My youngest kids are finally getting the idea that there is a baby—not an image, or a concept, or one of those weird grown-up stories, but an actual human being—inside my belly. They can tell it’s true, because they can see what is unmistakably a little baby butt, bopping around about 18 degrees northwest of what used to be my belly button.
“But—” asked my kids, “But how is there room in there for a whole baby?”
Well, I’ll tell you. There isn’t. There is no room. My midwife said today that she thought baby was “maybe a little on the big side.” Hearing that was like passing a highway sign that warns, “LOW FLYING AIRCRAFT.” Thanks for letting me know, but what am I supposed to do about it? Duck?
All I can do is make room when there is no room. An organ here, a vital bodily function there—just shove over a little bit, everybody. We can do this for a little bit longer.
But how about after the baby is born? You’d think I would have thought of this sooner, but where are we going to put a new baby? Well, in our bed, for quite a while—but what about all those clothes? In a house that is already overflowing with the necessary equipment for keeping ten people looking like someone owns them, where in the world am I going to keep onesies, socks, gowns, receiving blankets, and little jackets, hats and snowsuits where they will be easy to find, easy to put away, and not trampled underfoot in the galloping pandemonium which is our normal routine?
I responded the same way I do every time I face this particular dilemma: I cried. I couldn’t help it. So much of managing a big family is making order out of chaos—not even making things clean, but just making cleaning possible. And despite the relative sanity of our lives these days, facts are facts: There is just no room.
Eventually, through my tears, I figured out that maybe the sock-and-underwear bin could go over the heating vent. Bibs, aprons, and tablecloths don’t actually need their own shelf. The hall chest, which holds broken picture frames, an oddly large collection of grout sealant, and (sigh) the previous baby’s baby clothes, could be emptied and moved into the laundry room, in front of a door which will be henceforth considered a wall. And the three perpetually-full hampers of clean clothing could be wedged on top of the chest, where they will surely be in constant danger of tipping their loads into the toilet, which I won’t think about right now.
So, there was room. There was room after all. It’s not wonderful, but it works, and it gets the job done. There was a real problem, and I solved it, more or less, without even dying.
That’s my plan for Advent this year: making room where there is no room. I have a whole other person who needs space in our house, in our routine, in our lives. What to do? A fresh, breezy room full of spacious shelves and empty closets is not going to attach itself to our house overnight; and I will not become a flawless, holy, worthy receptacle for my savior, the Christ Child, when He comes. I can barely get through a Hail Mary without driving off the road from the sheer distraction, so what can I do to make some room?
Maybe when someone’s back hurts, I can resist the temptation to explain about the random fiery paralytic insanity spasms I’ve been feeling in my back—and just be sympathetic. Maybe when the two-and-a-half-year-old is being unreasonable about her graham crackers, I can search around for a speck of patience for her very real, very silly grief.
I can let my 13-year-old win an argument. I can say “Yes” to syrup, even though we all just had baths. I can choose not to freak out over a minor irritation at school, and I can say a prayer before answering some creepy troll in the comment box. I can say to my husband, “I’m sorry, I was being crazy. Can we start over?” I can admit that I’m too tired to make pie, and humbly submit to bringing the mashed potatoes.
When the innkeepers told Joseph that there was no room at the inn, they weren’t being jerks—there simply wasn’t any space, and that was that. So, as parents have been doing since forever, they made room where there was no room. My baby is coming, and The Baby is coming, and we have got to make room. For me, this is not the time for major renovations. This is not the time to overhaul everything about my soul. All I need to do is make a little bit of room.
And you could say (O Magnum Mysterium) that it works out well enough.
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Great plan. I never have a plan before Advent because I always want it to be big and grand. This one sounds doable. Except for the ‘ok to syrup after baths’. I don’t want to be that holy.
Oh boy do I hear you! I found laundry baskets make great dressers for my two girls that share a room. We put shoes in one, clothes etc. (who knows what the etc actually is).
Don’t worry so much about the stuff. Your heart will always grow to the size needed for one more beautiful child. That’s awesome when you think about it. Make room for giggles, tickles and belly laughs (runny noses too) - don’t worry about making room for “stuff”.
God Bless you and your “big” baby!
