My Mom has the catalog for the Trappist monk caskets, with her choice circled in it, sitting on her dresser.  It’s a step up from her former - “don’t be sad, get glad..and dump me in the ravine out back”.
She was widowed with 10 children in 1967.  Some rep came to the door shortly after my Dad’s burial and tried to guilt her into buying a huge headstone to memorialize him.  SHe scoffed, turned and pointed to the kids, and said “there is no better memorial to him than those kids” and sent him on his way.  She’s taught us that you show your love for someone by how your treat them when they’re here, not by how much money you put into the ground with their mortal remains.

My husband and I have made a pact - when the time comes, we’ll bury each other as cheaply as possible (according to the teachings of the Catholic Church).  We figure the surviving spouse (or our kids) can better use the money/resources verses spending in on burial.

I’d like my children to stuff me like a bear and put me in the corner where my grandchildren can climb on me like a jungle gym. Sadly, I don’t think that is approved by the Church.

But how will I survive eternity without my Tempurpedic????

YAY!  I love this topic.  My husband and I are members of the Funeral Consumers Alliance (host of the site funerals.org.)  They seem always to be limping along for members but hopefully the Catholic culture resurgence - together with the green-y stuff—is bringing them back up in popularity.
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I think the funeral industry has done much to remove us from acknowledging the reality of death.  Which, if you think about it, is behind a great many spiritual and ethical mistakes.
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Hubby is not Catholic so he tends toward the scattering-ashes thing, but I would like a nice woven wrap as my coffin, and I expect my sons to spend little money but at least to bury me with their own hands—and not expect someone else to wield the shovels.

Also this: “Instead of the natural dehydration that occurs in most climates, anaerobic bacteria take over and the body putrifies—as any grave-digger can attest after an exhumation.”

—I can attest to this, as someone who deals daily with the various stages of decay of bacteria in waste.  Anaerobic bacteria is disgusting, putridness.  The body in a sealed casket will be turning into an unnaturally horrid soup of decay. Contrast this with the way an animal body breaks down—under ground cover, without being sealed, it will be faster and cleaner, even.

Funny, but I’d say that her funeral plans demonstrate their Jewish side coming out!  We wrap the body in a simple shroud, place it in a plain coffin, and bury it.  Right away, I’ll add - no viewing, no sitting around with the body itself for a week. Although I can understand the comfort derived from having the physical remains around for a bit to gaze upon and reminisce around…it’s just not for me.

And that lifelong debate over clutter? It happens to the best of us.  Ain’t marriage great?

A few months ago I read about “natural burial” in which the deceased are often buried in a shroud, without embalming. I read about it in the National Catholic Reporter**, and there are Catholic cemeteries that will honor this method (www.ste-wyan.org/cemetary.html is near-ish me, for example). Natural burial seems like a faithful, financially sensible, and proper way to be buried. At 40 yrs old, I hope I’m a long way from needing it, but as soon as I read about the practice I decided that is how I want to go.

** See the article here: http://www.ste-wyan.org/cemetery/LayYourLovedOnesToRestTheNnaturalWay-NationalCathol…pdf

Yes to all this. St. Joseph’s Abbey, a Benedictine monastery in Louisiana, is currently having to sue for the right to sell their simple, handmade caskets (by which they support themselves), thanks to a handy little monopoly by the state’s board of licensed funeral directors. For details on all the ridiculousness: https://www.ij.org/louisiana-caskets-background

Fun fact: Walker Percy is buried at St. Joseph’s—presumably in one of their unadorned cypress caskets. I believe it’s how most burials in convents and monasteries go: simply. If it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for me.

If I die young, bury me in satin, lay me down in a bed of roses
Sink me in the river
at dawn
Send me away with the words of a
LOVE SONG

...But really, I can’t think of anything more stirring, than a coffin like the one my husband made for our little one, Ambrose.  It was sanded and laquered, several times, lined with one of those ridiculously soft baby blankets and had a simple cross on it.  The boy I grew up with, who became a great priest, stood next to it, and the children swathed it with white flowers.

