Cheers to this! I remember friends of mine thinking I was CRAZY for refusing noise-making toys. Then a study came out about children having hearing loss due to the cacophony of noise and I was hailed as brilliant and caring. My motive stayed the same: I didn’t want to be annoyed. However, we are at a stage where instrument lessons are reasonable, so we’ve only banned the recorder. Not even the drums can get under my skin like the sound of “Mary Had a Little Lamb” on a recorder.

Great article Simcha!

All the fuss over the breastfeeding doll made me want to hit my head on my desk. It was so not that big of a deal. But the doll itself? You are right, kind of lame.
...
For all the toys my little ones have from others, their favorite things to play with are the garden hose and dirt. Hooray for childhood!

You might be able to find “My Puppy Puddles” on ebay.

I was conflicted about this as well especially after reading Elizabeth Esther’s post on it a while back. Having two registered sex offenders within walking distance of our home, I am loathe to have a toy that may entice someone of that “persuasion” for my kids. I also despise toys that talk or make noise. I live with a husband, who adores them. They come in, I throw them out. In fact, starting with the next child’s birthday in September, I will explicitly put that out there for family. No toys that contain more than five pieces (to punish me, last Christmas, my mother-in-law gave my oldest son a 1000 piece “construction kit” whose pieces were promptly lost by December 26th, I am still finding and throwing them away now), no toys that require batteries and no toys that make noise.

My older daughter did indeed “breastfeed” her dolls when she was little, and it WAS adorable! (Now she is breastfeeding real babies!) I love your description of how your children play, because it reminds me so much of my own. My girls once set up Barbie church, with as many dolls as they could round up.

They ruined Strawberry Shortcake and my daughters said her hair made them gag, so that was the end of nostalgia toy buying for me.

———

I must say I heard about the breastfeeding baby doll and laughed until I cried.  It reminded me of one of my little sisters who used to put on our mom’s bra over her clothes, stuff it, and play “waitress.”  I have no idea where she got the idea for it, but it was hilarious.

Once my 8 year old nephew and 3, 4 & 5 year old sons were playing a game where they involved taking their sister’s baby dolls and throwing them across the room.  My husband wouldn’t allow it. He gave the boys a lecture on how men protect and care for babies etc and that they could not play this game.  (I think at that time we were regularly praying outside an abortion clinic, so he was extra sensitive to protecting children.) The boys then created a “game” where they became fathers on safari and for some reason their babies had to come with them.  So all these little boys would attach a baby to their back using a scarf, load up on bottles and diapers and guns and then hunt the enemy (“bad guy” or crazy animal).  They would stop and make a camp for the babies and take turns watching the babies while the other guys were in danger.  They played this game for years.

Breastfeeding dolls ... eh, well, I put that in the category of creepy toys like “Baby Alive”. I somehow doubt these toys actually teach little girls any useful skills that they’ll retain as adults. I view most “educational” toys with a certain amount of skepticism. Most kids don’t use toys in the way that adults think they will. Toys should be inexpensive, usable in multiple ways, and fun for both parents and kids. Easy-to-clean is also good.

My 8-month-old already prefers common household objects to his toys. He’s at that stage where novelty is everything. The way his whole face lights up when I offer him a spatula or empty yogurt container is beautiful to see.

Here’s how to teach little girls—and boys!!—about breastfeeding: Breastfeed.

If you don’ have children, or can’t breastfeed for some reason, make sure they get to be around someone who does breastfeed.

There!  Problem solved.  And it’s free!

My criteria is that if it has small parts (choking hazards) or makes a big mess it is confined to Granny’s house.  And we’ve been known to leave batteries out of toys that shouldn’t even require batteries (toddler push cars).  Otherwise we mainly look at cost.  We did ban anything to do with Bratz, though.  I used to feel bad about allowing the kids cheap plastic toys, but now I don’t care because they tend to break faster than the good stuff.

This was a great article, but I will disagree on one part.. that toys are totally innocent. That Barbie with the mini-skirt is NOT appropriate for any little girl, especially if it’s backed up by more mini-skirt outfits and low-cut tops. Even if mom doesn’t dress like that, the majority of pre-teen girls on tv do, as well as many of the girls in school, so it WILL affect the child on some level. Same goes for gory toys or overly violent video games. They DO affect the child psychologically even when the parents are doing their job and trying to teach the moral thing.

