Mary Sees Us

Thursday, September 15, 2011 8:17 AM Comments (192)

“Just try to imitate the Blessed Virgin,” my old pastor would always counsel me. This was when I was a teenager struggling with all the usual teenager sins. The only thing I could see that Mary and I had in common was the color blue: her mantle, my hair. So his advice, while technically excellent, was entirely unhelpful.

When I became a mother, I thought the imitation would come more naturally. But the opposite happened: The more I tried to imitate what I heard about Mary, the wider the gulf between us became.  Imitate someone who was free from original sin, and so had no inclination to be impatient or sarcastic, self-pitying or lazy, lustful or arrogant? And whose Child, while clearly...READ MORE

Filed under

Funding the Couch Bum

Tuesday, September 13, 2011 8:00 AM Comments (38)

For the first time in a long time, New Hampshire pro-lifers had reason for hope.

It had become public knowledge that Planned Parenthood routinely lies and exploits women and routinely commits financial fraud.

We heard from their own employees that most of the services they provide to Medicaid patients can easily be found elsewhere.

And with high unemployment and foreclosure rates, it kind of chafed to learn that NH Planned Parenthood CEO Steve Trombley rakes in $250,000 a year to head a non-profit, taxpayer-funded organization.

And a lightbulb went off in the minds of NH voters.  It was kind of like the moment when mom and dad realize that their son’s college friend, who’s been crashing...READ MORE

Filed under

Boots Or Shakespeare?

Friday, September 09, 2011 8:00 AM Comments (47)

In college, we used to play a game called “Boots or Shakespeare.” It started out easy: Coke or Pepsi? Swimming or skiing? And progressed onto harder choices: Would you rather be deaf or blind Frozen or burned? Always lonely or never, ever alone?—the idea being that your choices were mutually and permanently exclusive. Once you chose one, the other was off limits for good.

The choices were also supposed to be sort of existential opposites of each other, but I guess I’ve gotten dumber since I left college, because I can’t think of any good examples. Anyway, I knew I had won when my friend James would make the “my head just exploded” gesture.

One stumper for me was: Great songs ruined by bad...READ MORE

Filed under

Mother's Little Helpers

Thursday, September 08, 2011 8:00 AM Comments (103)

A priest once counseled me to make my children help me more. There are so many of them, he said, and it’s generally their messes I’m cleaning up. What a simple solution to my irritability, my exhaustion, my frustration with my duties!

I’ll forgive that priest some day.

In the meantime, let me explain, Father. When your kids help, it doesn’t help. At least, not for the first 46,923 times you get them to help. They need to be trained, and it would be faster to train an olive tree to grow in the shape of an ampersand. It would be faster to train a cocker spaniel to type in Mandarin.

It would be faster just to do the job myself.

But, of course, that’s not good for them. They need to learn...READ MORE

Filed under

Things That Have No Right To Exist

Tuesday, September 06, 2011 11:37 AM Comments (179)

This weekend, as a way of rewarding myself for schlepping two weeks’ of trash and recylables to the dump, I visited the swap shop, where stuff that’s not quite garbage can be had for free.  I found a much-needed chair (we go through chairs like Kleenex at our house - -and yes, I do mean that some of us wipe our noses on chairs), a couple of wine glasses, and a jackpot:  two complete sets of Phillip Pulman audio books.  Score!

Philip Pullman is the guy who said,“The Lord of the Rings’ is essentially trivial. . . If I was [arguing] at all, I was arguing with Narnia. Tolkien is not worth arguing with.”  And so my bibliophagous kids harbor a deep, glowering resentment of Philip Pullman.  They...READ MORE

Filed under

The Grandmultipara Pushes Back

Friday, September 02, 2011 8:00 AM Comments (99)

I may have mentioned two or three thousand times that I am pregnant. For my readers who have not achieved the magnificent title of Grandmultipara (and “advanced maternal age,” damn your eyes), let me tell you that along with all the horrible things that happen to your body with each successive baby, there are also some benefits. Besides the baby, I mean. (Babies are all right, if you’re into that whole “boneless with love in the presence of a gift straight from the arms of God” thing.)

For your first several pregnancies, people think you’re either cute, or comical, or an idiot, and they’ll treat you accordingly. But once you’re visibly pregnant with your seventh child or beyond, the tide...READ MORE

Filed under

The Christian Critic

Thursday, September 01, 2011 8:00 AM Comments (63)

I’m a big meany.  I’m a mean, mean, meany-pants, and I carry a cane with me at all times, in case I see some pretty flowers that need whacking.  But, as Evelyn Waugh said, “You have no idea how much nastier I would be if I was not a Catholic. Without supernatural aid, I would hardly be a human being.”  So, you may not like what you see, but don’t think I’m not trying.

That being said, I am regularly rebuked for being un-Christian, cruel, or judgmental (oh lord, oh lord, can we please retire that world already?) when all I’m doing is being a critic.

Here are some things that Christians can legitimately do without sinning:

Criticize someone’s work in the bluntest terms.  Once you put...READ MORE

Filed under

How Women Objectify Men

Tuesday, August 30, 2011 8:00 AM Comments (79)

The old saw that porn “makes men treat women like objects” is utterly true.  Using people is easy; loving them is hard.  If you can summon up a panting beauty just by touching your iPod screen, then why go to the trouble of getting to know an actual woman—learning who she really is, winning her love, and dedicating your life to serving her as Christ serves the Church?

Porn is a marriage wrecker, a life stealer, a stinking smog that lies over the city of man and makes it hard to breathe.

Here’s something to consider:  Just as men are prone to treating women as objects, it’s also possible—although much less talked-about—for women to treat men as objects.  Are the effects of this sin as...READ MORE

Filed under

Page 48 of 59 pages ‹ First  < 46 47 48 49 50 >  Last ›

About Simcha Fisher

Simcha Fisher
  • Get the RSS feed
Simcha Fisher, author of The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning writes for several publications and blogs at I Have to Sit Down. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband and nine children. Without supernatural aid, she would hardly be a human being.