Cake Pans and Wedding Vows

Thursday, August 23, 2012 7:00 AM Comments (34)

My poor kids are always thrilled to see packages delivered to the house.  For some reason, they always think that this, at last, must be the day when some kindly stranger has finally gotten around to sending them a lifetime supply of gumballs, roller skates and fireworks. 

And then we open up the box, and guess what?  It’s not that day.

Generally, it’s books inside.  Stupid, boring, grown-up books, or sometimes something even worse:  a replacement flange for the kitchen sink faucet, or a pack of screen protectors; yay.  They don’t even make bubble wrap the way they used to, for crying out loud.

A few days ago, we got a huge box in the mail.  Oh boy, oh boy!  We opened it up, and...READ MORE

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Behold, the Dreamer Cometh

Tuesday, August 21, 2012 7:00 AM Comments (130)

Is there anything more fascinating than dreams?  Anything more liberating than letting the unconscious mind go on a romp in utter freedom?  Anyone unluckier than a husband whose wife wakes up already mad at him because she knows he didn't actually do that -- that thing in real life, but still, oh my gosh, what a jerk?

Not that I would do such a thing.  But if the morning isn't too rushed, I do try to ask my family what they dreamt, because it gives me a hint about what's going on with them.  My son, for instance, spent a few solid weeks having classic disappointment dreams:  it was Christmas, but there was nothing in his stocking but tuna and garbage; it was his birthday, and nobody...READ MORE

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The WWJD Stick

Thursday, August 16, 2012 9:43 AM Comments (434)

If I were Cardinal Dolan, I'll tell you what I'd do.  I'd hold an emergency synod and urge all the bishops and pastors and RCIA leaders to go out to their flocks and tell them, "Stop asking, 'What would Jesus do?'"

I'm not kidding, and I'm not making light out of serious matters.  I genuinely wish that someone with some moral authority would tell all the laptop theologians in the world to knock it off.  "What would Jesus do?" is not a question that ever sheds light, ever.  It's a question that's used as a stick to beat someone into the proper kind of behavior.  People never ask that question unless they think they already know the answer -- and the answer is generally, "He'd do the...READ MORE

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It Gets Me Every Time

Tuesday, August 14, 2012 7:05 AM Comments (73)

In my last post, "Children's Books About Love," several readers mentioned books that make them choke up when they're reading them aloud.  Isn't that the worst?  I don't know who suffers more, the teary parent, or the kids writhing in embarrassment:  "Ma-ma, it's just a rabbit!"

I've been thinking lately about the things that get to us, and why.  Like many people, I get indignant when I come across a book or piece of art that's specifically designed to elicit tears.  I resent being manipulated -- all the more so when it works too well.  They press the button; I cry.  Argh.

There is a difference, though, between manipulating emotions and evoking them -- between demanding tears and...READ MORE

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Children's Books About Love

Friday, August 10, 2012 7:00 AM Comments (66)

There are an awful lot of children's books specifically about love.  The titles ask a thousand variations on the questions, "Do you love me?" "Will you love me forever?" "How much do you love me"  I hate to be a spoiler, but the answers turn out to be, respectively:  "Yes," "Yes," and "More than you can possibly imagine with your little pea brain."

These books are cute, but I always suspect they are written for the benefit of the parents, and not so much for the kids.  This is not necessarily a bad thing:  it really can help to say the words " I love you very much, and I will never stop" out loud when perhaps you are shrieking inside your head, "What is the matter with you, and when...READ MORE

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Escape From Babyland

Thursday, August 09, 2012 7:00 AM Comments (74)

What's the one thing frazzled young moms always hear?  "These years go by so quickly -- enjoy it while you can!"  Which is sort of like getting a severe sunburn and hearing, "Summer will be gone before you know it -- enjoy it while you can!"

Oh, settle down.  I'm not really saying that spending time with your nice little baby is a blistering agony.  As the proud owner of a schnoogily, schnoogily little baby girl who has two pearly little teeth and the cutiest, wootiest style of scooty crawling that any baby in the history of ever has ever invented because she is brilliant, believe me when I say that there is nothing nicer than babies. It's true:  Babies do grow up incredibly quickly,...READ MORE

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Emotions Are Not Shameful

Tuesday, August 07, 2012 7:00 AM Comments (49)

From time to time, I use the word "feel" when I'm writing.  Almost always, some reader castigates me for being ruled by my emotions, for making decisions based on squishy, gooshy, lady feelings which have no place in the fine, solid world of reason, justice, and right thinking.

This, I'm happy to have finally figured out, is nonsense.

It's absolutely true that we should not be ruled by our emotions.  We should not make decisions based solely on how we feel; and we should not mistake feelings for an end in themselves, as Mark Shea reminds us in "Love Is Not Feelings."  We all know someone who allows himself to always to be dragged around by a hurricane of emotion, and it's a horrible...READ MORE

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Are You Attached Enough?

Friday, August 03, 2012 7:00 AM Comments (148)

When I was a new mother, I let the pediatric industrial complex push me around like pawn.

My baby, for instance, spent most of her night in a "c" word -- yes, a crib.  I naively thought she was "safe" behind those bars, and it never once occurred to me that, behind her happy squeals and contented gurgles, she sensed that she was imprisoned, caged like a lab rat.

I bought shoes for her feet, if you can imagine such a thing (hello, is this 12th-century China? Unreal).  I used to put her in a bouncy chair when I wanted to do laundry.  I might as well have come right out and told her, "Yes, you little parasite, mother cares more about clean clothes than she does about you.  You see this...READ MORE

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About Simcha Fisher

Simcha Fisher
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Simcha Fisher, author of The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning writes for several publications and blogs at I Have to Sit Down. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband and nine children. Without supernatural aid, she would hardly be a human being.