I am doing the “house shuffle”, again as well. There is no new baby (sigh!) but the youngest is too big for his toddler bed and graduates to the bottom of the bunk bed which as been moved at least three times since bought.
Meanwhile, the two oldest boys’ bedroom got wet in a recent rain storm (not really flooded but walls/carpet ruined). They’re now taking up space in 1/2 of the basement with the toys, couches, etc. on the other half, I have a TV in my living room for the first time in over 15 years as it couldn’t be seen in the basement what with the couches, toys and stuff piled…..
In other words, when you have more kids than rooms (I do not live in a 12 bedroom home), but a normal sized one, you find yourself shuffling bunk-beds, dressers, clothes and people around regularly.
The only room where the occupants have stayed the same is my bedroom w/ my dh. The babies have come and gone and it is just us (another sigh!), except for the rogue piece of Lego that always seems to find my hubby’s foot during a late night foray to the bathroom.
On a side note - I always loved being pregnant during Advent. It was so wonderful to be able to truly ‘feel’ what Mary and Joseph felt, while at the same time being very grateful I was never asked to ride a donkey anywhere!!
Lovely reflection- thank you.
The folks who live in giant homes never need the room . . . :) That’s why God invented plastic bins!
You’re so good. I’ll keep you and baby in prayer.
Oh, the house shuffle! It’s grand, isn’t it? And we only just added our fourth. At first we had his crib in a lovely little alcove in our (admittedly very large) master bedroom upstairs. After three weeks of jumping at every little snuffle and snort from the baby, my husband organized a huge room shuffle: big boys got the upstairs master bedroom, which was perfect for them, baby got their old room upstairs, and mom and dad moved downstairs to a small study that serves us perfectly as a bedroom; we can get the kids to bed and then relax downstairs, knowing we’re not going upstairs to bed and risking waking the baby. It was a monumental shuffle, huge, and I credit my husband with all the heavy lifting. I stood around holding the baby and silently prayed he wouldn’t throw his back out.
And do not get me started on the baby clothes. I have not been allowed to discard one single onesie in the 11 years we’ve been having kids.
I love it! You said it so well, complete with admitting that tears were involved. Moms with more than two children need to admit to others that sometimes the task is simply daunting. Your blog gives such a good example to those who think they are struggling alone or are failures because they aren’t happy moms all of the time. Motherhood’s motto is “Jesus, I trust in You!” God bless you, Simcha!
A grandmother grateful for her grandchildren
Having this conversation the other day as we make room for our 10th . . .the cribs were relegated to the attic long ago because everything in our home has to be like New York City, tall & high, to use all of the available space wisely. Cribs take up valuable real estate for such a tiny person. The shuffling around you’ve done is creative, along with your writing style, and gave me a lift as I continue to wonder about this myself. Thank-you.
“So much of managing a big family is making order out of chaos—not even making things clean, but just making cleaning possible.”
Oh I needed to hear this, Simcha! Once again you spoke to my life- I’m pregnant with our seventh child and pulling my hair out while desperately trying to fINALLY organize my house!
I think I’ll cut myself a little slack, put my feet up, and drink a hot chocolate.
Then, it’s back to work….
I second the plastic bins. Our baby’s clothes are sitting in a plastic container in the middle of our bedroom where other clothes and random objects are placed on top of it daily. <Sigh.> And I only have three children.
Beautiful reflection though. Thinking about making room in my heart . . .
I’m due tomorrow and did the house shuffle a few weeks ago. Baby’s in our room along with plastic drawer sorting units next to our dresser. I moved the changing table from the nursery, which my toddler currently inhabits, onto my dresser (goodbye trinkets and memories). The older kids are all in another single room with one empty top bunk awaiting the transition of a child when the toddler moves from nursery to big kid room…it’s not easy, my bladder is feeling the pain of the shuffle as well! God Bless you, Simcha!
It’s the same always. We all just need to stretch a little, and be okay with the stretch marks too..
BEAUTIFUL!!!
Oh, Simcha! Your post teared me up a little and I’m not even pregnant! I think I’ve got baby envy. Less clothes keeps me honest, laundry wise. My last two babies got by with no more than 5 outfits that fit at one time. I was militant about it. We also blocked a door off and put a little Ikea dresser in front of it. Even though my youngest is now four, that dresser still holds some clothes for all the kids who get dressed in the family room - in our house that means all boys up to about age 12.
