Ten Reasons You Should Get a Dog, Like, NOW

10/03/2013 Comments (43)

1. Are you troubled with pesky food that lingers on the table for as long as microseconds after you are done eating it?  Or do you occasionally have to get up to go to the bathroom or something, and are dismayed to discover that, when you get back, your sandwich is still sitting on your plate, which is totally boring?  Dog.  Solved.

2. They lose their baby teeth, but nobody expects you to leave them a quarter.  Unless you want to find that quarter later, in the yard, in a somewhat different state.

3.You can be blisteringly sarcastic with them and not fret that you are warping their minds or skewing their perception of reality.  For dogs, there is but one reality:  MEAT.  Or kibble. ...READ MORE

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Utterly Predictable News Flash:  Pope Mistranslated

10/01/2013 Comments (209)

I don't speak Italian. Do you?  If not, will you slow down for a second?

Sr. Anne Flanagan of Nunblog says she does speak Italian, and that she is "tearing her hair out" over the lousy, misleading translation of Eugenio Scalfari's interview with Pope Francis, which appeared in Sclafari's newspaper La Repubblica this morning.

The original translation of the interview read:

"The Son of God became incarnate in the souls of men to instill the feeling of brotherhood."

Catholics are grinding their teeth over this bizarre, gooily heretical statement, and rightly so.  But Sr. Flanagan says,

Um, the Son of God did not become incarnate in souls. He became incarnate in human nature, in his...READ MORE

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First World Tears

09/26/2013 Comments (38)

You've heard the phrase "first world problems."  It means problems that are so trivial that only rich, pampered citizens of highly developed nations would even encounter them, much less consider them problems.  Some of them are just silly: "This air freshener experience is so disappointing!"  or "I forgot my phone when I went to the bathroom, and I was bored the whole time I was pooping."  And some of them are chilling:  "OMG I want to dieeeeee my parents got me the iPhone 5c even after I told them over and over I needed the 5s OMG OMG life isn't worth livinggggggggggggggg."

I see people, especially women, preemptively heading off criticism by calling their own problems "first world...READ MORE

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Speaking of Death

09/24/2013 Comments (47)

According to Bloomburg.com, baby boomers have taken to calling together friends and family to have dinner and talk about death.  At first, I thought this was one of those bogus trend stories that journalists cook up, like pharm parties, or -- ha ha, this one is nutty -- Rush Limbaugh starring as a super awesome Time Lord in a children's history book, can you imagine?  We get it, journalists.  You  had a deadline and hangover, and this is what you came up with.

But it turns out the death party story is true.  There's actually a popular program from the University of Washington called “Let’s Have Dinner and Talk About Death.”  And it's a great idea.

The idea is to get people together in...READ MORE

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Can We Spell "Evangelization" without an "f" and a "u"?

09/19/2013 Comments (47)

Think what you want about Penn Jillette, he does have a way with words; so it pains me to have to heavily edit his colorful remarks in an interview with Salon.  But it's awfully hard to type certain words when Mother Angelica's face keeps swimming before my eyes.  ("Simmmcha!  Stop ruuuuining EWTNnnnnnn!")

The interviewer asks Jillette (and for goodness' sake, I did warn you about the language on the link):

As someone who entertains audiences and seeks fans, isn’t your vocal atheism working at cross purposes with your best interests?

and he responds,

People say, I want to give you credit for how brave you are for speaking out even though it could hurt you — I always say,...READ MORE

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If You're Happy and You're Married, Let It Show

09/17/2013 Comments (59)

Every so often, I run into a harried bride-to-be who is absolutely freaking out over wedding plans.  Even with my own low-key, low-budget wedding I remember losing sleep over whether it we really needed spoons, or if we could get away with wooden coffee stirrers.  It was so hard to prioritize when there were so many decisions to make, especially when I had no experience planning something so large.  Everything seemed equally urgent, but I knew there was no possible way I could get it all done right on time.  Freak out!

Now I've been to many weddings, big and small, fancy and plain, and this is the advice I give to brides:

1.  Remember that nobody else knows what it was supposed to be...READ MORE

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Bigger on the Inside

09/12/2013 Comments (45)

Probably, this:

is just meant as a Doctor Who inside joke, but it's actually very perceptive. 

Ever read a poem by someone who thinks outside the box -- who is so above those stuffy, stodgy ideas like meter and rhyme that he can't be bothered to actually learn what meter and rhyme are for?  And as a result, his poem stinks?  To the arrogant outsider who doesn't understand what he's seeing, the "box" of meter and rhyme look small and constrictive; but once you get in there and make yourself at home -- man, there is all kinds of room

Same goes for edgy, transgressive artists whose pieces are dull, dull, dull because, before they trashed the timeworn conventions of the past...READ MORE

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How to Turn Your Son into an Sexual Basket Case

09/10/2013 Comments (102)

All right, so we’re all agreed that we don’t want our sons to grow up to be like Robin Thicke.  But the Thicke school of sex ed is not the only place where boys get a distorted, damaging education about sexuality; and girls are not the only ones being shamed. 

The author of What My 1o-Year-Old Son Knows about Rape So Far lives near a college campus, and she and her son often see shirtless boys acting macho and girls acting flirty.  Her son has questions about why the boys and girls act and dress the way they do, and, she says “he spends quite a bit of time wondering about himself in eight years.”

So she responds by telling him that, sometimes, the shirtless boys he sees get drunk and...READ MORE

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About Simcha Fisher

Simcha Fisher
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Simcha Fisher, author of The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning writes for several publications and blogs at I Have to Sit Down. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband and nine children. Without supernatural aid, she would hardly be a human being.