My brother-in-law, who sculpts granite and marble is making the head stone.  We’re still waiting for it, but I’m not in a hurry.

Oh, anna lisa, that is so moving, it’s making me cry.  May your little one rest in peace in his coffin made by his daddy’s loving hands.  God bless you all.

The most crucial (and unstated) thing about all of this is the importance of pre-planning.
My wife of almost 43 years passed away suddenly and unexpectedly last year. While we had toyed idly with the idea of buying a cemetery plot and such, and even joked about the arrangements, we never actually got around to doing anything. So as it happened, I was left with making her funeral and burial arrangements from square zero over the following few days, while mentally and emotionally shattered. I managed, of course: when you must, you can. (No, I’m not trying to organize a pity party here—I can do that perfectly well all by myself! :J—but that was the experience.)
The compassionate people in my parish church, and our local funeral home, helped more than I can say. Looking back on it now, when I have most of my wits back, I don’t know that I can think of anything I would have done differently—although some of the posts here have left me with second thoughts that I can’t do anything about now. “Too late” always comes too soon, right?
Please, do believe that discussing these things thoroughly in advance—even lightheartedly—is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.

I love this topic. When my brother died (unexpectedly at 30) we were so caught up in our grief, nobody thought to question the high prices at the funeral home.  My parents opted for cremation, which is “allowed” but given the side-eye by the Church.  I asked about rental caskets for the viewing, rather than buying a casket that would then go through the furnace and all, and the sleazy salesperson said, “Well, we don’t rent anymore.” “Why not?” “Well….some people don’t like that idea.” Well, what about those who DO like that idea, and don’t want to pay a thousand dollars for a viewing casket that will then get burned up? Geez.

I don’t know how cheaply you can do a Catholic burial.  When our son died we bought a double (family) funeral plot at the local Catholic cemetery.  It was $2400 - there were cheaper plots but I believe all the plots were over a $1000.  His tiny little coffin and the fees associated with his burial were another $2000.  No embalming, not even a viewing as I was too drained to face everyone.  Just a small, private (and free) funeral Mass.

This is pretty much perfection.  This is how I want to go:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGcMVuOw35k

I think it is important to emphasize what Simcha said about the many reasons that buying the casket and going through the traditional funeral process is just fine, especially when (and this gets back to our discussions from the last post) the purpose is to keep family together and charity above all.
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I hope no one reading what I wrote above would think it good cause for second-guessing choices they made in a time of terrible grief, particularly after unexpected loss.
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Wanted to mention that my husband collected his grandmother’s body, himself, from the hospital where she died.  He transported her to the crematorium in a closed vehicle, on loan from a friend.  He helped to place her body, in a specially-ordered “casket” (more like a box) for the cremation, and then closed the doors himself.  It was a lot of paperwork and raised eyebrows at the time, but he felt it was his duty to take care of her body and to dispose of it himself, not turn her over to someone else.  **He had time to research and prepare for it** and started to do so after seeing his previously-deceased grandfather’s death and funeral, so he had that privilege. 
I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with allowing other people and other structures in place to assist you in a time of grief. It is also never too late to start thinking ahead!

I also hope that Catholics who feel strongly about having the option for no-embalming, etc. in funeral and burials will advocate to their local Catholic cemeteries and their churches.

As Billy Graham coined it. ” Never seen a U Haul behind a hearse” I wish my burial to be as cost effective and simple as possible. Why leave a financial burden for my children. What a waste of money, besides the money wasted could be left to a charitable cause which would please God and benefit the poor or worthy cause. From dust we came and to dust we shall return.

Gloria Schotten.

In this blog, her third for the month of June and first on the subject of coffins, Fisher re-establishes her populist credentials through a series of meditations on death and burial. Along the way, we learn the name of Fisher’s childhood home (“Deepening Dread”) and are asked to endure an exegesis on the decomposition process of embalmed corpses. Not to be missed for genre fans. A-

My only pre-planning is this: if you ever loved me at all, you will not allow On Eagle’s Wings to be played at my funeral. 

