I am hung up on my not-so-Christian desire to smack anyone who thinks we are having kids because we are ignorant, just wanted a boy, or sex maniacs. Is it bad etiquette or Christian charity toward my fellow “breeders” to do such a thing? (Surely I am being very charitable for not smacking those who have called us “breeders.”)

What about the self-professed pro-life soldier at a Mass for Life who shoots death glares at your fussy 10 month old baby while you sweat and juggle and try not to cry (me, not the baby.  She was NOT trying not to cry)?  Is it okay to let the baby wipe her boogers on her back when she turns around?  Because it seems the obvious result of being pro-life would be a bunch of annoying kids annoying you at mass, but I guess she didn’t get the memo.

Along with the broken rosaries, scapulars, and headless statues, you forgot the infinity of holy cards.

I am so guilty of the sign of peace thing.    I detest it.    I try to pick up a child so I can just sort of smile or wave but my youngest is 4 now and I won’t really be able to do that much longer without looking like a weirdo. 

Peace be with you!  And also my ear infection.

How about those politically conservative friends who occasionally decide that a good way to amuse themselves would be to insinuate that you’re not really a good Catholic because you’re a registered Democrat who rejects half the platforms of both parties? Are you allowed to hiss at them about the fact that you tried to get a young pregnant friend in an abusive relationship (Catholic) crisis pregnancy counseling? Or can you just laugh in their faces because you know you confess all your sins (of which being a registered Democrat isn’t actually one) at least twice as frequently as any of them?

AMEN!!!! Simcha, I have read your wonderful articles for a while, but might I just say that this one makes me want to mix up a big pitcher of Sangria and invite you over! You always say what is rattling around in my gigantic cranium but cannot seem to make it’s way out of my equally enormous mouth. God bless you, girl! (I know, I know… ARGH!)

At the Easter Vigil, when my kids drop wax all over the pew in front of us, should I offer to have the guy’s suit cleaned when he sits on it?

I am so going to say, “He better!” from now on whenever anyone says, “God bless you.”

Or when you forget to bring your donation envelopes…do you look around awkwardly? Smile directly at the usher? Act like you didn’t even notice the basket and that’s why you didn’t give anything this week? We make it up the next week, I swear!

Preach it, Simcha. How about someone who approaches me after Mass, in front of a large crowd of fellow parishoners, to rake me over the coals for being married and not having children…then, after I’ve ‘fessed up to infertility, continues to rake me over the coals for not quitting my job and adopting immediately since my only possible vocation as a married woman is SAHM? Can I throw a very loud and public hissy fit at him for trying to play God and throw said fit in front of the pastor and all of his K of C buddies? That’s probably bad etiquette, huh?

And Christina- amen, sister. I’m not even a registered Democrat but since I haven’t jumped on the GOP/Tea Party bandwagon and since I’m a scientist, horror of horrors I must be a liberal commie pinko who has no place in the Church. I don’t even know what to say about that.

Yes, yes, yes. The prayer mouther! Ugh! Once I was trying to pray at adoration and someone in the back of the room was mouthing prayers so _wet_sounding that “Under the Sea” started playing in my mind and that was it for me. It was just, pray a little, beg forgiveness, pray a little , beg forgiveness… I also have a huge vase full of palm I tried to make into a nice arrangement, dating back to my conversion. It’s hard to dust, and I’m too embarrassed to bring a huge bag full of dusty palm to a church to be burned. Nit that I know of one that still does that.

I worry secretly that my habit of using whichever prayer card is closest as a book mark in my decidedly secular sci-fi novels is somehow irreverent. Do you think I have a problem? Maybe prayer cards should only be tucked into holy, impressive books like the Summa or something by St. Francis De Sales. But they are soooo handy and (since they are usually laminated) hold up much better than regular book marks.

Normally I like you, but why is is considered okay to use Tourette’s syndrome as a joke?  I know, nothing’s beyond a joke, cancer patients joke about cancer or they’d go nuts, but Tourette’s syndrome is quite real and has everything to do with an inability to control some motor tics, including speech, not about people who have the habit of using a phrase.  My husband deals with it daily and my eldest son is beginning his road down this bizarre path right now.  Making a joke about many other disorders would be considered incredibly rude (Seen a Down syndrome joke in polite company/good taste recently?  Yeah…), but this one is okay?  Believe me when I say that those with Tourette’s have true suffering and sometimes even physical pain because of it.  Your use of the word did not improve your humor and only shows a lack of charity to those attempting to offer up their trials with it on a daily basis.

