Wow…you summed it up so well…I was just thinking how so many stay at homers do a little extra on the side and how hard it is to be totally on one side or the other of this argument. Still, I’m glad I don’t have a boss.

BRAVO.

After I got past the “did she actually just say that SAHMs don’t work?!?” bafflement, I started thinking about her real point, which I agree was class baiting. The notion that money or lack thereof somehow prevents you from learning about other people’s experiences and forming educated opinions about them is insulting.

A friend of a friend on Facebook said it would have been remarkable if the Romney kids, given their wealth, had managed to produce five unsuccessful children, and that a robot could do Ann’s job.

I think it’s sad that so many people in my generation don’t know what moms do because their own mothers weren’t around enough.

I work part time, and people definitely respect me more for it. Staying home full time, even if you’re wealthy, cuts off a whole avenue for respect. Even if Ann had a housekeeper (God forbid!), she still reared her children. There is no way that five of them turned out well if they were being ignored by their mother and raised by the housekeeper.

I SO needed this today!  I’ve been discouraged lately because it seems like everytime I read posts from other “christian women’s” blogs, they always feature so-and-so who “has a heart for God and her family, and stays home and home-schools”, etc, etc, etc.  I have a heart for God and my family, and I work outside the home - because God gave me talents and I suspect he wants me to use them, and they make me happy.  I’ve always felt “atypical” - I’ve been blessed to be able to have a fairly flexible schedule to help me make it work - more or less.  And I’ve been doing it for about 21 years now.  (And if I may say so, my kids seem to be turning out just fine.)  So, THANK YOU!  We ARE all atypical - we’re all just doing the best we can with what we have and the choices we’ve made.

Yes. Fantastic! I’ll be sharing this.

Well said, Atypical mom : )

Simcha, thanks for this!  My day looks nothing like yours, but we’re all atypical mothers, piecing together our lives and child-rearing styles the best we can with what we have.  You inspired me to write on this, too!
countrycatholiccitycatholic.blogspot.com

I love this post, Simcha,...just like everything else you write

This is a great post, and my favorite thing I have read on this debate so far. I have worked through so many of these thoughts in the past few years- and I am sure I’m not done doing so. Thanks, Simcha, for your unique and eloquent words. My humble attempt on the issue is here: http://sweetridgesisters.wordpress.com/2011/03/29/the-proverbial-woman/

What Cathy says above (only I’ve only been at this mom thing for 2ish years)

THANK YOU!!!  I’ve also always felt that I’m in the land of mommy limbo: don’t really fit in with the career-woman types since I haven’t worked full-time once I started having kids, don’t really fit in with the SAHM types since I have a career outside the home that I pursue part-time while my kids are small… I’ve found that we women (myself included) have a penchant for generalizing, categorizing, and judging the other women we know—probably out of a need to justify our own path, or feel more secure in how *we* do it because it’s so different from how *they* do it… But ultimately, *none* of us do it ALL right, ALL the time and we could probably ALL stand to learn something from those “other” moms who do it differently.  I know I could.

I LOVE this post.  I could have written the paragraph with the criticism from every possible angle about myself too.  I am a mother of six, and I am the primary care-giver, and I work outside the house and I work from home for money and I work at home for no money and I work outside the home for no money and we struggle to pay our way each month and we eat out occasionally and we offer hospitality and we depend on the generosity of others, and on and on.  Nothing typical unless typical is not to be a caricature of one kind of stereotype.  The evil spirit seeks to divide, separate and accuse.  Our Good Shepherd seeks to gather the tribes together into one fold.  I want to be in that fold with all the mothers however we get there!

Unfortunately, what has happened is that we feel our “way” is what defines us as a “good” mother. When another parent does something different, we do not simply look at it as another approach. We see it as an affront to our parenting. We are all so afraid of doing it wrong, that we have to defend our choices with an almost war-like zeal. Instead of looking at both of these women without judgment, women are throwing stones (and grenades) all over the internet at one another. It is kind of sad. We have enough black and white divisions in this country as it is.

