One father I know, when asked, “You know what causes that, don’t you?” likes to say, “Yes, and we kinda like it!”

CafePress have some shirts with good comebacks: http://shop.cafepress.co.uk/nfp?page=1

Perhaps my favourite on there is the one that says “our research clearly indicated that the world needed more us”.

In this case I would have let “Mr. Nasty” out with a vengeance.

I would have reported him to the manager and then to the company (assuming it’s a corporation) for insulting me and my family.  Who the heck does he think he is deciding whether or not there are too many kids in my family?

First I would want a verbal public apology from the jerk.  Then I would want written assurances from the company that it won’t happen again.

I only have four kids and I also am tired of the “all of them yours” comments.

Favorite comeback from this father of ten

“Yes, but in Darwinian Terms I’m kicking your %#%”

“Which one or two of them would you like me to kill?”

THEN I’d report him to the manager. What a snot.

Actually, I think you handled that just right: meet the first comment with silence, call him on the second. Our culture isn’t used to medium-sized families like yours ( ;-) ), and people make thoughtless remarks, not really realizing how offensive they’re being.

I decided to have a bunch just in case one of them ends up in a poly-blend jacket taking tickets at a movie theater, I won’t be too disappointed.

Causes responses:

“I have no idea. Why don’t you explain it to me in detail?”
(In full false despair over the choice you’ve had to make) “Yes, but washing our underwear together conserves water, reducing our carbon footprint.” (My preferred version of the classic “Yes, and now we’ll be sure to wash our underwear separately” because the latter implies children are to be avoided and the former also throws environmental theology back in their faces.)
“Yes, mutually self-donative acts open to the involvement of the Holy Spirit in creating a new eternal soul.”
“What causes what?”

Hobby replies:
“I do have a hobby. I collect children with my wife.”

Some day, if you find the right woman and get married, I hope you find out.

I’m not married but I love big families, I think they are great. From the outside they always seem to have the most engaged and happy kids (I know this isn’t always the case, but it seems to be the case). If I ever get married I want a dozen or so :).

As for a comeback to these ill-informed remarks, I like “Yea we know what causes it and we decided to stop washing our underwear together.”

I also like Matt’s comeback, if life is only about survival of the fittest, and secular cultures sets one to not reproduce, then it would make sense to reject secular culture and accept Catholic culture.

As the mother of 10, I wish I’d still get asked that question.  My youngest is 8 now so it’s not the same as when you have little ones all around.

Comebacks:  Yes, I know what causes that, don’t you? 

If someone says:  “I’m glad it’s you and not me,” you can say “Me too.”

Overpopulation comebacks: 

Are you kidding me?  Almost every advanced country is suffering from underpopulation right now.

God told us to be fruitful and multiply so if the earth can’t sustain us, then he must have screwed up—which we know isn’t possible.

I reckon that if there’s room in heaven for one more soul, then there’s room on earth.

Tell such people to search the internet on the overpopulation myth and educate themselves so that they do not have to continue to be misinformed.

They are the ONE thing we can take with us to heaven.

I’m living for eternity and these little souls will be with us long after the world has ended.

Say a prayer for the ignorant person and thank God for allowing you to evangelize through your precious children.

<<I decided to have a bunch just in case one of them ends up in a poly-blend jacket taking tickets at a movie theater, I won’t be too disappointed. >>

Pat, that’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time! It would’ve shut him right up.

When asked “You know what causes that, right?”  I have a number of responses.:

1.  Yes.  It’s fun.
2.  We don’t have cable.
3.  If you are having troubles, my wife and I can give you a few pointers.

The last one, when fired off amidst a group of guys, it usually gets quite a bit of “Ooooooooooooooooooooh’s”, because my interlocutor has just been owned (or pwned in youthful computer-speak).

Regarding overpopulation… “Yes, and it’s been thoroughly debunked decades ago.”

Ditto to Susan! I compiled some of them here: http://thatmarriedcouple.blogspot.com/2010/01/nfp-t-shirts.html

I’m loving all these comments!

You know what causes that?

My response, “Sure do.” with a wink and a smile. 

I mostly get “You’ve got your hands full.”  I assume that it’s a compliment, make a comment about how delightful they are (thankfully I have 4 well behaved little children) and move on.  I would never want my children to think that I or anyone else consider them a burden.  They’re not. 
I think you handled it well.  Sometimes you have to wonder if people realize that children have EARS and can HEAR their rude comments!!!

“What causes it? DUUUHHHH, the stork brings one every other year.” Then walk away with your children audibly muttering, “The IGNORANCE of some people…”

Great comments!
I always get the pity face – oh, you poor thing…
And, then they find out that we homeschool…that REALLY drops their jaw!
As far as comebacks – I kinda like this extremely UNcharitable one (but, I’ve never used it) – “Frankly, if I had kids like yours, I probably would’ve stopped at 2, also.”

Some great comments here, but I’d add:  “Don’t complain.  Who do you think is going to pay for your social security benefits?”

But that’s for random strangers.  For someone being paid to give me customer service, I’d call the manager, as you threatened to do.

Thanks for the post; when it happens to me, I’ll be ready.

And… “gobsmackable”?  Love it!