Oh Simcha, I am a convert for three years now. I don’t have a
problem with the sign of peace or really anything with the church. I really do love it. But I do enjoy your articles. Very informative and very amusing.

Funny, as always. Just not bringing out the most charitable comments.

These points of etiquette sound a whole lot more like self-aggrandizing displays of piety.  I’m not sure I’d stress about anything but that box of sacramentals, holy cards, and fliers taken from shrines.  Those present real difficulty…and Father will look at you like you are off your rocker if you suggest he either bury or burn them, LOL

I learned a few years ago how to throw away old holy cards, rosaries, etc. Wait until trash day. Throw it all in a plastic bag. Stand there and say a prayer that you aren’t being disrespectful, but really, these aren’t helping anymore. Take it out to the curb right before the garbage man comes. That way you won’t have much time to feel guilty and get it all back. Except for blessed items. Save them for gardening time and plant them with the bulbs.

We won’t even bring up the homeschoolers…and I am one of them. 

I regularly feel compelled to follow around in their denim to the floor dust apologizing and trying to convince their most recent victim that “really, really we are not all like that!!”

@Brynne - I cringed as well as her uncharacteristic slip and use of Tourette’s.  I have a nephew who suffers as well so only know a bit of your daily pain.  May I say “Grace and strength to you and your men!” or am I showing my own lack of Catholic etiquette?  :-)

Ack - that box of holy cards and broken rosaries! My husband is a hoarder who never throws anything away, so when I suggested getting rid of the giant box of rosaries and prayer leaflets and stuff sent as freebies by charities asking for money, he looked at me like I was suggesting cannibalism.  I finally had to send it all to this pious lady on Craigslist who takes holy stuff for repurposing.  We ended up paying over $20 shipping just to get rid of the junk. (She actually offered to pay shipping, but it seemed unfair.)  If it were up to me I’d have done what Holly suggests.

Dwija, I’ve given up on quiet masses on sundays so I also attend weekday masses to get my peace with God.  Babies crying as long as parents take them outside if it goes over a minute is fine (paci’s and strollers work great) but the parents that allow their children to run up and down the isles is completely unacceptable.  Church is the house of God and it is a place of great reverence.  It’s not a daycare, concert house or gossip parlor. When I was in school if you moved you got smacked by the nuns.  What I personally would ask those who didn’t grow up being taught Catholic ettiquete shoved down their throats by nuns is this.  Enter the house of God like you could see Him sitting on his throne.  Show respect.  Genuflect. Kneel.  Sing his praises.  Focus on HIM while you are there.  If you get distracted then you aren’t getting out of the mass what you should. Discipline quietly your children during the mass so they also get that it is a place of silence and reverence.  With my daughter between the ages of 2 and 4 she stayed home with my mom because she wouldn’t sit still but that was my choice and I was able to do it.  Then after that she always went with me and learned the discipline - to the point if today I knudge her lovingly during mass she gives me the same look the nuns did :)  As far as breeding goes..BREED Away - we are assured to take over as the majority as those who believe in not having children or abortions will leave this earth without offspring for them to poison their minds…..and ALL babies are a blessing :)

I collect broken rosaries and old medals, and reuse (“upcycle”) them to make Catholic jewelry.  I’m happy to relieve anyone of such unwanted treasures.  I try to make things that honor the Faith - no crucifix nose rings or that sort of thing

Sorry to repost but just realized that my last message doesn’t include an email address - its AxisMundiDesigns@gmail.com

Great stuff! Love your writing, Simcha. But…why the “Touretters” line? Hate to sound overly sensitive but the majority of people with Tourettes don’t exhibit the explosive-swearing characteristics lampooned here, and the perpetuation of the stereotype is extremely hurtful to those who suffer from this and other neurological disorders (and to those of us in their families). Just wanted to throw that out there. God bless! ;)

No, Holly, you don’t throw sacramentals into the garbage. You dispose of them either by burning or burying. It’s really not that hard to find a spot in the back yard, dig a little hole, and dump everything in. Never have to think about them again.

And if you’re finding you’re accumulating too many broken rosaries, statues, etc., then don’t get so many anymore, and keep them away from little kids who might break them.