I *wish* I was a stay at home mom-as do most of the women that I have worked with over the years who are also mothers.  Currently, I am the breadwinner and my husband S-A-H and homeschools our kids.  Why?  We were increasingly uncomfortable with outsourcing our childrearing and, as I work at a college and see the result, have no faith in the current state of public education.  I work because I make easily twice what my husband did.  Would I switch roles?  You bet I would!

I know there are more burning questions here, but mine is: did you go with the in-ground trampoline?

@Colet - ha.  It hasn’t even arrived yet, but I think that, when it does, we’ll be happy to have a typical, run-of-the-mill, easy-to-categorize trampoline that just sits in the yard, without any special feats of engineering.  We got it from Target, where, for many months, it said “trampoline not included” under “product details.”  We proceeded with caution.

This is why the daily examination of conscience is so important, so we can continue to reflect upon all of these things in the presence of God.

Amen! We are each called to wear certain hats as a mom, and usually those are varied and changeable. I work, but my work is at home so I also stay home with the kiddo. Even if I didn’t work, I would find something to work at that was not related to raising the child. It’s just the nature of women. We are involved. :)

This reminds me of something I heard Matthew Kelly say once: our opinions come from our education and experience.  Since these are added to every day, I think it’s safe to say that no one’s life is exactly how they envisioned, or that their perspectives, values, needs and wants are exactly what they were 1, 5, 10, 20 years ago.

Oh, and as for the 401k—I was watching the news on PBS about six months ago.  They were interviewing a woman whose retirement account has really taken a hit in the downturn.  She was 50ish and really in a panic.  She said, “I have *nobody*!... I’ve worked my entire life, and I don’t have enough money to retire.”  It was really sad…As for *MY* 401k??  Heh, we have a long standing joke in the family—our firstborn is nicknamed, “January” the second, “February”, the third—well, you get it :)  Since I only have January through August covered, when I laugh about this to my kids, they fight over who gets to “keep me” for an *extra* month.

Hear hear. Hilary Rosen’s comment was pure elitism. She didn’t mean it as a swipe against stay-at-home moms, because she doesn’t know or care enough about them to MAKE a swipe at them. To that sort of woman professional, only other women professionals count. Everyone else—no matter how many hours they work (full-time, part time, or not at all) is a sort of strange zoo creature. They really do think they are only people qualified to have opinions, because they are SO smart, and they are experts. I mean, Hilary Rosen (whose “partner” is a well-known lesbian activist) is supposed to be able to relate to typical working moms??? But I’m sure she really thinks she can, and she really thinks Ann Romney can’t, because she is a paid expert and Ann Romney isn’t. And experts should run everything. I had professors in college tell me this, and tell our classes that we should decide what sort of experts we want to be and know what experts we should consult for everything else. And I thought that made perfect sense at the time. Real life isn’t like that.

Yay Simcha!!!!! Sounds like me and every mom I know!!! Thanks for writing it down!

All I ever wanted, since I was a small child, was to be a wife and stay-at-home mom.
We couldn’t always make it on one paycheck so I worked part time jobs, full time jobs, and we started our own business.  Frankly, the only time I was treated as a full equal was when I was working a full time job FOR SOMEONE ELSE.  I was happiest at home in the role of wife and mother.
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The same feminist movement that opened career choices for me was the same feminist movement that pressured me to work, to “be fulfilled in a career”, to “not be bored at home”.  I LIKED being home.  I was happy being home.  Why has being home become bad?  I thought feminism was about choices.

As an engaged woman and a mom-to-be in the near future, God willing, your posts often help me both look forward eagerly to parenthood and to de-romanticize it.  This one is no exception. Thank you for being so real!

That last paragraph reminded me of “A Christmas Carol” by Chesterton - especially the “stern and cunning are the kings, but here the true hearts are” - maybe because I was already thinking of it from your Sands and Sounds post.
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Always good to learn something about the world of women and family. Thanks for this, Simcha.

