I love it!  Congratulations!  I’m so happy for you and your family.  Know you are in my prayers for a safe and healthy pregnancy and baby.

THE DELICIOUS BABY COMMENT!  Yes!

And I go in cycles about how to deal with thoughtless comments.  Sometimes I use comments like this, sometimes I respond to cruelty with abundant love, sometimes I just ignore them.

Today, I will give away prizes of delicious babies.

Congrats again.  A baby is a blessing, and an individual human person made in the image of God, utterly independent of his birth order.

Haha!  This is great!  I think the second and last answers are my favorite. :)

Haa, the last one got me.

Funny! Have you read “Cheaper by the Dozen”?  There are some good zingers in there.  I particularly like the story when the family of 14 is traveling somewhere and someone asks the father if those are all his children. He says, “Oh, no, this is only half of them. The other half are back at home.”
I used this once when I had my six kids with me at the grocery store. The stunned look and the silence was hilarious.

Filing away the first and last paragraphs in my memory for future reference. Awesome. Congratulations again!!

Oh Simcha,  I feel feel feel your pain. 

My husband’s best line, “It’s no sacrifice to be surrounded by people that love us.”  But I get my snark in from time to time.

“Don’t you know how this works?....Well yeah! Isn’t it obvious?”

“Are you going to stop?”
Stop what? 

or “That’s too many.”
“Which should I send back?”

More positive:  Nine months out of the year, We get Cake!

Simcha—How DARE you have another child when there are couples out there undergoing expensive IVF treatments just trying to have ONE! It’s SELFISH, I tell you! You’re grabbing all the babies for yourself! Don’t you know we’ve already hit “Peak Baby!”  Why, the Guff is nearly empty! Your child brings us one step closer to armegeddon!!!!!!!  (Why yes, my husband and I DID go through a period where we watched bad apocolyptic movies for fun…why do you ask?  But we can’t do that any more because we had TOO MANY BABIES and now we have to watch big budget Hollywood musicals instead! So HA! You’re evil!)
;)

Sorry… the lack of vicious attacks on your new child was making these comments dull…....

One of my very good friends is baby #9 in her family.  Thank you.

And my oldest was licking the mirrors in a public restroom last night…

My favorite is when I leave the older two at home and someone asks me if these are all my kids and I tell them, “Oh know,these are just the younger 5.”

BTW—I only have four, so my standard line is “Yeah, the kids really like having siblings and my oldest is crying every night because I’m not pregnant!*”

*This is true.  Because I have a friend who’s been on the same ‘schedule’ as me for the first 4 kids.  And so my daughter is traumatized that her friend is getting a new baby right now and she is not.  (But my pregnant friend is a couple of years younger, got married younger, and comes from a family that’s better at having babies. And it’s not a race! Because if it were we’d be losing and it’s only a race when we’re winning!!!)

Here are mine:

“Are those all your kids?”  (I turn around and look at said children):  “No.  Where did you kids come from?”

“Don’t you know what causes that?”  “No.  Can you explain it to me, slowly and in great detail?  I’ll take notes.”

“Boy, you’ve got your hands full!”  “Yes.  And my heart is full too.  Aren’t I blessed?”

My ligaments salute you! Many prayers for great health. Congratulations!

hahaha.. Well written.. :)

Ha! Damaged library books! Just last night I had to take my five to schola practice in the choir loft, where I was in mortal dread that one would fall over the side and land in the pew, but at least the baby was behaving, right? And then I look down, and there’s my tiny ten-month-old, angelically chewing on a page from the library’s copy of Old Hat, New Hat.

I’ve only been asked “You know what causes that, right?” once, and my answer was, “Ohhhh yes.”

There’s one more…..“Just doing my part to save the Social Security system. What are you doing?”

All the best with your littlest one on the way, Ms. Fisher.  I loved this post, and all of the comments.  I especially loved your answer to “don’t you know what causes that?”

haha!  I always like the, “my children will be funding your social security ” comment.

  I’ll admit, the constant thoughtless comments can make a person a bit testy.  I’m sure those who have infertility issues would tell you the same story (insert different insensitive comments)-thanks to the shift away from viewing children as a blessing-infertile couples aren’t allowed to show grief when they can’t conceive, and parents of many aren’t allowed to show joy when they can.

I would hope that readers of the NCR would be the safe place to be heartily congratulated on this news.  And so, I will again also:  Congratulations!!!

Every human life is precious - especially, but not exclusively, to his or her own family.  All of us can rejoice today that the world has received another Fisher child.

I’ve always remembered this comeback from an interview with Justice Antonin Scalia and his wife (who have nine children):
Interviewer: “Nine children!”  Mrs. Scalia, without missing a beat:  “I’ve always been an overachiever.”

Congratulations to you and your family!  Thank you for your faithfulness.  Praying for you as you continue to be light and salt.

I have a friend with 8 children whose husband is often asked at work (in the US military) if he knows what causes that.  He got so tired of it he offered do a Powerpoint presentation to explain it to them. His wife: “oh he’s going to get in trouble for sexual harassment one day for sure…”

p.s. Eileen-hilarious.  Thanks for the new material.

Actually, by the time #9 came around, Simcha, I found that people had given up trying to educate us on the mysteries of conception ;)

My favorite answer to “Are they all yours?” was, “No just the cute and well behaved ones. (look around surprised at the six kids) I don’t know where the rest of these came from!”  My kids (who were being cute and well behaved that day) thought it was hilarious!

I’m actually surprised that people make comments like that to you Simcha.  I very rarely get negative comments (besides the eternal “are they all yours which I see as curiosity).  I think it’s because I give off a “you want a piece of me punk?” vibe.  I have a friend who is just the nicest person on Earth and (same # of kids) she gets comments like that all the time.

Congratulations—great post!  We have a friend is #9 of 13, and he shared the following response his dad gave to the question, “Don’t you know what causes that?”—his dad would lean in real close and, with a wink, reply, “Well I do, but she don’t, so don’t tell her!”

hahaha—verifier image today = child41

My husband and I have 14 children and can relate to all your answers. We have used the same ones and have added a few of our own. Don’t you have a tv? Yeah but we keep falling off it. Do you know what causes that? Yeah and we like it. How do you handle all those kids? By the grace of God and one day at a time. Children are a blessing and a gift from God. God bless your family.

Congratulations!

“You know what causes that, right?”
  “Why yes…and it would appear you need some pointers.”

(note - I’m not married, it just occurred that this might be good)

These Snappy Answers sound like a great idea for a new MAD magazine article.
Congratulations on your 9th rugbug! :-)
Here is a Wikipedia article on Al Jaffee, the creator of MAD’s “Snappy Answers”.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_Jaffee

Christina, that’s a really GOOD one!  I’d be tempted to volunteer, “hey, I thought you people said ‘make love, not war!’” but I don’t know how well that one would hit its target.

Congratulations!  and funny too!

I love this!! So GLAD to read this wonderfully lighthearted & slightly sarcastic piece! Thanks for sharing and brightening my day!!

I only have four (my ex-wife in part is divorcing me over my “insatiable demands for children”) and I’ve been hit with these sort of stupid comments.  My personal favorite among my responses:

Officious, unknown dolt in mall: “HOW can you have so many kids?”
Moi: “Because I believe in Darwinism.”
OUDIM: “Wha…what?”
Moi: “Yes.  Survival of the fittest means actually reproducing, so your offspring dominate the future. I don’t understand why so many people who believe in Darwinism really, really $uck at following it.”
OUDIM: <various spluttering noises>

Worked much better than play the Catholic card, because that’s easily dismissed by “Brights.”

I love this list. Many years ago as I was doing the marketing with my four oldest, ages 1-5, (I have since raised six children) a rather comical ( oops uncharitable) looking woman came up to me and nose to nose said in an unearthly twang, “O my God, four children.” Now I’m not usually one for a quick response when suddenly confronted but today I was ready or rather the Holy Ghost was ready and out of my mouth popped “By the GRACE of God,four children.” That shut her up. Hopefully she went home and thought about that encounter.

hahaha!  We only have three, but because they are aged four-and-under we get the intrusive comments, too.  One day when my husband was out, he was asked if he was the “manny” - haha!.  But that’s the PacNW for you.  I felt like crying one day when a grandmotherly woman stopped me in the store: I expected the usual “hands full” comment, (Which we get so often now that my two year old raises his hands in a little cheer when he hears it and shouts HANDS), but instead she said: “You have a beautiful family.”  That is always the right answer. So congrats on your beautiful growing family.

As a first-time mom struggling with morning sickness, your delicious baby comment almost made me snort up my ginger tea. Well done, cheering me up this morning!

I LOVE these comments.  My comment is: We are the proud, pro-life producers of the next generation of tax payers.

When I was on an outing with my 4 year old and 2 year old and pregnant with my third (I have 6 children), I was stopped by a @*&^#@*# “Earther” who gave me a condescending, nasty look while spitting out “disgusting!”
I would like to see her again to bring her up to date: Number 5 just graduated from college, the older ones include a Pharm.D., two JD’s and a Master in Finance.  All put themselves through college with scholarships and loans, as their youngest sister is currently doing.
The married ones have already given me 5 grandchildren.
MY OFFSPRING ARE PAYING TAXES FOR HER AND HER GOVERNMENT PROGRAMS.

Congratulations to you! Wonderful news!

How about:

“We’ll stop when we get an ugly one” and “Yes, we use the TV to keep the kids occupied so we can have some ‘alone time’”, although I have to say that while amusing to hear people’s retorts, IRL situations a lot of the time it helps to get people on board better if you reply with grace rather than a snarky comment.

From Tania @ Larger Family Life - currently expecting twins which will make children #10 and #11.

I have seen Catholic blog moms repeatedly take offense at the comment, “Oh my, you have your hands full!”  and I never really understand why.    Whenever I’ve had lots of young kids, I HAVE had my hands full - I don’t think it’s wrong or invasive to acknowledge that little souls are a lot of responsibility.    And hands full are so much better than empty.    And many times the comment came with an offer of assistance, like to lift that industrial sized laundry detergent from the bottom shelf into my cart at Costco, thus sparing the child in the Baby Bjorn the fate of being squished as I attempted to do the heaving myself.

Congratulations and God bless!

We’ve heard it all, including, “Here comes the parade!” while on a walk in the neighborhood.  Although my older kids react like overcooked spinach, shrinking a couple inches and becoming a tad more bitter with each observation, I think that most of the common comments are just a friendly expressions of curiosity.  When you have three kids in a grocery cart with two more basket barnacles hanging off, two kids doing sliding prat falls in the aisle, and another kid pushing the second basket that carries the actual groceries, I imagine that turning the corner into our aisle can initiate a fight or flight instinct.  I’m not offended by the friendly remarks that people make when caught off guard.  I am offended by the critiques that suggest that my kids’ lives are problems that shouldn’t be repeated.  My response to “You know how to stop this, don’t you?” is “What?  Rudeness?  NO!  PLEASE tell me!”

Congratulations!

I love #2.  I have sometimes wished I had the incredible amount of faith displayed by mothers & fathers of large families.

Congratulations!!!  We’re expecting our ninth in just a few weeks. 

I actually had someone say once, “Wow, and you’re not uneducated and living in poverty.”  That was when we only had four kids! 

My favorite of your responses is the last one in the article.  When people ask my husband if we know what “causes that” he likes to answer that indeed we do and WE LIKE IT!

I am not a fan of the social security line of retort.    I don’t like opening up the flood gates to questioning a child’s social usefulness.    And I also don’t think most informed adults believe Social Security will be there in retirement for them anyway.

I’ve been called octo-mom while walking around with two (perhaps they saw the other two running way ahead of me?). That’s still only four, buddy.

Love these snappy retorts! I’m filing them away for later use!

Oh my goodness!  This made my laugh OUT LOUD!  I look at superfamilies with awe and wonder, and just a touch of jealousy.  A ten year inexplicable bout with secondary infertility ended my hopes for a big ‘ole bunch of kids, but I was indeed blessed with a baby after 40.  I’ve gotten several stupid comments about the “oops” baby and “so much for ever retiring!”  But the best (worst) one was, “Baby or grandbaby?”  I was too heartbroken for a snappy answer.

Oh, fine, Simcha, make me spit coffee on my computer! You really should publish these with a warning. I only have four kids, and am surprised at how many people consider that to be a HUGE family. I’d call it “small side of medium”, m’self. I just wish I’d had that laminated card when I was expecting number 4.

Still laughing…

God bless you, your baby, and your whole family!

God’s plan for us didn’t include a large family. So I can only appreciate these comments (and retorts) from the sidelines. But I do try to comment on “beautiful families” to perhaps help balance out the rude comments.

From the flip side, we get people who smugly assume that we have the society-approved two children because we were “lucky” and “got one of each.” We’ve heard “rich man’s family” (which I’ve never understood) and general assumptions that we must agree with their materialistic and child-limiting values.

I don’t feel any need to go into medical histories with these people. But, when possible, try to at least drop it, that God has his own reasons for us and we are doing our best to follow it!

My wife gave birth to our fifth child one week ago today. After telling one of my clients about the birth, the client asked, “What’s wrong with you?” I answered, “Apparently nothing.”

I’ve been married for 2 year, and due with our 2nd next week- both girls.  When asked if he wants to try for a boy, my husband often says we’ll keep going till we get one we don’t like, or till we get an ugly one.it’s amazing how surprised people get when you have only 2 and are talking about wanting more!  And amazing how many people actually think it’s an ok thing to comment on someone else’s fertility.  Just boggles my mind.  Thanks for the great post.  I shared it with my friend with 10 and she got a kick out of it!  Keep up the good work!

Simcha, congrats to you and your family! Thanks for the awesome article. As the second of eight it always gave me a lot of pride to go out with the WHOLE family. And my mother, even with her hands full, always had an eye out to help the other moms around her. I still remember her thanking one woman for ‘bringing the children out shopping’ when she herself was surrounded by four or five! Thank you, Mama, for being so awesome! Happy birthday!

I love this post! Congrats Simcha! We have 5 and one in heaven, Baby Love, and I tell you we get these awful remarks all the time.

My line is their are all wanted and loved by me and especially by God. Sometimes I am not very Christian in my mind with the awful and sinful thoughts that race my mind, but I pray and pray and trust those things to Jesus in my moment of need. What makes these people give out comments to large families? Maybe they are just envious of our genuine happiness?

My husband uses the line that we are 4 away from our dream baseball team, and sometimes uses the line, we are still trying to catch up to the Duggars to make our own TV show. lol! It’s all for fun, but sometimes we laugh right back at the very same people who poke fun at us. Sometimes it’s painful and hurtful, but I chalk it up to small sufferings that are really small compared to all the things that are going on in our world. We are so blessed to be moms and dads to these beautiful angels.

