Ironically, they may find a much more friendly reception to their faith from people who are entirely secular.

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There are some good Catholic schools and some bad ones; some good public schools and some bad ones; and some good home schools and some bad ones.  Everyone who says, “Just do what I do and your children will turn out right!” is living in cloud cuckoo land.

I live in a state where the public schools are consistently rated among the lowest 5 in the nation. My spouse is a product of that school system & insisted we spend every penny we had to save our kids from the public schools & send them to Catholic schools. No, our diocese isn’t perfect. There are things I’d change if I had the power. That said, our kids are still Catholic & they’re raising their kids Catholic & I am a staunch advocate of the Catholic school system in this country & our ancestors who worked to develop & sustain it.

I went to parochial schools my whole life, as did all of my many siblings. A couple of us are still Catholic.

As for my multitude of children, homeschool is just not an option for several different reasons. The local parochial school would cost me 75 percent of my annual salary next year, if I were to send my school aged kids there. If I get a scholarship, it might only cost 50 percent.

The public schools in my area are pretty good.

To those who think that Catholic schools are only for the wealthy and Protestant and those who practice birth control, stop. Have you gone to the school you would wish to attend?  Have you spoken with the pastor and the principal about your specific situation?  Have you applied for financial aid from the diocese and have you prayed to God for help to send your children where you feel called (and I mean called), to send them. I know of many faithful Catholics who sacrifice to send their children to Catholic schools.  There are large families and small ones that do not use birthcontrol.  In our world these days, it is always assumed the smaller ones have forfeited the Church’s teachings onr this matter; and that is a cruel judgement that smacks of little charity.
With regards to costs, the truth is that a lot of times, the Church will yield, will make room, will take into account the double sacrifice necessary to send children to Catholic schools, so ask if this the case. 

And while one size doesn’t fit all, as Simcha’s very wise and good piece reveals, when Catholic schools are necessary/needed/a vocation, a way will be found.  March on, God will provide in lavish abundance what we cannot.

After 9 years of Catholic education, I switched to public school. I was a good kid but I had always had a vice - I like to swear. Not in front of my parents or responsible adults but with my peers I was a bit of a sailor and I was actually excited about letting loose with the wild hooligans that I could only imagine waited for me at public school. Well, as I was talking to some very friendly girls that first day I conversationally cursed. I don’t remember what I said, but I do remember the silence that followed not just from the girls but from the whole room. I quickly learned to gauge my audience better when cursing and to not so quickly judge people I didn’t know. At Catholic school we knew that we were the good kids, far superior to the public school kids so the things that we did were deemed good kid things. For example, in high school the drinking was ok because it wasn’t drugs like those crazy public school kids. (The nice kids I knew at public school didn’t drink or do drugs.) If you’re holding on to the hope that the Catholic kids will be a good example because they’re Catholic (teachers too) my experience has definitely been that we Catholics are just as messed up as the rest of the population but many think that they’re not because they’re Catholic!

Thanks Simcha.  We transferred our children from a parochial school to the public school in town.  You would have thought that we were sending them to Khandahar from the reaction that we received from some parents.  At first it really bothered me.  But after a few years of being in the public school I’ve come to really appreciate the dedication of the teachers and the diversity of the students.  The art and music programs are top notch.  They are happy and thriving.

The biggest hurdle that I had to get over, however, was that I couldn’t make my children keep their faith throughout their lives. I thought that by sending them to Catholic school it would guarantee that they remain Catholic. It was an easy out for me.  I’ve since realized that it’s not up to me, it’s the Holy Spirit’s job.  I can bring them to the well, but they have to drink it themselves.

I’m so tired of the “public schools are so bad” tirade amongst people who don’t use them, haven’t been in them in 30 years or don’t have children who have to attend them.  Seriously.  Get a life. 
Nobody’s life is perfect.  Your children will not be perfect if you keep them at home until they are 18.  We live in a fallen world.  Do the best with what you have and leave the rest to God.  This whole mindset that you can create perfect children by perfecting their environment is just ridiculous. Nobody perfects anything but Christ.  And Christ comes to all people, not just those who are brought up in Catholic homeschooling land.

It is said of the late and great Bishop Fulton Sheen ,“I tell my relatives and best friends, ‘If you want your children to fight for their faith, send them to public school. If you want them to lose their faith, send them to Catholic school.”

I agree that the cost of Catholic school is cost prohibitive for most families.  We have six children and currently send 4 to our parish school.  Tuition will rise 13% next year.  We can afford it - but barely.  The academically excellent Catholic high school is currently over $12,000 a year/per child - no multiple child discount.  There is little financial aid.  What chance does a larger family have of providing Catholic high school? Our household income is close to $200k a year and we can’t touch $35k+ a year for our three children who would be in H.S. at the same time. Sigh.  If we sent all six to Catholic high school it would cost $288,000 (in today’s dollars.  My youngest is 2, so it would higher)  S E R I O U S L Y?!

