I am Judas. What I mean to say is that there is nary a difference between him and I. I have often read of his mistake and I thought I understood it. But I, like he, am disappointed in a God I do not understand. And my disappointment is my betrayal.
Nature's first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf, So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.
Robert Frost
I have been but a child in the guise of an adult. Wisdom and maturity elude me like a light in a fog. I am foolishly confident in my course without ever seeing where I am really headed.
In my youth I saw Frost's morning gold and I wished it for myself, my children, and my fellow man. I saw the magic of God's creation and His love and thought that I could help bring it to the world. I heard Jesus' Word, but like Judas I failed to understand it. I heard of love, faith, suffering, and perseverance and I saw the value in those things. But my impatience expected a different God. A God of quicker action, a God of activism, a God more like me.
I wished for a political God, a temporal Savior fashioned in my own image to fight the battles I wish Him to fight. Inevitably I now my find myself bereft, weeping for myself and my fellow man knowing the hardship to come.
In my youth and hubris I thought I could spare my fellow man the road to Calvary through prudent tax policy, originalist judges, and effective voter turnout programs. And in doing so I preached a gospel ancillary if not sometimes contrary to that of my Lord and Savior, a gospel of the here and now. For this I am truly sorry.
But I have learned the lesson that Judas never did, there is no road to Heaven that does not go through Calvary. And this lesson, this is the only thing that keeps me from that unforgivable sin, despair.
I now know that my Lord does not ask me to preach to the world about programs and progress. My God wants me to preach to the world by staying gold, by shining in the darkness and illuminating the path and the destination in a way that the fog light never can. I know this now because of a plane ride. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Last week I spent the eight days following a numbing electoral defeat in endless meetings and corporate dinners two thousand miles from home. At the end of it I wanted nothing more than to be home with my family. My already late arriving flight was delayed even further by a temporarily missing plane. I got little rest on the plane and found myself anxious to get home to New York as quickly as possible to hug my wife and find my bed.
As the seat-belt sign went dark I thought of little else other than grabbing my bags and getting off the plane as quickly as possible. As the exit queue formed I stared at my toes as that seemed preferable to any other surely annoying human interaction at the at moment. But as my toes turned out to be as boring as my inner dialogue, I eventually looked up.
My gaze eventually landed upon a middle aged woman and her teenage daughter looking worriedly toward the back of the plane. Watching the way she stared at the overhead compartments I could see that she was fretting over luggage stowed behind me on the full plane. I could see after a moment that she decided to remain in her seat resigned to wait until the plane cleared to retrieve her belongings.
Having been in that position a time or two myself, I though I might help. I asked her if she was looking for her bags and she replied 'yes'.
"Where are they?", I asked.
"It is that pink one two rows back and that brown one three rows back on the other side. And my daughter's bag is that blue one just behind that."
I grabbed the one bag I could reach and handed it to her. I then turned to my fellow passengers behind me and pointed out the bags and the people I thought could help. Within a moment happy faces grabbed the bags and handed them forward to other happy faces until they end up in the possession of two very happy faces in front of me.
So grateful and even a little misty the woman thanked me profusely. When I demurred, she confided to me that she had been a little afraid to come to the 'big bad city' but that my actions and the actions of my fellow flyers was a great comfort to her. "If all New Yorkers are as nice as you, then everything will be alright."
I wished her well and then it struck me. Had I ever represented my Lord or my religion as well as I has just represented my city and my state? Had anyone ever looked at the way I lived my life and the way I treat others as a Christian and taken such notice or comfort? To my eternal chagrin, the honest answer is no.
My faith-formed politics and advocacy have had the front seat in my life and on my lapel for a long long time. It is only now that I realize that the faith that I allege informs those positions has taken a much smaller role, a role like Kevin Costner in insufferable film "The Big Chill." A young Costner played the role of the character that informs and motivates the entire screenplay, but his life and death ended up on the cutting room floor. Nobody ever saw it. The story is supposed to be about him, but nobody would ever really know. I fear that such is my faith, Jesus is supposed to be the main character but in reality He is mostly on the cutting room floor because He didn't help the story I have been telling.