Well, I’m no Catholic Emily Post, but I’ve been around for a while, so maybe I can help!

1. Letter writing: The “JMJ” or “AMDG” on a letter is supposed to be a reminder to the writer, not the reader, so avoid using on death threats or other business correspondence.

2. God Bless: Should only be used at the end of a visit between family or friends. (As in, “God bless you Simcha, see you next year!”) Also okay for sneezes and life saving (anything from, “You rescued me from the icy water - God bless you!” to “You’re picking up my kids, too? God bless you!”)

3. Whisperers and bead clatterers: See St. Therese the Little Flower, who also had to deal with this.

3. Confession: No bartering. Really. But you could always invite him to dinner (outside the confessional) and then cancel ‘cause you don’t have time to cook since you’re too busy with your penance!

4. Accosted by wobbly old men: Make it obvious that you’re NURSING. Help baby “kick” off the blanket.  If he still doesn’t retreat from terminal embarrassment, take the stupid pamphlet. Give soulful look and say God bless you! Dispose of pamphlet at home.

5. Weddings: Talk to your priest.  If you still have to go, buy the biggest crucifix you can for a gift.  If the box is big enough, use all those old holy cards, medals and rosary beads as filler.

God bless you!

Thank you for writing this!  It sounds like you know my family to a T.  Just splendid ;)

Immuno_geek- I normally just remind those folks that I get enough flack from liberals and other Democrats, and that I certainly don’t need it from anyone else. If you’re being faithful to Holy Mother Church, you needn’t have to wave your bona fides at anyone, you don’t owe them the satisfaction of getting to you, and they certainly don’t deserve it.

I think I’ve run into that same lady at adoration. On the other hand, I suspect I am also responsible for a particular point of what not to do in an article about how to take communion that appeared in our diocesan paper a number of years ago, so I suppose we’re all that lady once in a while.

I too, would take any holy cards, medals and rosaries that anyone wants to send my way!  (gertyp44@yahoo.com)

I am so glad I’m older than the hills, an almost cradle Catholic (4 years old when Baptised, and 6 years of wonderful Franciscan Nuns (from Allegheny, NY, the best of the best, Thanks Sr. Alice Mary Gallagher+, Sr. John Aloysius Drake +, and Mother Olivia Gallagher +),
and am becoming genuinely more deaf by the day.  Was only selectively deaf before the real McCoy set in!

I don’t pay any attention to the quasi-super Catholics who are more knowledgable and holier than the Pope.  As long as you are okay with God and the Church then you owe your seatmates nothing in explaining your number of or lack of children.

Mother and Dad had 10 children and managed to rear us in the Church.  We were quiet during Mass or we caught the dickens not only from them but also from our beloved pastors, most particularly, Fr. Peter Sheridan, OFM + and the nuns when we returned to school on the following monday.

I realize that now most folks aren’t blessed with pastors who are allowed to thump heads and nuns who could, always with love, scare you to quaking for the fear of God if we weren’t “proper and reverend.”

Holly,
Give the holy objects, sacramentals, to a priest who can use them to help others.  Or, if they are beyond use, burn them.  Axismundi has a good idea as well.  You just don’t barter or manipulate a priest in the confessional for a lighter penance.

Simcha, pray the prayer of the “seven bleeding virtues” at least once. My sisters pray anything they can get as they raise their children.  Instead of writing JMJ on your letter to the American Standard CO. You could wrap the letter around a fish and then add JMJ, but you don’t seem Sicilian.

From (mostly) personal experience, I offer:
1. Sign of Peace can be awkward, especially if you’re shy or it’s flu season.
2. Why would anyone ever want to use +JMJ+ in their correspondence unless they were a living their religious vocation? It seems rather smug otherwise.
3. I take all the “God Blesses” I can get!
4. Awww, you can handle a fervently praying woman with a Rosary. Or, you can move to another pew!
5. Take the penance that’s dealt you, or go priest shopping for confession.
6. Take the pamplet, say the prayer, then pray for him and for your own patience with people like him.
7. Go to the wedding, don’t make any assumptions, and give an appropriate & tasteful gift.
8. And do your best to always mind your manners. And properly dispose of all those “bits”—good suggestions already given by others.
Best of luck with your walk with Christ! God Bless! :)

I understand that you are a humorist and as such earn a living by poking fun at humourous situations, but to ridicule the woman at Adoration and use a painful condition like tourettes to mock those who are trying to call God’s blessings upon you makes no sense to me.  I know the old women at Adoration who pray aloud.  They are in anguish because so many of their children and grandchildren have left the faith.  They are also usually old and a bit deaf and no longer realize that, in their pain, they are praying out loud.  When I am in Adoration with them, I usually pray for their intentions.