There was a Frontline special on PBS called The Undertaking that took quite a fascinating look at the world of undertakers. 

@suburbancorrespondent,thank you!  Having lived through that experience actually helped me not feel so afraid of death. I actually felt this strange joy of God in the midst of it all.  Kind of weird but I wasn’t arguing.  The amazing kindness of dozens of secular health care professionals, and the funeral home who insisted on not charging us (“we never charge for babies”) actually kind of renewed my faith in mankind! I credit my husband and his Latin American background, (earthy) for taking the unconventional approach in making the coffin.  It was really therapeutic for him. It never would have occurred to my American, rule-following, grief stricken brain.  It was truly, truly exquisite.

I’ve had a brief set of exchanges with a Msgr on the net
on a related subject; this individual
seemed to go nuts interpreting the term “respect for the body”
in Catholic theology (he seemed to think all right thinking
Catholics were all for embalming the deceased and encasing
it in a casket; and that cremation was dangerously fringe-y).

I think Catholics younger than
me (55) are rightly bemused over the whole
embalming/consecrated ground “racket” of Catholic funeral
homes that the Church has historically enabled.

I have already told my children and friends that if they read any poetry other than Psalms at my wake or funeral, I will come back and haunt them for the rest of their lives.

is it a bird?  is it a plane?  it’s “Hey Lady”!!!
thanks for the laugh

My goal is to be buried in the same Catholic cemetery as my mom and dad and a next door neighbor lady of my youth.

Just published on Wikipedia, page Jesus, section Talk

The first video game about Jesus

Croatian writer Giancarlo Kravar: “Lightside Games”, according to Catholic News Ageny, created the first video game, which was posted on Facebook last week, titled “Jesus’ journey - a call.” An example of the affirmation of positive values in video games for children.93.137.36.250 (talk) 19:36, 7 June 2012 (UTC)

P.S.
Dear Simcha Fisher, mother of nine children, maybe this will be interesting also for the smalest of your daughthers or sons…

It must be a generational thing… my mother used to say that she wanted us to put her in a glad bag when she died, too!  In the end, she and Dad both decided to be cremated and forego all of the casket stuff - after calling all five of us kids to check and make sure no one would be unduly uncomfortable with the idea.  I wish I could say that we buried the ashes properly but as none of us were Catholic at the time (and I’m the only one now) we buried her in the yard under a lilac bush (her favorite).  It was done very lovingly and respectfully, of course, for what it’s worth.

Assuming I die here in Japan I have no choice but to be cremated,  but thankfully I will be put into a Catholic cemetery.  Yes, thank God for the Catechism!

The Loved One is one of my favorite books. If anyone thinks it’s over-the-top satire, just come visit Southern California. We have a middle-aged friend who has already bought his simple Trappist coffin - he uses it as a coffee table in his home and gets a kick out of telling visitors their coffee cups are resting on his final bodily resting place. It apparently is great storage in the meantime. My siblings and I wanted one of the simple Trappist coffins for my father. He hadn’t made any arrangements before death, but he had a simple, monastic spirit and we knew he would have approved. My mother, on the other hand, is an immigrant and in her culture (and class) it is considered a sign of disrespect to bury someone “as if they were poor” when you can afford more. To her it showed her family and friends how much her husband was loved and respected.  My mother, otherwise pretty compliant, was very stubborn and adamant about the funeral arrangements. So we had an expensive funeral, which took a big chunk out of my parents’ savings.

You can buy caskets from Costco: http://www.costco.com/Common/Category.aspx?cat=23078&eCat=BC|20595|23078&lang=en-US&whse=BC

Expedited shipping is included!

What about a KISS Kasket?  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiss_Kasket)

Anywho, in my high school religion class we had to plan our funerals and learn all of the associated laws and costs.  While I guess it was practical information to know, in retrospect I think the time could have been better spent—oh, I don’t know—maybe letting us know what the Church actually teaches about chastity and birth control.  We never covered that once in 12 years of Catholic school.