Our 3rd child slept on the floor on a toddler mattress in her older brother and sister’s bedroom when we needed the crib for a 4th child. Sadly, after our 5th, we were as worn out as you seem to be now and let the thought of “no room” anywhere (including our hearts) drive a sinful decision to make a permanent contraceptive “choice”. A little more time and I think we would have been thinking more clearly. So I will keep you and your beautiful family in my prayers, Simcha. I think if I had opened up about my feelings to even other family members or friends (let alone strangers!) we would have made a different decision. While I wish I had this blog post to read then, I know your writing will have a positive effect on some mom and dad out there, so I thank you for your honesty and humour.
You bless the regular people out here, Simcha. Thank you for just being you.
I’m doing the clothing shuffle once again as well; gotta find room for Baby #4’s clothes… somewhere!
Soooooooo true. Love this, love you!
A loving home is like Narnia in the Last Battle. The inside is bigger than the outside. It’s a miracle.
Oh yes, the regular people! tb, you are so right.
My youngest (of just 3) is 3 months old, and I’ve been in hysterical overhaul, make it all perfect NOW, fix it PRONTO mode, especially with the thought of Advent coming. Thank you for the much-needed reminder that, no matter what I do, I’ll never be able to make my soul perfect enough on my own anyway. Just a little room. Perhaps I can manage that.
I hear you—just did a basic shuffle a couple of months ago and STILL have stuff not put away, ‘cause there is no “away”.
If you have any wall/door space available, I’ve been happy putting baby stuff in a wall hanging shoe bag. It’s a bunch of clear plastic pockets in rows, on a big white plastic sheet that can hang from nails in a wall or the hooks over a door. About $10 from Walmart, and you can see instantly everything in each pocket. It saved my sanity (such as it is).
Wow, the last paragraph almost made me cry. Thank you for this beautiful post. I should make space…and time… for many important things in life. God bless you Simcha, and good luck with “Shrimpy”. (Can we call him/her Shrimpy if we’re not the mother?)
Sounds like you’ve got the clothes covered, but just in case you have a foot of space between your bed and the floor, that’s where we keep our baby’s clothes, in a zippered shoe-compartment bag. It works pretty well, all things considered.
It’s only 9 am and I only have four children and I can’t say amen enough. I want to cry thinking about all the incoming cheap, plastic gifts that my children will receive for Christmas. How do I make room for those when people are slipping and sliding over all the stuff that is sitting on my floor right now? Trash bags? Oy.
Been reading your blog for about a month now. Can I just tell you how hilarious you are? You are hysterical! I loved the last paragraph. What a great way to tie it all in to the upcoming Christmas season. You’re my hero- tears and all!
When my parents offered to take some of our things to store at their house I told them that we don’t have too little space, we have too much stuff. So, out it goes. Having all 4 kids in one room isn’t going to work for too much longer. Neither is one dresser drawer per child! (The 12-year-old’s clothes are so much BIGGER than they were when he was 5!) So, we’re clearing out some more junk to divide up our basement to make room for people, maybe even a new little person sooner rather than later. I’ll be trying to clear out all that “junk” from the inside too, come Advent. :) Thanks for the reminder, Simcha…
I only have 2 kids and I feel like this too.
I’m due with my second on 12/5, and we have been organizing. This at least reminds me of what a luxury it is to have things on my to-do list like “line bathroom cabinets with contact paper” and “iron crib skirt.”
Simcha, you really do have so much talent. I read a lot of other Christian/Catholic/Mommy blogs, and without fail, most of them annoy me at some level. You can talk about important things without sounding like I HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT PEOPLE, or falsely humble (I SECRETLY KNOW I HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT, BUT HAVE TO PUT ON A SHOW FOR THE LITTLE PEOPLE WHO READ THIS BLOG). It’s a gift. For all of your self-disparaging, I hope you know how much good you do with your sense of humor and slight irreverence. It’s very encouraging to those of us who will never know how to laugh quietly, be horrified at funny insults, or be offended by every piece of pop culture, but still love our faith and families.