May God bless you, I really enjoyed your post today! Thank you!

Um OK, but does anyone have a good response for when your non-Catholic husband says, “Geez, you don’t really want more than 2, do you?” :(

Congrats!

A friend of mine who has 9 siblings once overheard his mom respond in this way…

Snarky stranger: Wow, you must really like kids

Supermom: Maybe I just really like having sex.

It shut him up quick.

Congratulations, mama.  I only have 4 children, and you would think I was some kind of freak or something!  I think families should be loved and celebrated large and small. 

It is odd that people suddenly feel they have the right to comment on family size… like they were never children?

Ha ha, love it, Simcha! To “Do you know what causes that?” (I’m pregnant with #4) I usually say, “Yes, and we’re REALLY good at it.”

To “you’re done after this one, right?” or likewise, I usually say, “No, we plan to keep going until we get our own reality show” or “we’ll stop once we get an ugly one. Hasn’t happened yet.”

Um OK, but does anyone have a good response for when your non-Catholic husband says, “Geez, you don’t really want more than 2, do you?” :(

Well, to be honest, that’s probably something you should have discussed before accepting his marriage proposal. But since my husband and I are both converts who once planned to have two, MAYBE three kids, I understand that things can happen and plans change. I guess my response to him would be, “Of course I do; children are necessities, not luxuries.”

Yay! Simcha! Congratulations (again!) and I’m so glad you chose this post. It’s one of my favorites! Hysterical.

I have to say, the one time someone asked if my husband was going to “get snipped” now that we had “gotten our boy”, I was just shocked into silence. Since when is it socially acceptable to comment on the state of someone else’s husband’s nether regions?!? Jeez.

But my favorite interaction was when a woman who worked for animal rescue struck up a conversation with me when I was out shopping with my oldest, and told me that animals need to be neutered and so do people. She then said, “It’s so nice to see a young mother out with only one child.” I smiled and said, “Oh, this is just my oldest. My other two are back at home.” I think I actually heard her jaw hit the floor. And three kids is nothing compared to the amount we’ll have if we can! Jeez. People are so…agh.

Congratulations Simcha!  That’s wonderful! 

And this post is great too!  We’re only on #2 and we’re already getting comments… which just seems bizarre to me!

I have only two kids—short version of a long story, I wish I had known what I know now and stared earlier. My kids always wanted siblings. My oldest (17) told me yesterday that I should have another baby! I am 47, so it’s not happening. But she was serious. Anyway, having heard this kind of story before I always make it a point to tell people with four or more kids what a beautiful family they have. Occasionally people actually think this is rude! Oh well, sometimes you can’t win.

Someone mentioned that their children were becoming more sullen (or bitter) about the constant attacks on their family size.  That was me.  I was the second of eight and granted, this was during the energy crisis of the 1970s, but we couldn’t go anywhere without some jerk accosting my mother.  I made up my mind that I wouldn’t ever comment on the size of anyone’s family.  Now I just say “congratulations” if someone tells me that she is pregnant.  If I see a mom in the supermarket with a few kids in tow, I just smile.  I’ve been there.

And I do think that there are many walking wounded out there.  You may not understand why someone has to be rude when they see a family with lots of children.  Not everyone grows up in a nice, holy family.  Some people carry deep scars from their families.  And not all children from large families go on to have large families of their own.  I don’t mean to be a downer (I have a large family myself now), but I try not to let what people say affect me anymore.  When I was 10 it hurt, now I’m an adult and I’ve toughened up a bit.  Congratulations Simcha!

I absolutely love your reply to tv and sex.  Brilliant!  This is coming from a woman who could never conceive so adopted two beautiful children who I am absolutely convinced came from my cells in some way. Let me say, my experience with no children is similar in some respects…just different focus.  You know what I started saying to nosy nellies?  Question:  How can you not have any children yet? My Answer:  I am infertile and my body is incapable of carrying children.  Is there anything else you would like to know.  Love and enjoy that crazy caravan of children!!

“If you think that watching TV is better than having sex then you’re doing it wrong.” CLASSIC!

My mother likes to tell people that her children are part of her plan to take over the world.

I have only three but we often get comments - some negative, but most of them nice.  It makes me misty when folks smile at their antics or say that our family is beautiful.  Once an older couple at the supermarket even encouraged us to have a couple more.

How about: (Big smile) “Thank you! We are proud and thrilled with each and every one of our beautiful family. (Another big smile) We feel we are truly blessed.”

No matter what the uncouth ones say or inquire, give the above answer.

Teaches little ones you never “get into it” with strangers; that you always take the high road, and you always deliver a class act no matter what.

Congratulations Simcha & Family on baby #9!!!!!!!

My favorites are a toss up between:

Q:  Are those ALL your kids?  A:  Quiet, you fool, my husband’s listening!

Q:  How many kids do you have, anyway?  A:  I dunno. 

Would you really use these?  What do you think the best practical responses are?  And would you ever consider posting options that Moms with smaller families could use, if they are “called-out” as inappropriate.  Also - good responses for families with children with disabilities?  I feel like we are all in the same boat somewhat - families on which people feel the urge to comment and purge!

I don’t know why some moms are offended at the “got your hands full” comment either (previous comment)?  I guess we can just blame the societal dulling of our minds for that one, but it doesn’t seem too nosy or mean spirited to me.

Congrats on your pregnancy.  My husband and I just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary and we are 5 months pregnant with #4.  We have a 5, 4, and 2 year old.  My girls now answer people when they ask, “Are they twins?”  My girls respond, “we’re a year apart.”  I’m so tired of “You’ve got your hands full.”  I just say “yes I do” with big smile, and then inform them that we have another little one on the way.  I can’t tell you how many people want to know if we’re done.  Since when is it their business.  I just tell them that it is up to God.  We’ll have as many as the Lord wants us to have.  My father tells me that it’s not good for my body to keep having children.  I have to remind him that this is what God created a woman’s body to do.  And since when is 4 children a large family.  I hope to be blessed with many more.

Congrats, Simcha!  God bless you and the new wee one with great health and joy.
Thank you so much for all you’re doing to outnumber the morons!  Wahoo!!

I really don’t mind if people ask if “we’re done” (we have four).  I just tell them, “We will not purposely be seeking another pregnancy, but if the good Lord blesses we will not turn it down.”  I thought I was done after #3, but God surprised us with #4.  Since then I’ve learned some humility.

“Boy, you’ve got your hands full, don’t you?”  My reply is always “Better full than empty.”

Congratulations, and God bless you.  Your witness and openness to the Gospel of life is truly inspiring!

Congratulations!  I enjoy the answers but tend toward the gracious answers myself.  I like the suggestion of a power-point presentation to explain “what causes this”.  My uncle, the father of 7, used to remark with each pregnancy, “I think I’ve finally figured out how this keeps happening.”

I must admit that it is becoming fun to go out with my 3 year-old and my obvious pregnancy (8 months)and have people assume that this is #1 & #2.  Then I will make a comment about their older siblings and I inform the stranger (who is especially surprised because I still look rather younger than my 38 years) that this is #5 & #6 and that #1 is 12 and 6 inches taller than me.

As mother of 11, ages 7-32, we are never out with all of the kids, so when I get the “are they all yours?” comment when out with 4 or 5 kids I say “yes they are all ours, but not all of ours”  “or this is just the younger half”

Congratulations!

To Erin:(What to say to non-catholic husband wanting to stop at 2)  Talk to your husband about why you want more children: because a child is the embodiment of your mutual love.  Explain that if birth control enters into the picture it is no longer a total gift of self to the other. If he still absolutely wants to stop at 2 explain that the only recourse you have is NFP and he must cooperate in that. Help him to understand.

I do try to avoid making snarky comments back at people.  Also be creful what you say in front of your children.  What will it do to your youngest child if he/she hears “We’ll stop when we get an ugly one” and you are not blessed with another?

I only have one so far, but I like coming up with snappy comebacks just for kicks ... if it ever really did happen to me, I’d probably just be polite.  It works for my mom, who has six.

My favorite answer to, “Do you know what causes that?” is, “Yes, and you should try it!”  Or, if you want to be really harsh, “Yes, and maybe if you tried it more often you’d have less time to be up in other people’s business.”  Not something I would actually say, though!

Because I know how many rude comments moms of many get, I always try to say a kind word when I see them.  “You have a beautiful family” pretty much always goes over well.  And, if they’re well-behaved at the moment (because no family is well-behaved at every moment), I say, “Wow, they are being so good in [church, the store, etc.]”  And a smile at the kids.

Amen! I really wished that I had the Darwinism one around when my now 4 year old was little!  I only have 5… Thanks you for the giggles!!!

Congrats Simcha.  Fantastic post - you had me in stitches with your list of possible replies.  My wife insisted that I tell her why I was laughing and I ended up having to read the entire post out loud to her.  Welcome to Baby Number 9!

Congrats Simcha, Always great news to find out God has blessed a family with another child.  Even better news when the family accepts it for the blessing it is.

My wife and I are waiting for our second right now, and because we were relatively old when we got married (She is in her 30s, I am in my early 40s, I doubt we will have a really large family, but I think large families are great.  Both my parents came from what today would pass as large families (my Mom only has 5 siblings, but my Dad had 8).  It was great growing up knowing that I had dozens of first cousins (because they are scattered over the world, I haven’t even met all of them), and lots of aunts and uncles.  I think it is a shame that some kids will have few if any siblings, cousins, aunts or uncles :(.

As for retorts… If I was feeling really snarky and someone asked me how many I had, I think I would ask them in reply if they had trouble counting that high.  If I was feeling less snarky, I would probably reference the starting squad of a sport (5, Basketball, 6 Hockey, 9 baseball, 11 soccer or football.

As for the when we will stop question; I think, when I can’t count them anymore might be a good reply.

Congratulations Simcha

When folks ask if we are having anymore, my standard answer is “There’s always tonight!”

I always get “Well, you’ve got your hands full.”

I politely respond, “Yes, we have our hands full of blessings.”

This always disarms people and makes them smile.

Godspeed,
Taylor

Congratulation Simcha! I love your last comment about tv and being better than sex. If I ever get to have a bunch of kids, I’ll remember that one ; )

With “boy, you’ve got your hands full, don’t you?” you should be careful. I only have three, but I’ve heard it and used it as an expression of admiration/empathy. It’s not always an injunction to stop breeding.

Contrats in your baby bun!

Gimme an S! (S!) Gimme and I! (I!).....yaaaaaaaaaaaaaySimcha!
Liked the Tv one the best. Whenever Someone would say to me “Are they all yours?” I’d smile proudly, and say “Yes! Aren’t they wonderful?” In a somewhat assertive tone of voice that would pretty much compel them to agree. But the one that left me speechless—which you sursingly left out—is “Is this all from the same father?”  I never thought of anything better than in indignant “Of course”.

that’s “surpringly” not “sursingly” sticky keyboard.

I hope you have a hundred babies by God’s Grace and Will :)

Love the post!  Congratulations to your new edition!

Once, as a variation on the “Are they all yours?” line, a lady started trying to figure out how we looked like each other and Mom and Dad. She made a grave error. We were on our way out of the hospital after number 5 (now 9) Mom was tired, the new baby was hungry, and Dad must’ve been a little cranky because his response was. “Well, at least they’re all the same color.” Uncertain if we were all, in fact, the products of the same union (we are) she shut up.
Good luck on the pregnancy. You will be included in our daily rosary. And with a big family, you’ll get eight people praying for you. That’s another thing big families are good for!

Congratulations on your new baby, ma’am! I’m reminded of watching a clip of St. Josemaria Escriva on YouTube where a mother of seven stands in the audience to ask him a question. She gets as far as “I’m a mother of seven” before he interjects with “It’s a good start!”

Congratulations, ma’am, on a great start!

It’s addition not edition.

I just finished reading all the posts, I’m shocked at how people just make comments about your large families. Whoa!

Posted by Erin on Friday, May 13, 2011 11:29 AM (EDT):Um OK, but does anyone have a good response for when your non-Catholic husband says, “Geez, you don’t really want more than 2, do you?” :(

“But honey, there’s a lot of chores to do.”

LOVE.THIS.POST.  And, congratulations!!!  So thrilled for you and your family!

With 6 blessings in my family, your post is on target!

Congratulations on the ninth addition! I have 12 children, 7 boys and 5 girls. The boys came first and then the girls. I am so glad that we kept trying for a girl. God blessed us with five. (two sets of twins). People are never satisfied with what you do. Before they would always ask “When are you going to start a family? Then it was “when are you going to have a girl?” Then it was “when are you going to stop having babies?” I love babies! I should have had more but now I am enjoying the grandkids! God bless you and your lovely family!

Folks, See the old movie “Cheaper by the Dozen” with William Powell and Myrna Loy, based on the book, which is of course a true story.  Hilarious scene when the Planned Parenthood rep comes to visit.  This movie is charming, funny and any large family could relate to it, even though set about 100 years ago.

This is awesome!  Thanks for posting it.  I need to carry it in my diaper bag and my husband is considering sending it as a mass email when he announces the birth of our tenth baby this summer. :)

I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants (benefit of having several children—I really could do that! :) )

I love your “Quiet, my husband is listening!” I’ve always thought that question deserved an answer like that. If I gave that answer in front of my husband, he would BUST UP LAUGHING. (Um, no, this one belongs to the UPS man, and this one to the pool boy, and this one to the ______. Ha!)

I’ve heard about the tv comment, but I’ ve never gotten it before. I LOVE your answer!

Um OK, but does anyone have a good response for when your non-Catholic husband says, “Geez, you don’t really want more than 2, do you?” :(

Well, to be honest, that’s probably something you should have discussed before accepting his marriage proposal. But since my husband and I are both converts who once planned to have two, MAYBE three kids, I understand that things can happen and plans change. I guess my response to him would be, “Of course I do; children are necessities, not luxuries.”

This happened to me. He never changed his mind. And yeah, I probably should have discussed it before getting hitched. Now I have two children that I adore and a deep bitterness towards him that will never go away, till death do we part. It sucks.

anon:  I understand that bitterness.  For your own sake, though, see if you can replace the bitterness with daily prayer.  If God could change Saul’s heart, he can change your husband’s. Nagging = resistance.  Prayer=hope (btw when someone first told me this, it really pissed me off.  But then I figured I had nothing to lose by trying.  Eventually I saw the fruits of prayer for both of us-even though I still have a hard time remembering where to spend my time when I am frustrated!).  I’ll be praying for you, too.