My husband, MIL, and I will probably go the cremation route to cut down expenses.  Plus it will be easier to transport my MIL’s remains back to our home state for burial with her husband.

I told my kids nothing but a pine box for me.  Those fancy coffins with all that gunk on the inside feels kinda like, well…death, I guess.

I did tell them that I want to be buried in one of those above ground cabinet things.  I might not be able to breathe underground.

I think it’s a fine line between doing things to comfort living and exploiting the livings fears.  For instance I had a sister who died as an infant and my mother said she had these irrational thoughts that her baby would be cold. I wish someone had thought to include one of the many blankets we had.  On the other hand a friend whose father died when she was about 12 talked about the family friend who gently had to remind her mother that the funeral director pushing her to spend money on the casket with extra lumbar support was scamming her.

My family (which is Lutheran in case I suggest something not Catholic) has agreed we want donate any parts (organs, tissue) that can help the living, cremate what no one can use, and then bury the ashes in the cemetery associated with the church my father grew up in.

Anna Lisa, you made me cry too!  And yes, thank God for the catechism!

My husband died almost 3 years age at age 52 after a 4 year cancer diagnosis. The only thing he said about his funeral was that he wanted something that was “low-cost and low key”. Also, that he wanted to be cremated. After discussing with our pastor we did just that. I then brought his funeral cost down from $12.000 to about $4000. I made hard decisions at a time when my mind was spinning and everyone was trying to give me “advice”. I cancelled every frivolous “extra”, telling myself that Michael would not have wanted it. I stayed strong in this belief and 3 years later I am so happy that I didn’t cave in to all those silly things. I know that he would have been pleased and my children learned a valuable lesson.
Well, I know what I’m going to do for my children. I have it all spelled out for them and I’m going to pre-pay.  And I’m getting an urn made by the benedictine Monks at St. Joseph’s Abbey. Maybe I’ll order it now.

My parents have let there preferences be known in their characteristic matter-the-fact way: my mom wants to be buried in a comfortable pair of pajamas, and my dad is to be buried in a suit, but with open collar and no tie (doesn’t like the idea of his neck being choked). Also, one of my dad’s greatest fears is being buried alive, so he insists on being embalmed, just to ensure that he is well and truly dead.

Yeah, my family is more than a little quirky. :-)

Working in Perinatal Loss, I help unprepared parents deal with this nearly every day. I was so upset that parents (especially poor ones) had so few options for miscarried and stillborn babies that I designed and implemented a respectful burial program that has provided for 359 babies over 6 years in our small cityhttp://lifeandloss.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/respectful-burial-for-wee-ones/

For me, Im with everyone to do something simple, cost effective, environmentally responsible & true to our Faith. I plan to buy a large plot of land and have a green burial complete with a nice tree planted over me rather than a stone. The rest of the space will be given to families who might struggle to cover funeral costs. I want to give them a chance at a nearly free burial for their loved one.

As I know every funeral person in town, I want my nurse friends to bathe me and put me in cotton jammies.
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I have helped a few families do family burials on private land here and those can be so nice. Some dads have handmade caskets and carried the babies out to transport themselves…I think there is great meaning and purpose in “doing for” your own.

Okay, I’ve decided. 
Embalming (to make sure I’m dead, and to give people time to travel to the funeral, etc), and then a plain wooden coffin so I decompose naturally (at least as naturally as an embalmed body can decompose)

Thanks National Catholic Register!

PS I heard those waterproof caskets explode from all the gases trapped inside

I’m 62 with neither husband or children so thought I’d better be proactive and take care of my “Last Things” before hand.

I bought a plot in the Catholic section in an old Historic (non-perpetual care) cemetery near here for $500.00

Bought a pre-paid funeral plan ($3130.00) - no embalming, plastic burial liner (ugh, but the cemetery required it) and a “cloth covered casket” (the kind they use for cremation) & headstone.

It’s a relief to have it taken care of.