Ha! Also pregnant here (with #7) and realizing there is no room. I haven’t actually managed to move the 2 year old from our bed to the crib a few feet away from our bed. Outgrown baby clothes for both genders are stashed in multiple places, including in with the current clothes. The rocking chair in my room is somehow covered with clean clothes once again. The foot of my bed is piled with clean clothes. My closet is a wreck, because it actually holds everyone’s clothes. I know the baby won’t care, but the crazy, nesting part of me still wants to feel like the stage has been set. You really made me feel better about needing to make room where there is no room.
We are expecting our 9th child sometime around Dec 28th, so I keep telling people we are having a real taste of Advent this year. I started my nesting waaaaay early this time. Mostly out of panic that if I didn’t get started making room immediately, I’d never be done in time for baby. So our toddler is moved in with the big boys, a bunk bed has been created, laundry baskets are serving as a dresser (stored under the bed), decluttering is in full force, and we told the kids that they are getting a baby for Christmas so don’t expect much else (because the size of gifts cannot exceed the space in home plus new baby ~ very complicated math problem). The kids would take the baby any day. We even experimented by having a huge open house on Sunday. As the family who is afraid to invite even 20 people to our home for fear we won’t fit, we watched in amazement as 140 guests flowed in and out and enjoyed each other’s presence. There really will be room in the inn, even if it’s a pretty small inn. Home is what we make of it! Thanks for a fun and very relevant to our family posting Simcha!
We’re painting a second-hand dresser for baby #4 tomorrow . . . but I haven’t figured out yet where it’s actually going to fit. Thanks for reminding me that the house isn’t as important as the baby or The Baby.
First time poster here, Simcha. Thank you for every single one of ‘em. And I can’t agree MORE with MightyMighty above! So so well said!! Please know that there are more of us that see it that exact way!
Yes!! I loved this post so much! And also THOROUGHLY agree with MightyMighty above :):)
This will all look so different some day. Like a rain forest of graces streaming down. Your struggles, your fears, your submission to a mystery greater than anyone can wrap their brain around, is bringing down dew upon our very parched earth. We know this even while we cry, but the fact that we can’t FEEL it makes the sacrifice that much more exquisite. God Bless you, and God Bless this child whose soul is worth more than the material worth of the entire universe.
I just got finished organizing our newest baby’s clothing collection - which happens to find it’s home in a laundry basket in front of the fireplace in our bedroom (which is, of course, also the baby’s bedroom).
Thank you for the reality check - things are okay… chaos is okay! :)
@MightyMighty: “It’s very encouraging to those of us who will never know how to laugh quietly, be horrified at funny insults, or be offended by every piece of pop culture, but still love our faith and families.”
You get me! This is me. And thank you, Simcha. Amen, Amen, AMEN!
P.S. my password to enter is “Myself49” :)
Wonderful analogy! Yes, I’ve no room at the inn so much of my days. God help me continue expanding.
And blessings to you in these final days of your pregnancy!
(Expecting our fifth at the end of the year.) Thak you for this article. We are a blended family and I think that simply multiplies the stress and worry. Thank you for the article; it is comforting and helpful!
This made me laugh out loud and then cry at the end. Admittedly, I’m pregnant with number 4 and emotional. But you have such a gift for tying together humor with what is so poignant. Thank you!
Sounds so familiar to me as well. When I was pregnant to have our fifth, then sixth, then seventh baby, our older kids would sing “Chicka chicka boom boom, will there be enough room?” most every day. Such happy days.
Wow. This was beautiful, and exactly what I needed to hear today!
How did you get so brilliant? I loved this.
I LOVE this post. After visiting friends this Saturday, I couldn’t sleep that night for thinking about all the room they have to welcome their 7th child in comparison to the lack of room I feel I have in this house. I keep hearing my friends say, “You make it work for all those people in your home.” But I keep comparing and getting frustrated when I see piles or stuff stuffed in a place that would look so nice clutter-free. I get caught up too much with the looks of magazines or beautiful pictures of other people’s spaces on blogs. Thanks for giving me some perspective. Interestingly when we do make just a little bit of room, that little being that starts out small begins to grow in that small space eventually making more room for himself. God is gentle. He doesn’t just shove himself in like a Sumo wrestler. Instead he eases us into things gradually. That’s why we don’t start out with 9 months of pregnancy and go backwards!;)
You obviously hit on something, just look at all these responses! We are not alone! No matter how often we may feel that way, thank you for reminding us of that Simcha, and thank you for your perspective. We are a family of 8 living in a two-bedroom house and remembering Our Precious Lord, being born in a manger, often brings me peace. Have a happy Advent and count on the Muller’s prayers for beautiful baby number 9!