This subject never gets old. Love a lot of the comments. I’ll have to remember them for the next time I find myself in a similar situation. We’re expecting #4, and I started hearing stupid questions like this when I was pregnant with #2, which blew me away.
I have a Mrs. Nasty who needs to stay in her cage, too, so these comments are worth remembering. Love the one from Pat, I think, most of all, just ‘cause I’d love to see the look on the little turd’s face when he gets owned—in public. But I think you probably put the fear of unemployment in his head (loss of paycheck, embarrassment) by handling him the way you did. I hope I pass my next test, too.

I get the same comments as you with my five kids (all 11 and under) but my wife sometimes gets, after admitting they are all hers, “Do they all have the same father?”

“No, but we have another idea to try soon…”

“Yeah, but I think you need to be a little more mature before you learn about the birds and bees.”

Finally, it is a little mean, but: “Yes I do, but it is just too bad your parents didn’t find out sooner”

We live on the left coast, so my favorite comeback is to state that we have an “alternative lifestyle.”

Thomistic/Aristotelian response:  “Which cause?”

As the dad of 13, I get this kind of stuff all the time.  First, let me say, “Free Mr. Nasty.”  To the “Haven’t you heard of overpopulation?” I offer: “Have you ever looked out the window of an airplane?” ; “We have to have enough children to employ government educated ticket takers.”  To “Don’t you know what causes it?” “Yes, but we refuse to quit.”; “We don’t have a TV, so we have to make our own sex and violence.”; “Yes, but I don’t have time to explain it to you now.”

Remember, Matthew, the ridiculous deserves but one thing: ridicule.

Peace,
Michael Hirsh

I wouldn’t have thought twice…I would have reported him to the manager and made sure that everyone around knew why. That’s the nasty me…but the nice me is tired of being insulted because I follow my Catholic faith. It’s getting out of hand and now seems to be socially acceptable. We have a choice, put a stop to it now, or get used to being treated like dirt.

Mom to eleven here. We’ve heard many of these same types of comment over the years.  Some of the more memorable:  Being counted out loud as we’re passing by, “One…Two…Threee…” I usually quietly said to my children, “Look, they can count to six!” ( or seven, nine or whatever number I had with me at the time.)  Once, we were even counted out loud in Spanish!  My husband was introduced by a female co-worker to her boyfriend, as the father of ten. To which, the guy said, “How do you afford all the child support???” He was promptly smacked by the woman as she said, “He’s been married to the same woman, Stupid!” Another time my husband met a man during his work, who stated he had ten children also, and then he commented, “You have two wives also?”...He was SERIOUS!!! My husband was speechless for a moment. I’m not very good with the comebacks, but I think you did wonderfully. Many people are curious but some are just plain ill-mannered!

We have 5 and I completely relate to your Mr. Nasty shaking the cage. I would love to react badly, but thankfully I have not. Unfortunately I also have not challenged stupidity much either in favor of just polite response. The reason I say nothing is that there is nothing nice or even funny lined up at the front of the queue. It breaks my heart though when we hear these things from our fellow Catholic’s, even right after mass sometimes. Keep up the good work. With your sense of humor, someday I might be able to laugh some of the ignorance out there off.

All credit to my wife Gina for this one:

Gina is in the store with our 4 kids, including our newborn son Eddie.  A woman looks astonished and says “Was that planned?”  Gina gets a bolt of inspiration: “Yes, he’s in the big plan.”  Woman asks “Really?” Gina replies, making a giant circle with her hands: “Yeah - you know - THE B-I-I-I-G PLAN.”

Love her.

We have only 4 kids.  The 2 most annoying things I get on a regular basis are “so you’re done now right?” and “you’ve sure got your hands full!”  Recently when I was out with just 3 of the kids, I responded to the hands full remark with “Oh, this isn’t even all of them!”

“Just doin’ our part to prevent demographic winter.”

Big words sometimes shut them up.

Matthew,

I think your defense of your children was absolutely laudable.  I tend to get pretty defensive if my children are within earshot of ignorant comments.  If you find you do need to release Mr. Nasty, and believe me you very often will need to, be sure to punctuate your retort with a smile.  Smiling while being nasty always throws the weak minded for a loop.

Our favorite responses:

“Well, this is really just a starter family.”
“We’re only getting started.”
“Just who do you think is going to pay your Social Security?”
“We took God’s order to Go Forth and Multiply literally.”
“The rest of our brood is at home or waiting in the car.”

Oooh. The comments we get! I am expecting #8, and *usually* the people who make comments are well-intentioned and are just amazed. I don’t mind answering them at all. When we get the rude ones (like the man at BK who uttered, “you’d have to shoot me in the head!” I just look at them with disgust and move on.) For the standard rude “Don’t you know what causes that???” question, my husband usually responds with: “Yes, and obviously we’re quite good at it! Do you need some pointers?” THAT shuts them up so fast!

Yes, people say a lot of thoughtless and mean things and it can get annoying, but I see no need to respond to someone’s rudeness with more rudeness. I either say nothing, or I say “fertility is a gift and children are a blessing”.  I feel honored to have so many children, and I know that it is pleasing to God that I do, so why waste my time getting upset over some insensitive jerk’s comments.

As Mom of 11 I’ve got a few -

My favorite to the ‘are they all yours?’ is - Why do you recognize some of them as yours?  OR Sure are, but we’ll take more.

but I also like:

Why fix what is obviously not broken. 
Have you seen how cute my kids are??
Yes, we do know what causes ‘it’ and we happen to enjoy it (usually my dh’s response)
Mine, Yours, Ours - Does it really matter in our ‘it takes a village’ world??