Thank you Simcha! I am a wife but not a mother, and everything you wrote could be written about me as well. The take away message in your article is for ALL women to stop letting the media manipulate us, as if they speak for all of us, which they clearly do not. Not on motherhood, not on careers, not on marriage, not on contraception, and certainly not on politics.

Thanks for the article, Simcha. It’s true that our situations and expectations change. When I was in college I had decided I would be a doctor, an OB/GYN no less, but also have a large family. Working at an OB/GYN’s office opened my eyes to reality though - there was no way I could make both happen. I know there are women doctors out there who also have large families, but I knew *I* couldn’t do it. So when I got engaged, I decided not to pursue a medical career. (It helped that I hadn’t been accepted to school yet haha).

My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years now and my day-to-day has changed a lot in that time. I’ve worked full-time, I’ve worked part-time without kids (what did I do with my time???), part-time with kids, and now I stay at home. There have been challenges and rewards in each situation.

I really enjoyed my last job - I was 100% behind the mission of the office, I was really good at what I did, I was valued, I worked with wonderful people and had a lovely babysitter for my kids who I trusted completely and was very generous in what she charged us. But on the other hand, it was difficult for me to get up early every morning to get myself and my kids ready and out the door, drive 40 minutes to said babysitter and then to the office, just to do three hours of work and then come home to all the other responsibilities that didn’t just resolve themselves in my absence.

Now that I’m at home I face other issues. Yes, I just spent several hours cleaning up the aftermath of an epic poop fiasco involving carpet, a shower, and a very chagrined 3-year-old and yes, it completely threw my day out of whack. I miss my daily dose of adult conversation. But I have also been the one who gets to see most of the fun little moments that kids create just by being themselves. Two days ago I got to see the same 3-year old finally get how to move the pedals on her bike. Yesterday I got to take advantage of the gorgeous weather to go to the zoo and there are few things that make my kids happier than watching animals nap. I wish they got the same enjoyment out of watching ME nap.

There are times when I am tempted to feel guilty for not bringing in any money anymore, but then I remind myself that if I worked I would need to pay for childcare and with our growing family that would probably be a wash anyway.

All this long-windedness to say that I absolutely agree, and who knows what we each have in store for us in the future? My challenge to myself lately has become to the best I can do with where I’m at now and to glorify God in all I do. And that will work for me in any situation.

I have determined that the ebb and flow of my life means that the Holy Spirit is moving and changing me - which is a very good thing because me alone is scary and sinful.
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I have been it all - working mom, SAHM w/ no income of my own and now a SAHM w/ part-time income from part-time writing (though not as funny as you). 
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My word for ‘atypical’ is ‘organic’ which sounds ever so trendy and up to date (which my wardrobe is not).  But, organic means “derived from living material” which perfectly describes my life.
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Every single, new day in my life is derived first from God - living, and then impacted by my own personality, talents, skills, hopes and dreams - also living.  Then we add the darling husband - living his own organic life and then all the kids - living their organic lives at full speed, all day, every day.  So - my life is every changing, always living - all so very organic.

The one thing I have learned about life is that you just never know where life is going to take you.  5 years ago, I quit my full-time job as a librarian and moved to another state for my husband’s job.  In that time I have had two kids and:  worked as a temp receptionist, worked part-time as a librarian (except for 6 months of doing it full-time during a position vacancy), done online search engine evaluation for three different companies, taught a university course online, served as a freelance editor of doctoral dissertations, written articles for eHow.com, and worked at a children’s museum.  Depending on the day and the job, my kids have stayed home with me, stayed home with my husband, gone to daycare, gone to preschool, or gone to work with me.
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I think the most important things for a woman to have, besides a good education, is a lot of flexibility and resiliency.  You don’t know what you’re going to have to do and when.  The only women I can’t relate to are those who are so set on their work choices that they refuse to change or to acknowledge the benefits of any other choice.

Another great reflection.  Flexibility has got to be the most useful “virtue” for women.  We truly don’t know what the future holds as far as careers/parenting/mothering, etc.  Men don’t know either but they seem to have fewer paths to choose from.