I don’t have kids but your subsequent reflection on Advent was beautiful and definitely applicable! I often suffer from having “missed” Advent (and oftentimes Lent as well!) because I try to do too much and when that fails, nothing at all. This year I will aim to make just a little bit of room. :) Thank you!
Absolutely loved this! I so remember the days of trying to figure out where we would put #‘s 3, 4, 5, and 6. I have to tell you though, folks, that it does get better. Lucky #6 is the only one left at home and has an entire basement to himself to rattle around in. BUT that is not what I mean about it getting better. Just last night Mr. M and I were discussing who we know that we could buy some cheap full-sized beds from (that would be sleepworthy and not bedbuggy) and where we could put said beds should we find some. You see, most of our children will be home for Christmas and we need to find room for them, their spouses, and 7 grandchildren. The triple bunk-bed that Grandpa had created back when he was just Dad will work for some of the grandkids. However, the closet we converted to a bedroom will not hold a bigger than twin-size bed. What to do, what to do? A pleasant dilema to have for sure.
Amen to that!! Beautiful!! I have tears in my eyes!!! Thank you!!!
I’m going to use that apology. Thank you for simplifying it for me! What a beautiful reflection. Prayers for you and yours.
Hey, I’m making the mashed potatoes! Unless you really, truly want to, in your spare time, but Ima feels very strongly that you certainly shouldn’t have to make anything, and so do I.
Ladies and gentlemen, my sister. See? This is why having lots of siblings is good for your kids!
I’m due February 2, and I keep thinking how very cool it would be to deliver on the Presentation of the Lord. But as of today I’m measuring 4+ weeks ahead and have gestational diabetes. Baby is big . . . ergo I’m big and quite swollen. I’m with you - No Room At The Inn!
Re: making room in the home, I’m modifying a Lenten practice of “40 bags in 40 days” that I learned about over at faithandfamilylive.com. Between Thanksgiving weekend and New Years Day, I’ll be rounding up 40 bags of stuff that’s been cluttering our home and either pitch, recycle or donate the contents. Even if it’s just old paperwork that needs to be shredded and recycled - it’s going to be one bag (or more) that I count. Hoping the exercise will calm me down and even provide a bit of spiritual nourishment.
Excellent.
As always. Because it’s all true. With ten, we completely ran out of room at about eight—but then the kids were moving out. I now send all the odds and ends and half-working toasters tht I have no room for to the big kids’ houses. See? God is good and it does work out. Blessings on the new baby, hon. There is always room.
I live in a neighborhood with mostly old (1920’s) houses, most of which are in the range of 1200-1800 sq. feet. We have six kids in a three bedroom home (with us parents sharing a converted den in the downstairs). People are always flabbergasted that we can live this way, but really, didn’t almost everyone use to? Except I think people tended to accumulate much less toys, clothes, everything. And I too am still putting “the baby’s” clothes (she’s almost 3!) in a laundry basket on our bedroom floor. She changes clothes about 15 times a day so it works out for both of us…
So much did this article speak to me. We bought a two bedroom house with an unfinished garage apartment when we only had two boys and my husband’s comfortable income. We now have six children, still two bedrooms, and my much smaller teacher’s income. When we discovered Six was coming, I cried for weeks, ashamed that I was not fully open to this new life because I was ashamed of how others might view our family situation. But we go on living in faith, albeit a little shaky at times. Our children don’t mind sharing room with one more, even if that means hosting fewer sleepovers; they love their new brother. Yes, I pray that one day my husband and I will change “breadwinner” places again and we will be able to enclose that garage. Until then, we bless the Lord as we shove the girls’ toddler mattresses under our bed, thankful that we fall asleep to the sounds of their gentle breathing. We bless the Lord that the three older boys, though confined to a tiny bedroom, have a very large backyard. We bless the Lord that we’ve a roof over our head and climate-controlled rooms. Sometimes it’s difficult, but we bless the Lord.