My dh deals with it more at work than I do - especially as he works in an ‘environmental’ industry.  He has Paul Ehrlich’s Population Bomb completely defused so he is able to come back with real statistics, numbers and other excellent viewpoints that he overwhelms the critic with the truth.  I love watching him work!

Then there is the “You must be a saint” which makes my kids laugh right out loud but I respond with “As long as God thinks so, I’m doing okay!”

And don’t forget: the entire world population could fit in the state of Texas…so much for overpopulation

I don’t have a large family but wish I did. God bless Moms and Dads everywhere no matter how many kids you have. People can be so stupid. I pray that maybe some day our culture will come to LOVE kids again.

When I receive a negative comment or even negative vibe I act like I don’t understand what they’re saying.  I just smile and go on about “how blessed we are and isn’t it great?”  It is impossible to persuade a stranger who’s so closed minded and jerky about God’s plan for marriage.  So I don’t.  I do thought think a lot about the many many strangers (usually women - but not always) who have told me the saddest stories about infertility, miscarriages or worse that their spouse had a vasectomy/tubal without their consent etc.  So many people long for what we have.  Sadly my the most negative comments I have ever rec’d have been at church.

We have 6 ages 11 to 1 so we draw a lot of attention when we’re out . . .

Not so charitable:

You know what causes that, right?

Causes what? Diarrhea of the mouth? Yeah, ignorance.

Don’t have any comebacks.  I only pray that someday I will be in the situation that I will need them. 

But I think you should still report him to the company.  That was astoundingly rude and inappropriate.  You should not have to put up with that from anyone, but especially not from someone who is being paid to offer customer service.  He needs to experience the consequences for his actions.

And you can remind the company that since your family is large, they won’t just be losing one customer.

Since when does some dude come up to you and your beautiful children and insult you both without you beating the crap out of him right then and there?  Seems like you have every reason to open up a can of “Mr. Nasty.” Not a time for witty quips.

To Michael:
“Yes, mutually self-donative acts open to the involvement of the Holy Spirit in creating a new eternal soul.”
Humans beings to do not help in creating an eternal soul.  The sol is created by God alone.

I like the Darwinian comment, or how about “Yes, and we are trying to take over the world

One good comeback was from our parish priest’s mother, of all people:

“Are they all yours?”

Answer: “Yep… and they all have the same father!”

you know you’re a Philosophy major when you laugh the most at:

“Which Cause?”

I vote for the Mr Terse option.  Skip the witty and just go straight to, “Comments like that are rude and judgmental.”  You’ll be doing the guy a favor.

I will forever be grateful to my loving mother who always responded to the rude comments with joy and pride. I realize now that I am a mother myself that it was her joy that isolated us kids from the sting and embarrassment that strangers, even family, could have easily caused. My favorite story was when a man asked, “Are these ALL your kids?” and she answered, “No, I have more in the car.”

The one I heard that I liked in response to “are you done yet?” is “we aren’t sure but we still engage in “risky” behavior”

Possible script:
Dork:  “You know what causes that, right?”
Mild Mannered Nice (Happy) Dad of Five:  “Yes… Why - Did you forget?!”

My Mom (who has five children) used this response once… she laughed while she said it… it was perfect!

I’m really sorry that I only have 2 kids. When I see a large family, the kids usually pretty cooperative and behaving, I try to let the parents know. I told a man in our parish after mass that I liked sitting behind them because their kids were always so good. He stopped, looked at me and said, “Are you sure you’re talking about my kids?” and then laughed. But, yes, it was his kids and they were great. AnneG

These are some great comments. Where were you guys when I needed you?

I really appreciate this though. This combox has become the official home of Catholic snark (in a charitable way.) Parents of big families should download all these comments, print them out, and refer to them every time they receive these questions.

As a father of only four, I tend to rely on a version of Maurisa’s comment:

“I’m making your future Social Security checks possible.”

In response to the “overpopulation” question just laugh and say “Do you believe in the Easter bunny too”, or some other fictional character (unicorns) if the kids are still believers and will hear you. I think you did the correct thing with the employee I wouldn’t want to get someone in trouble for one stupid comment that he knew was wrong after you laid in to him. On the “Why don’t you get a hobby?” A hobby wouldn’t be as fulfilling as my children for me or my wife or my parents or her parents or my kids friends or….(make it as long or short as you want) A hobby is about me, what I want to do and somewhat selfish, a child is caring about others and self-less. This is from a single childless guy, but a guy with 5 siblings who’s parents got these questions at times.

www.overpopulationisamyth.com

“you know what causes that right?” resp: duh… why do you think we have so many!! (usually a guy’s resp)

“wow, you must really like kids!” resp: no, I *reallllly* like my husband!

I was thoroughly insulted in this way once in a grocery store by another customer. At the time, I only had three children (all under the age of three). The man told me I was irresponsible to bring this many children into the world. He asked me who was going to feed them all. I told him that my husband provided well and that when we are on our deathbed, someone will be there praying for us. He was livid. I wonder if many people think of that when they limit their families from fulfilling God’s plan. Will their boat or vacation home be there to comfort them in their last hours? Proud mother of five in six years and now even prouder grandmother of four and counting!