Thanks again, Simcha!

I think every woman needs to be wherever God is calling her.  That will never be the same for any two women.  We need to support and love each other even when we don’t agree. Thanks, Simcha for such a great unifying article.

Loved this article.  I had a bit of the ‘ugh’ feeling when listening to Hilary’s playback yesterday.  I did not feel any need to react to her assertion about SAHMs ‘not working’ as much as reading between the lines from her first few assertions. She started off trying to ameliorate this ‘War on Women’ that the conservatives accused the President of launching.  In the end, she did a far better job of waging war on women than most men. I was reminded of that 9th grade boyfriend who swore he’d never cheat on me when I never asked and then pounced on the first opportunity that passed by.  She asserts attempts to lower the flames of her political party’s war on women and then adds more fuel to the fire than any of her opponents.  I would just would like to forget her as much as John what’s his name who cheated on me in 9th grade—-lol…whom I guess I truly have forgotten…as we all will with Hilary in another week or so.

I think the problem is that our society, spurred by the radical feminist movemement, has a hard time honoring stay-at-home motherhood as a vocation. We as moms, whether we work or not, still feel like we have to prove ourselves in some other manner—at least this is my case—in order to then justify why it was worth giving that up for a greater good to raise a family. I work from home as a writer, and many times I wish I could just chuck it all and only worry about lesson planning for homeschooling or planning outings or organizing our messy home so it feels more ordered. But our financial situation doesn’t allow it. And then, even if I were able to give up the career, I’d find myself still wanting that outlet to write and wanting the satisifaction of having some kind of reaffirmation that I was “successful” in someway. It’s hard to shake that. We don’t get to see the fruits of our labor regarding our kids until they grow up, to some extent, so it’s hard to realize that our daily work (harder, more challengening, more meaningful work than anything else we’ll ever do) as mothers doesn’t have any kind of instant feedback or validation or scoring system or promotional opportunity or raise or award. Usually it’s just considered a success if you didn’t sell one of your kids to gypsies. ;) I have three little ones with another on the way, and I think I’m getting better everyday with recognizing the great gift of motherhood—how I can work all I want when they grow up—but for now, they need me. And I can’t imagine dropping them off somewhere all day to be raised by someone else, no matter what gifts or talents I felt I brought to my career.

Here’s what I would like to know - what do you write as your occupation on all those forms?  For me, a true act of humility would be to write “housewife” or “SAHM” instead of what I usually write to those faceless form-readers - “piano teacher” or “accompanist”.  Why do I think being a piano teacher gives me more street cred than being a housewife and why do I care?!?

We saw what happened when Adam let Eve do the shopping; she wasn’t happy with just the specials for the day, as she wanted that fruit that wasn’t for sale yet, and the rest is history. Most mothers on this planet are very poorly paid, according to our ‘standards’, but, those mothers that stay true to God and raise His children with the Holy Fear of God, will receive a reward that is out of this world, will they enter into Heaven. Who cares what Hilary Rosen says or thinks, as, if she doesn’t repent and get out of her ‘death-style’ that she is in, will receive the reward of eternal death away from God. As a man, that has just turned 70, I know what it is to have parents that divorced (I was about 4 at the time), a mother that wouldn’t take welfare, but, instead worked all of her life and for what? Material goods that we didn’t need. To come home to an empty house was miserable and when I was getting ready for marriage, I told my bride-to-be: stay home for the children and be there when they come home from school. I know that this is not always possible, mostly thanks to our politicians, that have created an atmosphere that is against the Will of God and forcing both parents to work.  To all of you Mothers:  GOD BLESS YOU AND STRENGTHEN YOU.  +JMJ+

There was a time when I could have authored such articles claiming that SAHMs don’t really know what it’s like to “work.” That was before I had children and became a S@HM, LOL ;) I was a busy primary care physician for 11 years before changing careers. (And believe me, this is a career.) I think I had more free time as as Internist than I have as a full-time mom. I love my new job. Some day, when the girls are grown and making their own choices about careers, i will return to the practice of medicine. until then, I gladly walk this path of motherhood that God has laid down before me. There is no greater job than raising the souls He has entrusted to me.

