I generally give, not only at this season, but also all-year around. My preferred organizations are primarily located in my diocese. Yet there certainly will be exceptions to this throughout the year.

Thoughtful post, Simcha. I have usually done this kind of giving through my parish, but who knows what the future may bring. This should help us focus on the receiver’s dignity, rather than our own fuzzy warm feelings.

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Faith-based education, Carmelite spirituality

Great post, BUT - you’re totally wrong about bikes in high rises. Urban areas are some of the BEST places to use a bike as a primary means of transportation!

This is great advice, Simcha. Also having been on both sides myself, I concur! I’ll just add that if you give an Amazon gift card this year, let the family you are helping know that Amazon Mom offers Amazon prime membership free for up to 18 months. This, of course, gives free shipping on most items.

I’m a big believer in Green always being the right color!  Gift bags are best for the giving tree as well for exactly the reason Simcha said.
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I would add that there are families with whom it’s important to save their face.  “Oh, I bought this sweater/turkey/opened Wii but it’s the wrong size/my sister in law’s bringing a ham/somebody else got them one, and I threw away the packaging so I’m not allowed to return it.”    It’s not a lie just because you don’t tell them you bought it specifically for them.

@Connie - sometimes I think I’m the only person who doesn’t get the warm fuzzies when she gives.  Giving doesn’t make me feel good, NOT giving makes me feel bad.  As in guilty.  As in, when I die, God will say, “What did you do with all that material wealth I gave you?” and then the best I have to hope for at that moment is a long stint in Purgatory for my greed and covetousness.

@Eileen - It’s not the feelings that matter. In fact, you may be more virtuous if you give even when you don’t get a good feeling out of it, because you are not doing it just to feel good. Of course, “fire insurance” isn’t a good motive for anything. But sometimes God takes away our good feelings so that we can serve Him out of love alone.

Cash.  This was the gold standard when I was younger.  Once I became a mother, it just meant that it went toward food, gas, groceries or someone’s school shoes.  This is why I always appreciated my mother’s tasteful gifts of well made clothing, with a gift card included.  I couldn’t spend it on groceries or anyone else.  Sometimes I would splurge on something beautiful that I’d never dream of spending our own money on; other times I would stretch it and savor buying nice little things as needed.  My mother is one of the most generous people I’ve ever known.

I won’t be doing anything suggested in this post this year, but it was pleasant reading.

I don’t understand why people are worried their gift will be abused. Christ asks us to give; he doesn’t include any additional directions or advice. Give and the outcome is in His hands. You can’t control everything. Don’t play God. This is one of the pet peeves I have with the wealthy who give to charity (especially schools and colleges)- they often want to have a say in how the money is used. It’s like they can’t bear to completely let go of the money and want to still possess it by maintaining some kind of control. Anyway, I think we middle-class folk often do the same thing with our worries of “responsible use.” How often do we abuse the gifts of our generous God and think nothing of it?

I don’t know Kate - there’s a big difference between institutional giving and the kind of straightforward one on one almgiving that Simcha is talking about here.    I would be surprised if Jesus ever commanded anybody to donate a few million to Penn State.  I think institutional benefactors are well within their rights to say how they’d like to see their money spent - maybe even on a new Newman Center?

Eileen, you’re making my point. What “rights” does the giver have? Does someone with $10,000 to give have more “rights” than someone with $100? Did the widow with her mite have less say aabout how her money should be used than someone like Zacchaeus? I don’t think either of them has a say because the money doesn’t belong to them; it belongs to God and we are merely his instruments.

It is so hard to be on the receiving end.  The reason “it is better to give than to receive” is because when you are truly in need, receiving is way more humiliating than that guy who couldn’t give all his money away and had to thread a camel on a fishhook, or something like that.  I just got an anonymous Target gift card in the mail and was equally happy and sad at the same time.  Then I decided that happy should win, and I went out and bought everyone new socks.  And a sled.  And some groceries and diapers aaaaaaaand…wait for it….peppermint bark!  May God truly bless the socks off whoever did that for me, and may He also bless your socks off, too, for writing this awesome list which is everything I want to say but can’t, because beggars can’t be choosers and it stinks.  If we are ever not poor anymore, I am going to pay it forward.

@Kate - No, it’s not the amount, it’s the recipient.  Giving money to a a school is only very rarely almsgiving.  It’s nice.  And if you don’t qualify for the AMT, you might even get to take some of it off your taxes.  But it’s generally not charitable giving in the Christian sense.