Granted, the parents have more power than they think. If they are negative about the inappropriate toys and steer their children towards better playing options (throw them out or show them what is wrong with it so they can fix it), then the children can learn from the experience.

A five year old girl came up to me at a public pool and stared at me for several minutes while I was (I thought) discretely nursing my baby.  I tried to make polite and distracting conversation with her, but she just muttered replies and kept staring.  Finally, she yelped, “Why’s that baby chewing on your boobie?”

I doubt the doll you describe would have done much to help.  If you’re not growing up around breastfeeding I’m sure it all seems very strange.

To ABK:  Wow, I love that story with the boys playing “protector” with the baby dolls! That is parent power in action! With my own children (I have 6), I remember them going from playing “guns” with sticks to huddling all the stuffed animals together and playing momma and/or dadda lion with the little stuffed animals as the babies. They would basically play that they were taking care of the animal babies. What was even more adorable, they would play this game when their cousin came over. He is older than them and more into video games but I’d find him down on his knees, playing along with the younger ones and really into the game. Example can be everything! :)

Agree on every point!!

My children love sticks, rocks and dirt. And, especially, mud. Mud is the best! Computers and television are fine, but if they can have water and dirt together, it’s the best.

Around the time that Barbie’s image was being pushed away from Ken, clothes, and beach to Modern Woman, my oldest daughters received “Veterinarian Barbie” dolls for Christmas.  Within fifteen minutes, my girls had the Barbies’ professional white jackets opened up to nurse their Tiny Tumble Tots.  Their younger brothers have been known to lift their shirts to nurse their dolls.

We had Barbie dolls when we were kids, and some of those dolls had fairly skimpy outfits (short skirts or shorts, tight dresses, etc.), yet I don’t recall ever thinking as a child that those things were okay for real people.  Barbie was make-believe and besides, her proportions were ridiculous and clearly NOT like a normal person.  Yet I don’t remember any particular lectures on this topic; it was just understood. 
We also played with toy guns, often pretending to be cowboys and just running around shooting each other, but that never translated into confusion about real guns or wanting to kill people. 
We had little comic books about Casper the Friendly Ghost and Wendy the Good Little Witch, but I never saw those scenarios as being realistic and neither did I want to be either of those characters; they were just make-believe, but kind of fun to read.
I guess my point is that while I do think violent video games and some other toys have potential to be problematic, the majority of them can’t do much to affect children from a well-grounded family.  Our parents managed, for the most part, to expose us to many different ideas while simultaneously shielding us from the more poisonous representations of those ideas.  We watched movies all together and my parents would frequently fast-forward through inappropriate material (telling us why it was inappropriate) or explain to us why certain behavior was bad, and so on.  In fact, I think the first time any kids in our family saw a movie without everybody else was when the three youngest (including myself) were in our teens.

My children have only played with dolls under two conditions:

1) If there was no real baby in the house to dress and change and feed.

or

2) No one would let you throw the real baby in the air, like any good dad would.

Add me to the low-tech toy group. My siblings and I grew up with Legos, Tonka trucks,stuffed animals,sports equipment,crayons,books,and plenty of mud,sticks,and rocks. I never owned or wanted baby dolls.
One of my nieces could be entertained with an empty jar and a roll of pennies. She also liked being outside with me using a hammer to break rocks.
Save money on the toys. Empty boxes, anyone? Perhaps a table and blanket fort?

Lisa

your post reminded me of a doll that came out 30-40 yrs ago - cannot remember its ‘name’ but with the twist of an arm the doll would ‘grow-up’.  The breast growing doll didn’t seem to catch on.

I had a rule that any toy given to my kid couldn’t talk and, knowing this a sister in law used to buy talking toys every year.  The toys always disappeared after a few days. No, I didn’t have to hide it or throw it out. After a few days, the kids lost interest anyway, forgot they had it and THEN I gave it to charity.  Those are extremely boring toys because the toy does the ‘playing’ and the kid basically watches and listens.  The only exception was a geography toy, that helped the kids memorize the states and capitals.  That, at least, had a purpose, and I didn’t have to repeat the information over and over myself.

