I'm writing an article for Catholic Digest about end-of-life issues. To be more precise, I'm finally writing this article. I was putting it off because (a) I'm lazy, (b) it involved conducting interviews, and I get very nervous talking on the phone, (c) it seemed like a depressing topic, (d) I was petrified of getting some detail wrong, leading readers astray, and causing the needless deaths of countless helpless grandmas, and most of all because (e) I was scared. Scared of finding out exactly what the Church actually teaches.
I knew the secular ideas of Church teaching were wrong. I knew that the Church is not cruel or heartless, and I knew that her teachings are derived from hundreds of years of rigorous scholarship, and are guided by the Holy Spirit. I knew that sometimes people suffer needlessly because people misunderstand Church teaching.
But I also knew, without even realizing I was thinking this way, that what God wanted from us was awful. Or, in the older sense, awe-ful. Scary, hard, intractable, too much to bear. Without realizing I was thinking this way, I thought I'd have to massage the facts into something more palatable for the general public, so as not to scare people away from fidelity to the Church.
Yep, I thought God would need my help.
I did five interviews in three days, I read the catechism, I looked up the relevant documents, and I got some clarification from Rich Doerflinger. I did my research with the same internal posture as I take on externally when I'm watching a horror movie that everybody says is really, really good and I shouldn't miss: I was tense, defensive, ready to cover my eyes as the hero slo-o-o-o-owly opens the door to see what's inside the creepy old shack in the woods.
So, I opened the door. I found out what the Church really says about end-of-life issues -- how to make the decisions, how to care for people, how to do your best to strike the balance between letting technology do its job and letting nature take its course.
Guess what the Church teaches? God loves you. He loves life. He has life to share, and He shares the light of His eternal life by sending the Church as a support when we are weak. He sends the Holy Spirit into the ICU and the NICU with the respirators and dialysis machines, into the womb that holds the anencephalic child, into the hospice room with the 80-pound man who no longer wants or needs to eat.
And because He is a God who loves, He is a God who grieves -- not only for the sick and the dying, but for the living, who have to carry the burden of their decisions after sitting up night after night without sleeping, without a change of clothes, without knowing clearly if they are causing pain or bringing relief to the ones they love. That every life is valuable, and that includes the lives of caregivers. He enlightens the minds of nurses. He strengthens the hearts of parents. He brings clarity to grown children. And He grieves.
What I learned is that the Church teaches, "God loves you, God loves you, God loves you." Always and forever, in the darkness of doubt, and in the light of the truth. This is what is at the heart of all the teachings of the Church; this is what we will always see when we force ourselves to uncover our eyes and watch the story as it unfolds:
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs —
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.
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Lovely, thank you.Gerard Manley Hopkins is one of my favorite poets.I actually named one of my children after him.
I heard on Catholic radio there’s another euthanasia battle looming in New England, this time in Vermont.
Interesting. I’ve always thought of the Church’s approach to death and dying as extremely compassionate. And I’m not one to put rose colored glasses on when contemplating my faith.
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A hospital is no place to die. It is a blessing to die in one’s own home surrounded by family. Having dealt with 3 different hospice agencies for three different family members I know the approach of the agency as well as that of the individual staff members varies greatly. To be sure there are the angels of death disguised as health care workers who are eager to eliminate the patient’s suffering and hasten death, but for the most part the nurses and staff of hospice are wonderful, faith filled individuals helping families during a very special phase of life.
Oh Simcha, I remember this poem so well from the TMI summer program! I have had a special place on my shelf for GMHopkins ever since. I have found the Church’s teachings on end of life issues beautiful and balanced, too, and used to think of it as something distant and unlikely, but in the last decade have found that it was very relevant to my family’s life. I know it will come up again and again, as there is such a great deal of confusion even with very compassionate people. I am so, so grateful for the firm and loving guidance the Church gives us!
Isn’t God wonderful! His Church’s teaching is palatable because, “God loves you, God loves you, God loves you.” God is love. Beautifully written, Simcha, such an honest sharing about our fears until we learn God’s ways. Thanks for sharing Truth.
“Anencephalic” not anenchepalic. Spell check doesn’t recognize either…
I am confident that your article will do a wonderful job of explaining the truth with compassion. Thank you, Simcha.