My cousin suffered from tourettes all his life.  He was so ashamed of his condition that he went to great lengths to hide his tics and became a recluse.  It is just not funny.

I am not trying to be uncharitable, but feel as though I may if I continue so I will simply say that I think we are all better than this.

I love your writing.  You are so funny and right about all things Catholic.  I wish you’d been around when I was a young mom.

I do have a son with Tourette Syndrome, and I ask you to think twice before you use that term again.  I made the same sort of jokes before my son’s diagnosis, though I regret them now :)

And I love the suggestion about Retrouvaille coupons as wedding gifts.  Let me know where to get them!

To Eileen: On the sign of peace thing, I guess it’s time to have another baby (then you can avoid the sign of peace for a couple of years longer) ;)

I had a whole pillowcase stuffed with used-falling-apart religious items, including a beautiful Infant Jesus statue that had been broken.  I tried to discard some of the holy cards and blessed rosaries (that we didn’t use) at church but that never seemed to go so smoothly. One, you’d try to drop them off discreetly, but that was never easy OR two, I’d drop some near the door and they’d be there for ages (obviously no one at the parish to take care of them either). Eventually we had some construction work done in our yard and my husband told me one day that they threw the big pillowcase into the ground and buried it. I was delighted (as I know that to dispose of blessed religious items properly you have two choices: to burn them or to bury them). So now they were buried.  As to the holy cards that are ripped or just not used, I end up ripping those up and tossing them now.

I remember the dear Carmelite Sisters told me that they would tear up Scripture verses or anything religious (that wasn’t blessed) and toss them that way. I guess that goes for religious books as well (or magazines). So just rip them quickly and toss. They will be buried anyway at the landfill and you are NOT doing them in spite or anger, so it’s not like you are disposing of it improperly. :)

When someone tells me “God bless” I usually answer “He does.”  Usually I get a double-take because they weren’t actually thinking about what they were saying.  But, well—He does!  Religious items are great for handing out to kids.  I’ve often thought of carrying around a few and handing them to the kids nearby who are behaving badly.  Speaking of which, it seems like ANY time anyone mentions their kids causing glares at church, someone’s got to jump in and say, “Oh yes!  Bring your kids!  We love kids!  But your kids had better be well-behaved.”  The fact is, there is a stage of a kid’s life when they just won’t be.  They’re not capable of sitting still, being quiet, etc.  Some people have mellow kids, or helpful grandmas who stay home, or whatever, but some of us are juggling more than one kid (so it’s hard to take them out as fast as the scowlers would like) with little help (‘cause I don’t see anyone volunteering, sadly) and would really rather get through the Mass with as few glares as possible.  Next time you see a “badly behaved” child, why not offer to help them (say, approach after Mass and say, “Would your older kids like to sit with me so you have your hands free for the littles?” or whatever you think is polite and appropriate), hand them a holy card, or say a prayer for their patience and perseverance in raising God’s children?

@Brynne Sutton, and an open letter to all:

.

First, I most sincerely apologize for using the term “Touretter.”  I did not know it was considered derogatory, and would not have used it if I had known.  I really am sorry.  To be honest, I posted the piece on Thursday because I was planning to be at the beach all day, and thought, “Here’s a silly little puff piece that won’t cause any trouble while I’m gone!” 

.

A few other readers objected to the joke I made, and I am not quite sure how to respond, because I’m not sure if the problem was the word “Touretter” or just the reference to the disease in general.  If the latter is true, I’m not entirely convinced that I did something wrong.  Let me explain why.

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I do not deliberately hurt people, especially people who are already injured or suffering (the vasectomy post was a hard lesson for me).  I would not make fun of someone with a disease, and I would like to point out that, in this post, I was not making fun of people who suffer from Tourette’s; I was making fun of people who yelp, “God bless!” and comparing their apparently involuntary remark with the involuntary tics of people suffering from Tourette’s.  (I understand that some people consider it uncharitable to poke fun at anyone at all, but I simply don’t agree with that.)