I loved your article.  My mother had 8 children; we are extremely close and happy.  We were very, very blessed.  My mother could have had another 8 more children and have handled it excellently.  It takes a lot of love on everyone’s part, along with great organizational skills.  You are absolutely right when you say that it is a personal choice.  I know several women who CHOSE not to have any children as their lives were too busy.  They immensely regret their earlier choice and it is now too late.

My Dad was 62 when our younger sister was born. In response to the question “is that your granddaughter?”, he would say, “she’s a GRAND daughter all right!”

Wonderful, honest, humorous post! :) As the mother of 7 (13,11,10,8,7,5,1) with another on the way, this is right up my alley.  I’ve used the “hands full, but heart fuller” line for years.  I’ve also answered to the “do you know what causes this?” question with this answer “Yes, it’s called LOVE!”.  But the TV comment is my new favorite!  Snappy and soooo up my alley!

I appreciate a good snappy remark, but I think it is important to remember that a lot of these “rude” comments come from ignorance and fear. I am an only child from a broken home. I’m very nervous about having two + little ones. I’m expecting number two in a few weeks, so I guess I’ll learn quickly. I can’t fathom 4, 8, 10, 14 etc. I’m sure if God graced me with so much abundance, I’d make it through. But this doesn’t mean I’m not pretty scared. So take it easy on us, we’re learning. 

And congrautions, Simcha!

LOVE this post! Very funny..the variety is great.. Re: Children with disabilities…Our son is missing a leg and hates to wear his prosthetic…AND two of our four are Chinese…the other two are very white kind of pale-like..This is at least once a week with clusters of rude people followed by streaks of respectful people…it was initially shocking that sooo many people insist upon making comments to us…but now its just plain old fun!! the kids are into it now too…

People ask: What happened to his leg?
We say : Same thing as your manners!

People say:How did he lose his leg?
We say:He lost it? AHH OHH NOOO!! I dont know! Will you help us find it?
(thats especially fun in the grocery stores)

People say: Was is a land mine?
We say:  No, Land Shark

People say: Is he still bleeding?
We say: (grabbing my face in horror and blood)Y-eeeee—-sssss!!!

People say: Did a shark bite off his leg?
We say: Yes…a tub shark…they seek out people with few manners that feel everything is there business…Woooahh is him…let him be a lesson to you!
Kid says: How did they get into his tub?
We say: complex drain maneuver

Kids say: LOOK He’s got a robot leg!!
I say: His dad is IronMan

People ask:Where are their “real parents?”
We say: Im not real? Wait a minute..where am I…what is going on!! Who are you…what are you? Are YOU real?

People say: Are they ALL yours?
We say: We HOPE SO!!

People say: How many do you have.
We say: ONLY four (with a frowny face wishing we could have many more!)

People say: How much did they cost?
We say: More than you can imagine! They are PRICELESS!!

People say: Do they know their mother?
We ask the kid: Who am I?...Mom

What initially was a negative weekly or more experience is now a lot of fun for all….and that is only a sampling…it used to be fun with telemarketing now its fun with nosey strangers!

One of your remarks reminded me of some of the comments I read on an article about the Duggars.  It didn’t say she was pregnant again, but people who only read the title got that impression.  And they said, “No more please, 19 is enough!”.  Oh right.  19 is just right.  But 20?  Now THAT would be ONE TOO MANY!! ROFL!!

Erin, I’m sorry for your situation.  Yes I have been there!!  I just kept praying for him.  And casually sending articles about how kids aren’t REALLY that expensive and etc his way…I also signed up for the Quiverfull Digest, because well honestly I was thinking about it.  And I wanted him to see that parents of many are not all starving in the streets and sitting in a corner pulling their hair out all day.  Now he wants 12 kids and I am the one saying hold on there buddy!  But prayer is the main thing!

Posted by Erin on Friday, May 13, 2011 11:29 AM (EDT):Um OK, but does anyone have a good response for when your non-Catholic husband says, “Geez, you don’t really want more than 2, do you?” :(

Erin, You say “My love, I don’t even want to imagine that a day will come when I don’t want to have your children.”

Q. Don’t you know what causes that?
My husband’s answer: Yeah…and I keep knocking her off but she keeps climbing right back on.

My answer: Yup. A hot husband and a happy wife.

Comment : “Better you than me”!  Response, “no kidding, could you imagine what kind of parent you would be with this many kids?  Thank goodness they are with me vs. you. Poor kids”!

I have also heard this one: How are you going to pay for all their education? Answer: Accually, I was hoping to raise them stupid so I didn’t need to pay for their education.

Also, Are they all yours? Answer: No, they are siblings (and walk away).

There was a time I had 4 children under 5 years old. The youngest being twins and I did A LOT of bus riding, walks, grocery stops and library visits. I usually just wanted to get to point A to point B alive not caring whom I offended in the process so when people would make silly comments or ask redundant questions I just would make up crap for answers. Something to make one think and not pay attention too much that I didn’t stick around for a response. It took until the twins were 4 months old before I discovered this….it truely works :)

Louise (mom2five)

I haven’t laughed this hard in a loooong time—my belly hurts and tears are streaming down my face. All this laughing is really distracting baby #8, who is trying to nurse. :) Congrats!

We have 9 children, 5 boys, 4 girls.  We were at an outdoor event with a lot of people when my 2 year old started pointing out his brothers to a woman on the sidewalk.  She finally asked, “Well, how many brothers does he have?”, I said, “Four.”.  She replied, “Wow! it could be worse, he could have 4 sisters.” The look on her face was priceless when I said, “Oh, he does, he has 4 sisters too.”
My Mother had 10.  Someone once told her, “I don’t know how I could divide my love that much.”  Mom said, “Oh, you don’t divide it, you multiply it.”

Congratulations on the new addition and thanks for the laughs.

Simcha, congratulations to you on your new addition to your family. I have a friend with 10 so double digits mean double blessings!

Too funny. We have only been blessed with two but I always try to remember to tell those with van sized families how wonderful it is to see them. Children are such a blessing.

OH MY GOSH!!! I loooooooove the last one, but I think my mother would kill me if I was ever to say that lol. yay for big families, screw anyone who says differant.

HI Bridget-Bravo!

Too funny, Simcha! Thank you for the ranting!

I have three children (so far) under 5, and I always get the “your hands must be full!” comment at least twice during each outing with them. My response is always “Nope. Just my heart.”

Some here wondered why some of us parents get upset when we hear that comment. I guess, for me, the comment assumes that I am primarily just busy—and not in love with my children. It also greatly concerns me how these comments are being processed by my children who hear them. The worst is when someone says something obviously negative, such as “enjoy them now before they turn into teenagers.” I reserve my righteous anger for these sorts of comments, and use strong words to validate my children so that they hear me say publicly how great they are.

For the woman whose husband is not wanting more than two: I shall pray. You, too.

Final comment. Tell strangers: “I’m addicted to babies. As you can see, it’s a serious problem.”

OH MY LANDS, this is the best thing I have read in a long time—because you know as a mom of nine myself, I certainly do not have time to read anything for myself, much less actually use the brain God gave me.  As for the “Don’t you know what causes THAT?” My favorite is to snap back, “Yes, we like it and are obviously good at it!”  Or for those who accuse us of overpopulating the world, I line them all up and say, “Which should I give back?”  OIY!  CONGRATS to you, I pray I can join you in the double digits some day soon!

How about…
“Are those all your kids?”
turn and point to one or two and say
“No, I found that one/them in the parking lot, I’ve always wanted a redhead/blond/girl/whatever fits.”

My favorite (with 11 kids, I’ve got a few) which I actually got from my mother-in-law -

“Are you having any more?” 

“Well, there’s always tonight.”

This one is best done by my husband as he winks at me and gives me a kiss.  I’ve seen grown men blush!

haha, I just got asked outside daily mass, “are they BOTH yours?”

When people ask my best friend if she knows “what causes that”, she answers, “We used to think it was sex, but if that was it we’d have hundreds by now!”

Just say that you’re doing it to combat demographic winter… :3 Most people have no clue what that is, so instant silence.  (And it *DOES* combat demographic winter: you’re making up for all those people who didn’t have enough kids…)

May 28 2011 is a very important day for me. This is the day that my Mom can say proudly say that she has 16 children over age 50!! Mother is 86 years old and if she lives to be 96 she will have lived long enough to see her 19th child turn 50. People often ask her ” How in the world   did you ever get by with all those kids?” Her response has always been I would have never made it without them. At that point their very much at a loss for words.

Congratulations! What a blessed baby, to be born into so much love!  We (only) have five which just doesn’t seem “big” to me, so it always surprises me when we get comments, but we do get our share.

To “full hands” I’ve said “yes, and a full heart, too!”. I used to say “better full than empty” but then one day I said it to someone who, it turned out, had had multiple miscarriages and was never blessed to carry to term. I’ve never felt so humbled in all my life.

Sometimes when I’m feeling frisky I’ll lean close and say, sotto voce, “I’d like to say they keep me out of trouble, but…”

To those (who I’m sure are well-meaning but don’t seem to understand boundaries) who ask if we’re “done”, I’ve been known to say, “well,I really want a bigger van, so we’ll probably have to have a few more to justify it…”

But my usual response is quite true: “well, the “new baby smell” has started to wear off the youngest, so you know what that means!” :-)

Thank you! I love your humor. =)
My favorite, one I reserve for special cases, is…? What? When are you going to stop???!”
Me: Look. I can’t get supper done on time, I rarely get all the dishes done, I’m terrible at keeping the laundry done, I have a hard time getting somewhere on time, and my bed is never made, etc, etc. You mean I have found the one thing I am good at- and you’re telling me to stop it?!”

Every year when we registered for school they would always ask us to fill in our name address and how many brothers and sisters we had.This was my favorite day of the year. I would always raise my hand when teacher called on me I would respond ” can I just use numbers for
mine I don’t remember all their names I have 18 of them!!!

Oh, I am sure you will get a lot of other recommendations for snappy rejoinders, but the best one I heard was the quip: “Stop interfering with my reproductive choices!”

This is great - Congratulations to you and your husband Simcha.

My favorite response to “Don’t you know what causes that?”
(With a clueless expression): “Well, we used to think it was sex, but if that was it, we’d have HUNDREDS by now!”

Great column, and congrats on the pending baby! We only have 4 but a friend of mine tonight told me that I really needed a hobby. I told him that if he could tell me of a hobby that’s more fun, I’d gladly switch. He didn’t know how to respond.

When people see me with my four children and ask…“Did you figure out causes that?” I look them in their eyes and say “I figured it out so well,I had twins my second pregnancy.”  I’ve yet to ever hear a reply, besides anyone within hearing range laughing at them. lol

I TOTALLY enjoyed this!  I have posted on my blog with a link back to this wonderful article.  Also, you gave me an idea to do a “Be Fruitful and Multiply” Blog Hop/Link Up to celebrate BIG families!

Here’s my link:  http://raisinglittlesaints.blogspot.com/2011/05/be-fruitful-and-multiply-blog-hop.html

Congrats and this article gave me a much needed laugh!  I’m due in 6 weeks with boy #6 (2 girls) making my total 8 children. Here is an answer I like to give when asked if we’re done: “We thought we’d keep going till we got an ugly one”!

Great responses! Congratulations to you and your family. I’m mom to eleven and I’ve heard all of the rude comments listed. Although, they had begun to dwindle when I was pregnant with nine, as “How could anyone have nine?” People just stopped thinking they couldn’t all be ‘ours’. It became difficult in turn, though, to shop with my teen-aged girls and youngest child…as it was rudely and disapprovingly assumed that the ‘baby’ was one of my daughter’s out-of-wedlock children,and not mine. I would loudly proclaim, ‘here SON hold your SISTER’S hand,’ or something to that effect. One of the rudest comments? “They all came out of YOU?” We almost once had to pay the “Tour Bus Rate” at a National Park because the on duty Ranger didn’t think our 15 passenger van held ONLY our children. Until he looked in for himself!!! My best disarming answer is, “It is a dream come true!!! I always wanted a large family!!! I feel so blessed.

LOVE this !  We only have 5 but we too have heard the snarky comments.  For the “hands full” remark - I usually just smile at them and say “Yes, we do, and we love it.”  Younger ones tend to be a bit more clingy around said snarky strangers, so picking one or two up and hugging them, and being hugged back, as I’d reply made a different point.  Mine are all teens now - babies are twins - and we have heard are they twins, are they all yours, how do you manage, and my favorite, I’d go crazy.  I’m horrible - I usually respond with, yes, yes, by the Grace of God and - oh, I also home school them !  The looks on the faces of these strangers is utterly priceless.  Not only do I have 5 kids but I home school - so I “never get a break”.  Like I’d want one.  Love my “big” family =)
Congratulations on your coming blessing and many thanks for posting this - great laughs.

Congratulations and God bless your big family! Thanks to people like you, we may someday outnumber the moronic secularists.

Thank you for doing your part to improve our society. I wish I could have done more, but my body was not cooperative, so I only have 1 to show for it.  I am, however, doing my part to encourage him to marry young and have many children to make up for what I couldn’t provide. 

The truth about abortion and birth control is this: The population that refuses to reproduce will be replaced by the one that does not.

Congratulations on your newest blessing!!!

It has never ceased to amaze me how many people out there feel justified in commenting on family size and everything involved in it.  As the oldest of 9 I’ve heard some pretty rude comments.  As if they expect the children to have any say in thier number of siblings.  It was almost painful to see my parents confronted by these insensitive busybodies, but they never acted like any of us were a burden and through example showed us how to persevere.
I finally found a comeback to the rudest people when I snapped at a ‘friend’ of mine who was going on about over-population.  He never spoke of it again after I commented that he was “just mad that my parents were getting more than [he was]”. 
My parents blessed me with infinite company and I can’t wait to start my own clan!  I keep praying to find a man who likes kids as much as I do.

It is fun to give snappy answers to those questions, but I am amazed at how easy it is to share Christ with someone who opens the door by asking a somewhat personal question.  If someone asks me if we are having any more (we have nine), I am able (if in the Spirit) to usually use that as a starting point for a deeper conversation about love, sex, NFP, marriage, faith, contraception, family, and on and on.  Of course it depends on time and place, but most of all it depends on me walking in the Spirit.  Sometimes people are just itching to tell about their family of 6 or 9, their 10 aunts and uncles, or just don’t know why they felt compelled to begin a conversation if we take it there.  One thing is absolute.  Everyone who asks us one of those same old questions is an eternal soul that needs Jesus.  Large families can be magnets for conversation beginners with people who may have never considered speaking to a stranger.  I do sometimes like to say when asked, “are they all yours?”.  “Yes, and my first wife’s.”  Of course my first wife and I have been married for nearly 20 years now.  Since I work with a lot of young women I might add something like, “just think how many I could have if I left her and married another young 22 year old.”  or “had a second wife”  Something like that.  This often opens the door to conversation about marriage, love, cohabitation, sex, contraception, ect., even into how one determines what is right and wrong, relativism, dogma, truth, and many other fun conversations.  You just have to get someone a little bit interested and usually a large family does that.

