I know morning sickness. I have known it—intimately—eight times, in fact.
I have never needed to be hospitalized with severe pregnancy-related nausea, or hyperemesis gravidarum, but I have known women who have and I have nothing but sympathy for women who suffer from this severe form of morning sickness.
After my experience with morning sickness with my last pregnancy, I was prompted to write a post describing the insanity of so-called “morning sickness” and I have heard from countless women since then saying they too had suffered through months of sickness that no one seemed to understand or take seriously.
Like I said, I know that morning sickness is real, I know that some women have it even worse than I do, and I have oodles of sympathy for any mom who suffers in that way. It was with great sadness, though, that I read about Cheryl Harrison, a 34-year-old mom who decided to abort her baby because she could not cope with the sickness.
She has no illusions about what she did:
‘‘It was the most horrendous decision I have ever made. I know I can’t have any more children, even if they develop a treatment for morning sickness. I had severe hypertension, I was putting my life in danger and I sacrificed my baby’s life. I could never risk that again.”
She felt desperate because she had no support. Harrison has one child already—and the memories of the sickness she suffered that first time were vivid in her mind:
“When I was pregnant with Scarlett I thought I had some sort of undetected cancer. I was vomiting morning, noon and night for my entire pregnancy and my mouth watered 24 hours a day. I was extremely depressed. I had a good job, a career that I loved, but I couldn’t even stand up. There was no way I could work.
‘The 20-week scan showed I had a beautiful baby girl but I was almost disappointed because I just wanted the pregnancy to end. I was desperate to have another baby and thought I would be mentally prepared and able to cope, but the sickness was worse than ever. I had one day where I could not move from the bathroom, I was sick 27 times. I couldn’t get Scarlett anything to eat even though she was starving. I dragged myself across the floor, managed to get her some chocolate from the fridge and thought ‘I can’t do this again’.’‘
The fact is, she could have done it again, if she had been given proper medical care and support. Moms who suffer from this kind of debilitating illness need help—keeping their jobs, managing their homes, and caring for their children.
I am disappointed that the article refers to Harrison’s hyperemesis gravidarum as “morning sickness” because I think that term trivializes the seriousness of her condition. I also hate that the subtitle reads, “A mother has aborted her healthy baby because she could not cope with the chronic effects of her morning sickness.” As if the shocking and scandalous thing here is that she threw away the life of a “healthy” baby. People throw away the lives of “healthy” babies all the time, for reasons even more trivial than the fact that pregnancy renders them so sick they can’t function.
The most scandalous part of this story, of course, is the fact that we fail to meet the needs of pregnant mothers who suffer from debilitating illness.
Dr. Brian Swallow, coordinator of Pregnancy Sickness Support 1st National Conference, said it was a condition that was too often trivialised. Dr Swallow, of the University of Lincoln, said: ‘‘Hyperemesis gravidarum can be far more serious than anyone realises. Women consistently say they feel quite alone because there is insufficient help. ‘‘In some parts of the country hospital staff are very sympathetic, in other parts morning sickness is just seen as something women are going to have to put up with. ‘‘We need to see a national protocol developed to offer counselling and support.’”
Even before the rest of society catches up, though, I would suggest that those of us who call ourselves pro-life need to step up.
You might not know of anyone suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, but you very likely know some pregnant mom who is tired, who is sick, or who is overwhelmed. Maybe this sad story can be the impetus many of us need to make a phone call and offer to support a pregnant mom-hero in whatever way she needs.
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I could not agree more wth your last sentence. I sometimes think that we have become so legislatively engaged that we are (collectively) becoming disengaged from hands on Chrisian service. We may not ever win the war of public policy on the books (that is not to suggest we stop trying in any way), but we should NEVER by failing to serve people one on one. What could be possibly be our excuse?
