You know why January 1 is a holiday, right? It was instituted to commemorate the deification of Julius Caesar.
Now, far be it from me to suggest that this year’s presidential candidates should honor the memory of our ancient Roman forebears by thinking of the good of the Republic and then, I don’t know, stabbing each other to death.
I do have some advice for them, though. I’m offering ready-made New Year’s resolutions for the folks who— oh, I can hardly bear to make my sad, disbelieving fingers type these words—might be our next president:
NEWT GINGRICH: First, so as not to appear biased, I want to put to rest once and for all the dastardly rumor that Mr. Gingrich divorced his...READ MORE