I wanted 4 children. I had my son. I thought, “Only children are good.” Almost 7 years later I had my daughter. 2 is good for me!...But my mom is number 11 out of 13 siblings, so I am glad my abuela had my mom. I can’t imagine life not having 40+ cousins and all those aunts and uncles. My kids have 4 cousins combined…Sad. :o)

It always shocks me what people will say, right in front of the children, who are not, after all, inanimate objects who can’t understand. We have 6 boys aged 9 and under, and for some reason, people seem even more affronted by the notion of a huge, all-boy family. Like I’m trying to be anti-feminist or something. One lady said to me, “Oh my GAWD, six boys?? I would KILL myself.” What an awful thing to say!! My oldest, who is a sensitive guy, asked me later, “Why would she say something like that, Mommy??” and was pretty sad about it. People seriously do not think.

I was asked once if I had wanted to have 5 children. “No, I actually wanted 6 or 7, but the Lord only blessed us with 5.” CONGRATULATIONS!

May 13, 2011 was my parents 50th anniversary.  My family got together to celebrate. That included 8 children, 7 spouses, and 23 grand children.  We are expecting an additiional 5 before the year is over!  That includes our first set of twins.  Did I mention the oldest grandchild is 13?  Our family REJOICES with God’s blessings Two of us are expecting our 8th this year. WE have ALL had insensitive remarks. I grew up with them.  But the hardest to hear are comments from my husband’s family.  So sad. Grandma has NEVER said congratulations!  I’m 41 this year, but I hope to see as many as God desires to give us!

Awesome post and awesome comments! On the flip side I have only one child (daughter age 13) and am occasionally congratulated for it. I wanted a huge family! Even seemingly positive comments regarding family size can be negative. I take delight in my sisters 4 children and those of my friends to make up for my small family so if any of you need a sitter let me know :)

We have 6 and are expecting our 7th.  When someone asks if they are all mine, I say, ” Do I look like I’ve had 6 kids?” If they say no, they look stupid for asking the question, but if they say yes, they just look rude.  Usually they walk away.  I have yet to use this line
Rude Person: Are you going to have anymore?
Me: *eyes get big, blink twice* Did you actually mean to say that out loud?  Because that is a really personal question!

I was one of six kids-grew tired of “herd” comments. I have three boys and would have more if I could support them myself! I find it disgusting that people think they can judge the amount of children a family has.

Hi, I just wanted to say, as a person who has never been blessed with any kids, let alone a whole lot of kids, I am so glad to read this. I get the “why don’t you have any children?” Comments all the time and it stinks. It’s nobody’s business, frankly. Bless you and your precious children. Every child is special and I don’t believe people have a right to judge.
P.S. if you ever do want to hand out that “delicious baby” I’ll be happy to take him/her. :o) (kidding!)
Seriously, congratulations. I hope you have a beautiful and healthy baby.

I only have 2 (by choice) but respect your choice to have as many as you want and can care for.  My only issue with large families is the ones who live off government assistance.  If you can support 12-15 kids, by all means, feel free to have them, but when you have so many children that you are on food stamps, medical card, and whatever government assistance you can get, it is time to quit.

It always amazes me how insensitive people can be. I met a family at a picnic whose husband said “I have nine kids and I am not Catholic”. He always jumped the gun on remarks.  The children, all under 16 were very well behaved.  As to myself, I have two children, I am Catholic and I would get this remark from fellow Catholics “you are Catholic & only have two kids?” Also as one of twins, we’d go shopping with Mom who would meet people and they invariably would start comparing our looks, like we were too deaf to hear or understand.  It made us uncomfortable and shy—-like “oh, oh, here it comes again”.

This was pretty funny.  I grew up with seven, and I know my mom often felt bad about the comments.  But I envy you moms….I have to bring my dog if I want a conversation starter….and he’s just not nearly as effective.

Very good; when people ask if we are stopping, I tell them “No.”  We are half way there.  But I often think of asking them in what year did God announce that children are no longer blessings?

My own mother responded to me when I called to tell her about the just fresh birth of our THIRD child, “And I hope you’re done now, right?”  I was flabbergasted.  I told her, “Gee, Mom, how creative.  MOST people would just congratulate a mom who has just given birth.” She was outspokenly opposed to our adoption of two kids as well.
Incidentally, Mom dotes on all seven of her grandchildren and grandchild #6 gives her a special kind of joy at this stage of Mom’s life (my dad has severe dementia and is very difficult to handle, and #6 is 15 and has a unique gift with him) and grandchild #7 is our first son and is a huge help to my mother with physical labor the rest of us aren’t strong enough or tall enough to do.

Before we had our seventh child, when people would ask, as they often did, why we had so many children I would tell them, “Well, when we got married I wanted four kids, and my husband wanted two.  These are my four, now we’re working on his two.”  After we had our seventh I would say, “i wanted four, my husband wanted two, and it turns out neither of us are good at math.”

A couple of times we’ve actually been told by some man, “I figured out what caused that I got fixed.”  To that I say, “My husband’s not broken, and we don’t fix what isn’t broken.”

I gather most of you could not say this, but our response to a disapproving, “Wow, five/six/seven kids?!” was a cheerful, “Why, yes, and we’re not even Catholic or Mormon.”

““Boy, you’ve got your hands full!” I usually answered with a cheerful, “Yes, so I’m glad I have so many helpers!” or “Many hands make light work.”

My absolute favorite, however, is something one of ours said when she was only four years old. This child, btw, had been adopted only about six months before.  The cashier was going on and ON about our (then) five kids, how her own two were enough for her, they were driving her crazy, she couldn’t handle FIVE, how on earth did I MANAGE?  And my four year old daughter piped up,
“Well, our Mommy LOVES her children, don’t you, Mommy?”

Out of the mouths of babes.

As the 3rd oldest of 10 kids (ages 4-28) I find these hilarious! When we would go shopping (even w/ only half of us kids) people would assume that the younger kids were mine or my sisters. My husband and I are planning on 4 ourselves, but hope to adopt after that. :) I also find it funny, when someone says something about having one child is enough, etc, to tell them that my family has 10 children,from the same 2 people, all single births, all homeschooled, and the last six were homebirths.(& if they happen to make a stupid remark about their tax money supporting us etc, I let them know real quick that we have never had to have government aid.)  The looks on their faces is amusing to me, because to me its normal, more so than only having 1 or 2 siblings. lol I told my mom I wanted to get my dad a tshirt the reads ‘Don’t ask me if I’m getting fixed, clearly nothing’s broke!’

Sooo does anyone care that this world is SEVERELY over populated whatsoever?  Or that the human race is destroying everything that this Earth has to offer? 

Oh wait, God told you to make more babies for the church.  I forgot.

Jennifer,

If the world is so severely overpopulated, why are countries like Germany, Russia, and Australia paying women to have more babies?

You’re also false in that the human race is destroying the Earth.

And guess what—you and your friends can go right ahead and contracept yourselves out of existence. Guess who’ll be left once y’all die out? :)

Yep. A bunch of mislead morons. Congrats!!

Just because their goverment is paying woman to have babies does not mean they are correct!  Its a power stuggle.  The world is in fact VERY over populated.  Step out of your shoes and just think a second.  Look at all the species of animals that are dissapearing in front of our very eyes.  Look at the pollution.  Look at all the cars.  You can’t look anywhere without seeing man’s imprint. THAT is what is disgusting to me.  The Earth is no longer a sacred place and the fact that people want to have GIANT families for the sake or repopulating a ‘smarter’ crowd is just plain dumb.  In the past we had giant families because thats what it took to make a farm life go round.  If you aren’t living sustainably and having emormous families, than SHAME. ON. YOU.  Take some responsibility ;)

Hey, Jennifer, here’s another “mislead moron,” who goes by the name of Hania Zlotnik.  He’s the director of the UN Population Division: 

.

“At this moment, much as I want to say there’s still a problem of high fertility rates, it’s only about 16 percent of the world population, mostly in Africa,” says Zlotnik. South of the Sahara, fertility is still five children per woman; in Niger it is seven. But then, 17 of the countries in the region still have life expectancies of 50 or less; they have just begun the demographic transition. In most of the world, however, family size has shrunk dramatically. The UN projects that the world will reach replacement fertility by 2030. “The population as a whole is on a path toward nonexplosion—which is good news,” Zlotnik says.

I’ll pray for you, Jennifer. Just like I pray for my mom, who was disgusted at the thought of me having even one or two kids, let alone three.  I’m guessing you’re one of those who likes to tell people that you wish the government would stay out of your reproductive organs, and not force such decisions on you…so I’ll ask that you do the same.  Stop assuming you know what’s best for the human race. That’s a huge responsibility, and I wouldn’t want you to crack under the strain.

Oh, and the Earth did fine without us before we were here, and it will survive and outlast the human race.  Ever hear George Carlin’s routine about the eco-nuts?  The Earth will shrug us off, I suppose, and heal itself.  When people like you rant about the Earth, what you really mean is you want your lifestyle to remain the same, and it’s not the Earth you care about, it’s the people (specifically yourself) living on it.

You’re contracepting and sterilizing yourselves out of existence, and WE’RE the morons? LOL!

Hint, Jennifer: back in the 1970’s demographic alarmists were howling about how the world was so overpopulated and by 2000 we’d all self-destruct. Guess what, didn’t happen. So I can’t say I’m all that concerned about your dire predictions.

The overpopulation of the world is a myth propagated by Malthusians and ZPG types such as Ehrlich, who, incidentally, has turned out to be demonstrably wrong about just about everything (even if you have never heard of him, count on it, those telling you the world is overpopulated got their information from him at some point).  You’ve bought into a great deal of dishonest propaganda, but you don’t have to take my word for it. Just do some math. What is the land mass of North America alone?  If all the world’s population were moved to North America, how many square feet would there be per person?  Compare that number to the sq ft per person in Japan, India, England, Italy, etc, and I think you will be surprised.
You can also look into history and discover that the greatest explosion in extinctions happened before there ever was a human race on the earth, and far from there being a huge number of species disappearing daily, mankind actually should be credited as being the *only* species that cares about the extinction of other species and actually does something about it- unlike any other species, we have a number of amazing success stories in bringing back creatures from the brink of extinction.
As for not being able to look anywhere without seeing man’s imprint- human beings are a part of nature and have just as much right to be here as any other species. You can’t look anywhere without seeing the imprint of insects, either, yet you don’t propose that insects limit themselves to one or two offspring because you recognize that would be ridiculous.  If you believe in darwinian evolution (as your comments suggest), then you have no right to presume a moral offense at the success of any species.

Oh sorry, here’s the link to the National Geographic article where I found the quote:  http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/01/seven-billion/kunzig-text

.

But you know what National Geographic is like, how they hate the environment and only care about making more babies for the Church.

I just love it when someone comes on a CATHOLIC website and starts yapping about the overpopulation problem…the same people that talk about how humanity is destroying this earth because of this…the same people that keep polluting our waters because of their overuse of birth control pills…yep…makes perfect sense to me!  These are the same people that buy from department stores and bottle feed (by choice) and also use disposable diapers…yet it is us the moms of many who are ruining this Earth?  Talk about not putting yourself in someone else’s shoes…people like this don’t have the slightest idea about big families that recycle clothing, use consignment stores, breastfeed, use clothe diapers, make their own natural cleaning agents, use everything in their cupboards, and do not waste anything because we are thankful for all that we have.  Oh wait, lets not mention that because we have large families we don’t spoil our kids rotten and make them the centers of the world by buying them every new techno gadget that comes out or the newest toy….kids that have so much they don’t respect or appreciate others.  Yep, that must be the way to go so that we can save this earth” meanwhile self-centered people keep running our governments and making this a “better place.”  No thanks!  ;)

Great post. I’m only working on my fourth, currently due to arrive in the next few weeks. Already I’m getting the comments and stares when I’m out with my other three. When people comment I just say, “We are just trying to increase our odds that one of them will set us up in a nice retirement home someday.” Best wishes with your delivery!

Jennifer, everyone here has heard all your (half-baked) arguments before and knows them for the misinformation they are.  Also, you clearly have no concept of WHY these parents have large families—do some research before you start barking at people. 

I have three that I gave birth to and one that I adopted, and I can guarantee you that my four kids are more aware and protective of resources, less mindlessly consumerist and wasteful, than just about all the 1 and 2 kid families I know.

We have 10. If people say you have your hands full, they are absolutely right. I have 2 hands full, 5 boys, 5 girls, ages 2 to 21. If people ask if we are ahving anymore, I just reply that I am 47 and not planning on more, but God makes his plans for my life, also.

A lot of these comebacks sound so much like what my parents say to people- it’s almost like someone had a recorder!  My parents have 14 kids, and I am the oldest (now 25- the youngest is now 5), so I have been around a lot when my parents had to handle situations like this.  They’ve actually even written a book about their experience in being open to life and raising a Catholic family in the culture today, if anyone is interested- here is their website: http://www.formingfaithfulfamilies.com   They’ve also been on EWTN :)

Love it! Thanks for arming me with the wit!

Hi, I just started a Catholic Blog. I’d appreciate it if some of you checked it out and gave me feedback, both regarding the site and the content.

Thank You

http://villadelacruz.wordpress.com/

My standard comeback to “Boy you have your hands full” is “Better full than empty” :)

...on frustrating days I would say I was ‘selling them for half price today” and get some really strange looks.  Finally, ten years later my son confided that he thought I ‘meant’ it… wow, doesn’t anybody get a joke anymore??

I’m forwarding your great article to my five kids who have 20 kids between them. They will get a kick out of it, I’m sure. Thanks.

Thank you! I only have four, but I have been told by two people (a very good friend and a family member) that I have enough children! I am married, have a graduate degree, and have enough money to support the kids. However, the mere fact of having more than 2.5 kids upsets many people. I appreciate your honest and funny thoughts on this subject!

“Q:  Don’t you have a TV?

A:  If you think TV is better than sex, then you are doing it wrong.
“

Hahah! Priceless!

Congratulations Simcha!

Congrats Simcha! We’re pregnant with #5. Please pray for us as I will you. I would recommend the documentary “Demographic Winter” in regards to world “overpopulation”. Watch the trailers on the website…it can be googled. Congrats again.