.

So my intention is never to hurt people.  I do, however, try to use colorful and descriptive language.  There is a difference between using language that encourages people to disrespect the disabled, and simply drawing on the human condition as a way of speaking about what life is like.  (I realize this sounds very high-flown for what was, after all, just a dumb joke; but I’ve been trying to extract the general principle from this question.) 

.

I have a child (possibly two) with a neurological disorder.  For their privacy, I will not be specific, but I can assure you that it is a condition which is both popularly misunderstood and routinely used as a punchline.  Sometimes my feelings are wounded by something I read, but I recognize that my own circumstances and sensitivities are not the best way to measure the standards of behavior for everyone else. 

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The terminology of disease has great power as figurative language:  so we say something is a “cancer on society” or someone suffers “spasms of guilt.”  I could see using “aneurism” or “bulemia” or “amnesia” or “schizophrenia” as analogies for human behavior; and while these might be painful to someone whose loved one is suffering these conditions, does that make them off limits as figurative language?  What if I had simply referred, in the original post, to someone with a tic, without saying “Tourette’s?” Was it just the medical specificity that made my phrase objectionable? 

.

And going beyond medical terminology:  What about phrases like “he’s imprisoned by an ideology”—is that insensitive to people whose loved ones are physically incarcerated?  What if I said someone’s “tortured by guilt”—must I apologize to the families of actual torture victims?  These are familiar turns of phrase, but it is just the familiarity that makes them acceptable?  Do words pass from offensive to descriptive after a certain amount of exposure?  Or what?

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This is a sincere question:  why are some terms allowed, while others are offensive and unacceptable?  Please don’t say, “Well, just be on the safe side, and try never to offend anyone.”  Literally 80% of what I write offends someone, and readers demand apologies and retractions regularly.  I can’t define “offensive” as “something that offends someone,” because then I’d never be able to write anything at all.  Yes, I realize that my writing bothers some people; no, that doesn’t prove that I’ve done anything wrong.

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I sometimes get comments from readers who are offended by everything I’ve ever written.  While these are irritating, they are at least more consistent than the letters from people who think 95% of what I say is fine and funny and insightful . . . until I say something which appears to be about them—and then they protest that I’ve gone too far.  Or worse, they think it’s fine to mock and jeer at secular people, but gasp in horror at even the mildest poke at a fellow Catholic.  I think this has less to do with me being insensitive, and more to do with people mistaking their own sensitivities for a universal truth.

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I am truly open to hearing that I am wrong; but if you think I am wrong, I would be very interested to hear why—what is the principle at work, and how is a writer supposed to know what is over the line?

You think discarding old scapulars, holy cards, etc., is tough…  What about all the religious stuff that comes in the mail?  I used to send money but then realized that just made things worse.  I tried sending them back but their envelopes are not “return postage”... It makes me feel really guilty to keep the stuff (which I really don’t need).. I now bring the stuff to Church & leave it in the little basket in the ladies room!

Simcha:

For what it’s worth, I did not find your comment wrong. Or over the top. Or offensive. There is indeed a difference between figurative language (your use) and offensive comments. As to why the reading public has become so thin-skinned these days - and sorry, but that’s what these comments were - I can only speculate that since it’s easier to type a comment than it is to write a letter to the editor and send it by snail mail, people feel free to comment about anything that bugs them. I can understand the instinct to defend one’s children from hurtful comments, but believe me, this is not that situation. Readers, tone it down.

I was waiting to hear how you would respond to the offended individuals.  I am delightfully surprised.  To me it seemed as if your words should not have been offensive, but then I could not find the logical defense.  I think you handled yourself very well.  Thank you for your explanation.  I am a new to your readership and have been smitten by your insights.

As a religious education teacher I recommend seeing if your Sunday school or religious education program could use extra rosaries, etc. I taught all of those five-year-old how to say transubstantiation (and what it was) through the use of religious item incentives. Works almost as well as candy!

On a more serious note, rosaries can be helpful. Many of my students didn’t have a rosary to use; and I’m not well off enough to go buy the whole class rosaries.

When I was reading this article I was wondering if she wrote it just to see how many silly/cute, “I’ve got to one-up the last gal” responses she could evoke.  Well, she was successful.  For Christina.  I guess it’s OK to be Democrat, just remember the five “non-negotiables” when you pull the lever.