BTW, back to HG, this is a highly recommended resource: http://beyondmorningsickness.com/
My wife and I have had two children and she has had hyperemesis gravidarum both times. The first time around, we landed in the hospital emercency clinic 6 times. The second ime, they gave her a drug normally prescribed for the nausea of chemo patients. If only did the job about half the time, but we were immensely grateful. I can’t imagine aborting a child because of this. It’s true, sometimes it feels like there’s no hope, things just keep happening, and occasionally some drastic thought will cross your mind, but not one you don’t dismiss instantly as unacceptable. I feel for this mother because I so often watched my wife get sick, holding her hair or supporting her when the heaving was ruining her nerves so she was buckling in front of the toilet. It’s a teerible condition, but we still want as many as we can have.
I’ve suffurred through 9 HMG pregnancies so far. It is very rough going and most in medicine really don’t care or are ignorant of how serious it can be. They are often flat-out callous when they find out a mother a was willing to get pregnant again - as though that means they deserve it.
My cousin was *deathly* ill with HG. So sick, in fact, that her hair turned white (her body didn’t have the energy reserves to produce pigment) and she was in the hospital on a feeding tube; by the time she was ready to deliver, her organs had begun to shut down.
She literally almost died from that pregnancy, and even so, decided to do it again because she and her husband wanted more children. By the grace of God, they have two healthy children, after having lost their first from HG.
Being halfway across the country, I couldn’t do much, but I did pray and I offered a very dear sacrifice for her pregnancies; every little bit helps!
I agree wholeheartedly: being pro-life doesn’t begin or end with a bumper sticker, t-shirt, or even a rosary said outside an abortion clinic. It must be infused in every thought, word and deed. We can help parents everywhere by being patient and supportive in Mass, at the grocery store, at the doctor’s office, and in our neighborhoods. If we keep in mind - first and foremost - that *God* is the Author of Life, not us, that will work wonders to foster an authentic pro-life spirit in our culture.
If anyone wants to do something concrete to help women suffering from HG, you might donate money to help give women with HG copies of this wonderful book called Beyond Morning Sickness: Battling Hyperemesis Gravidarum by Ashli Foshee McCall.
Dawn Eden has done a great job in promoting this book and donates all the proceeds of her own book’s sales to Ashli so that Ashli can send free copies of her book to women suffering from HG.
Check out Ashli’s website: http://www.beyondmorningsickness.com/
Also, check out the HER Foundation (Hyperemesis Education Research) I’ve not spent a lot of time looking into them; but they seem to do good work supporting women with HG. http://www.hyperemesis.org/
I wrote a little about my experience with pregnancy here http://ginnysloves.blogspot.com/2010/05/square-number-four.html. I was very lucky in that I had wonderful friends who coordinated meals for me for six months of pregnancy. I was horrified when the doctor suggested I terminate my first pregnancy so that I wouldn’t be so uncomfortable. I was hospitalized and diagnosed with anorexia the first pregnancy. I ended up on TPN, being fed intravenously. The second time, I found a doctor who was unwilling to try to determine the cause of my suffering, but who did help with the symptoms. My two pregnancies were a nightmare and I got very little understanding from the doctors and even some family members. I can understand how a mother would feel alone and lost in all of that mess, however, I’m so very sad that she felt that abortion was the only answer. The pain of pregnancy is only temporary. My heart is full of sadness for her and her child.
I suffered through two HG pregnancies; the second requiring an IV pump be inserted under the skin. It was all worth it in the end. I thank God for my children. I’m sad for Cheryl’s decision, but totally understand. I pray that she know God’s compassionate heart.
Great article, I work in Labor and Delivery as an RN, most people do not realize what some women go through as far as pregnancy complications. It’s so tough out there to hold fast to your faith and your beliefs, when doctors and society tell you that you are irresponsible if you bring another life into the world, after having a history of pregnancy complications. If we could only as a society learn to value women and support them in their role as mothers, attitudes toward pregnancy, family, and abortion would change too.