Congrats Simcha! I have 4 boys so far, ages 6 mo, 3yrs, 6yrs, and 9yrs. Shortly after #4 was born, we were food shopping as a family (hubby was helping me) and a man truly acosted by our presence in the bread isle said, “You have 4 boys to feed! How do you do it?!” I simply said, “we manage just fine.” My snarky remark would have been, “Well, actually its pretty easy, the oldest eats on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and the little ones eat on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Its Sunday’s that really cost us, because we ALL eat that day, even my husband and I!” My favorite is when people say, “GOD BLESS YOU!” in that you must have jumped off the deep end tone. “He sure does!” or “God Bless you too!” is usally what I usually say. I was suprised that the “Are you going to have another/are you done? questions started after my first was born. I have always replied that “We take them one at a time, because that’s how they come.” Of course that may change if we get blessed with twins. I have been upset by the hands full comment too. It does come both ways from people, postive and negative. Imagine if having children was jsut ‘normal,’ and people didn’t have to be offended by it, and others didn’t have to boost us up, as nice as they are to do so?

I often say that I want a basketball team and that one kid is always going to be foul trouble so…

We have 3 children and you would think we were freaks!  We get the “You gonna keep trying for a boy” comments since we have all girls… what… boys are the be all, end all?  NO!  We wanted HEALTHY babies!  When we were pregnant with #3 they were asking “Is hubby hoping for a boy this time”?  Um… considering we just had a miscarriage 6 mo ago… he’s hoping this one goes to term and it’s healthy.  Now that they are 15, 13, and 11 when we go into a place, we still GO INTO a place, they are bubbly, talkative, they hang on us and eachother, you can tell they and we love each other very much.  I don’t know what I would have done if God hadn’t changed our mind and given us #3.  But to hear if from others….WOW!!! that’s just SOOOOO MANY!  I can so relate to these comments!  Now that they are older the comments aren’t so often, but they do still pop up every now and again.

You people are populating the world, adding “carbon footprints”, adding little children that will grow up following your example and probably multiply as well and be loyal & good Catholics..  keep up the Good work :)

Haaaaa!  Awesome article.

My father was the youngest of 10… nine boys (one disabled) and one girl.  My grandmother gave birth to my dad, her tenth child, in 1940 at the age of 45.  They were a simple farm family in the rural south.  They weren’t worried about their “advanced age”, they didn’t fret about how to pay for college, they didn’t worry about how to schedule kids “activities”, they didn’t worry about not having enough time for all those kids.  They just parented on.  Boy am I glad!!  Where would I be without their decision :).

Today my wife and I happily and proudly parent 4 kids adopted from all over!

To the “you have your hands full” comment, I look down at my hands as if counting and said… not quite - as if their comment were literal numbers of a hand. When I had four, I said, “no, not even one handful yet” and when we had five I’d point out that we only had ONE handful, so far.

Congrats!

Embarrassment and frustration with the world’s opinion of your costly life style choices are clearly seen in your article. Your piece does NOT make the case that the those who view having 9+ kids happen to be the strange ones… YOU ARE! stop populating my world! We don’t live in 1812 where you need kids to help on the farm.

Great article!  We are expecting baby #5 next month.  Usually to the “Your hands are full” comment, I reply, “Yes, but it’s the best kind of full” and most people will usually respond back pleasantly or not know what else to say.  I am being treated for an infection in my uterus right now that required a 24 hour iv for ten days.  The home health care nurse that came to our house made the mistake of asking if we were planning on having anymore while clearly expecting a “no answer.”  I replied, “Well I have always liked even numbers so we will probably try for at least one more.”  She turned to my husband, astounded, and asked him, “Are you alright with that?”  My husband didn’t miss a beat.  He just replied, “Well, I’ve always wanted to be a patriarch!”  God bless you and your family and all the others that have posted here!

Fabulous! The first and last are by far the ones I’ll be using the most as they’re the most commonly used ones (when I’m within earshot anyway) and I only have 4 kids!

We have eight children and I used to love winding up the ‘stupid’ people
My answers used to be
How many do you have?
8 we are going to keep going till we get a pretty one

Do you have a TV?
Why thats such a kind offer thank you.

You must like kids?
No but I adore sex, kids are just the end result

You have your hands full
*looks at hands blankly* erm not just now

and my all time favourite

Gosh I can barely manage 2 kids
Yup I had noticed that.

Congratulations!!  I have a mere 5 kids and I’ve heard it all too!  And I too want to populate the world with good people!!  My husband’s goal is to take up a whole page in the phone book (admittedly out-dated but you get the idea).  I wouldn’t trade any one of them for their perfectly mowed lawn or new car.  I have the greatest kids I know. . and with 6 grandkids I’m on my way to that page in the phone book!  After awhile I just answered every comment with “thank you I love them so much too”.

Just to add a snappy come-back. .when at one of my last OB appointments before having my 5th - my husband and I and the 4 older ones are in the office and another woman waiting with us just kept eying the 4 kids and my big belly and her eyes were getting bigger and bigger - so before she could say anything my husband says (just loud enough) ‘I’m so glad we decided to leave the older 5 at home’ . .I thought she was going to faint!

The jaw dropper—the woman behind the register ringing me up at the busy drug store. Me very obviously pregnant ... “All those kids have the same father?” More than just my jaw dropped. My inpsired response, “Yes, gratefully my wonderful husband of 20 blessed years.”

Kristine when my husband was asked if they were all his he would respond with “why? what have you heard?” in a hushed worried tone

Best response ever was from my wife, who was at the store with 5 of our 9 kids.

Stranger: Are those all your kids?
Wife: No, I have 4 more at home.
Stranger: How many do you want?
Wife: 2.

Shut that person up, she didn’t know whether to be amused or horrified.

Simcha, I applaud you and all the other parents who endeavor to create, raise, instruct, and encourage so many children.  I grew up as a late addition, oldest of 4.  Mom adopted me after she had her three boys, and I was older than them.  I was not so confident.  I only had two.  Sometimes I wish I had at least three more, but know that I just cannot handle it and that would not be fair to the children.  From all the posts I’m reading, all your responders have got their mind in the right place and are just excelling.  Congratulations to you! and to your responders, Kudos!

Due to the fact that there is a bit of a gap between my first two and second two (due to losses, not lack of trying) I am frequently asked if the younger kids are from the same father. Logical, but insensitive. yes they are. When asked why I waited so long or what was I thinking…I have no desire to explain heart wrentching losses or my thought process. I usually just say we got tired of things being clean, organized and easy and had more.

I love it! I was laughing the whole time because it’s all so true! I’m one of ten kids and growing up they would ask me and my siblings (Teenagers and YOUNGER) “Don’t your parents have cable?” I responded “Why yes, but as you can see it’s not an effective form of birth control…”
After we had our first two (a boy and a girl) people just expected us to stop, since we had one of each and ‘didn’t need to try for anything’.
We currently only have 4 kids, but people still ask if we are ‘done’ or commenting that we have our hands full or some such.

Oh…there is a 9 year gap.

We have 11 wonderful children.  Early in our marriage, I was feeling a little insecure about our growing family but now I go for the jugular.  I try not to beat up on people who are blinded by our culture and just acting ignorantly, but when someone is clearly being mean-spirited (if I know their name) this is how it goes:

Mr. Smith: “You have how many kids <sneer>?
Me:  “Eleven”
Mr. Smith: “Don’t you know how to prevent that?”
Me:  “Why would I limit them?  After all, they’re not Smiths.”

I know it’s mean and I don’t necessarily condone it but I thought this was a good forum to share…  :)

For those that comment that we are doing what the Church commands, let me stop you and correct you, we are following God’s word and law:  “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.” Genesis 1:28

If you don’t believe in the Bible, you are at the wrong web address…so scurry along!  ;)

By the way, I live in the Bible-belt and MANY Protestant brothers question my (what I consider small) five kid family, and this is my standard response.  ;)  They are usually silent!  “A Catholic quoting scripture, interesting!” what others say.

i have 4 expecting #5 and when i just have 2 or 3 people look at me like i have 2 heads n are like o my 2 or o my 3 babies….n sometimes i’m like uhh acutally i have 4 and one on the way!!!! lol bc i don’t like them leaving out my others…but i really enjoyed reading this…made me laugh n gave me some ideas lol

I actually had a cashier ask me in the checkout line at Wal-Mart about my two children - one blonde/blue eyed and the other brunette/brown-eyed - “Are both of them your kids?”  When I said yes, she followed up with, “Same Momma AND same Daddy?”  She was apparently shocked that they looked “so different” from each other.  I was just shocked that she could ask such a thing!

My family was traveling in Italy when I was a teenager, and a man noticed our family of six and asked my mom if they were “all” hers.  I remember being surprised that people in a Catholic country would be shocked to see a family with four kids.  I recently heard a statistic about how in about 30 years, the majority of Italians will have no aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, or sisters, and then I understood where that comment had come from - how sad for Italy.  Many countries seem to be following that path.

Now we are expecting our third, another girl, and we get comments like, “I hope for your (husband’s) sake that this one’s a boy!” or “Don’t you know how to make boys?” (I responded to this one today with “There’s always number four!”)  I find those comments hurtful because yes, I would like to have a boy one day, but finances are getting tighter and it might not happen.  I would love to have more children in general, and if I knew that my husband was less concerned about the financial aspect of a bigger family, then I would be at peace knowing that eventually we’d likely have a boy.  Being raised with three brothers myself, I’ve always wanted a boy.  To the other Erin, I will pray for you too, and for anyone who is struggling with discerning family size with their husband or wife.

Perfect!  Congratulations :)

http://blessednationranch.blogspot.com

We raised 5 kids in a big old farm house.  When a person commented about 5 kids being too many.  I would stare off in the distance and say:  “I think I still see the American Flag flying and that must mean we are still a free people.”  I never had a person respond to that comment.

God Bless big families.

Thanks for the laughs…
The best answer I’ve heard to the “Are you done?” question is this:
Snuggle your youngest (or pat your pregnant belly) and proclaim, lovingly “We really think of this one as our middle child!”

Oh dear Simcha, Your article is making me want another baby! We have 6: 12,11,8,6,4,2 and I’ve just lost all my pregnancy weight (I’m back to what I was before baby #1) and really don’t want to go through all that again: gaining 40 pounds, giving birth, hauling those infant car seats around, carrying baby, sitting in the cry room at Mass for ANOTHER 2 years, not being able to use the oldest as a babysitter… But after reading your article, maybe another baby would be a good idea, and not just to upset Jennifer and the anti-Catholic commenters!

“Are these ALL your kids?”
“Of course not!  I always leave at least half of them at home.”

As a single fellow never married, no kids, I love this stuff!

I am “Uncle” to many children in families of friends and am often mistaken for dad…...what an honor!

Anyhow, I often have to field smack comments from others about “my kids”. 

This is really great stuff!  Thanks for the great comments too!

God BLESS BIG FAMILIES OF GOOD CHILDREN!!!

So I am not a mother, but a daughter- second in a line of eight- and I also get the questions. Ive come up with a standard precursor that seems to answer all of theirs: “no, I’m not catholic, Mormon, or home schooled”. Question: any ideas for “your parents breed like rabbits/your parents were BUSY” or other such comments?

On the other end, when I suggest that someone I know (with the requisite two children) might be pregnant, I usually get something along the lines of, “Oh no, we got THAT fixed a long time ago!”  I always respond with, “Technically, you BROKE something that was working just fine!”  I’m always charitable, but I hate that the idea of sterilizing oneself “fixes” anything!

Congratulations! We have a small family - only 5 children - with the 5th being born this past week. After Mass this morning, someone came up to me and said:
Person: Wow! That’s crazy - 5 kids!
Me: Well, we are sleep deprived
Person: I can’t handle 2 and they grow into teenagers.
Me: Well that’s why we come to Mass
Person: (I think they got that I wasn’t feeling the message) Well, congrats anyways - your kids are all cute.

I am going to put a positive spin on it.  Not only do I have 5 children I also have a home Daycare.  On most days I have 5 children 3 years old and under. 

There is a staples near my house that we love to go to as it is in the industrial part of town.  Most of their customers are business owners and big companies so us coming in is quite a specticle.  The still get the “educational” preschool things in like all the other stores however it goes on clearance often because I think we are the only ones that buy them.

I was at the store the other day and when I got to the till the cashier looks at me and says, “I know you”  she told me she has something for me.  She runs to the back and comes back with an envelope.  It had a $20 bill in it.  She told me the last time I was in the store I dropped it (I was at least 3 months prior) I asked her how she could have possibly remember it was me.  She looked at me, smiled and said who else do you think comes in here with children let alone 5 of them??

That totally made my day!!

We have five kids. We couldn’t get pregnant for years, adopted two, delivered twins, and then had shocker. I was one of 7 growing up and never wanted a big family, but God had other plans for me. When people ask me “How many do you want?” I say, “We were going for three. I was an English major, so math was never my strong suit.” But usually, I get the “Better YOU than me!” comment. To this I always reply, “Yes it is. God must have known what He was doing.” It works on so many levels:
1. It’s true
2. Delivered well, it can be bitingly sarcastic to the rude.
3. Delivered well, usually while rubbing your pregnant belly or patting the youngest’s head, it can be sweet and understanding to the overwhelmed.
And 4. It ends the conversation.
Thanks for the laugh. I’m neither Catholic, nor Mormon, nor Quiverfull, but I’m happy to be in your company.

I have always been proud and happy to be the oldest of 12 children. My parents are both alive, and all of my siblings and their families are alive and well. God is so good to us.  I have 4 children, and 3 babies that were miscarried.  I love children, and became a kindergarten teacher.  I always wanted a large family, but 4 was the number of children God wanted for me here on earth.  Now my babies are all grown up, and because of some disabilities I can no longer teach.  But, I have a grandchild who is three, and another who will be born in December, God be willing.  I am so thankful and grateful for life, for babies, for God not giving up on the world yet by sending more babies.

Just want to put in my albeit belated Congratulations!  And of course support for all your wit, snap, and charm in answering those who want to control life or who just don’t enjoy it enough and so fear those who do.

From my friend, who only has eight right now:

Q: Are you done having children?
A: I don’t know. We’re only halfway through the Kama Sutra.

Thanks for a wonderful laugh and pick-me-up everyone!

Jennifer, in some ways you are right - hopeful ideals do not always work out, children do fall through the cracks and it is costly to everyone when that happens, there are far too many suffering people, we take too much for granted as a modern culture here in America. Let me ask you - what kind of incubating environment creates a character with a successful mind?  I think if you knew these intentional parents you would find that they are more dedicated to a mentally/emotionally healthy population than most.  The problem with our environment is not the number of people on our earth but the attitude, the selfish greed and laziness.  With the force of your comments in mind I hope that your energy will someday find joy in befriending those children whose parents don’t know what to do or don’t want them.