I love my 12 brothers and sisters and 19 (and counting) neices and nephews.  No children of my own… yet.
Most people are fascinated when I talk about my big family.  Some can’t withhold a rude comment about my parents.  Saying a short prayer for their enlightenment is the best I’ve come up with.  Wouldn’t mind having a quippy comeback to accompany the prayer though.
I remember when I was younger seeing this adult make a sweeping gesture with his hand over all of us kids and stating:
>“you know what causes this, right?” 
I thought the adult was a cool guy taking an interest in a bunch of little kids so I piped up:
>“mister, are you talking about us?”
He didn’t reply.  Turns out he didn’t have a good come back :)

I grew up hearing hateful comments like this all the time. I am one of 11 children.

My husband and I currently have 4 children. His favorite comeback to the “You know what causes that?” question is…..“Yes, and I plan on doing it again. It’s all part of my plan to take over the world.” ;)
Sorry, if someone already put this. I didn’t go through all the comments.

We have 6 children and often get asked do you know where they come from.My answer is always-No,but we are working on it.It soon shuts them up as they think your crazy.Nothing like being a fool for the Lord!

Unlike the ‘smart guy’ at the movie, each time I see folks like you with several children in Church or elsewhere, I felt sadness in my part that I did not have enough. I wish I could have had more if I were not falling away from our faith while I was growing up and listened to those nonsense overpopulation liberal theory junks. My parent had 7 of us and I ended up having only 2 of my own. What a shame on my ‘stupidity’ and selfishness.

I’m so proud of you!

You should’ve told him that you and your wife were going to create the next one when you got home from the movie.

Proudly one of six children, I make it a point to stop and thank large families now.  Thank you, too.  “Go forth and multiply.  Fill the earth and subdue it”

Blessings,

http://mcitl.blogspot.com

Letting Mr. Nasty out only gives them ammunition Christs asks to to reveal truth with love and charity. I have rarely gotten the"you know what causes that?” However when I do I simply say by loving my husband wholeheartedly and with great passion! The Father does the rest! I smile and move on.
Linda

How about, “I’m a HUGE fan of the Duggars.”

(I got that one after someone asked me if I was trying to be the next Duggar family when I was pregnant with my 4th.)

I never married.  I wanted to marry but it did not seem God’s plan for me.  At the age of 50, my spiritual director, a bishop, suggested that I take “private vows”.  I followed his suggestion and included the vow of celibacy.  I thank God every night for my brothers and sisters and their children.  My nieces and nephews are now sustaining me with love and care in my old age (87).  Twenty-years ago, I established a Catholic pro-life organization to serve the diocese. It has done well with the approval of three bishops.  Many nights, I dream of small children that love me. I encourage young couples to have children.  They need them.  The world needs them.

I did not finish my sentance, I am sorry. ....come at a cost to us all.  Stay the course.  And continue to be the true and courageous Christian that you both are.  God bless you and all yours Matthew!

We just have the six (so far). And usually I answer, “Yes, but I like it too much to stop.) But I have been known to shed a little vitriole. The nastiness of the comment depends on how the listener takes it when I tell them, “After seeing other people’s children (or “yours”), I understand why they (or you) give up after just one or two.

And again this can be a general observation or can cut to the bone, when I add that, “I see so many older people all alone, when their only child died unexpectedly or they’ve become estranged. If I die tomorrow I already have my pallbearers.”

As one of 13 children, I too can relate to the embarrassment children feel at such comments.  We usually made the snarky remarks amongst ourselves while my mom or dad provided the charitable reply (usually).  For their 50th anniversary, we compiled a book of family stories and a chapter was devoted to these kinds of comments and our favorite retorts.  We can laugh because we know the joy that those who make the comments are missing.  Every time our family of 61 with grandkids and in-laws gathers, my father says he imagines that this is what heaven is going to be like.  How many people can say that about their family gatherings?
One response to the question “Don’t your parents have a TV?”  “Do yours know there’s an off button?”

After a number of years trying to get pregnant, my husband and I had our first at age 35.  We went on to have three other children, the last born when I was 42.  I heard plenty of criticism, but usually said “imagine if I’d been able to have babies sooner - we’d have 8 or 10 kids now!” That usually stopped people in their tracks.  I come from a family of four and my husband had five children in his family, so we wanted quite a few children of our own. Both of our dads were from families of 9 and 10, so we have lots of cousins and enjoy the richness that having many relatives brings.  I feel sorry for people who choose not to have children, and regret it later.  It’s amazing how many people tell me they wish they’d had at least one more baby.

I never have the presence of mind for a witty comment, but here’s one “shoulda said” I’ve considered:  “We practice organic love:  chemical-free, device-free, surgery-free.  Highly effective, and good for you.”  Father of 5, one more coming.

How about, It’s caused by the love of a man and woman and the grace of God.

“Ever heard of overpopulation?”

“Why yes! That’s why after dropping my family off at home I’m going to come back here and wait for you to get off your shift, follow you to your car and shank you in the back of your neck. That way there’s one less mouth to feed in the world and frees up resources for me to have another child. My children will be better suited for the world that you anyway, as they will end up doing more with their lives than making minimum wage hocking tickets at a movie theatre. By the way, what time do you get off?”

Sorry, I have very little charity for these people. If they are so concerned about overpopulation, they should be the first to off themselves.