While this mother had HG, I believe she said she felt forced to abort her baby due to hypertension, not HG. I assume she’s referring to toxemia, a condition that, if bad enough, can kill both the mother and unborn child.
Thank you so much for this article. While I consider myself pro-life, I usually find it impossible to support the pro-life agenda because there is so little actual support for women facing crisis pregnancies among so-called “pro-life” activists. One may agree or disagree with this woman’s decision to abort, but you have presented her situation in a nonjudgmental way, taking into account her actual struggles and the choices she faced. Again, thank you.
This makes me physically ill. She’s so selfish that she didn’t investigate other options, seek a second opinion, do SOMETHING to prevent unwanted pregnancies? I pray she will know God’s mercy.
A young woman I know went through a similar situation last year before giving birth to a beautiful daughter. She worked as a nurse, and her employer accused her of faking illness and suggested she undergo psychiatric review in order to go on disability. She saw another doctor who ordered a PIK line inserted so she wouldn’t become malnourished. She did end up losing her job because the practice where she worked simply did not believe she was actually as sick as she was. Abortion was suggested to her, but it horrified her more than her physical illness, so she persevered and her daughter is now four months old. I don’t know if she’ll try for another baby, but if she does she has found a doctor who understands HG and will support her without accusing her of mental illness or faking physical illness. I’m still amazed in this day and age that some doctors say an illness is “all in your head” and not support patients appropriately.
To “The Estrogen Files”,
It isn’t selfishness, it’s desperation and despair. Read up about hyperemesis and understand the extremes of physical anguish this woman was in. Throwing up as many as forty times a day! This is not just feeling a little ill, it’s a life-threatening condition. Add in little to no medical support, doctors pressuring her to abort, and a woman who hasn’t been blessed with the gift of faith and the gift of an understanding of the preciousness of life, how could she have chosen otherwise?
We should have compassion for women in these situations, not condemn them. We have to remember that not everyone is lucky enough to grow up in an environment where they are taught that life is sacred. And we should thank God that his grace has allowed us to see so clearly when so many people are walking in darkness. There but for his grace go I!
I pray for her to know God’s abundant mercy and love.
Wow! A friend of mine was practically chained to the toilet for the first few months of her pregnancy, and she found out she was having twins (due this September, I think). I don’t know if having twins makes “morning” sickness doubly brutal, or if she was suffering what this woman (and many more) has suffered. I’ve always gotten sick, but I’ve never thrown up, so I’ve had it easy. Reading this article has just reminded me to check on my friend and see if there’s anything I can do for her. Thank you.
I suffered with HG in my first preganancy and spend much of it in hospital on IV and cancer drugs. I remember vividly one dark night wishing I could die to make it stop - strangely I did not think that night of my baby dieing although of course that would have been the outcome.
I was confined to a wheelchair or bed, helpless and desperately ill, at times barely had the mental capacity to remember my name and certainly not to make a decision of this magnitude.
The subject of abortion was raised by the doctors. The answer was always “just give it one more day”.
And through all this I had a supportive doctor, employer and husband. Without that network I have no idea how it would be possible to cope.
My daughter was born sucessfully and I felt almost immediately full of life again. I was not a protestant at the time and not a catholic. I since have come into full communion with the Catholic faith, and now my husband and I abstain from full intercourse that could result in pregnancy as I accept the Catholic teaching on contraception but we do not feel it is something we could survive again.
My deepest prayers and sympathy are with anyone in this situation, hyperemesis is so far removed from morning sickness that as you so rightly say any suggestion that this women simply did not want to cope with being sick a few times a day is unfair.
I would also encourage anyone to offer support and prayers to the husband and family of women suffering from this. I was too ill to be fully aware, he had to watch and cope alone for months as the woman he loved became more and more ill in front of him, in a culture that did not understand and ultimately provide the dominant voice in the decision as to whether the pregnancy should continue. His fear of a repeat is understandably greater than mine.