One can find worthy charities easily.  It is more difficult to try to locate the “deserving poor” in contrast to the “undeserving poor”.  For reference, check discussion by the father of Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady.
One can put some twenties in an envelope and drop through the mail slot if worried about hurting someone’s feelings when you know that the money will be appreciated.
Shelters exist;  St. Vincent de Paul feeds many; The Salvation Army feeds and houses many at this time of year.
As we get older, we find checks to charities work.
TeaPot562

Eileen, I don’t know why you say that. Donations to colleges like Christendom, Thomas Aquinas, Wyoming Catholic, Stuebenville, Thomas More, Magdalen, or your local Catholic grammar school are not charitable giving?? My husband works for a non-profit and that’s news to him. But you still didn’t answer my question about the “rights” of givers. A gift is a gift. It’s not yours once it’s given away, whether it’s the wino on the corner or Catholic Relief Services or the single mother or the Bishop’s Annual Appeal.

What the heck is this stuff about “deserving or undeserving poor”? Where is THAT in the gospels? Someone should have let Dorothy Day know about this hidden gospel before she “wasted” her whole life among the poor. And someone should really tell the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal to get their act together, get out of the inner city and find some place where there are more deserving poor who will give them proper gratitude they deserve. It’s not about ME. It’s about loving as Christ loved - who died for us when we were still sinners. We all are undeserving.

I never forget this time I observed from across the street an older man standing outside of a fish joint. “Obviously a beggar”, right? Next a younger man walked out of the restaurant with his family and paused at the old man’s quiet beckoning. Without a pause the younger man reached into his pocket pulled out several bills and put it in the old man’s hand. Then he continued on to his car to join his family. The old man gratefully put the cash into his pocket. I thought to myself, ‘self why can’t you be more like that younger dude?” He wasn’t afraid; he didn’t ask ‘what for’, he just gave.

Two or three times when we were on The Richmond and Golden Gate bridges, the car in front of us paid our toll.  It wasn’t a “give to the poor” gesture, it was a “you’re my neighbor and we’re all in this together” gesture.  We were surprised, but so delighted by that neighborly solidarity that we returned the favor to others too.

I don’t give money to poor people I don’t know because I don’t want to fund someone’s alcohol or drug addiction. On the other hand, I remember how grateful a woman living on the streets of DC was when I gave her a bag of sanitary napkins. She needed them, not drugs. I don’t think I’m doing anyone a favor giving them money to make themselves sick, but if I know someone needs something and have the ability to get it for them, I do. And I would hope someone would do the same for me if need be.

This was good for me to read. This year at church instead of tags with gifts to buy, there were tags for $20 gift cards. I was put off at first because I wanted to buy a gift, darnnit! Then I thought, these people just want to buy what they need. Not get socks because that’s what they think we want to buy them.

I just have to ask…what would a non-demure jumper look like?  ;)

@Kate, TeaPot562 didn’t say it was in the gospels, he said to check “My Fair Lady.”  Eliza Doolittle’s father has much to say on the subject of himself as the “undeserving poor.”  Also, any charity has to use the gift for the specified purpose.  If they’re fundraising for scholarships, they can’t use the money (whether a million or ten dollars) to build a new dorm. That’s why charities that send begging letters have check boxes for “[topic of letter]” or “area of greatest need” or whatever.  Personal giving, the original post topic, is different of course. 
And I like this post - but I wish I could put it into practice.  We have a lovely family we are friends with and who we know could use some help - but anything we give them (even if it’s just a friendly plate of cookies) results in numerous gifts from them including lots of food from their family restaurant.  I mean, the mom has cancer and she’s still the one sending *me* food.  My family was dirt poor until sometime while I was in college (I knew we’d turned a corner when my sister bought TWO pairs of shoes at once) and we’d like to “pay it backward” now that some of us are in a position to give help rather than just receive it.  Maybe we should try that “leave it on the doorstep” thing like “Sigh of Relief” got - but I’m afraid they’d suspect us…

@Kate - I just can’t see any institution who has a professional fundraiser (or a team of them!) on staff in the same category as the family in my parish with cardboard in the hole-y soles of their shoes.  And that includes my parish school’s capital campaign, although not my son’s Kindergarten teacher who is really struggling to make ends meet.  Sure, some 501c3’s do good work - they’re not all Planned Parenthood, The Church of Scientology, or even the University of Notre Dame - but when a professional fundraiser from a Catholic College, unsolicited, calls me in my home and tells me I can be in the President’s Circle for 5 grand or the Dean’s Circle for a mere $2500, there’s more going on there than just giving alms as we Christians are called to do. 
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Like it or not, non profit giving becomes a business transaction.  If I concede that all my money belongs to God, then you must also concede that I am the steward of it.  And therefore I am within my rights in a business transaction to direct how a certain 501c3 organization uses my money.    And if that business (non profit or not, a 501c3 is still a business) doesn’t see my vision matching theirs, then it’s their obligation to tell me so.
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As an aside, if my husband and I believe in a non-profit’s mission, our giving is generally unrestricted.  So while I mostly agree with you in practice, I cannot philosophically make the leap that an institutional donor should not direct how his funds are to be used.

Thank you for this post.  It is so true, and such a blessing to those who read it.