Dear Mr. Archbold…As the oldest of 7 children, the mother of 5 and grandmother of 6 with a 7th grandchild on the way, I totally understand all the feelings that ran thru your mind in a matter of a few seconds. Years ago I stood in a line of women at a local store as they berated me for being pregnant w/my fifth child. I had no words to reply to the onslaught of cruelty. Then one grandmother ran up to me and said, “honey, when all your children grow up and brings their families home, you will celebrate w/joy for saying yes to life” This last Christmas our home was filled w/our children and their families arriving from various locations. They brought sleeping bags and slept all over the place not wanting to lose one precious moment of time together.  Time will give the blessing of the love you chose daily.

Or here’s another one:

“Well, look at it this way ticket boy: When my time to shake off this mortal coil comes, my children will be there to pray for me and offer love and support during my passing. You on the other hand, due to your concern with overpopulation, will die cold and alone, at best surrounded by total strangers in hospital scrubs waiting to wheel your corpse out so they can reuse the room. Food for thought, no?”

1)Somebody has to pay into Social Security for your retirement. 2)Actually the growth rate is not large enough to repopulate our nation so I thought we’d help the country out. 3)Actually we are more green than a smaller family because by necessity we reuse, recycle, and reduce. 4)May God have mercy on your soul and take into account your ignorance about the gift of life.  Will any of those 4 help?

Q: Are all these yours?
A: Yes, and if you ever learn to stop using your thing as a play toy, you might have a few of your own someday too.

Q: You do know how that works, right?
A: Ya, in a generation or 2 I hope to have enough spawn to form an army and take over the place.

Q: Haven’t you ever heard of overpopulation?
A: OK wiseguy, which one of my beautiful, unique and unrepeatable children shouldn’t be here then?

Q: Haven’t you ever heard of overpopulation?
A: And Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny, and the Toothfairy.

I am a stay-home dad of 8 children.  When I encounter similar comments from people the carnal man within wants to lash out in anger.  But with God’s help, I just try to say as little as possible.  I know that anything I say will be repeated by my Lord when I meet him in Heaven. Just let those who will say such insensitive and ignorant things be.

I just ignore the comments. A snappy comeback doesn’t make the person realize how rude they are; they just think that you’re the one with the problem and are too sensitive and they were just joking. Some people are insensitive busybodies and they don’t limit their comments to just people with a lot of children. These are the same people who will ask who the “real” parents are if you have adopted children, especially if the child is a different race than you. They are the ones who if you are single ask why aren’t you married. They are the people who ask when are you having kids, the second after you are married. They are the people who ask how much your house cost, how much your car cost, etc. They are the people who if you’ve gained some weight will comment on it. And on and on. These people see nothing wrong with asking these kind of questions or making these kind of comments. These people are a waste of your time and your energy and should just be ignored. They’re annoying, but not worth getting upset over. Nothing you say or do will change their minds.

My answer:  You seem rather uninformed - under-population is causing major socio-economic issues all around the globe - these children you see before you will be paying for your social security and healthcare benefits long after your own meager contribution has been spent!!!

My best comeback is (referring to the youngest kid): “We’re thinking of this one as a middle child.”

It’s been a long time since we’ve gotten any really rude comments, mostly because we live in an area that is quite accepting of larger families (North Dakota) and there’s lots of Catholics here.  Most of the time we get the amazed “How do you do it?” question when they realize we homeschool.  However, most of the time I think the fact that we’re so happy with our kids and they often seen the older ones taking care of the younger ones, people chill out.  It can also be amusing to see the response of people when we mention that the kids keeping asking for more!  Even my 11-yr old son last Sunday, after walking past a group with a number of babies, said, “Sure wish one of those was a Spenst baby.”  Nope, wouldn’t change a thing except to have more.

I was hit with “7, that really should be enough!”
My friend replied, “cant have just one, or you screw them up!”
I replied, “absolutely, that is the trouble with onlies and youngests, they are so hard not to spoil and screw up society. So I dont think I will have a youngest.”
The conversation changed abruptly.

My comment would have been on the financial level:  “Friend, ask your manager if he would prefer to sell two tickets or seven?”

We have seven. These are my favorites.
“Are you Mormon?” - “We are Catholic and are doing our part to take over the world.”
“Your hands are full!” - “I get into trouble when I’m bored. They keep me out of trouble.”
After two boys the third is a girl. “Are you done?” - “It’s not up to me.”
People mean well.It’s not their fault our culture says that children are a curse and not the blessings from God they are.

When asked about overpopulation, just respond that the last book predicted that we would be out of food by 1980, but now we have a surplus. You might look at the Population Research Institute: www.PRI.com, I think. That site might give you some other ideas - like all the people in the world would fit in the State of Texas, comfortably. I wish I had more kids. That’s been the best part of life for me. Enjoy it.

I liked Vice President Cheney’s response when asked inappropriate and personal questions:  complete silence and a completely poker face.  If you want to, just look at them.  Or, do not even look at them at all.

It’s awesome that someone in here actually said, “I only have four kids,” like they’re slackers or something.  Praise God for all these big families.

My wife is Italian, so when people ask, “Don’t you know what causes that,” I just reply, “I’m pretty sure it’s red wine and pasta.”

Peace.

Thanks again for raising this subject. My husband says the best one, “It is no sacrifice to be surrounded by people that love you.”

“Procreate and Dominate!”; “Sure I know what causes that - REALLY good lovin’”; “Well, these are more God’s kids than mine…and I’m pretty sure He knows what causes that.”

