Get it? Because it's Lent, but it's also Valentine's Day! Yes, yes, Valentine's Day is a made-up holiday, but it couldn't hurt to at least find out whether your beloved cares about it -- and if so, do something nice.
But not too nice! Because it's Lent!
Well, my husband and I are just gonna celebrate Valentine's Day on Sunday, because Sundayisn'treallypartofLent,there,Isaidit. But if you gotta do something today, here are a few ideas for how to combine romance and suffering, sweetness and pain.
CAROB Remember carob? It looks like chocolate that's been sitting in a dusty corner for a while, and it tastes like a chocolately dusty corner. Give your significant other a satiny, heart-shaped box packed with an assortment of carob, and you will be transmitting a powerful Lenten message: we must not be seduced by the passing allure of temporal things, for the sweetness of this world is but a ackkkk, blech, ptui, what is this?
QUEEN VICTORIA'S SECRET Nothing wrong with keeping that spark of romance alive in your marriage, so why not show your wife that you think she's still hot stuff? On the other hand, you don't want to get too carnal when Lent is just getting started. So try this easy trick: pick out something satiny or lacy, but at least four sizes too large. As the lucky lady opens the box, you can wiggle your eyebrows suggestively while explaining, "The way you've been packing it on lately, I figured I'd better be safe than sorry, whoo-eee!" I guarantee you, no sins of fleshly excess will threaten your evening. Unless you count "stabbing" as a sin of fleshly excess.
SEASONALLY APPROPRIATE FLOWERS Take a leaf from liturgical terrorists decorators around the country: go out back where the dumpsters are, pull up some dead grass, and add a few twiggy things and maybe a really scuzzy looking cattail. Stick it in a pot, preferably one that looks like grandma got into the clay again. Voila -- Lent flowers! In a similar vein, if you know your wife or girlfriend was hoping for perfume, you can substitute sand, because sand is symbolic and whatnot.
MEANINGFUL JEWELRY Any unimaginative bozo can stumble into the local jewelry franchise and pick out a diamond this or a ruby that. What you want is something that is not only decorative but also saturated in spiritual significance. So go ahead and rummage through the lost and found box sitting on the radiator at the back of the church. Maybe you'll find a nice, broken-in scapular, already "seasoned" with the holy liquid emanations of countless fervent necks. Or maybe you'll really luck out and discover a miraculous medal that's been so well-loved that the miraculous transformation is complete, and what was once Mary is now a holy manatee. Jackpot!
A LOVE LETTER TELLING YOUR BELOVED HOW YOU REALLY FEEL. . . about the state of his or her soul. True love doesn't sit by and let other people wallow in sin! Some simple ideas for showing how much you care: to prove just how well you know the one you love, consider a hand-penned examination of his or her conscience. Or you might assemble a "dream team" of patron saints which you will be assigning to the cause of your beloved's soul (St. Drogo, St. Fiacre and, of course, St. Jude spring to mind). Or, if inspiration fails you, there is nothing wrong with kifing a few lines from the classics. I suggest Jeremiah. There are also some really exquisite passages in Hosea.
Well, good luck. You're gonna need it.
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L! O! L!
This is brilliant, from beginning to end.
That said, I think we’ll wait until Sunday, too.
Gasping. For. Breath. You are too funny. In Lent you should give up being funny. You know, as penance?
KIDDING! Don’t you DARE.
This cracked me up!!!
I am cleaning our house for my husband. I know what it’s like to enter the house that’s been cleaned, and how nice that feels because I used to have a cleaning lady. I also hate to clean when my kids are home, so Lenten sacrifice and Valentine’s gift all in one. I just hope he doesn’t venture into the laundry room….
Simcha, as a still recent convert to the church, I was struggling with how to celebrate Valentine’s Day during Lent. Thank you so much. I am on my way to the health food store now. I wonder if my husband would slightly enjoy a soy based “fake steak?”
Happy St. Valentine’s Day sister. Soooo glad I didn’t give up your blog for lent (can’t give up ALL my vices).
You are awesome. Still.
It’s actually not a made up holiday! St. Valentine has been celebrated on 02/14 (actually there may be more than one) since the 5th Century.
The heck with all of you!! Today, I’m making heart shaped cupcakes with real chocolate frosting (right out of the can)! It’s Valentine’s Day!! Yes, it’s a made up holiday - but no more than Thanksgiving. It’s a day set aside one day a year to honor love.
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Eh, I’m just kidding. Kind of. Do what works for you and your family. And your conscience. In our family all celebrations - except religious ones, and Thanksgiving - are up for grabs in terms of the date. Mother’s Day,Father’s Day, Birthdays, Valentine’s Day, etc. usually end up on a weekend before or after the actual date. This year, February 14 actually works best for us.
Too funny!! I have given up candy for Lent, and Sunday still counts for me (sigh). I do make one exception - St. Joseph’s Day. But other than that, it’s ixnay for the sweets for me.