@Salome Ellen - thanks, good catch.
Eileen ,
I agree about hospice care-it just depends.The overall idea is a very good one, but my personal experience was that too many hospice workers see themselves-as you say-as some kind of angels of death on a mission.It’s almost a form of religion to them.It really creeped me out.
I actually found the hospital nurses much more caring & optimistic.But again, that could just depend, too.
Many hospice staff have read Elisabeth Kubler-Ross & are influenced by her philosophy.She had some valid things to say but was also deeply involved in New Age/occult beliefs & I think that has colored the whole “Death & Dieing” field to some extent.
i have had some really good insights lately. One being we are here for less that 100 yrs. (usually) BUT eternity is forever.
We ALL have our cross to bear, just as Christ did. Remember Him telling the holy women who were crying for Him “don’t cry for me, but for yourselves and your chilren”!? It all depends on how we accept that cross or not.
When we don’t accept our cross and have abortins, eutanasia, steal, adultry all of the commandments—then we have to pay the penalty of losing our souls to hell.
Our time on earth is a test - we have the option to choose where we would like to spend our eternity. Heaven will be living with all people who have chosen to accept their cross and get God’s approval. We must impart this to those who don’t know it. I feel very sorry for those who have never had the opportunity to discover God’s way. One of our duties -is to tell them!
PLEASE GOD ENLIGHTEN YOUR “SHEEP” HAVE MERCY ON US!
I also cringe from the *idea* of something awful. What changed my life however, was being in a situation where I was able to confront the pain of a death which comes too soon, and feel the strength of the Holy Spirit surrounding me. I have much more confidence now, and know to “lean into” the cross.
Here’s an end-of-life issue: say I approach a car accident and see 2 people pinned. If I don’t push the car forward, someone under it will die; but if I do push the car forward, the person pinned between the bumpers will bleed out and die; in either case, someone will die before assistance arrives. If I push the car, do I intend the death of the pinned man? Only as a forseeable side-effect; not for itself, and not as a means. But because of this, couldn’t NFP possibly be viewed as an intentionally anti-any-child contraceptive instead of its rightful use as a preventative measure against the effects of a future child? In the latter case, the charting and abstaining would equate to the car-pushing, but that action could be used either to protect a good or attack one.
From Duns Scotus, one of the smartest medieval chuchmen, we derive the appellation “Duns” (dunce).
Thick as a brick.
@ anna lisa—“leaning into the cross”—a beautiful image. Reminded me of childbirth. And in both situations, we look forward to the other side.
You summed up my conclusion having dealt with a very complicated death of my uncle two years ago. With so much mixed advice from hospice and doctors, the church proved to be an amazing , clear bright guide through the whole mess. I luckily had an angel of a priest to steer me when my emotions got in the way. Looking back, I would have screwed up without that guidance. It all ended, I believe, exactly the way God intended for both my uncle and all his family and caregivers. Having experienced the “death angel” attitudes, I am convinced that the governments HHS mandate is a preemptive attempt to get the church (and it’s teaching) out of the way in order to deal with future end of life policies. It’s much easier to win a battle over contraception than to fight the church when lives are involved.
I am a Catholic critical care physician who deals with end of life issues daily. While it is a given that God loves us, It has been my experience that families need more specific direction in deciding how to do the morally right thing. What the Church teaches is really simple:
We can never choose directly to die, meaning take an action with the intent to cause death. This is the equivalent of suicide and is seriously sinful. We are not obligated to use every possible treatment to extend life. We are allowed to forgo treatments when the burdens of the treatment exceed the benefits. In that situation what we will is not death directly, but rather we wish to forgo the burdens of the treatment. ( Even if we know that death will result) Sometimes it is merely that the treatment offers so little in the way of benefit that any burden is sufficient to allow us to forgo it. The burden of the treatment includes burdens experienced by the family as well as the patient, and includes physical, psychological and even financial burdens. This is the teaching in a nutshell. It really gives pretty broad latitude and freedom for individuals to accept or refuse treatments. The best approach is to have an individual who understands the teachings of the Church as your durable power of attorney for health care, in place so they can make decisions for you if you can not. IT is helpful as well if you have a physician involved in your care who understands and respects the teaching of the Church regarding end of life issues.