Nobody would ever see Jesus in me precisely because I fail to see Jesus in them. I have been more interested in convincing people that lower taxes and smaller government benefit all than in convincing them that Jesus loves them.
I could convince swarms of merits of my beliefs on the proper role and function of government and yet not help a single person to get to Heaven. That stingy Scrooge could not fear a sadder and more impotent epitaph than "Here lies Patrick, he believed in smaller government."
I have warned repeatedly about the consequence to life and liberty that our chosen course surely portends and I still believe that. But I suspect something worse is coming, something much worse, something beyond politics. Can you feel it? I think I can.
I fear it, but I am reminded that there is no road to Heaven but by Calvary. And if in my fear and suffering I can remain gold, if I can help the many to see and trust in a Jesus that loves them by showing them what Jesus' love has done in my life, I will much better prepare them from what is coming than I have ever before.
Frost's lament on corruption, loss, and Eden is true only to a point. Sin and its consequences seem inexorable in their mission to dim the luster of gold. But my Lord and my God gave us the chance to restore that luster with faith, penitence, and love--or in short, Calvary.
So whatever comes, I now know my true calling and yours. Stay gold. And help as many as you can.
And to that lady and her daughter on the plane: Jesus loves you.
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God love you, Pat. You are the genuine article. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Really phenomenal work Pat. I confess, I’m not a fan of your work much of the time. But this piece was absolutely fantastic. This is why I prefer to read the Register over the Reporter, despite not being terribly conservative: the columnists here, even the ones farthest to the right, are humble enough to step back and say, “Maybe I’m going about this the wrong way. Maybe I need to center myself more around Jesus Christ and his Church.” That’s what’s truly important, not whether you think the Church should be advocating for the free market or for the social safety net, but whether you personally are doing your absolute best to represent Christ here on Earth in every aspect of your life. Despite some of my political disagreements with him, I think Mr. Archbold is doing a good job of that. God bless sir and carry on.
Thank you for reminding all of us that we’re here to build up the Body of Christ instead of spending our days politicking. I’m a regular reader of your blog, and this is hands-down my favorite post yet. God bless you!
This was a great post, Mr. Archbold. To change the culture, we have to change ourselves. We have to be Saints. Saints converted the Roman Empire. Constantine was just the icing on the cake.
Patrick, you were the heart and hands and head of Jesus Christ to the woman.
wow…just such a beautiful perspective piece. thank you.
This is an excellent post. Our local parish Church recently had magentic bumper stickers made which say “FAITH” and then the name of the Church. Having that sticker on my car really has effected the way I drive because I know that if I’m a jerk on the road, it will reflect poorly on our Church and by implication on all Catholics. For our own benefit if nothing else, we really need to be a public witness.
Anyway, as Stevie sang, stay gold!
Wow. Great post.
Pat, Mary is right, you weren’t representing your city on that plane, you were representing your faith, which shows love to “the least among us”. Outstanding post, and one I relate to on many levels. On another note, Kevin Costner was the dead guy in The Big Chill?? I never knew that!
Some time ago, I stopped reading your CMR stuff, in part b/c the comboxes too often devolved into bickering and putdowns. People were on there (myself included) not just to make points, but to SCORE points. All the while, missing the BIGGER POINT. Which is: Jesus is in the combox. Jesus is in the combox.
I left politics long ago for a similar reason. We are here to build His Kingdom on earth. Not our own. Our prize is not here. And chasing it - at the expense of loving our neighbor, is fruitless and empty.
I am so extremely impressed with what you wrote just now. You are not the only one who struggles with this. God bless you - and help us!
“Here lies Patrick, he believed in smaller government”... a brilliant essay, but this struck me more than anything. I will use it as a reminder the next time I am treating something not the Gospel as if it were the Gospel. Thank you very much for sharing: it gives people like me the courage to be more honest with ourselves.
Amazing! Yes, this is what we must do. I hope I can remember this in two years and in four, etc…
Wow! I have to second TPG and Jimbo’s posts…I’d long stopped reading your posts, but I’m impressed with this, and moved, and might be coming back!