Spot on, Simcha! The medical establishment, the government regulators and the ‘getters and spenders’ have laid waste our powers, depriving us of a real connection to the holy reality of both birth AND death. All of us are partly to blame, as many of us are eager to dodge uncomfortable realities, but it is good to know that even with all the interference, we can still legally have our babies at home (in most places, anyway), and if we are so blessed, we can die at home, and be be laid to rest in a simple, dignified way, much the same, if I remember correctly, as John Paul II chose for himself. (No embalming etc.)
  We have suffered through gubmint intervention when attempting to have a proper burial of our miscarried baby in a Catholic cemetery. (So many laws and hoops to jump through - the funeral director thought maybe going to the grave of a beloved relative and doing ‘a little gardening’ might be preferable!) Even then, the realities of death; the hole in the ground, the actual dirt, were covered up by a cloth altarish-thing. I was glad when it was over, and my husband and I could kneel down and put our hands to the ground, and have some connection with our baby’s final resting place.  Thank-you to your commenters for the link to funeral.org - if we are going to escape the perpetual-eternal gamut, best to be informed against the ‘crats.

Simcha, I’m glad I’m not the only one with parents who update me on their in-case-we-meet-common-disaster plans. My mother has a designated file box with all the stuff in it & always tells me if she moves it to a new spot in the house. You should hear what’s involved with a New Orleans Catholic burial, which has to be in a mausoleum above ground. OY!

But it’s true, lots of priests hate cremation, even though it’s allowed. But I think one of the reasons it’s catching on, aside from the obvious issue of no one wanting a funeral to cost as much as replacing the roof, is that visiting graves is now a rare practice because of families’ mobility. If visiting graves isn’t on the radar, why pay a lot for a fancy headstone & plot of ground someone will mow at your expense if you’ll never see it again?

I learned when a family member died that “Jewish” coffins are a lovely, simple, wooden choice that most funeral homes offer.I guess they’re made with Orthodox Jews in mind but it worked for us.We chose no embalming or other foolishness, but we did have lovely flowers & a beautiful gravestone designed.
Gravestones may seem like a waste & that’s up to the family to decide, but think of the generations to come who visit the cemetery.They may appreciate a permanent remembrance of their ancestor. I know I do when I visit old graveyards.It’s very moving to read the names, dates, & poetry or scripture verses.It also connects the past with the present for me.

For those worried about extending travel time with no embalming, I know that the Funeral Consumers Alliance (funerals.org) has published in the past about the use of dry ice to temporarily “preserve” (it just slows things down) in order to have a viewing.  I am still trying to plan a viewing at my house for my death.  But then again that might be too much a of a burden to the family; it would be an awful shock for them to realize “Not only has she died now but this house is a damn mess!”  Ha.
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You can’t wait a week with the dry ice or whatever, but there are also some funeral homes that will store bodies in their freezers unembalmed.  Of course, you usually have to be working with them and their services.  And I have heard that some of the, um, hotter states have rules about how long you can keep a body out of the freezer or embalming.

Hmm, very interesting discussion.  We already have our burial plots, but I certainly want a simple pine coffin, my husband won’t care, so pine coffins it is.  I want a lovely funeral mass, with my grandchildren or greatgrandchildren who are still Catholic doing the readings.

Abbey St. Joseph (Benedictine) in Covington, Louisiana, makes and sells beautiful, modest coffins in between legal hissyfits from the Louisiana Something-or-Other of Gov’t Approved Burners and Bury-ers of the Mr. Joyboy School of Profiteering.

Several years ago my parents bought “a plot of land” for their anniversary at the cemetery where my father worked.  He has since retired and I miss the trips we would take to visit him - we had one of the few families who loved to go to the cemetery.  Last year they came into a little money unexpectedly and splurged - they prepaid their funerals.

Embalming can be a blessing, though. I remember serving a funeral Mass for an elderly gentleman I had known quite well. 2 years of gradually deteriorating health meant that his un-embalmed remains stank all through the funeral! Thank God for the Requiem with lots and lots of incense!