To those whose husbands refuse more than 2 children (or whatever number):  My heart breaks for you and you will be in my prayers.  I am a husband who is in a similar situation, but I feel like I may be finally making some headway. This is typically rooted in fear, a lack of trust in God’s Provenance and a selfish focus on material things.  My only advice: Pray, sacrifice, fast, and pray some more.  Get him to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy with you and of course, the Rosary.  There is so much power there.  God’s mercy is INFINITE, so why not rely on it? “Jesus I Trust in You!”  So trust in Him. Don’t give up (Also don’t - EVER - nag.  ;) ) God bless.  (Remember - you have my prayers :)

“Are they all yours?”
snarky response:  “No, I just drove through the neighborhood to round up a few kids to take to WalMart this afternoon”

Congratulations on the new offspring!  Reproductive success is the very essence of ‘survival of the fittest’!

Of the various & sundry ‘snappy answers’ I’ve ever heard, I think my favorite is a response to the question: “How many are you planning to have?”

“I dunno; we’re only halfway through the Kama Sutra.”

My wife and I are parents of eight.  Once, she was grocery shopping with whichever of them happened to be the youngest at the time, when a woman stopped to schmooze with her about the exceptional cuteness of the baby.  The woman asked my wife, ‘Is he your first?’  When informed that, no indeed, he was our sixth (or whatever number larger than four was current at the time), the woman stepped back with a look of shocked horror.  ‘How could you have so MANY?’

My wife smiled sweetly, leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, ‘We REALLY like sex!’

Unnecessarily rude, perhaps, but worth its weight in gold for hilarity value. . .

Congrats to those of us blessed with large families!After years of annoyance with the comments about my eventual family of 10, I realized that many of these so personal questions were made by souls actually wondering if at last I had hit my own personal wall, and was finally giving up. Their own wall was 1 or 2, and mine was 6 or 7, but eventually we all give up and take back “control” of our family life.  So I started using these one line comments on my family size as a start to evangelization. Most people weren’t really interested in me and my family, but were surprised into admitting their own attitude towards children and how they were living their own lives. So I would tell them short faith stories about how the Lord had helped us with everything we needed to raise the children. My favorite story, told quickly in supermarket or passing someone on the street, was needing and praying for socks for all the children, and a bag full of only socks that appeared within a few days on my front porch. Longer stories, saved for supermarket lines, were the story of how God got our family to Disneyworld, or how one of our children got to go to an exclusive private school.  These faith stories lifted me up as well, since on a day to day basis, it helps sometimes to see the larger picture…
My favorite, saved for really meaningful encounters, was the idea given me by my friend with 15 children…that each month the mother remains open to life, she provides a unique palette of genes from which the Lord can paint a unique child, known by Him since the beginning of time. How wonderful is THAT?!!

I get the “You’ve sure got your hands full” comment nearly every time I leave the house!I’ve been told the tv comment a couple times, the “you what causes that” a few times as well. And every time it occurs to me that common sense really isn’t very common. I have 4 children, and I don’t think it’s really that big a deal. I’m the youngest of 4 children myself! When people ask if I’m all done having kids I say, “Well for right now yes, but there’s still one available seat left in my minivan, so who knows!” & I enjoy the look of confusion and lack of any immediate response as I walk away.

My beloved daughter-in-law and my son are proud parents of 13 children ranging in ages 6 to 24. All biologically theirs and yes, only one mom and one dad.  Some of their children are already inducted in the National Honor Society; others are coming up the pike with excellent grades.  One 17 yr. old girl won a scholarship at age 17 to study abroad for two yrs., and returned to the States to graduate two weeks ago from a university and received high honors for all her achievements!!!  Next in line is a daughter of theirs who will present to her parents a child next Sept., and has a wonderful marriage herself and…their third daughter is in a doctorate program to become a doctor of physical therapy.  So far, so good as the other children are in grade school, middle school and high. A deeply religious family indeed whose parents met at a university and yes they have a TV and no, there is not something in the water where they live…simply said, they love each other and ALL their 13 gifts from God.

Oh, I’m sorry, I truly am. . .  But I just spent my lunch hour reading the entire comment list.  I really shouldn’t respond to a couple of the more benighted commenters above, but, Lord have mercy, I can’t help myself.

@ Jennifer (who, alas, shares a name with my very fecund wife), I really can’t do much better than JoAnna’s rhetorical question as to who the real morons are. . .

And @ Michael Tarascio, I couldn’t help noticing the frustration oozing out of your comment, apparently at your own inability to control other people’s lives. . .  I would also wonder how the world (ALL of it??) came to be yours; just, you know, asking.

And @ both of you, I would also cite one of my own favorite bits of folk wisdom, that the future belongs to those who show up for it. . .

another response to ‘are you done yet?’ - We’re not sure but we still engage in risky behavior!

What a great laugh!  Thanks for sharing, and blessings to you on your newest little one.  My third is just 6 months old, and I get the “hands full” comment all the time.  I love my hubby’s attitude about having more (which we will, Lord willing): we got a girl, we got a boy—the rest are gravy (or the icing on the cake, whichever you prefer).  I’ll also pray for the gal whose hubby is hesitant about having more.  Remember to “consider ther lillies of the field” if you’re worried about how to provide, then “seek first the Kingdom.”

I would make the observation that those with large families now are swimming against the tide - they have to make a decision not to ‘stop at two’. That’s a very different thing from simply having a large family because there is no other option - something which it seems was once common. I remember older female relatives grousing about how modern women are lucky not to be “stuck with a bunch of d-d kids, like I was !” My grandmother was the second of eight, and made no secret that she wished her parents had stopped at two or three. (She only had one…. “thank God !” she always added… )

Thank God for “no other options” or most of us wouldn’t have made the cut, lol….thank God for my two grandparents whom had 11 children each…I have an amazingly lovely family of about 45-50 first cousins on each side and a place to stay in MOST parts of the world….lovely!  Thank God!

I have 6 unique children I am blessed to be raising and 4 who have gone already gone to heaven (two miscarriages, one stillbirth and one ruptured ectopic miscarriage).  When asked if I am done my answer is, “Yep…..unless we have another!”  Each of our children brings unique traits to the family as a whole.  My oldest is a natural born leader and athlete, my second is a nurturer and also very athletic, my third is academically gifted and very inquisitive, my fourth (and the first girl) has a kind soul that sees the good in others and always tries to be helpful, my fifth is a twinless twin whose sister was stillborn - our survivor has a fearless go get em attitude about life.  As well she should starting out at 2 lbs 11 oz - she astounded her doctors, you see she was not supposed to live past 27 weeks gestation, not only did she make it to 33 1/2, she began to get stronger as the days went on and now at almost 5 she has zero side effects to her very small preemie status.  Our youngest, well, she is an entertainer and feeds off getting people to laugh and dance with her. I believe that we are all called to different family sizes whether it be none or twenty or somewhere in between - the real question is if we are living the life faithfully that we were called to live!  Extinction of animals existed before humans and is not exclusive to the influence of humans.  If you believe that my big family is causing the problems well it’s interesting that the man who pumped my septic tank last week was astounded at how good it looked inside (if one can say the inside of a septic tank looks good!) - apparently my family of 8 uses less water than the average family of 4!  So to those who have been called to have many children, I say, “God Bless you!”  To those who have been called to have not as many as you had hoped for, I say, “God Bless you!”  To those who have grown their family through adoption, I say, “God Bless you!”  And to those who disagree with anyone who has too many children in your view, I say, “God Bless you!”

I love this so much I have read it over and over.  Thank you, thank you! We are expecting #5 and are delighted! Prayers welcomed!

Only two so far.  Love ‘em to pieces and look forward to more, by birth or adoption, however God sends them to us.  Get the “hands full” comment and am never sure how to respond to it; often they are…
Got comments on our “perfect family” from the moment we found out our second was a boy—and on our “perfect spacing” (I would have been happy getting pregnant at 4 weeks pp).  I hate having a “perfect family” in the eyes of the world.  Is three children (or more) a bad family?  No!  I say something about how I’m looking to mess it up.

My mother in law (mom of 6) always quoted a woman she had known who had won’mother of the year’ (do they even give that award anymore anywhere??) Someon had said: “They must be a lot of trouble”... She answered: “Trouble is in the heart, they have been a lot of work, but never any trouble”.
God Bless you and your family!

really liked the last comment. We have indeed nine kids ,including a surgeon, three lawyers while all the rest are still at university or high school .They make my day and I am eternally grateful to god for giving me this undeserved reward. I simply tell the morons that they are all beautiful and made in the image and likeness of almighty god; I also like to remind them that the very kids they criticise will be the ones taking care of them when they are incapable of taking care of themselves in their old age!

A very dear friend had adopted a beautiful child from China.  She’s a lovely Catholic woman, and happens to be Caucasian.  She got so sick of offensive questions that one day the following happened:

Q: Oh, what a beautiful child… is her father asian?
A: I don’t know.  He might have been… it was dark.

We have nine. We would have had more if nature had allowed. When my wife is asked, “Don’t you know what causes that?”, she replies, “Yes.  And so do you. I just do more of it!”

Wow…loved it, as a mom to a relatively small bunch of five (now grandma to 3) I really liked the last answer the best!

My favorite retort to “Don’t you know what causes this?” is “Yes, that’s my favorite part!”  To “Wow, you’ve got your hands full!”, I say “Empty hands are the devil’s playground.”

>Thank God for “no other options” or most of us wouldn’t have made the >cut, lol…

And how many of those parents with no other options grew to resent, or even hate, their children ? How much damage did those children go on to spread to their own families ?

Don’t get me wrong - I’m not against large families. I’m just noting that, while any family is a huge responsibility, a larger one can export more love- or more misery - than a smaller one.

you should hear the comments for those who are unable to have children

Donna,
I would think that if parents would grow to resent or hate their children in a large family, they probably would in a small family as well.  Looking at the world today, I don’t think parents with one child spend less time or money on their one child; rather they end up focusing all their parental energy on that one child. 

I agree that there are probably some people out there who just shouldn’t be parents; those people should never marry in the first place rather than violate their promise to welcome the children that God gives them.

I only have four kids, and I’ve heard all those comments. My husband’s favorite answer to the “You know what causes that?” comment: “Yup, and we love it!”

Brianna, I don’t know if you are subscribed to the comments, but:

When I was in elementary school, long ago, before mainstreaming, I attended a separate wing attached to the main elementary school, called the “Orthopedic Wing.” The two facilities had one PTA. I had a friend who hated wearing her two(!) artificial legs. She would leave hers in the physical therapy room, or the gym, or the playground, grab one of the school wheelchairs, and take off.

So her mother and my mother are in the PTA meeting when the school secretary brings in a note.

Her mom: <in annoyed, bored tone> My stupid daughter broke BOTH her legs again. I have to go take her to the clinic.

My mom: <sympathetic, but annoyed> Oh, when IS she going to learn to be more responsible!

The best part is they were not trying to be funny, and didn’t realize how it all sounded until they saw the “average” kids’ mothers looking at them with horror.

They BOTH left the meeting posthaste.

Awesome collection, though I doubt I’d have the guts to say some of those things. 

I think my comeback is generally along the lines of “Three and one on the way?  That’s nothing, I want to at least beat what my mom had!”  After the query of how many she had, I answer “Nine!” and keep on walking. 

I think my husband can totally use the last one about TV and sex ... I’m definitely passing that one on!!!

Blessings on your newest one as well!

My brother’s response to nearly every stupid big-family comment, “you’re right.  I don’t recommend a lot of kids to everyone.  I mean, there are just some genes that shouldn’t reproduce.”

I’m one of those weird “one and done” types, but I always admire those who have more patience/endurance, etc, than me! As long as you can take care of them sufficiently, go for it. I know someone with five who barely supports herself and relies on the government / taxpayers - ME to take care of them. I’m guessing it’s people like that give people like my friend Devra a bad name!

Great collection!  I heard another one:  At the grocery store the cashier said, “Are those all yours?’, to the mom of 8; and the mom responded, “Yes, it’s a good start!” to the dumfounded cashier.

Hi All!  I’m not finished reading the comments yet, b/c there are so many!  But it’s fun!  I just wanted to say that I usually get the “you have your hands full” comment.  It doesn’t offend me b/c it’s not mean spirited.  I usually have the baby in the sling or ergo, 2 year old in the cart and as my 4 year old unloads the groceries onto the conveyor belt, I show my hands and say with a pleasant smile “actually, both my hands are free”  :)

Here are some I use:

- well - the reality is that these kids are going to be paying for your pension one day…

- what’s your problem- I’m in love with my wife…

- I’m going to have a happy old age and retirement and most likely, you will be lonely

- ah we passed the national average years ago - believe me it wasn’t hard…

For the “I could never handle that many” or “they’re too much trouble” type comments, I always said something to the effect that I would NEVER put my children down, even as a joke, because I didn’t want them to ever get the idea that they weren’t precious to me.  It got most people thinking, and I hope helped some to realize that their children HEAR those comments, poor things.

For the “are they all yours” question, my standard answer was “No, two are rented and one is on a long-term lease with an option to buy.  Want to guess which one?”

:-)

@Sarah - wouldn’t you rather have the government (or us) supporting a family open to life than killing babies in the womb or paying for birth control for 13 year olds?  Supporting big families would be the best thing this government could do.

I don’t know about you but didn’t the government create taxes for Social Services in the event you would need to use it one day?  In this day and age and the way the economy is and sending jobs overseas…how can you not avoid getting help when needed?  Besides, the families I know (the large families) that are currently receiving help from the government now worked (husband and wife) for over 20 years before having to apply for help.  I think that the math is something like this 20 + 20 = 40 years of paying taxes x approximately $800/year…considering that Social Services is about 8% of the federal budget….hmmmm…oh yeah YOU are paying for their use of federal funds…sure.  ;)

My husband and I have 7. First three were boys with some “flack” for the 3rd. Pregnant with the 4th we got…so you are trying for a girl, and she was a girl so “they” understood that. Then pregnant with the 5th…shock and awe, 6th and 7th…they wrote us off as absolute NUTS and made no further comment. This was essentially family members or coworkers…of course we still get the “hands full” etc from general population..but that never really bothers me. THe only nasty and disturbing comment I remember was coming out of Mass at Branson and a elderly woman asked, “Are these all yours?” and when we said yes, she replied, “Oh, I am so sorry for you.” Wow! And still in the church! I probably should have been praying for her all these years! Oh yes, and then there was the guy in the pizza place in Estes Park, CO…I have prayed for him because he was truly an angry, bitter old man. Do more people in tourist traps have a problem with children?