“But I suspect something worse is coming, something much worse, something beyond politics. Can you feel it? I think I can.”
No, honestly, if you are referring to either a persecution of the Church or to an ongoing moral decline. Not going to happen, imho.
The thing that is making the hair stand up on the back of my neck is at the same time the thing that gives me a great deal of hope for the future- and that is the impending judgments of God on this country. Think of enormous financial, economic and social chaos, not excluding a world war, beginning somewhere not much further off than the day we tumble off the fiscal cliff.
How in the name of all that is holy would that be a good thing ultimately? It would bring us to our knees, set us running in the exact opposite direction of the one we have been pursuing for more than six or seven decades. It would be on a massive, civilizational scale what David experienced on a personal scale, “Before I was afflicted, I went astray.” Anything that would bring us to repentance as a country and a civilization would ultimately be a good thing. Personally, I am bracing myself for 20 or 30 years of intense misery, followed (it is greatly to be hoped) by a new age of faith in a much poorer country.
As for the Church, under that scenario she has a glorious future about to come into view: “Who is left among you that saw this house in its former glory? And how do you see it now? Does it not seem like nothing in your eyes? . . . Greater will be the future glory of this house than the former, says the Lord of hosts . . .” Aggai 2.
In the meantime, there may shortly be a very large market for bumper stickers that say, “Maybe we expected a blessing.”
So happy to read this. I’d like to join those thankful to God for how He is leading you in your witness. Regarding what is coming, I feel it too. Let us pray for one another!
God bless you.
I’ve disagreed with you pretty often, but I’m very moved by this piece. Mark Shea is right; you’re the real thing. Thanks for a beautiful post.
Nobody would ever see Jesus in me precisely because I fail to see Jesus in them. I have been more interested in convincing people that lower taxes and smaller government benefit all than in convincing them that Jesus loves them.”
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I think this sort of sums up the failings of the GOP. The message may be right, but they still make you feel unwelcome.
What’s wrong with the world? I am. (G.K. Chesterton).
I can’t do much about the coarseness I see around me, but I can change me. So I will begin to work on it starting now.
Brilliant sir - loved this article. You really hit the nail on the head.
Your servant in Christ,
Jason @ Ascending Mount Carmel
Unto the angel of the church of Ephesus write; These things saith he that holdeth the seven stars in his right hand, who walketh in the midst of the seven golden candlesticks;
I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars:
And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name’s sake hast laboured, and hast not fainted.
Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.
Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.
Many of us have learned this very lesson and it has been a difficult one. We must remember that Christ first came to us via a humble birth in a stable. He was meek and lowly and came to us where we were - not as a politician or an earthly king, but meek and lowly. And how his followers multiplied! It is our work to do as he did. We will never be able to control politics or governments for more than a short time. What we can do is his His work. He will come again in glory - in His own time. It is our job to do the work and do as much as we can to help to bring in the harvest. We delude ourselves to believe that we can control the outcome of God’s work through our national governments. Our work will always go through Calvary - it is not the easy way and it is not going to be done through a government - it will be done on the ground one soul at a time. May God have mercy and bless us all!
Am I really the only one here who read the Frost quote & thought of Ponyboy & Johnny?
Cara - No. I’ll forever associate this poem with “The Outsiders.”
Nice to see Pat crank down the blame-o-meter after his post-election ragefest where he railed against both non-Catholics (We Are In Enemy Territory) and fellow Catholics (I Figured Out The Problem - You). Kudos for refraining from rummaging through the women’s bags looking for birth control so you could lecture them too.
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On the bright side, your simple act of kindness and charitable words are much more representative of how good Christians act. Please keep it up.
I had stopped reading and commenting here because of my angry response to what I was reading. Thank you Pat for this flicker of luminous light which only comes from God.
Really enjoyed this call to return to what’s most important. It’s so easy to put anything, ANYTHING before the only thing that is truly important.
Stevie Wonder sang song about “Staying Gold” for the movie, “The Outsiders”
Thanksgiving Blessings to all.
KMB
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