Dear Simcha, you are forgiven for missing the precise birthdate of your kid once, or ever.  Its ok to celebrate birthdays on a close by Saturday when everyone can be together - afterall, your 11 year old’s birthday was 11 years ago!  But her life actually started about 9 months before that!  Wink wink.  You are doing great - LIFE IS A LOT OF BULL! SO GRAB IT BY THE HORNS AND HOLD ON TIGHT!

Amen….you said it all

It has become very easy to denigrate stay-at-homes moms because society doesn’t value children.  If children themselves are not valued by society, then certainly those whose mission it is to bring them into the world, and then to invest themselves in their thriving, won’t be valued either.

Simcha, may the Lord be with you always. You’re a fine writer and good mother.

Great column, Simcha!  I had to read it aloud to my Bride of nearly 57 years; she loved it, as do I.
In our time together, in addition to rearing five (two sons, three daughters) she has volunteered at grade school for a number of years’ playground duty, taught classes for 4th graders needing special help on reading for several years, did some retail selling for a half-dozen years to help our oldest with college expenses, written narratives of two week pilgrimages, using snippets of recollections from the pilgrims and self-published two decent volumes of genealogical background on our family trees. 
As a volunteer, she did the thank-you notes, kept track of donations on a spreadsheet and wrote newsletters for a start-up shelter for homeless pregnant women for four years - it took four part-time volunteers to replace the tasks she had been handling.
  I guess that she, with her Bachelor of Music degree, would not be considered a typical mother.
We also like to brag about the accomplishments of our adult children - we now have twelve grandkids, among other things.
Thank you for this article.
TeaPot562

Amen, sister!  One thing that befuddles me…why is it that mothers in the workforce will be discussed as not having a choice (“I have to work!”) whereas this is never the case with stay-at-homies?  I don’t have the choice to work - I have 5 small children, and there is no job available in my town that would pay me enough to pay for childcare (assuming I could find someone reliable enough to take on the convoluted schedule).  I had to quit my standard daytime job when #2 came along because I didn’t make enough to cover all the associated costs.  I’m not complaining, just stating the reality.  It makes me question the idea of “choice”...I chose to be married, I chose the size/cost of my house/neighborhood, I choose how/where to educate my kids, I choose where I buy clothing and necessities, I choose how I vacation, etc. (these all seem to factor into the economy and family finances more than just having a baby around).  What I have never chosen is motherhood.  Certainly I prayed, hoped, and worked for a baby, but there was never a guarantee (ask any woman who desperately wants a baby but can’t have one, or a woman who finds herself in a crisis pregnancy).  Our idea of choice today seems a little off-base.  Just my little aside…

I agree with Heather above.  In addition, I just have one request regardubg debate surrounding Rosen’s remarks.  Could we stop saying “stay at home moms have the luxury of staying home.”  Thankfully, Peggy Noonan corrected this on the Joe Scarborough show the other day and said, “It’s not a luxury, it’s a sacrifice.”  I know there is a small percentage of women for whom it is a luxury.  But for MOST stay at home moms it is a conscious sacrifice of family income and personal aspirations to stay home.  They give up a certain standard of living.  There aren’t many moms who work because their kids will starve if they work.  They work to give their family a middle or upper middle class standard of living.  I made the sacrifice to stay home despite my advanced degrees.  We have a very modest lifestyle because of this decision.  And that’s okay because we don’t think it’s important to keep up with the Jones’.  We have a car, computer, phone and a TV, yes, but that’s about it in terms of luxuries.  We don’t eat out, go on vacation, have any electronic devices or video games, go to the movies or any outside entertainment, etc.  I homeschool but can’t afford to buy a lot of curriculum so we use the library.  So don’t tell me I have the “luxury” of staying home.  It’s a priviledge yes, but it’s also a sacrifice.