Really excellent, Simcha. God bless!
Speaking of those combox trolls, ever notice they have very little to say about posts like these? ;)
Sigh…and someday they grow up and leave home, and you’re left with more room than you know what to do with, waiting for grandbabies to come fill it up again!
Thank you for this Simcha! Reading this was like taking a huge gulp of beautiful fresh air. I homeschool my three children and everyone always comments, ” How do you keep your house clean?”. As I write this I’m noting the gross layer of dust I’ve yet to dust from my fan blades, uggh, it’s gross! So, the answer is usually, ” Well, it’s not PERFECTLY clean.”. You are my antedote to Real Simple.
Last year I moved all five of the youngest kids’ clothing to the Laundry room! My husband put in a bunch of shelves and it is working great. I got rid of about 95% of baby equipment ages ago. Toys get the “heave ho” asap! A few years ago I got this great, hand carved “console” from Cost Plus. It was cheap, beautiful, and the same size and height as a changing table. I keep the changing table top between it and the wall, with diapers and clothing inside. Between this and one of those mesh, guard rails that swings down, for the “baby nest” our bedroom is still stylish and sparse. Oh, and our bed is a platform Cal King and on its side! LoL nobody can tell but my hubby who sleeps a bit at an angle. I’m so excited for you! P.S. Today is my daughter’s eighteenth bday. She was nine pounds and came out with her arm across her chest and hand against her head. Soooooo stuck and no epidural. I had just ridiculed a friend of mine who had given birth on all fours….guess what my OB recommended for “unsticking her”? LOL She is such a joy. Praying for you.
We have 3 children who share a bedroom, our youngest girl is 15 months old and her ‘wardrobe’ is still a plastic box on top of the old changing table in the living room, which also houses all of her toys, diapers and so on. We are possibly upsizing to a bigger property for our Advent challenge (!) but I can’t see this arrangement changing if we do.
The arrival of my 3rd caught me a bit unawares, its a long story (I knew he was coming but other things conspired to prevent me from preparing). He lived the first three months out of a portable bassinet with space for 2 large baskets underneath. These contained: 10 onesies, 10 gowns, 10 little caps, 10 little suits for daytime, a pile of diapers and wipes and a baby sling. What I learned from this was that I did not need anywhere near as much stuff as I had been using for the other two. Yes, he wore pajamas for a really long time, but ultimately, I think I saved a bunch of time effort and yes, space, which we did not have at the time. Best of luck with your new little one! Thanks as always for the laugh.
With 12 blessings from heaven, sometimes I feel like I’m the only one with these issues, so its nice to read these comments from other moms in the trenches. We’ve switched bedrooms so many times to make room for another (these days its college kids living at home to save $) I’ve lost count. I currently share the master with my three youngest girls (a bunkbed, and the 3yo with me). (I say *I* because my husband usually ends up in my son’s room.) The older ones need more room to themselves. Hey, I’ll do whatever works and allows everyone to get a good night’s sleep! Clothes, its a constant battle to keep them from blanketing the entire house. But I do have everyone except the 7, 5, and 3yo responsible for their own laundry, and organizing their dressers/closet, etc, so they are pretty good about just keeping what they need and passing on the rest. Definitely helps to purge the clothes, and KEEP LESS. Also, about other clutter, I keep a give-away bag in the corner of my living room, and just keep filling it as I go about the normal chaos of my week, and when its full I get it out of the house FAST—before anyone sees what I threw in there! They NEVER miss anything that’s disappeared, though! My desk is an avalanche of paper and other stuff, which today spills into three cardboard boxes on the floor, I have yet to get THAT organized!!! I read Holly Pierlot’s “A Mother’s Rule of Life, How to Bring Order to Your Home and Peace to Your Soul” this year.” While I haven’t implemented all of her ides, it was a great reminder that God will bless our efforts, if we just remember that motherhood is our VOCATION, our calling from GOd, and offer to Him our feeble attempts to bring order to our homes.