Over the years we’ve done public grade school, Catholic independent, two different parish schools, and homeschooling.  I used to think if we just picked the right school we’d be certain of holy happy well educated children.  It so doesn’t work that way.  I had been dominated by fear, but after much prayer I was finally delivered.  I know that sound extreme - but I really fell it was almost a demonic spirit pestering me about all the things that I could/should do for our children’s education - always afraid I’d pick/do the wrong one. It didn’t help that I had fallen in with a group of home schoolers who were totally afraid of everything in the world . . . Anyway, about 3 years ago I was healed and trust more in Jesus’ plan for my children’s education. Now I am at peace . . . thanks be to God!

I appreciate this article a lot, Simmy.  I was homeschooled after my parents discovered and lost the battle of Planned Parenthood’s K-12 sex education being piloted in our public school.  That was 1986.  Having seen my nieces and nephews be raised and sent to a mixture of homeschooling, Catholic schools and public schools it is clear that each child is an individual and each family’s circumstance is unique in accordance to their resources.  I just finished watching “Waiting for Superman” and it appears that Charter Schools may be the only saving grace for some children, especially those in one-parent families.

I don’t quite understand though, why the comments tend to get so vitriolic against one form or another when the point of the article is that lessons can be learned from all situations, and you’re grateful that your kids are doing so well in their charter school.  Since I happen to know the area that you live in, it is clear that a charter school is a necessary alternative to the public schools there. 

In fact, I think some children really do better “being at home for 18 years”, and some are better in an environment where they have to learn to do with all types of kids.  Some of my nieces that went to public school found friends among the Seventh Day Adventists because those were the kids who didn’t swear, didn’t drink, weren’t having sex, and were sincerely nice kids.  The rest of the school, not so much. 

I think it helps too, when you have a large family.  Oftentimes the siblings are the best friends and the girl with no friends is easier to hang out with for a few hours, because your daughter can come home and play with some really cool kids all the time.

I am smiling as I remember my son as a freshman at an excellent Catholic college.  Upon hearing that he went to public high school, a classmate responded, “Wow.  Do you do drugs?”  (He explained that it’s not actually mandatory.)

I’m sorry to report this, I truly am.  But I have looked around carefully.  And I see more Christian witness, Catholic and otherwise, from our local public high school than from the local Catholic high schools.  They often seem to be more interested in turning out high-end lawyers than dynamic Catholics.  Sigh.

Now, in another part of the world, you may have other, better options for Catholic education.  Or there may be great homeschool options that work for your family.

Honestly, the answer is, “it depends.”  We all have to evaluate what’s available to us, pray, and take our best shot.  And you know, that is all we are asked to do.

My family is fortunate to a have a good Catholic elementary school twenty minutes away.  At $3,200.00 per year it is not prohibitively expensive even though we have several children.  Most importantly it has remained truly Catholic.  Unfortunately, in my area the public schools are super liberal and tend to praise much that christians find offensive.  When and where I grew up attending public schools most of my classmates we from practicing Catholic families.  Most of the rest were practicing Jews or protestants.  I fit in.  Now my children wouldn’t fit in.  Moreover, they might well be ostracized if they voice support for church teachings.  Just look up my username.

Thank you for writing this- especially on this blog where it could be a bit controversial.  You rule.

I think the question is not only, “Do my kids have the Faith right now” but also “Will my kids keep the Faith all their lives?”

We can’t make them do that, no matter what type of school we choose. But, as parents, we have the responsibility to offer them the environment most conducive to helping them keep their Faith permanently.

We choose to “protect” our kids at home, because we think that gives them the best chance of being completely rooted in Catholicism. When they are mature young adults, then we will send them out to become defenders of truth - just as soldiers are not sent out until they have been fully trained.

All Christians as well!

Linked back here from Jennifer’s post (9/14/11)... and wanted to say THANK YOU for such an elegant post.  It put so many of my own feelings into words!!!

This is a very interesting article but I think we need to remember that the author and everyone posting here are from vastly different areas. In my experience public schools in one area can be an entirely different animal than public schools in another area. Where in one part of the country sending your child to a public or parochial school is equal to sennding them into a dragons mouth, in another part of the country it is a viable option for raising kids Catholic. Maybe instead of making blanket statements about public,parochial, and homeschool, we would be wiser making our decisions based on the individual schools in our area as well as our child’s individual needs.