J H and Erika,
I thought Catholics didn’t believe in the government providing money for social issues?  Isn’t that the responsibility of the church.  Shouldn’t these large families be seeking assistance from the church when they are in need?

When people asked my dad why he didn’t get fixed, he would say “I don’t want to be shooting blanks!” Since he was normally a very reserved, polite person, we thought it was so funny.
Occasionally my mom would say “When I got married I was told I couldn’t have any. God sure has a sense of humor!”
Sometimes my mom would brag on us big kids and say “I couldn’t do it without their help”, and of course we liked that. Or she would point at me (the oldest) and say “She’s my right arm”. I would glow with pride. You can absolutely turn it to good for your children.

Jennifer,
Your post brings up a big post.  Not only does having a big family gives your children lots of siblings… but the children learn about the practical aspects of love.
—
My Dad grew up in a large family in Ireland during the Great Depression and WWII (well not that large by the standards of the time and the place, but by the standards of our time and place).  I love hearing him talk about growing up and how his oldest brothers often did things for their younger siblings.  One of my Dad’s brothers once made candy for the younger children when the family was too poor to have any gifts for them at Christmas.  And pretty much every one of them, when they grew up sent money home to support the family (Which for my Dad’s oldest brothers included working in England during the War… sometimes near where the bombers dropped their bombs). 
—
Of course it wasn’t all perfect… I also love the stories about how his older brothers would pick fights for him with neighborhood kids… but boys will be boys :).

Most people aren’t trying to come up with something clever or sarcastic to say. They are just trying to relate in some way and aren’t practiced with the art of tact.  A nasty come back isn’t the way to deal with them. Government isn’t supporting families, tax payers are supporting government. Perhaps people are jealous or envious of the large family you are providing for. Just because you’ve heard it a thousand times doesn’t mean the people you are speaking to have encountered it even a dozon times.

@Kelli - I’m more skeptical about people’s motives…  I think it is incredibly rude and I believe it is appropriate to give a sharp answer.  If we face the true reality of the situation, looking at it from God’s eyes, I should be going around asking people why their families are so small.  Of course you would eventually run into the family that was infertile, and someone would say “how rude of you to ask that!” - which is exactly my point.

@Kelli, You’re right of course, and if we were more saintly, I suppose we would never succumb to the temptation to be snappy. I often get a DIFFERENT kind of recurring clueless but good-natured commentary.(Nemmind the specifics.) One day a co-worker who is very tall made such a comment, and I looked her in the eye and said, “Hey, how’s the weather up there?” She took a sharp breath, said, “Point taken.” She’s never said anything like it since. So sometimes being snappy or blunt is also instructive.

So Tom, you’re basically saying lets repay rudeness with rudeness and continue the cycle on out there. Because you are skeptical of motives you are putting your own assumption on what people think and feel, by responding with rudeness rather than a little humor or with kindness you keep the cycle going when you have a unique opportunity to end the cycle and perhaps educate someone in the process.

@capitalcee:  I wasn’t the one that made the assumption that large families end up with government help, that was a prior post.  All I wanted to say was that the government made programs for emergency situations, we pay/paid taxes for…so why is it when a family needs to use it this country makes them feel like trash?  Where is the charity?  It amazes me…oh and when it says the Church should take care of those things, they do…the Church is ALL CATHOLICS not the Church down the street…which, I’m blessed to have a great group of Catholics in my area when someone is in need they help each other by bringing food, or helping with bills or taking in a family in need…so yes, the Church does help each other!

Kelli, it’s quite possible to deliver these answers in a humorous and friendly way—just as it’s quite possible for someone to be unmistakably malicious and intentionally nasty with a remark that looks harmless in print.  This article was really meant mostly as a release valve for people who’ve heard these comments 1,001 times.  People who have many children almost always have both a good sense of humor and a healthy level of humility, or they wouldn’t survive the daily madness.  I think we can trust people who are actually living the big family life to judge whether the rude person in question would benefit more by a cheerful response, or a heartfelt testimony, or just a cold stare

.

When people are openly rude to me, I am much more likely to respond with laughter, because I’m just dumbfounded that people think it’s okay to be nasty to a stranger.  When I am out with all of my kids, I really am just trying to get stuff done as quickly as possible—so I think it’s a bit much to expect moms like me to also go all out to educate people.  If it’s a genuine conversation, that’s one thing; but I’ve had the experience of people literally shouting rude comments as me as we pass in different directions.  What then?  You show them that you’re a human being, which is more than they probably already knew.

.

For the record, I never considered the “you’ve got your hands full” comment to be especially rude or demeaning, and I agree with what many people said:  that it’s meant as a comment when people want to say _something_, but aren’t sure what to say.  My frustration comes mostly because I have heard this remark literally hundreds of times.  In real life, my reaction is usually to go, “Ha ha, I sure do!” in a cheerful voice.  If the follow up question is, “Aren’t you exhuasted?” or “How do you deal with it?” then I explain that almost everyone I know is tired and busy, but I’m happy to know that I’m doing something worthwhile, because not everyone can say that.  That usually gets a nod.

@Kelli - hahaha yes, just like you did right there… unbelievable.

Your last answer is priceless!!  Still laughing!

I only have four and I get some version of the above all the time.  The having-my-hands-full comment is the clear and away winner.  I can only imagine all the comments you must get with your larger famiy!

@capitalcee - I’ve never heard or read any Church documents that indicate that Catholics should only seek help from fellow Catholics and not from a government that they participate in and support.  If I was in need of financial or other sorts of assistance, and that assistance were to come from the government, the Lutherans, the Buddhists or the Catholics, I wouldn’t have a problem taking it.

I think that idea that we must keep to ourselves and “take care of our own” is not very catholic at all - particularly because historically Catholics take care of everyone - not just “their own kind”.

J H,
Thanks for you response. I’ve just read so many responses on other blog posts that state that the government shouldn’t be involved in social issues because that’s socialism and it’s a sin.  I know that Catholics are very giving and open to all people.

Re: government assistance.

The church teaches that subsidiarity is key for a healthy social system. This means it is wrong for a higher order to take what a lower order can accomplish. If the local community can take care of it’s poor then it is the responsibility of the local community to do so, not a national government. Individual Catholics can disagree about the degree and implementation of this principle, but the principle holds.

Personally I’ve seen the degradation and enforced poverty that going to the government entails and I think it’s a stupid thing to do unless every other option had been tried…and even then I would probably choose to die in the streets first - it would be more humane. However, not everyone has experienced that pain first hand and few would choose that path.

You get used to the stares, the head shakes, and the clucks of disapproval from total strangers in the supermarket and the shopping mall. My wife and I did. When clerks and fellow customers inquired, “Are they all yours?” we let loose with witty rejoinders like “No, we found three of them.” When impertinent clods demanded to know if we were “planning more,” we stunned them with the revelation that we hadn’t “planned” the ones we had. If they were rude enough to wonder if we were “finished yet,” we appalled them by confiding that we were shooting for the Guinness record. Didn’t we believe in birth control? For people who can’t mind their own business, absolutely! And to the female co-worker who, instead of congratulating me on my wife’s latest pregnancy, crudely cracked, “Why don’t you get that thing fixed?” I had the pleasure of responding, in mock amazement: “Fixed? But it’s working perfectly!”

Yes, but is there a retort to the following: “If everyone in the world decided to have as many children as they could (9, 10, etc.), there wouldn’t be enough food for everyone, and natural resources would be seriously depleted (either through deforestation to build new areas for people to live, the amount of animals needed to be killed to feed theis ever growing population, or the exponentially increasing amount of garbage left behind).”  The earth is a finite space with finite resources.  I agree that children are a blessing, but having large families in times when there are low mortality rates, and when modern medicine keeps the average person living into his or her 80s, is, to say the least, nothing but, at best, a sign of selfishness or, at worst, stupidity.  Simply because God has given us the ability to procreate doesn’t mean He intended us to continue to do so to the detriment of the wonderful world He has provided to us and the other people who inhabit it.  I have two amazing children whom I love dearly, and they are all the proof of God’s love that I need.  Would I reject a third child?  Of course not.  But my wife and I are not celebrating the fact that we can reproduce by simply having more and more children, nor are we engaging in behaviors that could lead to more children.

MARTIN, I AGREE WITH YOU. PLEASE STOP HAVING CHILDREN.

@ Martin: The danger facing the world is not population explosion, but population implosion. Most of the developed countries on earth are not having enough children to replace themselves. It’s not the breeders who are selfish or ignorant, but the nonbreeders. (http://politickles.com/blog/?p=6240)

@ Martin,
.
# The population as of last official estimates is about 6.6 billion people
.
# The square mileage of Texas = 268,601 (that is equal to 7,488,166,118,400 sq. ft)
.
# That means that every person on earth could have a 1,100+ sq ft living space in a land mass the size of Texas
.
# The land mass of Texas is equal to .004% of Earth’s total land mass
.
I think it’s safe to say that we’re not in any imminent danger of filling the earth any time soon.
.

Ditto what F.R. just said.  There is plenty of space on this earth for us all.  Overpopulation was debunked long ago.
http://overpopulationisamyth.com/
It’s not selfish to have more children than the two who will replace you.  Stuff happens, people die… and some people never even have children.  Two kids per couple isn’t going to keep the human race going forever!  And think of all the good done by human beings… many of them wouldn’t exist if their parents had only had one or two.  My youngest brother is becoming a priest… would have been one less priest in the world if they had stoped at three kids.

My husband and I had ten children.  Though I stayed at home for 25 years to care for them, this was a good investment. All of them put themselves through university and graduated, some with double degrees, and have responsible jobs.
Occasionally the older ones received comments at school along the lines of, “Your parents are breeding like rabbits”.  I told them to say, “The world need all the [Smiths*] it can get!”
*Insert your own family name here.
Once a teacher commented that usually it was poor and unintelligent parents who had large families.  I told her that we were doing our best to keep teachers in employment.

WHY GENERATION
For magnolia, for moss, and for myrtle,
For tarpon, for toad, and for turtle,
For the bird and the beast,
And for mankind not least,
The future belongs to the fertile.

I have read this and all the comments, and I like what I see. I have two boys. I want more. My husband used to want more too… Both of my sons have growing issues. One has Growth Hormone deficiency, the other has IGF1 deficiency. The second child is now receiving a treatment which he will be on until his growth plates close(about 25 years). We are still waiting to begin treating my oldest. Based on this, my husband doesn’t want more, because he’s worried they too will have the problems, and cost more money. My response is that 1)God will not give us more than we can handle, 2) I want to just trust that he will give us the right number or children. My husband isn’t as trusting, and thinks that sometimes God does things as punishment, like the fact that we had our eldest because we weren’t on regular BC, and I didn’t understand the “timing” method. Basically he blames me for our eldest.
We are not Catholic, but Protestant, but I would love to have as many children as God chooses to give us. I believe I can do it, with God’s help.
I guess I’m writing this to vent, but also, maybe, to seek prayers?.?.?

@ Amanda,
.
.As the mom of a child with growth hormone deficiency, let me assure you that he’ll only require gh till the mid teens, so depending on his current age, it’s considerably less time than you’re imagining.
.
.Also, the companies have programs to help families who don’t have insurance.
.
.Check out the MAGIC Foundation for Children’s Growth for support. http://www.magicfoundation.org/www There are other families who have more than one child with growth issues on their support lists.
.
.Hope this helps. God supplies.  Despite the cost of treatment, it’s nothing compared to what He has.

Believe in the future. Practice unplanned parenthood. http://politickles.com/blog/?p=635

@Martin,

I don’t know the studies, but my feeling from the large families I know is that large families, in the US at least, consume FEWER resources overall. It’s not the large families whose children are inundated with the latest shiny things, expensive clothes, etc. The larger families are on the whole MUCH better at true simple living (not the upscale Whole Foods-y version)than those parents with one or two children who treat the children themselves like a significant investment property. (Which IS NOT to say all small families are like that, but it’s something I see!)

No where in the Bible does God discuss children in the same context with balancing resources, etc.  Pure references to children in the Bible refer to them as a blessing, a gift, a reward.  Thoughts about whether children can be sustained from the environment and decisions about how many can be sustained, etc. come from a godless, faithless attitude.

Here are some of my responses:

You must have your hands full: Only if I don’t give them enough chores to do.

Do you know what causes that: Yes, you should try it more often… you might even enjoy it.

Are you done yet: absolutely no more kids…. until we change our mind

You must be very patient: heck no, I was patient… and angry back when I had two kids, now I’ve got a zero-tolerance policy for bad behavior and we’re all much happier.

Are these all your children: I think some of the older ones were too embarrassed to be seen with us so they volunteered to stay behind and clean the house.

Are they all yours: hard to believe that a stud like me doesnt have any more isnt it?

Are you Mormon: staunch Darwinists. Did you know that Natural Selection favors people like me over Richard Dawkins?

There’s stuff you can do to stop that from happening: Would Conan the Barbarian get a vasectomy? Are you telling me that I’m more like Conan than you are?

Father of nine waiting in line. Guy with a dog passes by and looking at his kids says: Is that due to stupidity or just lack of self control? Father comes back with snappy answer, looking at the dog: is that due to impotence or just pure selfishness?

@Amanda…prayers coming your way.  About your eldest, I have to tell you that there is something to keep in mind, children (ALL of them) are a blessing.  Also, the Lord has a timing for things that we as meer humans can’t understand.  Be at peace, you had your eldest when the Lord wanted to send him to you.  I know this first hand with my own…then I was told I was never to have more and I now have four more.  The Lord heals and blesses us if we are faithful to Him.  Praying for you, your beloved husband and you two little blessings.

These are funny, and we’ve experienced quite a few moments like this. And we “only” have five living children. Hubby tends to get more teasing than I do, with the “you know what causes that, right?” (Yep, sure do, why do you ask, did you need lessons?)

We do have a TV.

No, we’re not Catholic or Mormon, we just actually like kids.

Thankfully, we mostly get kind comments. We DO have a beautiful family. They ARE kind and sweet most of the time. Most of the time when we’re in the grocery store, the kids are competing over which one can help, and the youngest is singing a song. Yeah, I know, it sounds too good to be true, they also sometimes beg for candy, or forget to watch where they’re going.

My favorite “Ha, we showed THEM” moment in the store was this rather grouchy older man who looked me up and down, looked at the kids and snapped “Better YOU than ME!”

Later, we had to go down the seasonal candy aisle to get stuff for a party or something. The kids all stayed together in a group, pointed out candies they like, but did not touch, grab, whine, or beg. The grouchy old man walked down the aisle while we were there. I just smiled, he looked gobsmacked. I grinned all the way home.