My sister and her husband have 6 girls and when this happens to her, she says to them something like, ” Yeah, I’ll bet you are pro choice.”  The answer is invariably some from of yes and she then will gently tell them that the girls are her “choice”

Like a previous writer, we, too, look on big, beautiful families with wistful regret.  Although I am not Catholic, my husband is a fairly new convert.  We had two sons—lost one.  Even though a dozen more would not fill the void in our family, it would be a lot easier on his brother. 

At the crusty old age of 65, I have lost all inhibitions in responding to rudeness.  I would have thrown their political correctness back in his face, and blurted out (sadly, I trully can be Mrs. Nasty) how dare you offend me and my familly by your insinuations.  Furthermore,  someone has to fill in the gap when your lineage becomes extinct. or words to that effect; because when I get going, I do elaborate. 

Also, as I know myself too well, I would’ve made a stink with the manager.  Would have made it clear that we would not patronize his business again (and that’s a lot of business!), and would have left to some other theatre.  I have worked with the general public for many years, and this is simply not acceptable.  Ironically, age has not improved my tolerance level, but believe it or not, I am a truly patient and lovable grandma.

Keep up the good work.  We’re counting on you.

As Mom to 5 blessings, ages 8 yrs to 18 months, I get the “your hands are full” comment from at least one person every time I go to a store.  I mostly repond with “Full of LOVE!”

“Population is additive but love is multiplicative. Oh, I am sorry, you weren’t homeschooled… I should use smaller words.”

On a serious note. It is interesting that so many people want just two kids. That it is ideal to have a boy and a girl. Ideal for whom? The parents obviously because they get to have a son and a daughter. But how selfish we are because your daughter is being denied a sister. Your son is being denied a brother At the bare minimum you need at least 4 so that your children can experience a full family. Minimum.

Our culture is so selfish.

We have eight children, ages 16-1.  My comeback list has included, but not been limited to, these:

“You have your hands full!”  I reply “Yes, and that is so much better than empty!”  They always agree.

“Don’t you know what causes that?” I reply, “Uh, yea.  Duh!” and move on.  Or a steely stare, no response.  Either one works.

“Are you going to have any more?”  I reply, “I don’t know.”  It is that simple.

“Are you going to get pregnant again?”  I reply, “I don’t know, but the day isn’t over yet!”. 

If I am in a good mood, I’ll answer with humor or honesty, or charity, or all three.  If I am in a bad mood, I’ll just ask them why they are asking my such a personal question.  Sometimes their reason is legitimate, and I’ll spend some time talking to them.  Most the time, they are just being nosy. 

“Was this planned?”  I either answer, “Yes” or “I can’t even plan a weekly menu.  I am not going to be planning something as important as how many kids I’ll have.”

“I could never do that.”  I answer, “If someone offered you a promotion you weren’t sure you could master immediately, would you still take the job, or would you say, “Oh no, I could never do that.  Don’t sell yourself short.” 

Occasionally, I get really hostile questions and comments, in front of my kids.  I usually just ignore them.  Not worth the energy. The one exception was one comment from a smaller by choice family.  The father said to me, “We are in to quality, not quantity.”  I answered, “Well, we are into both.”  No response. 

The worst I ever got was from a woman I knew as an acquaintance.  I ran into her at a party, with my 6 week old, seventh child in my arms.  She asked how many kids I have now, and when I answered, she said, “That disgusts me.”  I simply turned and walked away.  There were no words.

We have had people tell us we are like weeds, breeders, have no self control, and are selfish and ignorant.  Again, not worth a response, although the phrase, “Survival of the fittest” has come out of my mouth from time to time.

A classic, “Wow, I’m looking at over a million dollars of education here!”  My response, “They are worth far more than that.

And finally, the answer, “I am open to life” works to almost any question.  It is true, charitable, and hard to argue with.  It usually does the job with out any more follow up questions.

Growing up with 16 brothers and sisters, I spent a lifetime of wise remarks that weren’t always pleasant. Then, at a young age, I didn’t know how to respond to them. Now that I’m older, I can recall my parents’ joy with us as children, as no other that I’ve known in my whole life!  In fact, the last remark that I remember: “Aren’t you glad that your children are finally all grown up now?” My mother said; “Oh, no! I’d give anything to have them as children all over again! - Everyday, every hour, every minute, every moment, was such a blessed joy that I’ll never forget!”

Matthew: I come from a family of five and that was conidered small when I was growing up in our very Catholic world in Washington D.C. I am 55—my how the world has changed, huh?

Your comeback? John Hardon SJ wrote an article called Contraception feeds social decline. Your reply? EXACTLY the same=contraception feeds social decline.

“I can’t help it. I’m a Kennedy.”

I’m partial to “Real men procreate.”

You handled junior perfectly, Matt.  I couldn’t have handled it half as well.  You were graceful under pressure, you relayed a big loud message without raising your voice in front of your children.

You’re the man, and I mean that it the most admirable sense of the word.

First retort with a little smile: I’d have more but my wife doesn’t like them.

Second about knowing what causes them, again with a smile and bright eyes: Yeaaah - and it’s great! How about you?

When someon makes such a rude comment like that, I sweetly smile and say,
“May God bless you, too.” 

You may be the only Bible that person ever hears.  So be charitable, not nasty.

And God bless you, too!

Whenever I took my 4 children to the show I usually had 2 or 3 of their friends along. Whenever I was asked “Are they all yours?” my answer was, “No, I left the others at home.”