Is it just me or am I being overly critical? Why is it even on Catholic articles I keep on seeing the St. taken out of St. Valentine’s Day. We need to make sure we do not fall into sloth because of secular society taking a Catholic holiday and turning it into something it is not. I just loved the coupons in the paper for condoms and other “stuff” this past weekend. Ahh, the sexual revolution brought so much freedom. Not. Otherwise, I did get a chuckle from the article.
Before I rant, I should point out I thought this was hilarious.
Yeah, calling Valentine’s day a made up day is a weaker equivalent of calling Christmas a made up holiday. I mean, it IS a holy day, but… the traditions that grew up around it have morphed beyond intention and recognition. No, if you want a made up day: I give you October 18th—Sweetest day. THAT is invented out of whole cloth.
However, I’m fine with people getting rid of both of them—save for, you know, recognizing the saint. We could use his blessings, frankly. What with the state of marriage and what have you, a more fervent and meaningful prayer to St. Valentine is just what his sorry world needs—even if they are still sticky with butter-cream frosting and little pink hearts. :)
Besides, I’m a wee bit biased against the usual gush of this one, because my birthday is 4 days later.
Thanks for the chuckle - you have no idea how much I needed this today…
Valentines makes you particularly naughty. (Thank goodness I wasn’t foolish enough to give this up for Lent) It also brings relief that you evidently can’t be tamed by “The Holy and Pious Association of Good Catholic Mothers Who Are More Like Mary”. Whew.
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I loved the comments on “The Valentines Day Massacre” too. Jen’s made me wish I had read her comment first, before I packed my husband’s lunch and saw him off to work.
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I couldn’t help but laugh at your prior post, “Never darken my towels again”...where you threatened to stab your husband in the eye if he got you pregnant again—and his alleged response…Lol, wasn’t Benny born about 10 months later? :D
I don’t know why people are laughing. I thought this was really helpful advice. Excuse me while I make a list of my husband’s sins to help him with his next examination of conscience.
Then, of course, there’s this. http://tinyurl.com/bdepqnb (Hope y’all can see it.)
@anna lisa: shut up, it was at least 11 months! What can I say, he ducked.
Because nothing says “Happy St. Valentine’s Day!” like a lecture, I want to address the statement, “Sundayisn’treallypartofLent,there,Isaidit.”
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Simcha’s right, sort of.
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Actually the Sundays of Lent really are part of lent, which is why they’re called, you know, “First Sunday of Lent”, “Second Sunday of Lent”, and so on. However, when the discipline used to be fasting (one full meal only) throuout Lent, it was important for people to know that on Sundays they could eat three full meals and as much meat as their budgets (and stomachs) would allow.
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This has *nothing* to do with our personal disciplines.
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So, if someone, as a personal discipline, gives up desserts, one can relax that discipline at one’s discretion. Some people like to observe their personal disciplines even on Sundays, others will relax it for various feast days, family birthdays, etc. It’s all good, as long as what we’re doing helps us grow in holiness.
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So what I’m saying is, if someone brings you some roses today, it isn’t mandatory to cut off the blooms and weave yourself a crown of thorns!
You can negotiate with a terrorist decorator, though a good one is hard to find. The first time I ever saw tofu, on a bagel bar, I mistook it for cream cheese and ate it on a bagel.
@Freddy Thanks. Was wondering about Sundays during Lent.
Carob for Lent. PERFECT. Simcha, you nailed it.
All bark and no bite! And commendable determination on his part.
Our boys have recently developed an interest in St. Fiacre because there’s a garden statue of him at our church - from the “gardening angels.” ahem! blah!
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Does flat out asking my DH when was the last time he went to confession and telling him he needs to go count as “loving his soul”?
Clever. And humorous.
Roz: love it! This may also help: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/markshea/2013/02/puritanism-the-haunting-fear-that-someone-somewhere-is-happy.html
I was a real meany this year. The kids usually bake heart-shaped cookies and we have chocolate on St. Valentine’s Day. This year I told them ahead of time that we were not going to feast THE DAY AFTER ASH WEDNESDAY (for pete’s sake)! It’s not like birthdays or St. Joseph’s day, so they were fine with that. Although my ever optimistic and irrepressible 10yo came to me with a plan yesterday on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day: we could buy all the marked down candy after Thursday and save it for Sunday! Granted, it’s a good idea, but I did reprove him a little for already thinking about how to get out of his lenten penance on the first day of Lent. We’re in it for the long haul, honey.
You can also try making a nice creative dinner like the “Love Burger”
http://www.iphonephotophun.com/2013/02/10/photo-phun-the-love-burger/
Cackle!
My husband wasn’t allowed to move the celebration to Sunday, since it was also my birthday. All other Lenten obsevations were retained with the exception of the ban on chocolate and laughter.
Just kidding about the chocolate.
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