This is my first comment on this blog, although I’ve been reading it for awhile. I enjoy your blog, especially when it focuses on the personal/spiritual rather than the political.  (Perhaps you will say that those are not separate, but that is a discussion for another day.)  Anyway, I have been a stay-at-home mom for going on 2 years now, and I appreciate what you say about finding what fits.  It takes time, and I remind myself of that, that what I am doing (and feeling) now will change and change and change.  And that is perfectly (ab)normal.  So thank you.

Im like RMMT above…I have been hard to categorize my whole mothering life and now I see the beauty of the finely woven tapestry that God created for me over the last 23 years since #1 was born. I will add that I think that most of us react so strongly about this over the profound fear that in the end we will discover that what we chose was wrong. Fear makes people mean. Im in a very vulnerable stage of my mothering because my 2 older, very well raised sons have both gone off the deep end of young adult developmental disequilibrium and if you judged my parenting by how they are doing right now, this large group would likely deem me the biggest failure amongst us all. I have had recent days where I said to my peers “my good mothering was all a waste, I might as well have been a crack-!@#$%”.  I feel very judged by my peers who have kids just a little younger. I pray to God that my sons will emerge from their time in the desert as capable, faithful, industrious men..in the mean time, please judge me (and those in your life who might be in my same stage) gently. And while I have the attention of a wide maternal audience,  please be gentle with how much you regale me (and those like me) with your kids’ successes…I know it makes you feel good and I really am happy for you, but it is hard when my only response is “my sons are both unemployed atheists who have recently spent time in psychiatric institutions and a good day is when neither commits suicide”. I really did raise them well, really.

Hilary’s opinion is only her opinion, which is insignificant. She doesn’t represent me. I’m a wife, mother, and businesswoman with a postgraduate degree. But I learned long ago these things aren’t required in order to have an opinion on how the economy effects myself and my family—even my teen daughter can do that. Hilary is a anti-femaile chauvinist in my book.

Hey, I’m a big fan of stay-at-home moms, and actually I think it’s probably the hardest job in the world. But can I just say: I think that all Ms Rosen meant was this: The Romneys are fabulously rich. And people who are fabulously rich don’t understand what it is like to struggle financially. Therefore Ms Romney is not a good resource for Mitt on women’s economic struggles and concerns. And about that I think she has a point. We shouldn’t blow the comment out of preportion just because she’s a liberal. I see nothing in her comments that was intended to denigrate housewives. I think she was denigrating the upper class!

However, sometimes fabulously wealthy people are actually more compassionate towards the struggles of the poor, while people who are middle-class or upper-middle-class and worked hard to get there, have little patience for the poor, as in, “I made it, why can’t they? They’re just lazy.” I have heard comments like that with my own two ears, and meanwhile some extraordinarily wealthy people give tons of money and lots of sympathy to those who struggle. So go figure!

I mean to say, people who have always been comfortable or rich really don’t understand what it’s like… some rich people got there by extreme hard work.

When I was pregnant with my second, my pre-children boss asked if I would do some parttime consulting work. Although it was the perfect set up—work from home, short-term with potential for more later, not too many hours—it took me awhile to get past the idea that I HAD to ONLY be a stay at home mom. Home vs work was very black and white in my head and I’d decided that I was the home type. After mulling it over I realized there is an awful lot of grey in the middle and I wouldn’t be hurting my family by working 120 hrs over 2 months. I would still be with my son nearly all his waking hours. The pay was very good. It didn’t make sense to turn the job down.

Two kids later, I’m again working parttime from home, no longer with the great pay, and sometimes I wish I didn’t because I’d rather be sewing/canning/watching TV. Then I realize if I wasn’t working those 2 hours a day, I’d be wasting time online and I might as well be earning money.

I wonder what percent of moms work traditional 40 hr work weeks away from home, how many stay home fulltime with no earned income, and what percent fall somewhere in the middle.

This is EXACTLY it! Thank you for nailing it, Simcha!

Love what you wrote, Simcha.

