About the following, for starters:
Reading is what people do, like breathing or blinking. Read to yourself, read out loud to your kids (any age), read with your spouse at night. Every time you turn off the TV, you've won back a little bit of your life.
Not everything that's good is explicitly Catholic, and not everything that calls itself Catholic is good. True for art, music, ideas, lives.
But sooner or later, you have to decide which side you're on. I think she said this to me when she saw the trashy cover of a CD I was listening to as a teenager. You can make excuses and give yourself passes, but your spiritual life is made up of these choices: there's no such thing as (a) the religious part of your life, and (b) the rest of your life. If you want to be a Catholic, you have to live that way all the time, even if it means cutting out things you enjoy.
Functionality is beautiful. If it works, then it's a good system, even if it looks silly.
There are worse things in life than being embarrassed. I remember hearing one of my parents' friends telling his conversion story. The only part I remember is, "And right there, in the middle of the airport, I kneeled down and said to God . . . " I remember rolling my eyes and thinking, "Boy, that sums it up." It seemed like the rest of the world was the airport, going about its business, and our family was the weirdos, standing out, doing something different, acting like freaks -- not always about religious things, but about everything. Well, it turns out that children (and teenagers) do not die from standing out. Also, when they grow up, they will be able to enjoy something the Normals never enjoy: the exquisite thrill of fitting in. I still get a delicious little transgressive frisson when I make cake from a box mix, JUST LIKE OTHER PEOPLE DO. Brrr!
Never lose hope about other people. Maybe you can't change them -- in fact, you definitely can't change them -- but God can. So keep praying for them. Even if they never know you're doing it (and even if you never see the results yourself), it may be the most important thing you do for them.
Everybody's tired. Nobody feels really well. Everybody feels like they're no good at least some of the time. Now please get up and go to work anyway.
Accept the people that God sends into your life. My mother is a magnet for strange, needy, difficult people. They seem to realize that she's no good at social chit chat, and will answer them directly, on whatever bizarre terms they choose to start the conversation; and she will help them if she can. She is ready and willing to talk about anything, as long as it's interesting or important. When I was little, I hated having our house open to strange and unpredictable people, but now I wish I were courageous enough to have that kind of house.
A good idea is worth repeating, and repeating, and repeating. People may groan and say, "Not that again!" but they'll thank you later when they actually remember it.
You go to Mass to worship God. If you're there for anything other than that, you're wasting your time. My mother would answer me any time I called her name, any time at all, except during the consecration and elevation. I remember being very young and being baffled that she didn't seem to hear me when her head was bowed. Eventually I figured it out!
Go outside for a minute; you'll feel better.
Home is where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. My mother would love to live in a one-room shack with a cot, a computer, a hot plate, and a drain in the floor for easy cleaning. Instead, my parents maintain a dusty, cumbersome, 12+-room Victorian house, because sometimes people need a place to stay (as we did one year, when our entire family had a collective nervous breakdown and needed shelter).
Catholics aren't afraid of science.
Catholics aren't afraid of history, or sex, or death.
Catholics aren't afraid of anything. Actually, of course they are, but they are the ones who are equipped to forge ahead anyway.
Charity believes all things. The good you see in people may not be the whole truth about them, but it is true. So start there, and make a fuss over it until it turns into something more.
Don't pretend to know things you don't know, and don't pretend to like things you don't like.
Poetry is meant to be read out loud.
When in doubt, add more garlic.
So, happy early mother's day, Ima. I'm sorry we kept giving you those flowers even though you were allergic. I'm sorry we stole all your pens and tape and thumb tacks, and I'm sorry about the bowl of sugar in the dresser drawer. And also, you know, all the other stuff. I'll forgive you for those humiliating bathing suit shopping trips, if you forgive me for everything else!
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I love your mom even though I have never met her, but I “know” her because I “know” Simcha through her wonderful blog. Happy Mother’s Day, Ima!
Love this! And I love your mom! And I love my mom because she was right about all the same things!
Yes! To mothers. To your mother who imparted her wisdom,in such a creative, expansive and soulful way, and to mine that convinced me that my conversation with God was the most important one in the world, every single day. Happy Mother’s day! I’d love it if your Mom had her own blog, so I could have coffee with her some mornings like I have it with her daughter. :)
I don’t remember the bowl of sugar in the dresser drawer, and I think you’re attributing a lot of things to me that I don’t deserve. But I’m going to believe it all anyway because it makes me feel so good.
Actually that was Devra, but the only reason the rest of us didn’t have one, too, was because the discovery freak-out was so severe.