I love this perspective. I do need to make room for Jesus. Thanks for helping me see that I can start by making a little room and work from there. And congratulations on your growing family!
Sorry to be like this, but please do not have your baby sleep in your bed ever. I have seen more cases of SIDS than I care to remember.
This was beautiful. Wow, you have a big family for such a young gal! In my house, “cleaning” basically means moving piles from one place to another. There simply isn’t an inch of empty space. So I can relate to your description—and crying!!—very well. But isn’t it amazing that somehow, some way, for a new baby, there IS room! A beautiful pro-life message.
What a beautiful post - in every way. The scene itself of a mother struggling with what mother’s struggle with is marvelous. As a man, it is these “simple” aspects of mothering that I find truly awesome and wondrous about women. I felt this way about my Mom, as she worked so hard to take care of her household, and see the same in my wife. It is a dedication and calling that just always filled me with deep respect and gratitude. (I can’t even DO the sock drawer!) It is LOVE that mother’s do - indeed.
The last part of the post nearly moved me to tears. Making room for Jesus is a constant challenge, I think, for us all. That most important Commandment that Jesus gave us, requires that we give up a lot of things we “love” for Him and often these things drive us crazy. Interesting how, when we make room for Jesus, we have to let go of stuff that He doesn’t want in our lives anyway - like simple stress and anxiety. We have to let it go.
Thanks for these posts.
Love to you, Simcha, and blessing to your family this Advent. May the Child Christ open expanses to you that you could never have imagined.
Did anyone else catch that study that just came out on the effect of newborns who can hear their mother’s breathing next to them? They monitored their vital signs and REM sleep. The ones that couldn’t hear their Mothers suffered marked duress. This also supports other studies that co sleeping actually prevents SIDS by helping at risk infants to regulate their breathing. Of course there are always going to be unfortunate situations, and or people who don’t take proper, well thought out precautions. BTW in the first reading of the mass today I had never noticed before that when the noble mother of Maccabbes is reminding her youngest son of seven to stand firm, she includes, “I nursed you until you were three!” :)
Yeah. I don’t deliberately co-sleep, I just keep falling asleep while taking care of my babies (and I do wake up if baby so much as twitches an eyebrow). I have seen SIDS statistics that lump all SIDS deaths together, including the ones where the parents were drinking or taking medication, and had pets and fluffy pillows in bed with the baby, and set the thermostat at 74 degrees. It’s kind of like the statistics about battered women used to show how violent men are—never mind that the majority of abusers are boyfriends, not husbands.
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Jill, no hard feelings, but I do believe an all-out ban on co-sleeping is well intentioned but misguided.
I so needed this today. The three couches are covered in laundry, and the 12 baskets are full of laundry, there is a pile in the dryer, on top of the dryer, in the wash and two loads waiting and I haven’t gone around to check the rooms for more because I haven’t the steel to cope with it. Peace to your heart, peace to your home, there will be room, there is already room in your hearts. This baby is already taking up space, as you well know. Blessings.
Oh I love it. Boy does this resonate with my life and put everything in perspective.
Hardly any offense would be taken, I just feel obligated to comment on what I know. This is no critique against yours or any other mother’s parenting skills, and you won’t find a bigger proponent of kangaroo care than myself. But the fact remains, we don’t know what causes SIDS, just what increases the risk, and co-sleeping is one of those things. The safest thing is a bassinet next to the bed, where yes, baby can still hear mom breathing! I’m not sure it does much good to try and explain these things away, as if because us Catholics are good mothers this is another thing modern medicine has wrong. I’m not a proponent of Lysoling toys daily or anything, but I’ve seen this happen to women who did everything else right.
God bless your new addition Simcha!! You have wonderful insights for us all to reflect on.
What a beautiful post. In your hilarious way you said something so beautiful and very helpful. Thank you.
On co-sleeping. Yes, a co-sleeper bassinet is awesome but with no room…. How do people think this has been done for centuries? Mamas slept with babies.
If it’s any consolation, I was promised a 10 lb baby both from midwives (multiple consultations) and two ultrasounds, and she only weighed 7 lbs. And since she’s my first I didn’t have any newborn-sized clothes. We had to roll the sleeves up on all her clothes and skip the hat on the trip home from the hospital because it covered her entire head. So nobody REALLY knows how big your baby is until it comes out, except for God, and He’ll make it all work out.