Very dear friends of ours, who are sadly unable to conceive, spent an entire summer going to garage sales to buy toys and goodies for my kids.  She knew our money was extremely limited, and wanted the kids to have some fun with toys they didn’t already own (we did have quite a collection of toy cars and trains, dolls and kitchen stuff, but at that time, few games or toys that were ‘science experiements’ and whatnot)  She chose the toys very carefully, and with great joy she and her husband brought them to my brood, who were all under 12. The kids ripped into the box and unpacked it in just a few minutes.

Then they spent the ENTIRE 4 HOURS of my friends’ visit playing with the computer monitor BOX she brought the mountain of toys in!

My friends laughed for their whole visit at the iron. I was able to call her during the worst of our winter and tell her that FINALLY the toys were being used! :)  Kids don’t need complicated toys.

Irony.  I meant irony, not iron. Yes, I know you knew that. But still.

I love this! With one exception: Strawberry Shortcake is so NOT lame! At least the old ones weren’t. I love the story, it’s so true! God Bless!

Simcha, no one online cracks me up like you do. Hilarious.
love it.

And I can attest to the logic of little ones, my Josie thought I was made of food the first few times I nursed her little sis. She would come over and lick me curiously. Goofy kids. Love em.

Some kids are already prone to obsessing about clothing and bust size and boyfriends, and probably should be steered away from Barbie;  but some kids immediately turn the little strumpet into a wholesome Hausfrau who just wants to marry Luke Skywalker and settle into a comfortable pattern of cooking and reading to the kids (who happen to be dinosaurs).

When my older sister and I were younger (and by younger I mean early teens…we played with dolls for a long time) we used to take our two Ken dolls and marry them off to whichever two Barbies were our favorites that week and then divide up the 20 or so Kelly/Tommy dolls between them. (Later, they came out with Baby Krissy and we were thrilled. Yes, Barbie did get Krissy dolls stuffed up her shirt frequently, to simulate either pregnancy or breastfeeding.) We don’t even come from a large family, but that was the narrative that had captured our imaginations so that’s what we played.

Your kids, too, Mrs. Fisher?

I have three boys, ages 13, 11, and 9, and they play with sticks everyday here in the “wilds” of Texas. My oldest son has become so good at “twirling” he can be a drum major for Texas A & M someday, and he’s all self-taught.

My second son trimmed a limb from a thorn tree yesterday and has been using it to intimidate his siblings. He’s lost it, and I don’t need to tell him where it is.

My daughter uses a stick to herd chickens.

Sticks are fabulous, brilliant amusements. I wish my children such useful simplicities for the rest of their lives!

Love this post!  It is the home life and not the toy that makes kids do what they do with those toys and in later years.  Our girls made a Marian shrine in their Barbie house which also housed Barbie, her husband, and their 11 children.  Our boys use their guns for protection when they play dress-ups with their sisters.  Today they were playing pioneers, but one of my sons insisted on wearing his Luke Skywalker costume.  It was hilarious!  I decided not to get the girls Strawberry Shortcake dolls (I had them as a kid, too) after they received a coloring book from Grandma and said she looked to “jazzy.”  I’d love to see you post on boys who play female roles when playing dress-up with their sisters.  I know some parents think it’s not good that I let my sons dress up as fairies, princesses, or queens when they play.  I think it’s fine, but I do get a lot of heckling from other Catholics.  But, honestly, what do you expect when little girls and boys see their mother breastfeed a younger sibling?  Of course, my boys wanted to nurse their stuffed animals, too.  They realize only girls can do this so that’s who they wanted to be at dress-up time…a mother/female.  Now they want to be more like Daddy, but from about 2-4 years of age, it was all about imitating mom.

Re: “Kids who actually live in houses where breastfeeding occurs will often…”

Case in point: My cousin’s 4-yo daughter (1 of 5) was playing dolls with one of her sisters. They couldn’t find the doll’s bottle so the girl says, “That’s no problem, I’ve got these!” while gesturing very proudly toward her chest.

As you say, it WAS devastatingly adorable.