In regards to that box of sweaty scapulars and broken rosaries!! AND unsolicited magnets and other religious paraphanalia… I used to be very lax about it - but my husband saves EVERY ONE!!!... you know, it’s a religious image! I am starting to severely judge the intentions of those who create such kitschy hate mail and cringe when I get a nice fat envelope in the mail that has a picture of Our Lady on every sheet of paper!!  I’ve taken to not opening them and just putting them in the trash (ignorance is bliss, right?) or saving them for a nice fire.  The absolute worst thing to dispose of though, is the box of ugly glass or plastic candle holders that have hideous pictures of Our Lady or the Sacred Heart on them.  Since these cannot be burned, they have to be buried, I think.  And so, in fear of defacing a sacred image, they are reverently collecting dust at the back of a closet somewhere.  I wish the Tribunal would take up the case of people who create bad religious art and mass produce it - why haven’t the environmentalist go after them??? Ugh ugh ugh… my days of bliss were when I would keep palms from Palm Sunday around for years because I couldn’t throw them out!!!

I forgot about those palms - even though I have them clinging to every frame in the house!

I think the week before the church burns them, they should openly invite us to bring our dried up old fronds… or maybe they do & I haven’t been paying attention?

Affirmative Action Time from a Catholic representing the “male persuasion:” Yes, I noticed the increasing number of male names, even a good Father’s contribution, (one at least in my fast-scrolling down.)
No matter how many extra Rosaries you have left around, prayer cards, Bibles, old Missals (especially those “we were bilingual before it was cool to be bilingual” LATIN/ENGLISH side-by-side editions, St. Joseph’s being the tops), Crucifixes—even the very cheapie-looking types tossed in fundraising envelopes you didn’t ask for in the first place because you know, as we all do these clever churchy fundraising marketeers are playing on our “Catholic guilt-trip thing”) and who knows what else at the end of the lower-price range ... do as the good padre suggested, bring them directly to your parish priest. Right to his rectory’s door step, or if the office is open, right to his parish secretary’s attention.
  It might not make her morning, but she’ll know were to put it, smack dab on a table strategically located where people can best find them coming in or heading out of the church after Mass or private prayers, etc.
  See, no more guilt trips, no more even having to put them out on a table or lawn blanket during flea-market/yard n’ lawn sales. (WOW, talk about taking chances with one’s conscience, especially after reading about Jesus being the first person to use the “carry a big stick” philosophy long before Teddy Roosevelt and Sheriff Buford Pusser (“Walking Tall.”)
  If you so happen to have heirloom quality items, (and they don’t have to be expensive, just one of kind, or a hard to readily obtain, item, such as a hand-carved Crucifix from Bavaria, creche set, etc., put them in your will or simply give them to somebody else close to you, i.e. sibling, niece, nephew,friend, or even your parish that might be looking to obtain its first, or replace its aging creche display, etc.
  One more thing, and this is really a matter of respecting religious etiquette and respect for religious art as well: Be very picky and choosy as to which Protestant or other non-Catholic person in your immediate family or people you know. While they certainly will, if they’re really that close and friendly to begin with, respect the totality of what you’re giving them, what are the chances that somebody they’ve married, or their kids, e/a “down the line” so to speak, will do likewise? Best bets are conservative traditionalist Anglicans, Lutherans, even moderately conservative (i.e., not necessarily Biblical literalists)but even Evangelicals who aren’t so hung up on all our supposed “predilictions towards idolatry.”
  Sad to admit this about a lot of Catholics who’ve been Americanized right to the point they’re SO into the Post Vatican II’s cultural equal to diet milk and the lowest-grade vanilla ice cream ... but you DON’T want to leave any “Catholic-y” religious items in their hands. Uh uh! The next thing you know, they’ll be putting out on an old hole-ly blanket spread out on somebody’s yard sale section for the “minor trinkets” and a hard-core Evangelical will swoop it up for almost pennies so he or she can brag at his church’s (or to be more contemporary, “worship facility’s”) summer picnic about “some trinket representing ‘old Catholic’ idolatry junk” he picked up “for a steal” the week before.
  We get teased a lot about the “old Catholic guilt trip,” but don’t you think allowing something like this to happen should bring on at least a bit of this once-thought-to-be-eradicated-malady-and-remnant-of-old-Pre-Vatican II-mentality TO REMIND US NOT TO ALLOW OUR PEARLS TO FIND THEIR WAY INTO THE HANDS OF INFIDELS AND CULTURAL PHILISTINES?
  Think! If we allow more of this to happen, who can blame any loyalist Catholic or even outraged and (in some cases, (more)intelligent non-Catholics sophisticated enough to understand what pearls we have developed at great prices for so many years, only to have been so cavalierly tossed in the direction of insufficiently informed, or worse, boorish oinkers with deconstructive and other signs of cultural crassness ... for calling on the Vatican to institute a “HOLY OFFICE of INQUISITION for Investigating the Improper Distribution, Mishandling and disrespectful Disposal of Religious Artifacts.”
  But please, for His sake, and that of your soul, and peace of mind, avoid the flea-market level, or worse, taking them to the next level between here and ... hell, I’m sure you guys get the clue. LOL. Your eyes, hearts, and souls have already been impacted; now you even get to protect your minds from the guilt of mis-directed redistribution of these religious artifacts.
  Let’s all think of not only the “what,” but the WHO they represent and the WHY it’s so important to be at least RESPECTFUL of these three W’s before the big Huge MISTAKE of mis/HANDLING these artifacts occurs.