Thank you for this! Some of these are so profound, and I’m going to steal more than a few. My own mother was largely absent from my life as a teen, so I don’t have the full complement of wisdom I wish I had. I feel like I am making so much up as I go along in rearing my own brood of 8 (currently).
“...the exquisite thrill of fitting in…” This was the thrill I got when I became Catholic—having been raised in a sect that wanted to stand out for all the wrong reasons.
Lucky you! And Happy Mother’s Day!
Lovely tribute! My parents were (and are) the same way during Mass. We learned early on that if there was one point in the Mass we should try especially hard to sit still, be quiet, and “hold it” if a need to use the restroom arose, it was during the consecration.
I’d like to add my favorite, which has gotten me through some hard times: “Don’t pay any attention to emotions you have when you’re tired.”
Mama admits to the sugar bowl, but says she’ll try not to embarrass us to badly when we go bathing suit shopping :)
Happy Mothers Day Ima and Aunt Simmy! (and all you other great moms out there!)
Enjoyed reading today…
“Don’t pretend to know things you don’t know, and don’t pretend to like things you don’t like.”
Bang on Simcha which is why we always insisted our children were well acquainted with Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale “The Emperor’s New Clothes”.
Happy Mother’s Day! May God fill you with grace and strength.
She was right:
1. The world didn’t end when I wasn’t allowed to go to ‘THE party of the year’.
2. People did actually come to my 16th birthday (and had fun) EVEN though my parents said no alcohol allowed.
3. It was better that my Mum ‘embarrassingly’ removed me from school for two weeks while they taught sex ed. I wasn’t ready. And she taught it better.
xx
I second the last one!
Functionality *is* beautiful. And here I am thinking that
while(*p1++ = *p2++);
is a problem…
You may laugh, but if you’ve ever been in a discussion about this sort of thing, then you understand.
So amen and Happy Mother’s Day!
Beautiful tribute to your mom, who is obviously a very wise woman! Thanks for sharing this blessing with us :-).
Home is where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.—My dad liked this one too. He didn’t like garlic, though. I’m tired.
Great woman. Great mother-in-law. Great article.
Beautiful Simcha. God bless your mother. My mother says to me, if someone offends you then let it dissolve on your heart till it disappears altogether. Never let it sit there for too long. I pray I can do that one day properly. God bless you Mum- I love you! Ezo x
What a tribute to your Mom. I often wondered when I was in the midst of “active parenting” what my 5 daughters (no sons) would remember of the things I tried to teach them by my actions as well as my words. I remember many wise & wonderful things my Mom taught me, and I see that you do too, Simcha, so there is hope that my daughters have and will pass on to their children some of the same and many of their own. Thank you & Happy Mother’s Day to you.
Hi again Father Joseph,
Sure enjoyed your letter about your Mom’s habits, etc.. We’re moving
to Baytown, again, to be with friends and my brother. It’s a 2 bedroom
but just under 1000 feet overall. It has all we need at this time and
our house is sold.
Love and best wishes from,
The Palmers
I do hope you received other note I posted with more detail.
I love your mom!
Catholics are afraid of homosexuality. Catholics have sex on the brain.
How do you know Caroline? Are you Catholic?
Where is the Co-Redeemer, Mediatrix of all graces, Our Blessed Mother and Virgin mentioned in the Vatican II documents?
Minty, the last section of the Vatican II document “The Dogmatic Constitution of the Church” speaks of Mary and uses the title Mother of the Church. Ecumenical Councils have a very high level of authority, but each council doesn’t re-affirm every teaching of the Church or we would all be buried alive in paper!
Marilyn, how grievous for the world Our Perpetual Virgin Mother’s divine maternity found miserable little space in Vatican II documents. She who held the Holy of Holies, the Incarnate Word and penetrated the secrets of Christ’s heart got slashed. Mary, Virgin most pure, is desperately needed in an age when women hate their femininity. She who was born without original sin and the Handmaid of the Lord was not worth space according to the church that ‘subsists in’. Should anyone be surprised Her Magnificence has no space in a church that no longer “is” (Lumen gentium, para 8) as regarded by that council?
Minty,
I’m sure Our Lady will have submitted to the guidance of the Holy Spirit which directed said Council, and has not wasted time pouting b/c “miserable little space in V.II documents” was accorded to her. She trusts her Son’s promises.
It is not for the sake of the Mother of God who gave us the Word Incarnate, the dispenser of all graces, but for the many who do not know about Her divine assistance. That is the seriousness of the omission. Likewise, what followed is the abolishment of Her requests, devotions, prayers, Litanies, and examples of Her purity, modesty and humble posture.
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