So true! I remember when I had my first child, our doctor gave us an article by a doctor (unfortunately, I forget his name—White, maybe?) about educational toys. It said that the only toy anyone had ever proven had any effect on development was that “pop & play” thing, which has buttons a child pushes to make a little figure pop up and make a noise. And balls. We did buy the pop & play (both kids loved it) and, of course, balls. But we stopped worrying about making them into little geniuses.

My son did have a talking GI Joe that he loved. The only thing I remember that it said was, “Lock and load!” Its mouth actually moved when it said the words. He thought it was amazing.

I think I would be weirded out by this toy. Our daughter, age 3, is currently an only child, and adopted, so she has no PERSONAL experience with breastfeeding. But she has many baby cousins and many breastfeeding aunts, and so most of her dolls get stuffed up under her shirt when she decides they are hungry. I’m OK with that. Kids learn from real life experience more than from “educational” toys.

My kids were into the vacuum cleaner - too bad that’s not as enticing to them as it used to be! They still will do that job, but for a while there I had no problem keeping the carpets vacuumed.  They also like dusting and wiping down cabinets, probably because I told them it was a grown-up job and they had to be very careful while working on the furniture.  Now my girls are 14,11 and 9 and they love polishing the dinner table and making sure the chairs are neat and tidy.  Any suggestions how to get them to put their shoes away? LOL

Yes. THIS.

When I was a kid we had a slew of cheap plastic toy parts in a box in the garage, the result of our playing with and promptly breaking any and all toys my mother brought into the house. When they broke? We went outside and made bows and arrows with sticks and string and had adventures where we would camp out and make “soup” for dinner out of mud, stick, leaves, and acorns. I never breastfed any of my dolls, but I don’t see why, given the type of child I was, I wouldn’t have done so with pretty much any toys I had lying around. This is just another annoying gimmick that will break within a week and be just another doll. So save your money and buy a doll without the weird bikini top.

How comforting to know that there are still so many mothers out there with common sense. (This blog, I mean!)

Does it say something if as a kid I took my sister’s Barbies and melted the hair and carved off the skin on the legs to turn her into a cyborg???? Melted Barbie Cyborg was a much hated enemy of little green army guys and Transformers alike. She was later fully defeated by us with a most powerful weapon, the 10 pump bb gun. :)

Quote:
While it’s true that children learn from play,  it’s also important to watch how our actual children actually play.  In my experience, children play with toys according to who they, the children, are, and what their lives and families are like—not according to what kind of toy it is.

Some kids use toy guns to rob and torture their imaginary victims; some use them to vanquish bad guys and defend the innocent.  Some kids are already prone to obsessing about clothing and bust size and boyfriends, and probably should be steered away from Barbie;  but some kids immediately turn the little strumpet into a wholesome Hausfrau who just wants to marry Luke Skywalker and settle into a comfortable pattern of cooking and reading to the kids (who happen to be dinosaurs).

This is the most sensible thing on toys I have read in 17 years of parenting.

Thanks!

Pam
who feels sort of bad that her daughters will miss out on Barbie but who can see that for one particular daughter, it would not be a helpful thing at all.

Thanks for the common sense, Simcha!  For the ‘story pot’ growing here:

A friend of mine nursed her children, and one day found her son nursing….his fire engine.

:P !

Why I Love Simcha Reason #19: the two links in this piece evidence the height of ridiculousness from both sides of the moral/political/worldview spectrum. Fair *and* balanced!

Oh my gosh, MargoB—that’s hysterical!!!!  We are currently drowning in a sea of plastic doodas, and I’m about to do a major purge.  The newest “toys” that have caused the most rejoicing around here are the old tupperware containers that I decluttered and handed to my kids to use outdoors.  They will, of course, be using them to make mud pies, stirred with sticks.

“Some kids are already prone to obsessing about clothing and bust size and boyfriends, and probably should be steered away from Barbie;  but some kids immediately turn the little strumpet into a wholesome Hausfrau who just wants to marry Luke Skywalker and settle into a comfortable pattern of cooking and reading to the kids (who happen to be dinosaurs).”

Ha ha.  Good one.  Reminds me of my own childhood :) (Barbies were hausfraus married to GI Joe with Strawberry Shortcake and company for kids)