Tradition, Tradition!

Thursday, April 05, 2012 7:00 AM Comments (66)

Ah,  Holy Week.  Ah, tradition.  How many of these ancient rituals do you follow in your parish?

 

Confession Line Noisemaker

A middle aged Knights-of-Columbus-type with an expression of bland good cheer on his face will station himself at the end of the pew closest to the confessional to perform the following traditional chant, to the accompaniment of clattering car keys, while you are trying to examine your conscience:

ff, rubato, un poco agitato:

JINGLE, JINGLE, JINGLE
harumph, harumph, harumph
mutter mutter JINGLE JINGLE
cough cough cough

 

sotto voce:

Hey, hey, how's it going?  How's it going? How's the wife?
Nice buncha kids you got, God bless, God...READ MORE

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Crossing the Line

Tuesday, April 03, 2012 7:00 AM Comments (25)

It seems that my charmed life as a driver has come to an end.  In all the years I've had a license, I've never gotten a ticket, no matter what boneheaded, irresponsible, inexcusable things I do behind the wheel.  But last month I got a ticket for forgetting (um, for three months) to get the van registered and inspected; and the other night, in the dark and the rain, I got pulled over for crossing the white line repeatedly.

The officer wanted to know if I had been drinking, taking prescription drugs, or maybe I had lost my glasses?  None of the above.  It was just the end of a long day, in the middle of a long week, in the middle of a short life crammed overfull with too many things to...READ MORE

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Pro-Life Work At Home

Friday, March 30, 2012 8:00 AM Comments (42)

In response to “What Else Do Pro-Lifers Do?”, reader writes:

I’ve been told that mothers with young children do their charity in the home; that it’s more important to nurture those under your care than divide your time and energy by doing/going to other charitable things. While I agree with this to a certain extent, it seems a bit like…well, bs. An opt-out of those of us with kids under the age of 3 or 4 or whatever.

Reading your article made me realize I don’t do much—that I talk a big talk, but maybe I am one of those pro-lifers the pro-aborts says doesn’t do anything.  Could you give some direction to a young mother with only 2 under 3 right now? I don’t want to fall into the delaying...READ MORE

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What Else Do Pro-Lifers Do?

Thursday, March 29, 2012 9:00 AM Comments (61)

Pro-lifers only care about fetuses before they’re born.  If they were really pro-life, they’d work to care for the mom and her children after the delivery, too!

If you’re pro-life, you’ve heard this comment a thousand times.  I heard it again last night on Facebook:  a pro-choice fellow scoffed, “‘Pro-life’ is such a misnomer these days.  I’m more pro-life than most self-proclaimed pro-lifers.”

Genuinely curious, I asked him to be more specific.  He responded:

I tend to focus more on the lives of nonhumans, which are no less precious or important, and I make it a point to preserve life wherever and whenever I can. I’m vehemently and vocally opposed to war, genocide, the death penalty,...READ MORE

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Real Men Are Pro-Life

Tuesday, March 27, 2012 8:59 AM Comments (103)

State Rep. Babette Joesephs says that female legislators who support pre-abortion ultrasound laws must be “men with breasts,” and not actually women.  She said it twice during a rally organized to protest the bill:  “I don’t understand it … I don’t believe they’re really women. … I believe they’re men with breasts.”

Pro-life news outlets are rightly responding with disgust, calling her remarks misogynistic; and so they are.  The representative’s crass phrase, “men with breasts,” shows a level of contempt for women which is hard to countenance.  In her view, woman are made of two things: breasts, and the freedom to kill.

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Music for Lent

Friday, March 23, 2012 9:00 AM Comments (66)

I don’t hear people getting all giddy about being able to crank up their Lenten music, the way they did with Christmas songs when it was Christmas time (or mid-October, whatever).  That’s a shame, though—Lent is a wonderful reason to really wallow in some gorgeous harmonies that just don’t sound right any other time of year.  And no, the terminally lame and casually heretical “Ashes” theme song (I can’t bring myself to call it a hymn) doesn’t count. 

I do wish I knew more old Lenten hymns.  There is, for instance, one called “The World Is Very Evil” which intrigues me, but somehow we never seem to sing that one at the 11:15 mass. 

Here is some of my favorite Lenten music:

O Sacred...READ MORE

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The Religious Freedom Rally: My Predictions

Thursday, March 22, 2012 9:00 AM Comments (60)

Are you going to the Religious Freedom Rally tomorrow? 

I desperately wish our family could be there, especially because I think it’s very good for kids to get caught being Catholic in public.  But my husband has to work, and the rest of us are spending the day in parent-teacher conferences.  I’m sorry to miss it, and I hope you can make it. 

But I won’t have to be there to know how it’ll go down.

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Prayers Answered, Darn It

Tuesday, March 20, 2012 9:05 AM Comments (112)

You’ve heard the saying, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”  I was surprised to discover that this quote is attributed to Woody Allen.  I imagine Mr. Allen telling God his plans, and God not having not so much a good chuckle as a massive coronary.  Even if our personal lives aren’t the screaming debacle that Woody Allen’s turned out to be, we can probably relate:  if a loving marriage requires flexibility, then a loving relationship with God demands it on a Cirque du Soleil level.  Seriously, you are going to want to do some stretches first, before turning some aspect of your life over to God.

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About Simcha Fisher

Simcha Fisher
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Simcha Fisher, author of The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning writes for several publications and blogs at I Have to Sit Down. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband and nine children. Without supernatural aid, she would hardly be a human being.