Anytime I feel uncomfortable about the sign of the peace time I just remind myself that’s it’s 100x better than the “Let’s all small talk for 5 minutes” protestant version I grew up with.  Nothing like small talk to make you feel all worshippy inside.  I was very glad to leave that behind.

Super quick, since it’s the first day with some of my brood back at school and I need to do a ton.  I also didn’t find this until today because my kids needed lots of attention right before school.  I appreciate that you’re honestly interested in hearing my point of view.

1) When you use it to describe involuntary speech, you’re perpetuating a stereotype about TS that simply isn’t true.  It’s the popular media depiction (LA Law, 20/20) because it is dramatic and makes for a nice episode of a show.  My husband has been asked by tons of people if he’s going to randomly yell things, sometimes nicely, sometimes not.  Most people with TS don’t have that symptom.  So that’s why I felt it crossed the line.

2) Although nervous utterances may be ill thought out or poorly timed or not what you meant to say, they’re not involuntary. Tics are.  So the word isn’t even an appropriate fit.  When you gave the example of “cancer on society” the term fits.  Most people with cancer, my mom included, would say that cancer is something invasive with negative effects and difficult to eradicate.  The exact same meaning. 

3) To the person who said that people who take offense once it hits them and think everything else is funny, that I was too thin skinned, those perceptions affect my kid.  He’s 7 and his skin isn’t that thick yet.  So yes, I will continue to try to educate people about misuse of the word Tourettes. 

4) As far as trying to make all speech inoffensive, a friend I discussed this with insisted that since “retarded” means ” Occurring or developing later than desired or expected; delayed.” that using it to describe a person of normal development when they are doing something in a stupid manner is appropriate use.  What he’s saying is logically consistent.  There’s a giant campaign right now at r-word.org to stop the use of the word “retard” because it’s hurtful.  Would you use that word in a column?  It’s logically consistent with using “Touretter.”  When characterizing people for the sake of humor, I personally think that you’re crossing the line when it’s something beyond a person’s control.  Hey, that guy with an oxygen tank was too loud, or the woman with Parkinson’s was rattling her rosary.  Not funny. 

5) My husband has a no blog commenting policy for himself, so he asked me to say this, especially since this is technically EWTN.  Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.

Simcha,

Very funny article!  I have a tendency to take myself too seriously.  I laughed all the way through this one.  Thank You!

Thank you for my first belly laugh of the day. Glad I found this site! :)

Thank you for the laugh today. I enjoyed the article. You made a great point in your comment: it’s all fun and games until an individual’s particular sensitivity is tapped. The other day I heard one should not say “adopt a highway,” “adopt a policy,” or “adopt a curriculum.” I ran it by my husband, who is adopted, and he just. didn’t. get. it. “You are supposed to be offended,” I said. “I don’t have time for that,” he shrugged. Ah, well. ;)

I wonder if instead of policing our neighbor’s speech, we should practice the humility of learning not to take offense especially where no offense is meant. I’ll need to check, but taking offense at a careless mention of an issue might be a form of pride.

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