@On co-sleeping, - that’s moma & dad. I can’t be the only one that still wakes up with a 3 year old snoozing away in-between us?
My only problem with co-sleeping is that it is sometimes hard to argue with all of the little ones who would also be squeezing in if I let them. I remember how much I loved to do the same in my parents’ bed. Apart from a nightmare or perhaps sickness, or that “Saturday morning snug-fest :)I think it is soooooo important to show your spouse that he is “The King of the mountain”. Having babies and children BETWEEN husband and wife on a regular basis is a bad idea. The mother-infant bond is such a sweet and intimate one that it is easy to get lost in it, forgetting to lavish attention on your husband. Many years ago I went to a parenting class in which they really stressed this. I realized I’d fallen into this temptation. The little ones (and teens!) can be like baby birds all squawking to be fed. Whenever possible, Dad should be served first. I now see how important it is for everyone to see that he is in a category set apart from everyone else. Someday all those little baby birds will take flight. The original bond of the parents should be stronger, sweeter, and more intimate than ever.
We have 7 children from junior in college to 3 years old. I loved your article as we seem to do the house shuffle every couple months. You know, boys coming home from college for the summer, these boys go here, one boy goes down here and the college boys go here. Oh, they are going back to college. This bunk goes here, this bunk is now a single, and the futon…how bout in the office/bedroom? When my 12 y-o daughter mentions getting her own room, I believe my face shows my utter amazement at how oblivious the children can be regarding reality. But then, I think, in two years, another boy graduates and will go to college and the we can move her here and him there and the hamster there…and the dog…maybe that will be where the plastic bin under the bed comes in!
I love this article, and I won’t tell you how it rings true for me at this time of my life! Re: the random SIDS discussion, information is changing all the time. I’ve heard many different studies cited; each coming to different conclusions. As a mother to a beautiful baby who left this earth due to SIDS, I’d be far more concerned with air quality and breastfeeding on demand to reduce the risk. Open the windows everyday, stay away from tobacco smoke, and breastfeed that baby if you can! My five subsequent babies have all co-slept with me at different times; and I am confident it hasn’t increased their risk.
Thank you for your articles, Simcha—we need a Catholic Erma Bombeck like you!
@Faith, God Bless you and your beautiful baby in heaven. I agree with you on all counts. :) Certainly the last as well.
Don’t worry about the baby being too big…my #11 was 11 lbs!!! I delivered him naturally. Be creative about storage…we use under bed boxes in all the rooms.
Thanks for the great reminder to make room for Christ this advent.
+JMJ+
The full continuation of the Responsory from Christmas Matins:
O great mystery and wonderful sacrament, that animals should see the new-born Lord lying in a manger: Blessed is that Virgin, whose womb deserved to bear Christ our Lord.
Blessed is Mary, Mother of God, who remained a Virgin undefiled: This day she hath brought forth the Savior of the ages. Blessed is she that hath believed: because all those things are accomplished which were told her from the Lord.
O Holy and spotless virginity, how to proclaim thy praises, I know not: For thou hast borne in thy bosom him whom the heavens cannot contain. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of they womb.
This was a wonderful thing to read today… I always feel so consumed by the clutter in our small home. With four children, too, have had to adapt creatively: 3 boys in a 9x10 room doesn’t allow for dressers, so we put one in the closet. Bins under the beds hold ‘hand-me-downs’ for the younger ones. Never had a changing table: a small pad on the floor worked wonderfully and I never had to worry about anyone rolling off, and it could easily be moved as needed. Everyone’s socks go in one giant bin: no more sorting! When our first was born we lived in a small apartment with no room for a crib, and when I needed to make room in our bed for baby number 2, I put a travel-crib mattress in the small hallway outside our door, some cute posters low on the wall, and a baby gate at the end of the hall, and voila! a simple, cosy, and actually quite cute, bedroom for our toddler. Just making room where we could. It’s true, there is always room if we just let go of the expectation that our homes should be antiseptic showrooms that no one actually lives in. Our home is rarely ‘clean’, though I am often in the process of getting it clean-able!
This is a wonderful post. So true. Thank you for writing.
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