@ Kate:
I think of something Mother Teresa said about this topic.  The Missionaries of Charity generally give items the people need instead of cash, especially if there is a risk that the cash might be used to buy things such as drugs or alcohol.  They want to give the Love of Jesus, and provide whatever would most accurately reflect a concern for what is for the person’s actual good.  As always, prudence is necessary.

I think that was a lovely list, Simcha. Having been one the recieving side during my childhood, I try very hard follow these types of guidelines now.

Giftcards and checks are generally the way to go for me for kid gifts so parents get the joy of picking out the gift, plus they know the kids better so will probably do a better job. If it is an adult I know really well, I sometimes try to buy a useful, but somewhat luxurious item , like a very nice new diaper bag for a new mom or a stylish coat or something along those lines. Something they need, but still a bit more than they would spend on themselves. Everyone deserves something special.

Thank you for this post, Simcha!  A few years ago, my brother-in-law was going through a hard time of unemployment with zero savings and I just had to do something.  I dropped grocery gift cards at a post office in a different town than where I live more than once.  They have since gotten back on their feet.  They’ve never mentioned it to me and I will never mention it to them.
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I’m glad you mentioned the gift bag thing for “giving trees.”  My husband grabbed a bunch of tags off of a still full tree the other week and I made sure he knew where the gift bags were kept.  We included gift receipts because buying clothes and toys for kids you don’t know is really hard!  I wonder whether gift cards would be best for giving trees.

@Karen M, gift cards presume that transport is available.

My parish giving tree has gifts for children in a housing project and for those in a nursing home. They specify what’s wanted and how/whether to wrap it. The children’s items aren’t wrapped, so the parents can wrap them but the directions call for wrapping for the nursing home. Gift cards are usually requested for the older children. I don’t know if it’s because that’s what they want or the program recognizes that they’d prefer to choose their own stuff.

Because my mom is now in long-term care, I’ve learned that donations aren’t just to nursing homes with mostly medical assistance patients; my mom went to an on-site Christmas party and received a hat, scarf, gloves, sweater, paint set, cd player (walkman type) and candy. My mom is always cold, although she’s physically impaired she goes out more than those less impaired I suppose partly because my sister and I go with her, she listens to books on tape and has a history of doing crafts of various kinds so all the gifts she received were appropriate for her. Several organizations were involved. Then the girl scouts came by with construction paper/painted bow tie pasta wreaths. All this and a separate dinner from the auxiliary, where residents were their guests but could pay a nominal fee to host additional guests.

I’ve thought of the giving tree people and wondered if my gift was the only one they’d receive, but now I doubt that it is; staff where my mom is are pretty good at tracking what types of activities people are interested in, although she has an advantage as she used to work with one of the activities people.

@Sigh of Relief, don’t underestimate the value of your prayers for others or the value of raising your children.

Many years ago my family was the recipient of a box of Christmas goodies, gifts, etc. after my then-husband had an accident. We were mortified. He had already recovered sufficiently by Christmas to go back to work and we had donated items ourselves to the charity that gave us our box. People assumed we were more needy than we were. We ended up giving the box to a friend who was a single mom and out of work. We appreciated that someone cared enough to think of us but it’s so important to let people maintain their dignity - sometimes that’s all they have left.

As an afterthought, when a person receives in good form it gives the giver an opportunity to sincerely practice an act of mercy.

@Kate, I think that Patty Bennett mentioned something very important when she spoke of prudence. I don’t really get the attitude of “if I care at all about whether this money will be well spent, I’m not really loving the person to whom I’m giving a gift.” If I buy booze for someone with a drinking problem, I’m just enabling. If I think they’re going to take cash and buy booze, same thing. If I know this person doesn’t have the will power to use the cash to feed their kids/pay the heating bill, it makes sense to make it easy for them to be good.

One time I decided to buy gifts for a coworker who couldn’t buy gifts for her kids. Her son wanted a pair of Abercrombie jeans. I couldn’t bring myself to spend $80 on a pair of jeans when I would never even spend that much on my own jeans. So I bought a $75 gift card so that he could buy them himself and I didn’t have to worry about it. I didn’t mind doing a one-time thing, but as I got to know her better and see how much money was going out on booze and cigarettes, I became immune to the poor-mouthing.

Now, I rarely give directly to individuals. Sometimes there’s a situation where I think, “This person will respect all the time away from my kids that went into earning this money, and not fritter it away on crap.” But generally, given how well off most Americans are, I find it better to give to institutions that help people who definitely need the help because they are stuck in a devastating poverty. What can I say, I think it’s more prudent to give $50 to feed dozens of starving people than it is to give that money to someone who will just spend it on fluff. On the flipside, when I know that a family stewards their resources well, it’s a pleasure to give them something that’s just for fun or is a big step up from what they would buy themselves. Luxuries are so much better when they really are luxuries.