A timely post for many of us. Already I have had to deal with the deaths of my father and mother. Being the oldest of their children I have for some time now been living daily with the thought of the particular judgment in the back of my mind.
Thank you for approaching this topic. I have been a hospice nurse for a number of years and have run into just about every conceivable response to hospice. We are not angels or murderers. Most of us work really hard to help our patients live whatever time they have left as comfortably as possible. I think nowhere are our cultural stereotypes as unrealistic as they are in end of life care.
As a Catholic, I work to clearly understand and live my faith and to do my work and not use one to cancel out the other. As you made so beautifully clear, the Church is big enough and strong enough to deal with the hard issues.
Wish I had something beautiful to say in response to this beautiful post.
God bless you and what you do Dawn. Our hospice experience was really good but I can’t say that for our hospital times.
My Grammie died this past summer. She was in a hospice center. So many graces through a time when we were tormented with so many gut-wrenching decisions- amazing the presence of God when we turn to Him!
We arrived at the hospice center and the same day, a little baby bird in the atrium fell to the bottom of the cage. Everyone wondered and worried about what to do with that little bird… much like our decisions at hospice. We all linked that bird somehow to our animal loving Grammie. On the day that Grammie passed away, we all noticed that the bird was no longer at the bottom of the cage…it had not died - but had learned to fly! Oh Grammie-praise be to God for Jesus who makes our flight to Heaven possible. Ah, thank you, Bright Wings :-)
Great article to pass on to the next person that complains that their pastor only ever preaches about how God loves us.
my husband is director of spiritual care at our local Catholic hospital- two tips for those suffering:
1. please don’t refuse anointing of the sick when it is offered. This does not mean that you will die right after receiving the sacrament. Also- it can be impossible to get a priest at 2 in the morning and your loved one looks like he is finally going to leave this earth
2. If you can, try to go home. The Church does not insist that you have to do heroic measures for 95 year old grandma (or if you insist- at least listen when the doctor tells you want he/she will need to do to bring her back)
On my blog, I often write about my now four year old’s NICU stay. God was cleaarly present there, at the beginning of life (too soon!) and, for some, when the end came so close to the beginning. I have never felt God’s love, or understood the church’s teachings on the end, beginning and middle of life as I have since his birth.
This is a profound post.
Our 80-year-old mother had copd and vascular dementia that affected her short-term memory. When her breathing became so bad that she ended up in the hospital with a bi-pap on one mother’s day, she begged to have it taken off. We knew it was time for hospice. It was the best decision we ever made.
We took her to the Hospice House in Cleveland. She had a loveley room on the lake and she thought she was on vacation. The staff was fabulous. A priest came in to say mass one day for whomever wanted to join. (My sister’s phone went off at the elevation—kind of funny.)
The medicine they gave her took away her air hunger and she was relaxed and smiling and chatting. All of her children and sisters and friends came to see her. We had several wonderful days with her, and she even began having near-death visitations—Jesus, colors, people in the room. It was beautiful and fascinating. She said two little boys kept coming to visit her at her bedside. Oddly enough, she’d had five sons, two daughters, and two miscarriages—could it have been the two she lost?
Her death was one of the best experiences of my life—a much shorter period than she would have had living on a bi-pap machine, but the quality of it was unbelievable!
Wonderfully profound. Thick—like honey.
Beautiful post. I love GMH.
According to Aquinas, terms like “grieve” are anthropopathisms when even Scripture uses them of God ” do not grieve the Holy Spirit in whom you were sealed for the day of redemption”. God is in perfect joy. He does not grieve except when He came down as Word…as Christ. Aquinas said God is changeless so that emotions that come and go are not in Him….including anger which scripture uses of Him metaphorically not really. He is constant Love without change though He will put you eternally in the place you chose even if it is hell. Those inclined to post private revelations of saints to the contrary…do research…private revelations are not binding on Catholics. I think Aquinas best on this. God is constantly joyful and constantly Love but during that He wills punishments by willing a just universe.
Seconding RichardC’s comment.
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