This entire discussion makes me sick, because I know someone will say the whole “kids raised by the nanny/babysitter” thing about working mothers, and I will want to tear out my hair.

I work full-time, plus I write a column for my local newspaper twice a month. I am a faithful Catholic mother. I have four kids. I employ a live-in nanny.

You know what, I am not selfish. I work for many reasons, but the main reason is money to pay for food and clothes for our kids. We live a very simple life, and I am so, so tired of people supposing I work for selfish reasons, or to be affluent. We aren’t affluent. Our kids go to public school. We never go on vacation. We are working desperately towards debt freedom.

You know what else? Yeah, my nanny DOES help raise my kids, and I think that is a healthy relationship. She lives with us. She is in many ways a member of the family. She has a special relationship with my children, especially the toddler. She IS the third parent in our home. She does many of the household chores while my kids are in school and the toddler naps and my husband is sailing (he is Navy) and I am at work. We love her. She loves us. We exchange Christmas and birthday gifts. We spend holidays together. We attend Mass together. We have no family here and she is the closest thing we have to it.

Despite that, I am my children’s mother, the same as my husband is their father. I am very involved in their lives. I cook supper. I do homework. I take them to appointments and Scouts and swimming lessons. I put them to bed. I spend my evenings taking them to activities and my weekends with them.

I am tired of people treating full-time working mothers as less than mothers, but full-time working father as Super-Dads if they do the dishes.

St. Gianna Molla was a full-time working physician raising a young family. Staying at home or working part-time does not make someone more holy than a mother who works.

OK, rant over. This pitting of mothers against each other drives me bananas.

Edit: than a mother who works full-time outside the home. We all work, sisters!

What Simcha wrote is very true. There seems to be a prejudice against whatever kind of mom you are. I am the type of mom who has an advanced degree in a field that actually needs people, but I stay at home with my children who aren’t school age because that’s what I think is right. (Some people just think I’m stupid - LOL) If a mother is doing what she thinks is right, and all she can, then what does it matter what category we belong in? Many people assume if you are a SAHM that life is easy because you’re home all day and the hubs must be making enough money to buy your bon-bons. That’s just not the case for most SAHMs. Mothers make sacrifices no matter which road they take in raising their children.

I truly admire women who are stay at home moms.  It’s a 24/7 job.  I was raised in a home where my mom stayed home and took care of 10 kids and my dad was a chef who saw to it that we not only had the basic essentials but also that we had a few extras and a Catholic education to boot.  But that was way back in the 50’s and 60’s.  What about now? With the way the economy is some families need two paychecks just to survive. Many working/single moms don’t have the luxury to hire a housekeeper or a nanny to help with house work and raising the kids like Ann Romney did and I think that is the point that Hillary Rosen was trying to convey.

A nanny is not a luxury for a working mother. She is a child care professional—and if you have more than two kids, she is much cheaper than day care here in Canada.

This is what I am talking about.

I’m just a stay at home mom. No income from home, no online job, just a mom. That’s it. And proud of it.

What a great reminder. Thanks!

Brava, Simcha!!
@all of those who bash those who employ nannies and housekeepers: Nannies, housekeepers, and anyone else in the service-job sector that you pay to work around or in your home are usually self-employed and own their own business and may even have children of their own. They depend on their jobs as income and take their work very seriously, especially since they are doing a job that is not exactly enjoyable (I’m thinking specifically of house-cleaners). If someone didn’t have a need for them, they might not be able to find work elsewhere (especially in this economy). I’m not trying to say that those who employ nannies, housecleaners, and landscapers, etc are saints for doing so, but they are definitely keeping people employed and helping them pay their medical bills, take care of their families, send their kids to schools, etc. So just because someone has a different way of being a stay-at-home mom or working-mom than you, doesn’t mean that it is wrong. Also, the last time I checked, employing people to work in or around your home was not a mortal sin. So for those who bash others with nannies and the like are probably not doing it as an act of spiritual mercy to their fellow moms. The bashing really just comes off as a bit of jealousy.