We have 6 ages 1.5 to 7, mostly adopted and My favorite responses so far are- “Looks like you got your hands full.”  “Piece of cake!”
“Are those all yours?” “Yes.”  It always confuses them because one of them is CLEARLY Chinese and I am CLEARLY not.
“How do you do it?”  “We pray LOTS!”

When my wife Bethany and I (^See comment above mine^) had only two kids, one was our Caucasian child, and the other was adopted from Hong Kong.  Their ages were only 30 days apart.
.
One day, a lady asked, “are they twins?”
.
Bethany: “Well, sort of. They’re about a month apart.”
.
Lady looks at her with shock and amazement and responds, “You carried one of them a month longer than the other one?!”

Babies are always good news!  Whether it’s the first or fifteenth :) I get the “you’re stopping now, right?” from family, especially, all the time, and I only have three!

Quoting NoraGiovanniR on Friday, May 13, 2011 9:03 PM (EDT):
“yay for big families, screw anyone who says differant.”

Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.
Robert

12 pregnancies and amazed that I’ve never heard one rude comment - Central Kentucky must be “THE” place for having a big family.  We get a lot of nice comments like; “I was one of 7” and “there were 10 in my family!” And usually people are in awe of me, as if having so many children should be worthy of some kind of trophy or cash award…I wish!  I just usually say…“Well, everybody’s good at something” (with a wink)  With a big family…. living in the country is best (I’m a former N. Virginian and hope to never go back)

When my husband and I travelled in China in the 1990s, we found that the Chinese folk who got to know that we had ten children (it comes up quite early in a conversation!) without fail would tell us, “There is a saying in China—the more children, the greater happiness.”  It is so ironic and so sad that a one-child policy is enforced there.

Fabulous article. My sister had a fellow shopper glare at her children and announce indignantly, “I would never let my husband do that to me!” My sister’s reply, “Obviously, my husband is better looking than yours.”

Thanks for sharing! I love the last one!
Tracy, Momma to 8

@ Momof18, alternate response: “I doubt he’d want to.”

May I just point out, for #1, that the winner should receive the toddler.  You know, the one laying down in the middle of the aisle screaming while this master of the obvious is busy telling you that you’ve got your hands full.

I have 6 kids ages 6 months to 9 years old.

When I was at the end of my last pregnancy I was in a restaurant getting ready to leave and this older woman came up to me and started swooning over my kids.  She was congratulating me on the new baby due very soon and she was in awe at how well behaved all the kids were in the busy restaurant.  As I turned to leave I heard her whisper to the hostess that someone needed to cut my tubes!  They both started laughing.  I was in shock and just continued out the door.  I cried as I loaded my kids into the van :(  My youngest is a beautiful girl named Fiorella (little flower) Therese who was expected to not survive birth.

My husband often works in San Francisco.  He was in the city one day talking with a co-worker about the kids when a stranger walked up and offered to buy him a box of condoms!

The “your hands must be full” or “are they all yours?” used to really bother me a lot.  After those last two encounters, they really don’t bother as much anymore.

As a teenager, I dreaded going to the local co-op with my mom (but the newly licensed driver always got that job), and the clerks and bag boys would make the same comments over and over about the two cartfulls we always shopped for, and the kids at school would say “how do you remember all their names?” (I have 6 sisters and 7 brothers), which seemed imbecilic.  But the worst was having to bite my tongue when people implied that my parents had no self-control.  (It was all I could do not to say, “Oh get real, your parents have done it at least fourteen times!!!!”)  But these were kids who would be grossed out thinking their parents had ever done “it.”

Congratulations on your latest blessing Simcha! My life didn’t turn out quite the way I’d hoped, so I just have to borrow a few of my 43 nieces and nephews from time to time. The main comment I hear is “Are you Catholic?” as though my siblings only had their children(4-10 each)because they “had to”, not because they love them. People seem amazed that I remember all their names, let alone their birthdays! A favourite quote of mine comes from LM Montgomery, “In this family we think babies are essentials.” (A while since I read it, may not be word for word.) When my sister announced their tenth child was on the way, their eldest son said, “It’s about time, everyone else has one.” (All my five other married siblings had given birth in the previous year). Ella was born two days after Daniel’s 20th birthday. God bless you and all your readers.

I am 4th out of 8 and my favorite is when people ask: “Are they all real?”
BAHAHAHA!!!

When I get crazy remarks, and I only have 4, I say, “Children are gifts from God, and I would hate to say thanks but no thanks to God, it’s not a good idea to turn down a gift from God”

I only have four children, two boys and two girls, in that order, ages 10, 9, 7, and 6.  I always wanted a big family (I would have loved more); I am not religious, I use all natural products in my home, have a compost heap and meat and egg chickens, I send my kids to public school, and my mother at one point in my teenage years worked at (gasp) Planned Parenthood as an educator to support her three children.  My twin sister has a boy and a girl and only wanted two kids so that she could give them a wonderful life.  They are spoiled, unkind, and have a sense of entitlement that never ceases to amaze me.  Their house is full of nice things that only money can buy, and full of tension, stress, and fighting.  My house, however is filled with love, laughter, twice as many children, and a small percentage of the material things, yet overflowing with all that money can’t buy.  My point: no matter how you were raised, your decisions are your own and what you make of your own life is what matters.  We are lucky enough to live in a free country; it’s too bad we can’t be free of judgement from our fellow countrymen.  Congratulations on your 9th bundle of joy and on living the life that’s right for you.

as a mom of 8 kids myself, I’ve had to become the master of multiple words due to multiple children.  My favorite is when people ask my husband how many???? and he says somewhere between 8 and 16 or 17 we’re really not sure!

JMJ

Mrs. Fisher,

I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.  Thank you for making my day and congratulations to you and your husband as you await the arrival of your ninth blessing.

God love you.

Fr. Whelan

While not everyone can get away with smart alecky comments, my Dad (father of 9) said to a young man with two children “that’s a good start.” The young man went home to wife and said, “who does this guy think he is, telling us that we need to have more children…”  (Really, my dad was just being flip). The conversation that ensued went something like, “well, why don’t we have more…” Two babies later (up to four now), they are so happy that they are open to more children and are grateful for the increased blessings in their lives.

“Q:  Don’t you have a TV?

A:  If you think TV is better than sex, then you are doing it wrong.”

LOL

Loved the article!! As a mom of nine I can so relate to the snarky comments from complete strangers.A friend of mine when asked if she was PG AGAIN retorted, “Oh come on,so and so (rude person), you’ve seen my husband!”

I almost died trying to keep back the laughter.

wow , never even thought about it being a big deal. my pastor has 9 many family’s in my church have 4 or more and I have always felt cheated cuz I only have 3 (wanted 4-6)my mother had 3 girls and sadly 3 miscarriages I am now in my 40s and my sisters are the best friends I will ever have!!! , now my own children in young adult hood are best friends , what a blessing to know that you have secured life long friendships for those you love , and the world say you can never have too many friends.  so there you go , by the way love the” TV better than sex you are doing it wrong ” do those people even know the junk that is on TV EWWWW babies are a much better option .
God bless all of you and all to come.

I love it! I have six kids under 12 and this is MY life! Awesome, Simcha!

Loved the AC/DC guy comment…

Family size comments are heard by those w/ -GASP- small families too- despite the fact Jesus was an only child. Just try to park your economy car next to a Sprinter van caravan in the parking lot of a conservative parish. You’ll be lucky to escape w/o a NFP pamphlet left under your wiper.

Actually, teach NFP….I guess those folks don’t know it works both ways. :)

Few people, on any topic, ever consider the other person’s life…

Its just pretty rude period to make any sort of negative comment about the size of another person’s family.  If you have a small family, it might be because that is all you can have or you are still in the process of growing (Don’t need the Sprinter right away :)).

I started young, and had 2 boys by the time I was 19. I managed to put 7 years between the boys and their sisters. I now have a 1 year old, 9 year old, 16 year old and my oldest will be 18 in a few weeks. I don’t look like I have almost-grown kids, but good genes and happy babies keep you young.

My husband was a Marine, so I don’t offend easily. If anything I may be the offensive one. To sum it up, I would fit in well working in a warehouse. I work in a home improvement store as a merchandiser for an outside company. It’s well known that sailors are not delicate. So when I was waddling with #4 and the guys at work were asking if I knew what caused it, I took great pleasure saying “um, no, did you want to show me?” because it made the former sailors blush.

And my husband got lots of ribbing at work too. The “Catholic/Mormon” question, gets met with “Well she’s Catholic, but I’m Baptist, so your theory doesn’t work.”
His other answers included “well, at least one of us is getting some action at home” or
“my wife thinks I’m hot” or most recently
“I have 4 kids because God hasn’t seen fit to give us 5”

Mine:

- What religion are you?
- We’re not religious, we’re just really really good at sex

- You know what causes that, don’t you?
-  I do know, but I’m not giving up the Triscuits and handcuffs for anything

- Are they all yours?
- (looks around) No, but since I breastfed the neighborhood, they won’t stop following me

Rock on, my sistah-
Stace
Mom of five

We were told we need our own zip code for our four children!

Oh, the last one is primo!  I don’t know about the others, as funny as they are I’m more inclined to be sweeter.  I have said to one man’s, “Do you know what causes that?” with, “yes, and we love doing it!”  His jaw dropped and he was silent.  Half of my mission was accomplished at that point.

You’re very funny.

Congrats on #10~!

Sincerely, Grateful for Grace, mother of six, www.gratefulforgrace.com

As the father of five beautiful daughters, I’ve used the one about tv being better than sex more than once.  Usually does a pretty good job of shutting most folks up.

I only have three but have had opportunity to use these comments!  I believe next time I will!

Congrats! Love this post, lol.

AWESOME! I needed new material. Congratulations! We are pregnant for the 7th time… with 4 live births. I smile when asked, “Do you know what causes that?” My dear husband, (A pastor) grins wide with his giant teeth and says: “YES! and apparently we are very good at it!”

Hilarious!  Love it!  I only have three and I get these comments.  And you’re right, some good parents need to balance out the population of morons who seem to reproduce without paying any attention to who they give birth to!

Congratulations and thanks for the article!  I always love reading these and especially the comments!  I’m a proud dad of two, 11 months apart.  We keep getting asked if we’re done now that we have our “set”.  It really hurt the first few times we heard this after Mass.  Our answer: “We love kids and want as many as God wants us to have.”  We would count ourselves enormously blessed to have five or six (or more…).  Thanks to all the commenters, you’ve given me an idea to how to respond to the “hands” comment (hear it at least four times on each trip with the kids) -
Friend: “You’ve really got your hands full!”
Me: “Yep. God wanted to give me a gift, and now my hands are full!”

Loved this article - loved the comments just as much!  Thanks for many laugh out loud moments!  I must share this!!

Simcha,

I hear snarky comments about my three small children whenever we go out (3 under 5). The most common is “Wow, you’ve got your hands full!” Depending on my mood I will either respond, “Yes, we are BLESSED with work” or “You know what they say about idle hands!”

I have also been asked if I knew what causes “that” to which I respond, “No! Please tell in detail. With drawings.”

God love ‘em.

Oh THANK YOU! As the youngest of 16 and the mom of 5 (oldest turns 6 on Wednesday) I have heard them all (and I do mean all) before.  My father’s favorite come back to the one about the TV was this: “Yes we have one, nailed to the ceiling of our bedroom.”  I like your response just as much.
Here’s another one (from my sister):
Woman in grocery store (whose ONE kid is acting like a jack ass): Are all those kids yours? How do you handle them?!
Sister (whose 4 girls are behaving quite nicely): Yes they are, but I understand what you’re saying. If my kids were as bad as yours, I’d have stopped after one too.

Why is it that we are not allowed to say contraception is wrong but they are allowed to tell us how many kids we can have?  What makes them right?  Oh wait, nothing!
Thanks again!

Ha!  Different subject, but this reminds me of a cellist who rode the subway daily and finally made a bumper sticker to put on her case: “No, it’s not a huge violin.  No, there’s no dead body.  No, I don’t wish I played the flute.”  I guess that’s one way to remind people that maybe that line isn’t as clever or original as they thought!

Speaking of subways, fun fact: New York City is one of the most densely populated cities in America.  It’s also one of the most energy-efficient.  Take that, carbon footprint.

@ Michael: YOUR world?  As they say at the DMV, “I need to see your transfer of title form.”

Re: “Don’t you know what causes that?”

“Well, we have a theory, but we’re striving for statistical rigor.”

I only have 4 children. However, my naturally sharp tongue got the better of me once when a candidate for village idiot popped off with the question of, “Don’t you know what causes that?’ 

I shot back, “Yep…and apparently I’m pretty good at it.”

I have four and when people make the comment “Boy you sure have your hands full!” I always smile and say “Idle hands are the devil’s playground.” It works every time but we live in the “Bible Belt” so people never challenge a faith based come back. We also say when people ask “Don’t you know what causes that?” I say “Oh yes I do! God is awesome isn’t he?!?” Although I have on more than one occasion wanted to say “Yes, maybe my husband should give yours some pointers.” but I am never brave enough. Thanks for the laugh and CONGRATULATIONS on another amazing blessing!!

best post ever!!!

I have four kids and always get the are they all yours questions. I always say: We’ve been doing the same thing everyone else has, we just have something to show for it!

I didn’t make that up. I got it off a website called I should have said. They have some very funny comebacks for rude questions. They have a lot of comebacks for parenting questions. Here are some funny ones for large families.

http://www.ishouldhavesaid.net/2012/02/are-those-children-all-yours-more-comebacks/

What a great article. LOL funny. I have always felt truly blessed having four children.

There is a funny web site I should have said that also has some very funny parenting comebacks to intrusive questions. http://www.ishouldhavesaid.net/vote/

I’m the oldest of 8.  My personal favorite:

Stranger: Why’d you have so many kids?
Mom: (with a straight face) My husband’s a sex maniac.

My friend had 6 (very light skinned) children before adopting #7 (very dark skinned) and were eating in a restaurant.  A woman approached and blurt out “What?!? Didn’t you have enough?”
My friend quietly replied: “We did, but he didn’t.”
The woman was cut to the heart, apologized and they were able to share the truth about Gods adoption of us.
Best. Reply. Ever.

We have gotten those same silly remarks.  When people ask my husband “you know how that happens right?”, my husband says with a straight face ” yes, my wife can’t keep her hands off me…why you don’t have that problem?” He’s flustered a few men that way.

I love this.  As a person expecting for the seventh time, I could not stop laughing, thank you for giving me some great retorts.