Just smile and tell Mr. Nasty that your kids will be paying his Social Security checks.

The answer I like to give in response to “you know what causes that, right?” is with a great deal of joy and happiness is… YES I DO! One could certainly add…and boy am I good at it! or it just keeps getting better and better…and so on.

I’ve got five too.  My response is, “I’m a blessed man.”

We had 6 in 9 years.  I used to reply, “we had to keep having one more to keep the baby from getting too spoiled.”

Rude comments will only cement the offender’s erroneous view. These misinformed souls need to be educated on the truth. Make up some information cards on business card paper. These cards should have 3 things stated on them: a myth about overpopulation, the truth which refutes the myth, and where more accurate information can be obtained, for example: MYTH: The world is overpopulated, TRUTH: Every family on the planet could have a house with a yard and all live together on a landmass the size of Texas. Do the math, visit overpopulationisamyth.com. The Myth and Truth parts are essential as not everyone has access to the internet or is internet savy (yes, this is another truth!) It will also get the person interested in finding out more. Even if you’re not the person being commented on, these information cards are handy to share with the offender in an act of solidarity with the person with the larger-than-average family. By the way, I am the eldest of 7, and can’t imagine my life without ALL my siblings (not to mention their spouses and children).

Once, while attending a business dinner honoring my father, the person seated next to my mother asked her how many children she and my father had. When she responded that they had ten, the man said “Oh, you must be Catholic.”  My mother replied, “No, we’re just very sexy Protestants.”

My husband likes to say in response to “Are you going to have any more?”

“We’re not sure, but PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!”

Growing up one of 10, when my Mom was asked “Are they all yours?” She would beam at us adoringly and sigh and say “Yes, aren’t I lucky?”  It made me feel very loved.

Matthew, you handled it very well! That poor dude just doesn’t get it and certainly needs a quick prayer. In my experience, lame encounters like that with strangers can really get to ya (don’t fall into the trap of brooding over things-you-shoulda-said!!) but when casual acquaintances show a similar lack of discretion, I think it can be used as a pretty accurate personality indicator. There have been a couple times when I have told people that I have four siblings, and when they heard about the age gap they said “Oops!” Those people later turned out to not be on the level at all… a quick prayer and then move on.

My wife and I have 6 children 7 and under.  When she is asked if she knows “what causes this”, her reply is “Yes, a very happy marriage”.  The reaction has been - silence, some thought, and then “well yeah, I guess that works”.  Conversation over.

Matthew,
That’s the best one yet.  God Bless all of you.
I really like the Social Security answer too.

My husband’s best:
Do you know what causes that?...YES!  Love. 
and: Practice, practice, practice!

We also like to inform them that they are OUR Social Security, since the goverment’s most likely won’t be around much longer.

I had a cashier in a grocery store say to me, when I was pregnant with my fifth (over 30 years ago)  “Why don’t you get yourself fixed, so this doesn’t keep happening to you?”  I was really stunned, and spluttered, “But, but, but…..I WANT all my children!” 

Are all these yours just caused me to look over the children and beam happily. 
I was once asked “All these babies got the same daddy?” and merely answered in the affirmative.

When I only had two,  a woman came up to me in the grocery store and after making a few remarks about my kids,  that they were nice looking,  but weren’t they awfully close together (17 mos) she said “Well you have your boy and your girl and now you can stop.”  I said, “Oh, no,  I think I will have a baby every 18 months for the next ten years.”  She turned white, turned on her heel and walked away without a word.  I came pretty close to doing that, too; had the first 8 in 12 years; the ninth was three and a half years later; she is a junior in college now and a terrific student.  I have seven grandchildren, another on the way,  which I think is rather too few grandchildren, but there are hopes of more. 
Susan Peterson

I am pregnant with our sixth, and our oldest is 6 years old. We take our children pretty much everywhere we go, and we get a LOT of comments, especially since they are all boys. The one I have the hardest time with is “are you still trying for that girl” and “oh poor you, all boys”. For one, not poor me! I love my boys, and we are not “trying” for that girl..we want a lot of children because we love them!

As for the “don’t you know what causes that” I say something like… “But I LOVE watermelon!” or something else relatively silly. I don’t particularly like being rude so I try to keep things light.

The worst thing ever is one time we walking into a big box store and I guess my husband wasn’t particularly smiley that day…well a couple of young walked by and said “I would be miserable if I were that guy too!” People are just plain rude…sometimes that isn’t their intention, but it still comes out that way.

*young MEN (I forgot to type a word) :P

My Catholic friend sent me this link, and I can totally relate.  I have six children, and I just wrote about it on my blog, which is called, “Yep, they’re all mine.” 

My husband always wants me to say, “Why do you want to know?”  I’m too chicken.  I always just say, “Yes, and I love it.  They’re so much fun.”

What I really want to say when people ask me if I know how that happens is “I know!  Can you believe we did it SIX times?”

To the typical, you know what causes that?

“Are you looking for lessons?  I thought that’s all they taught in schools these days.”

Or

Put your arm out towards their and say in the most excited voice ever: “High five, right?  RIIIIIIIGHHHHT?!”

No point in being rude or ugly, be a positive witness.

My cousin has pointed out that the best retirement/social security program going are BIG, STABLE FAMILIES.