I am suffering through this as I type. I haven’t been able to get out of bed the entire time I’ve been pregnant. I lost my job early on. I have not been able to shower or barely brush my teeth. This is torture. I am writing from my android because I am stuck in bed. I vomit up everything I eat. I need to go to the hospital but how can I make it there when I can’t get out of her? Not to mention I an so ashamed of my hygein. My husband went. Through chemo and says he’d choose that over this any day. It’s hard to be happy and feel all the wonderful emotions of pregnancy when you are in agony every minute of every single day.
I had 3 pregnancies and that would equal 3 abortions. every night and every day i sit at home and cry. i have big puffy bags under my eyes. its the most painful feeling in the whole entire world. doctors dont care at all. and today i will go and buy more baby items because i want a baby so bad. ive seen so many little babies this week and it just makes me more emotional. what do i do? i pray countless times to god. i tell god to give me not just one but i want alot of babies. and i want a cure for this disgusting disease.
I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and suffering from severe HG. I am so weak I can’t even stand up long enough to shower. I have so much guilt because I can’t take care of my 2 year old. All I can do is just lay down on the ground next to her while she plays. I have been hospitalized and fed through IV and now I have to have someone take me every day or two to get an IV because I can’t eat or drink. I wanted to get pregnant really bad and sadly I have been considering ending this pregnancy because I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I am glad that I read this article because it gave me support and although I am sad that other women go through this it made me feel like I am not alone.
Holly, julie, everyone who has commented to say you are suffering from HG. I don’t know if you’ll get this message or not. I just wanted to say that I’ve subscribed to comments on this post and I will continue to get all the messages that people leave and that I am praying for everyone who suffers from HG and especially for those who have left comments here. You aren’t alone and if you want to email me, please feel free. I don’t know if my email link will show up in this post but you can find me through my blog http://thewinedarksea.com
I really feel for this woman and all families who struggle with HG. I too, have HG and am currently 15 weeks pregnant with my 2nd baby. My first, a son, I learned of this sickness and was blessed to have drs who gave me treatment very early. Zofran does help so I can at least eat some though my weight gain is very slow. My husband supports me the best we can but its very much a strain on us. My son is 5 years old, I can’t imagine having a baby to take care of with this. We wanted more kids. I would love one more, but sometimes I can’t imagine doing this again. I am thankful I can have kids, my healthy son, and I pray this baby is ok. I miscarried a year and half ago and I swore to be strong…...I’m surviving. But I know the defeat these mothers feel all too well. I pray that society learns about HG and communities come together to help these women. I’m a military wife and would love my family around to help me. Instead, most women keep asking me to go out and do stuff, they get the same answer. I’m too sick. I just don’t know if they understand. I wish they did. I would love to go out but I get dizzy, lightheaded, and vomit just from standing. Sometimes I even feel like I’m going to faint. I pray for all women with HG.
I previously posted on Aug 6th, 2011. After 9 days in the hospital I almost ended the pregnancy. My hair was falling out, Zofran and any ani-nausea drugs were not helping. I couldn’t even keep down water. The doctors decided to put me on prednisone for 5 weeks to “break the cycle” The prednisone was a miricle. I was able to eat and function again- although I needed- and still need zofran to keep from being nautious. I had lost 18 lbs and was a shell of my former self. I looked like I had cancer. With the prednisone I was able to gain all my weight back and then some. Kaiser (my medical provider) also has recently started a hyperemesis program that they signed me up for. The nurses called me to support every day and checked on my weight/ fluid intake and stability. It seems HG is becoming more recognized. I am now 25 weeks along, off prednisone and feeling better. The baby is developing well and I am so glad I didn’t end the pregnancy. However, I am making my husband get a vasectomy. I feel for everyone who goes through this. I have never felt so close to death. I thank God that I was able to pull through. Maybe more women can try steroids to help them get past HG.
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