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History Channel May Make Horror Series - Jesus The Teenage Demon Slayer. Seriously.

12/03/2013 Comments (20)

The History Channel seems to be taking all the wrong lessons from their wildly popular "The Bible" miniseries. According to Deadline.com, The History Channel is looking into a miniseries or perhaps even a series about Jesus' "lost years" as an exorcist. It'll be in the horror genre. And it gets worse from there.

It'll be produced by Eli Roth who gave us the horror franchise "Hostel" and the guy behind the remakes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Amityville Horror. (Hmm, a guy who attempts to update classics and fails horribly. I'm sensing a theme.)

According to the report, "The Lost Years" will portray Jesus’ years as an exorcist sometimes between the time He was 13 years old and 30 years old. Yeah, seriously. Jesus, the teenage demon slayer.

I'm betting he'll have killer abs. And I'd bet they'll introduce the love interest Mary Magdalen by maybe the third episode? And maybe Jesus was like besties with Pontius Pilate in high school, thus adding a layer of unsuspected depth to that old stodgy New Testament.

If you gave Hollywood time they could probably come up with a worse idea. But it would take a lot of time.

You know how Christians are always bemoaning the fact that Hollywood doesn't even attempt to cater to Christians. Now I'm thinking we might be better off when they ignore us.

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About Matthew Archbold

Matthew Archbold
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Matt Archbold graduated from Saint Joseph's University in 1995. He is a former journalist who left the newspaper business to raise his five children. He writes for the Creative Minority Report.