If they are really rude just pretend like you don’t understand what they are asking and keep putting it back on them.  What do you mean?  Why?  What are you saying?  Is that what you are doing?  etc…

Svetlana

We love stories like these and love seeing big families (and we tell them so!)  My wife and I were only able to have one child, and have had to deal with people both inside and outside the Church saying,“I thought you were REAL Catholics.”  The assumption being we use contraception.  Any come backs to those rude comments?

I had people asking me questions like that especially during our last pregnancy, No. 6.  I finally just started looking them square in the eye and saying, “Yeah, go figure: my husband and I have sex, and now and then we get pregnant.  Who knew?”  With small children present, it’s probably not an ideal response, so I do like yours, because appealing to the person’s lack of professionalism is excellent, also.  The big problem, though, seems to be that people have so thoroughly disconnected the act of sex from the normal, natural result that sometimes people get pregnant, that it really IS a shocker.

Mark K., I have the PERFECT come back to those rude comments about only having one child.

“The Holy Family only had one child, our Lord Jesus. You can’t get more Catholic than that family!”

A follow-up remark might be: “I often think of St. Joseph and his love for our Lord, and wonder if he too wished for more children while accepting the enormous blessing he had.”

Many hugs to you, brother—openess to life is not counted by the heads around the dinner table, but by the yes in your heart.

I agree with a number of other people. This particular guy needs to be reported.

“May I speak with your manager, please?” Then - go off on the manager that he insulted you and your kids and you are considering never coming back to that theater ...

On other occasions when people have asked me this I’ve said:

“Yeah, and we left the 7 older ones at home ...” That usually causes them to go into either: such a stir that they forget how to speak or they laugh and go away.

To “You know what causes that, right?”: Pull your kids close to you, grin, and say, “These aren’t accidents.”

To overpopulation: “Have you realized that the society that refuses to reproduce will be replaced by one that doesn’t?”

Love all these! Just sat here smiling at so many clever and sensitive replies! My husband and I are blessed with 6 children ages 6 through 19, and we look forward to grandchildren one day. Hubby and I have almost no extended family left, as he was an only, and I’m the much youngest of 3 children, and our parents and elderly relatives are rapidly leaving this earth….My own children give me great comfort and peace. I am so, so happy God blessed us with them, and I wish we could have had more! I do agree, our families are our best “social security” program EVER.

Our daughter and her husband have 5 children ranging in age from 12 to 9 months. She finally came up with a reply to that tired old question: “Yes. We know. We happen to be good at it. Thank you.”

We have 5 kids & 18 grandchildren. I got nasty comments from all kinds of people, my own father included with my 5. But for others, my favorite Ms. Nasty comment was, “5 hits out of 2000 times at bat is not a bad record!”, & then walked away. Now, I get the same rude comments about the # of grandkids. Comment now? “Somebody is going to have to have the brain power to re-build this society, & not one of my grandkids ever said ‘you want fries with that?’”

my two favorites:

Yes, we know what causes that. And we’re goooood at it!

Hey, you should be thankful. My kids will be paying your social security.

“You ever hear of overpopulation?”

“I think so—that’s something they’ve got over in India, isn’t it?”

My dad (of 6 girls) used to like to respond to “you know what causes that, right?” with “Yes, and we’re very good at it!”

I finally got to where I just say with great enthusiasm, “Wow [name]! That’s original! I’ve never heard THAT one before!” That usually shuts them up.

We have five and the oldest is 8 1/2.  When someone asks me if I know what causes that. I usually laugh and say “Yeah, my wife.”
It always amazes me how often somoeone will come up to us sitting in a restaurant and say how well are kids are behaving, or how nice it is to see a large family.

My favorite comeback that I heard from a father of 10 to “Are they all yours?” (no, I wasn’t the one asking him!): “That’s what my wife tells me.”

Dear Sir,

I hope you have five more. Got to propagate the good genes.

P

A good friend of mine, when confronted by a nosy lady at the grocery store one time, smiled sweetly (she’s really good at that, too) and said, “Oh, we really like our children. Besides, my husband and I really like to DO IT. Don’t you?” I suspect that really works better from one woman to another, though.

As a father of 7 I get this sort of thing from time to time.  My favorite response to “Are these all yours?”
“We don’t have TV, so we have to make our own sex and violence.”

We had a late vocation to marriage, and so only have 2 children.  However, I have said “Are they all yours?” to parents of large families in groceries stores etc. just as a friendly appreciation of what I am seeing- a beautiful, large family.  This is bad?

However, I would think that better than all the above ripostes are the words of scripture, “Children are a gift from the Lord.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is filled with them.”  That also is a “showstopper,” and would leave the apostles of sterility with plenty to think about.

I have gotten these comments for years : )
To “are all these yours?”  Yes, but I just brought the good ones with me, the rest are at home.  Or Yes, but they are not all of mine, I have more who are grown and having their own children.
To “do you know what causes this?”  Yes, and a great big smile and not another word.  They don’t know what else to say, they usually have only the one line.  Where as I have been fielding these inane remarks for decades.

We have six under the age of 9.  While leaving a restaurant with all of them in tow (all very well behaved that night) some jerk asked loudly, “Are those all yours?”  And I responded loudly, “Yes, my wife just can’t keep my hands off me!”  The whole section laughed and the jerk turned red and shut up.

Probably my favorite (which I saw in an ‘advice column’ once upon a time; I haven’t actually had occasion to use it. . . yet):  To the question, “How many more are you going to have?” - “Who knows?  We’re only halfway through the Kama Sutra.”